


Enough to Hope

by Daffodil76



Series: Star Wars: Into the Soothing Dark [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anger Management, Angst, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Associates to Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Mentions of Han Solo - Freeform, Mentions of Snoke - Freeform, Physical Abuse, Post-TLJ, References to past physical and psychological abuse, Romance, Sex, Slow Burn, mentions of Rey - Freeform, mentions of leia organa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-10-08 09:30:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 88,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17384009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daffodil76/pseuds/Daffodil76
Summary: “It may hurt,” he warned.“Be gentle with me then.”His heart beat faster at the innuendo. She moved a little closer to him on the sofa, completely calm.“Just… slowly, please. I’ve never experienced that before. I have no idea how it feels.”“Don’t be afraid,” he said and extended his hand towards her. “You will just feel a slight headache. But don’t try to resist me. It will make it worse.”She was silent and still, looking at him in apprehensive anticipation, suddenly less confident and more vulnerable than she ever seemed to him before. The darkness inside of him murmured, intrigued; here was a willing victim. He could take anything he wanted.----------------She’s a former Senator, a royal, an influential and well-known public figure. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, in contrast, is lost and lonely, as he struggles to build a new post-war order in the galaxy. Against all odds, she offers help - but Ben Solo needs more than an adviser. He needs someone loving and compassionate who will stand by his side and never run away. Someone whose light will still shine when Kylo Ren’s darkness meets it.





	1. The departure

**Author's Note:**

> Drama, war, love, politics, angst, sex, and psychology, in the Star Wars universe. I hope you will enjoy reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it, and that you will like the characters as much as I do. Let me know what you think!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t stand the thought of running away and leaving him, and so many others, behind.”  
> “This is the army. There are times to fight and there are times to take decisions like this. To run away. Did you think it was the fighting part that was the hardest?”

Violent tremors and rumbling, flashing red lights and blaring sirens jolt Mara out of deep sleep. At first she feels groggy, the noise and the lights seemingly part of a dream that has melted into reality. She lies on her back for a few seconds, full consciousness slowly returning. And then she can hear a banging on the door, so sudden and loud that her heart skips a beat.

Are they being attacked? Has an enemy boarded the ship?

“Mara!” someone shouts outside and the banging resumes. “Wake up! Open the door, now!”

It’s Kylo’s voice. She jumps out of bed, throws on a blue cowl over her night clothes and taps her code. Once the door hisses open, she blinks at the sight of many more red lights flashing madly in the ship’s hall.

Kylo is standing in front of her door and her heart sinks when she sees him. He is in full combat attire, holding his helmet under one arm. He looks more alarmed than she has ever seen him. In fact it is the first time she has seen him truly alarmed rather than mad.

“What’s going on?”

“We’re under attack. There’s a whole damn enemy fleet out there. We’ve called for help from our other ships. You need to go and shelter in the med bay. The _Stardust_ will jump to hyperspace as soon as we leave so that it can hide and repair the damages in a safe place.”

“It’s not the Resistance, is it?”

“No,” he growls. “The Resistance doesn't have means like this anymore and has no reason to attack us. It’s the gangs. They must have been building a fleet somewhere in the Outer Rim, all this time.”

“But why do you need to go out there? Why can’t we just all jump to hyperspace, regroup, repair the ship and go after them once we’re ready?”

“Because,” Kylo says, “they’re also attacking our base on Zeenah. Djawan and Sansena are calling for help. They’re being bombarded, and so are we. Our shields are damaged. I don't know where those shady criminals got such a bombing fleet. Many of our TIE fighters are out already but we were caught by surprise and reacted late.”

“What do they expect to achieve?” asks Mara with tightness in her throat and blood pulsing in her ears. “They can’t overpower your whole army. They know it!”

“They know I will not stop until I wipe them off the galaxy. If they don’t have a go at me now, there’s never going to be a better chance. If they manage to get rid of me and cripple our flagship before our reinforcements arrive, the New Order will be in disarray for long enough so that they can reclaim the parts of the galaxy they’ve lost. We should have been better prepared. Nobody could imagine these people would decide to work together, and so effectively.”

“No,” Mara begs. “Don’t go. You can’t put yourself in such danger. You know they’re after you personally, you said it yourself after Gheran. Let the army fight. You need to control the situation from here.”

He shakes his head.

“I have to go, Mara. They’ve already landed on Zeenah, there’s a battle going on around our base. Our people need me down there.”

There’s a loud explosion somewhere on board. She glances around, terrified, then looks back towards the interior of her room. There are plenty of starfighters whizzing by her viewport.

Mara turns to Kylo again, mortified. He’s closer now, leaning towards her a little.

“You need to go to the med bay,” he insists. “You’re not safe here.”

“If you must go, take me with you! I don’t want to run away, not without you. Why don't you take me with you?”

“Mara, I can’t keep you safe there. We’re going into battle. It’s out of the question.”

“I don't want to be left behind,” she wails, which is so unlike her that he pauses, visibly affected.

“I can’t,” he repeats.

“When will you be back?”

“Difficult to say. A few hours, a day. Two days. More of our big ships are coming, the first ones will be here in two hours. That should end it, but who knows what happens until then.”

“What about the two star destroyers protecting the _Stardust_? Why aren’t they helping us?”

“Both damaged and crippled by enemy bombers and starfighters. The surprise effect has really worked.”

“Promise me you’ll come back!” she says breathlessly. Kylo looks away.

“I can’t promise that. You know I can never promise that.”

“We haven’t even…” she stops and reaches for him but at this very moment there is a commotion round the corner, a sound of many people running, and the General, together with Tw’oorah and several high-ranking officers, shows up in front of her door, all of them shouting and urging Kylo to come along. The General looks into Mara’s teary eyes, then glances at Kylo, who now steps away from her.

“I have to go,” Kylo says but is still standing there.

“Supreme Leader!” Hux intervenes. This jerks Kylo out of his trance; he moves and walks away with the rest of them, in fast strides, down the corridor. He stops at the corner and looks back.

“Go to the med bay!” he shouts. And then they’re gone.

Mara screams, and screams. But he’s not coming back.

* * *

She runs back into her room, quickly changes into her day clothes, gets a few things together and into a bag, ties her hair up, and gets out. She runs towards the lifts that will take her to the med bay. But in front of the lift she pauses.

She turns back, towards the main hangar. She has enough sense to know not to go against Kylo’s direct orders at such a critical moment, and not to burden him with her useless presence. But she just needs to see him one last time. It could really be the last time, Mara thinks, and nausea overtakes her. It can't be. She wouldn’t bear it. She thought they had time. Weeks, and months. She didn't want to hurry anything. Plus they had a terrible fight five days ago, a first that could have well been their last. For the first time ever she thought of leaving the ship for good. And he thought of killing her. She’s not quite sure of that but it was shocking. He was terrifying. Afterwards, they were both miserable and she started to think the fight was almost worth it, just for both of them to realize how much they wanted to make things good again. They did try to make up yesterday but it went terribly wrong; they only fought more. She hates to part with him like this. She hates the fight to be the last important thing to have happened between them. She thought they had time.

Flashes of red light and the incessant, maddening sound of the alarm. It’s very busy in the halls, stormtroopers running in all directions, preparing to leave for the battle, and technicians frantically tending to damages. All the field troops will leave in the next minutes and then the  _Stardust_ will be able to jump to hyperspace and escape. It’s incredible that the flagship has been attacked so boldly. It’s not a lucky ship – attacked for the second time in six months. She has to hurry if she wants to catch the members of the High-Command before they leave.

She takes the lift to the main hangar and stops two levels above it, at a large viewport overlooking the launch bay, for officers to be able to survey departures and arrivals. She has been here many times, looking at ships docking in and departing, with the Knights, with the General, and even with Kylo. From the very beginning, she has shown keen interest in military operations, weapons, types of ships. Kylo has recently mentioned – before their big fight – that he could teach her piloting, and she’d really like that. The army life has been growing on her, maybe because they weren’t really at war anymore. Their star destroyers patrolling the galaxy have had skirmishes with gangs Kylo has sworn to eradicate, and there has been a rather serious attempt on Kylo’s life, but nothing close to a battle like this. As Kylo said, nobody suspected the syndicates would be able to unite and gather a whole army. They got their financing and equipment from corporations that had financed the First Order and were cut off by Kylo when he ascended. He wanted his New Order to have no shady business dealings. But the corporations still had market for their services among the gangs, and perhaps they even financed the gangs. Everyone had everyone else in their pocket and the machine of war had to turn for those who had always benefitted from it, even if the main political players of the galaxy had been at peace for the last few months.

Mara runs towards the transparisteel pane and looks down. Shuttles and TIE fighters are everywhere, the launch bay is full of people, ships leaving one after another, new ones getting ready. She can see the officers heading towards several shuttles, the General’s and Tw’oorah’s black figures, and Kylo. He is wearing his helmet now. 

She places her hand on the transparent surface.

Hux looks up and notices her. He says something to the others, everyone stops and looks up at her. Kylo does too. She can’t see his face, she can’t read his emotion. But he does pause. He raises his hand ever so slightly. This is enough for Mara to cry her heart out, and fortunately she’s too far away for him to see her tears, and he can’t hear her sobs, either. She cried for the first time on this ship five days ago. She has cried for five days now. He has done something to her heart and she can’t control it anymore. She’s miserable.

She remains there while their shuttle prepares to depart. When it disappears, she trails back down the corridor towards the lifts and goes to the med bay level.

The main med bay of the _Stardust_ is huge, and safely tucked away in the belly of the ship. No viewports here. It’s now full of people. Many members of the civil personnel are gathered here; there are some technicians, medical staff, and some officers and troopers, too. This ship is a big city. She hopes she can get lost in the crowd. But instead, she gets noticed very quickly.

“Lady Mara, madam, please follow me,” an officer says. He manoeuvres her towards a quieter corner where other officers are sitting, but nobody she knows.

“The commanders are on the bridge,” he explains. “We’re preparing for the jump. Please stay here.”

“But why can’t I stay in my room?”

“The ship is damaged and some parts of it are not safe. You need to stay here. We will be leaving soon.”

She looks for M’biren – of all the Knights, only Tw’oorah left with Kylo, while Sansena and Djawan are already on Zeenah. Hux also left, which leaves only M’biren to take over as the ship’s commanding officer. The commanders of the two damaged star destroyers flanking the _Stardust_ , including Captain Peavey, are probably busy with their own emergency procedures. The decision to put M’biren in charge must have been taken because he’s their most skilled engineer, so he’ll be able to supervise the repairs and, subsequently, execute the escape plan. Mara waits for the officer who has escorted her to leave, then stands up and runs again towards the lifts that take her to the bridge level. Kylo has asked her to stay in the med bay and it’s not that she doesn’t care what he said, but she just can’t stay there. 

On the bridge it’s not exactly chaos and panic but it’s close. She spots that immediately. The dashboards are all flashing red. The crew must be shutting down the damaged parts of the ship. The attack on the _Stardust_ seems to have diminished in intensity now that the New Order TIE fighters are all in the air, defending the flagship and the shuttles with troops heading towards Zeenah. However, it’s the existing damages that pose a threat.

M’biren is standing at the viewport, his hands folded at his back. The eerie calm of the Knights of Ren in the face of crisis and danger fascinates Mara. M’biren is the tallest of all the Knights, taller even than Kylo, and of the strongest build – which means he’s literally enormous, a very imposing man. He’s also the one with whom she has always talked the least. It’s not that they don’t like each other – it’s just his personality, and Mara respects that. He is silent and mysterious. Loyal and good counsel, unwavering under pressure. He would be a great asset in the battle so the choice to leave him behind must have been difficult. The damages must be really serious if Kylo has asked M’biren to supervise the repairs, while they have very good technical crews on board.

“M'biren,” Mara salutes him as she approaches. He acknowledges her by a slight bow. Standing next to him, she feels better; his calm presence makes everything seem less dramatic and final. “I suppose it’s too early for any news from the High-Command shuttle?”

“No news yet. They should be arriving at the planet in some fifteen standard minutes. But it’s tough going. They’re taking fire on the way.”

“You think they might be shot down?” Mara inquires and her heart aches.

“I shouldn’t think so, Mara. They have the best pilots. And if it’s critical, Kylo will pilot himself. This isn’t the worst part.”

“You mean it’s worse on the ground?”

“Yes. It seems there’s an enormous army down there and a carnage is going on. They largely outnumber us. Two hours until more of our troops arrive. Not easy.”

“You think he might not be coming back?” whispers Mara and regrets it immediately because once these words are out, they cannot be taken back, and the dreadful possibility suddenly becomes real. 

“Many will not come back,” replies M’biren calmly. “But there isn’t a man in the galaxy more difficult to kill than Kylo. You have seen it recently with your own eyes. I wouldn’t bet on our victory just yet but I also wouldn’t expect him to be among the fallen.”

“He might be the most difficult man to kill but he’s also the most wanted. They will keep attacking him. They know once he’s dead they have a chance to rebound. It’s a life and death moment for them.”

“We can only wait. Don’t torture yourself.”

Mara imagines Kylo arriving at the planet and alighting from the shuttle in the middle of a bloody hell. The enemy will just keep firing upon him with whatever they have. They will throw tens of men to attack him all at once. She realises she doesn’t know much about how things go in a battle. She only saw a very short one on Gheran, without any ground troops involved, and she was knocked out for some of the time anyway.

M'biren glances at her.

“What is it that torments you, Mara?”

“Besides all this?”

“Besides all this.”

“We parted in anger,” Mara says. “We quarrelled again yesterday. I was still mad. I’m sure he was still mad. And I kept wondering if it would spoil things between us permanently. I wish now I was less proud.”

“You weren’t proud. None of that was your fault. He bears the responsibility and he knows it.”

“He was so mad with me. I can’t stop thinking about it. He yelled at me with so much… hatred.”

“He was miserable for three days, Mara. You should have seen him the next morning when you didn’t show up for the briefing. He looked like a ghost. He wasn’t even listening.”

“And yet he didn’t come to see me.”

“He’s struggling with himself. Sometimes Darkness makes him lose control.”

Mara is silent.

“He threw me out of the room,” she says finally. “Like I was nothing.”

“Not nothing. If you were nothing, he would have just crushed you. He didn’t want you to see him like that.”

“I wish it all hadn’t happened. Or at least not just before _this_ ,” she wipes tears off her face. Never in her life had she cried so much as in the last days here, and now is the worst moment.

“When I left the bridge after that first fight five days ago,” Mara starts, “a few seconds later there was an enormous tremor. The whole ship shook, and it felt as if – as if it was falling. Falling down, though we are in space. The lights went out in the hall. I heard things breaking. What was it? It doesn’t have anything to do with the attack today, does it?”

“No, Mara.”

“Why don’t you tell me?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I have to know,” she insists. “I have to know everything now. Was it him? Did Kylo do that?”

“Yes.”

“But what did he do? He damaged something critical on the bridge and it caused that shock to the ship?”

“No. _He_ shook the ship.”

“What are you talking about, M’biren?”

Silence.

“He did that with the Force?” Mara asks, incredulous. “But how is that even possible? You can’t do things like this with the Force. You can move items, even heavy ones. But not shake a mega-class dreadnought hanging in the vacuum of space.”

“He has become much more powerful since Snoke’s death.”

She can’t get her head around it. How? Why?

“Is it my fault? Is this why he did it?”

“He was raging. He was frustrated with what happened. Trashing the whole room wasn’t enough this time. He screamed in rage, and everything shook. We were as scared as you are. I don’t think even Snoke was capable of that.”

Every word of his gives her pain. She actually fell down in the corridor on the way to her room when it happened. Is she surprised now or has she actually known all along? Didn’t she feel then a tremendous wave of both rage and helplessness from Kylo?

She was in rage too. She was ready to fight. Fighting him would have been absurd but she screamed at him and actually  _pushed_  him. He could have killed her on the spot without even touching her. Yes, the events of the last days have been too unreal, too intense. And now Kylo was gone. He was gone.

“Can I do anything, M’biren?” she asks but he shakes his head. There is nothing to do other than waiting and Mara isn’t good at waiting. Her talents and knowledge, so praised and highly esteemed by everyone here in the last three months, are useless in times of war. Or rather, to be exact, in times of battle. War is a long-term thing, it requires strategy, diplomacy, politics. She is good at that. A battle is brutal and immediate, and Mara can’t fight, can’t fly a ship, can’t repair damages, can’t command troops.

“We will be jumping to hyperspace in about five minutes,” M’biren informs her. “Hopefully the system can stand that. The hyperdrive was damaged in the attack but they tell me it’s fine now. We will be safe soon. You should go to sleep, Mara. I see the High-Command wing is secure now so you can go back to your room. There is absolutely nothing you can do here.”

She has never felt that helpless and miserable. The feeling maddens her.

“I don’t want to leave without him,” she pleads. “What if his shuttle gets damaged and he can’t get off the planet, and we’re too far to go back and get him?”

“The other star destroyers are coming. There will be plenty of shuttles to go and pick everyone up if needed. We have to leave. We’re in danger if we stay here. Not all our shields work properly. I can’t risk it, Mara. And I certainly can’t disobey his direct order.”

“I can’t stand the thought of running away and leaving him, and so many others, behind.”

“This is the army. There are times to fight and there are times to take decisions like this. To run away. Did you think it was the fighting part that was the hardest?”

Soon afterwards, the hyperdrive starts humming and they jump to lightspeed. Outside the viewport, the stars become long wisps of light. Mara is getting farther and farther from Kylo, she drops to her knees which suddenly become too weak, and wails in distress.

And then she makes M’biren swear he will let her know immediately if there is any news, goes back to her room, can’t fall asleep, calls a med droid and takes a pill, returns to bed. It’s 7 o’clock in the morning standard time. Mara wakes up five hours later feeling sick – she has never taken sleeping pills before – and their ship is hanging in the sky close to planet Xeria, two thousand light years away from Zeenah. Mara can see hundreds of Xeria’s blue moons through her windows. She runs to the bridge but Kylo has not come back. Nobody has yet. In the meantime, five New Order star destroyers, as planned, arrived above Zeenah to give assistance to the Supreme Leader and his troops. The ships’ commanding officers report that the battle is dying down, but the planet has become a burning desert. The New Order’s military base is destroyed. Comms from the surface aren’t working.

* * *

From the middle of hell that Zeenah has become, Kylo sees the  _Stardust_ jump to lightspeed and disappear from the sky. He breathes with relief and turns his attention back to the fight. He is a machine, darkness is singing in him, he hasn’t killed and slaughtered like this for a long time and this is what he does best. And this time it’s finally for a good reason. They will get rid of all the gangs and syndicates today, this is where it ends, this is where the war ends. He calls back the rage he felt a few days ago, it fuels him, and this time he uses it in the right way, and to his advantage. He is inside the base, they are defending access to an enormous arsenal of weapons and military equipment gathered here, because if the gangs get them, the war would not be over. It’s one of the most important military bases of the New Order and what’s on it can help rebuild an army. His TIE fighters, meanwhile, are blowing the enemy out of the sky but as the enemy is already within the base walls, the main battle is taking place on the ground. Kylo prefers that. Shooting from a fighter ship is what he does very well but it never feels as good, as gratifying, as slashing with a lightsaber.

His power is tremendous and he sows panic. Blaster shots stop dead in front of him, he breaks people’s necks with a flick of his fingers, he sweeps whole rows of enemy soldiers down and grows more powerful and more enraged every second, all the while remaining concentrated and precise. He retreats into the state of mind he knows best, that of being feared and hated. This is his comfort zone, and he remembers that it’s all for a good reason this time. Hours pass, reinforcements in the form of five New Order star destroyers have arrived and the battle in the air is over. They’re now finishing off the last of the criminals who have managed to get inside the base. Djawan, one of his Knights, has fallen and Kylo hopes he’s not dead but just injured.

Freshly arrived stormtroopers flow into the base and Kylo can now withdraw, take over the command post from Hux, give orders and monitor the situation from his Upsilon-class shuttle, which is the seat of the High-Command at the moment. He gives a sign to Tw’oorah and Sansena to retreat and take with them the troops that have been fighting on the field for a few hours and now deserve rest. They’re leaving it to the new arrivals to finish the enemy off.

He stumbles over a dead body and the Force warns him at the same moment but he’s been in the fight for quite a few hours and he’s a split second slower than usual. He extends his hand too late and doesn’t manage to stop a huge concrete block that has come off the damaged roof of the base. It falls down and smashes against the top of his head. Kylo screams with pain and drops to his knees. An enemy soldier notices that and takes a swing at him with something that looks like an axe but Kylo chokes him to death with the Force. He tries to stand up but the impact, even with his helmet on, has been tremendous and his vision starts to blur. He can’t see anything anymore, there’s something thick covering his eyes and he realizes it’s blood from the head injury. He falls on his back, hits the ground with the back of his head and all the noise around ceases.

He thinks that he has never been able to have anything good in his life. Anything he’s ever wanted and cared for has either been taken away from him or he has destroyed it himself. He remembers vividly the blue-winged butterfly in Mara’s hair the day he met her, three months ago. He remembers her smile and her warmth but his head is now a pulsing ball of searing pain. Blood mixed with tears is trickling down his face and before darkness envelops him, he asks Mara to forgive him for everything. He knows he is worthless and despicable, and that he deserves every excruciating moment of the slow agony that is now coming to an end.


	2. The butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo makes Mara's acquaintance  
> \---------  
> “I suppose I am good at listening to people. Without prejudice. I am genuinely interested in people’s stories and I think I can see them for what they are.”  
> “And what do you see in me?”  
> “I see no evil. At present, that is enough.”  
> “Enough for what?”  
> “Enough to hope.”

**_Three standard months earlier_ **

The large and bright royal reception room was full of mirrors, adorning both the walls and the ceiling. Wherever Kylo looked, he saw his own face. It was rather disconcerting because he kept realizing how gloomy his expression was, how unfit for the occasion.

He received this invitation with great surprise. It arrived unannounced, from the King of Neelia, an elderly man whom Kylo vaguely remembered from the parties his mother used to take him to as a child. King Listellion welcomed the creation of the New Order and offered to host a dinner reception in honour of the Supreme Leader, to cement their alliance and make sure of their future close cooperation. By then, many leaders and governments across the galaxy reluctantly or at best warily acknowledged the Supreme Leader for his first decisions and declarations. These included in particular waging war on criminal gangs and warlords, abolishing slavery and child labour in all the worlds governed by the New Order, and scrapping the old stormtrooper programme in favour of a new voluntary scheme.

That is to say, many praised the _decisions_ but very few trusted Kylo as a person. So there had been no massive influx of official alliance proposals or formal invitations to bigger events, and Kylo knew this reception would send an important signal. He accepted politely even if it wasn’t his scene. He disliked such events as a child and now he felt even more reticent, but it needed to be done.

Before the dinner he and his High-Command were taken on a tour of the capital of Neelia, while most of the officers and troops from the _Supremacy_ arrived planet-side and dispersed in the city, enjoying time off.  It was a beautiful and warm Mid Rim planet, not far from Naboo, with an unforgettable sky illuminated by two bright suns; perhaps less lush and scenic than Naboo but undoubtedly very pleasant to live on. In the evening a hundred officers of the New Order attended the dinner together with two hundred other illustrious guests representing the planet’s elites and other places in the galaxy. There was a huge, impressive buffet with the most exquisite delicacies from all galactic worlds, and lots of high tables, making it easy to circulate and talk to different people. As usual, Kylo felt uneasy and put on the spot with so many people staring at him and addressing him. He was solicited all the time but he quickly noticed people weren’t that interested in having a real conversation with him or discussing politics. They were just curious to see the infamous Kylo Ren in safe courtly surroundings. He didn’t try to please them. Polite but rather cold, except with the King and Queen, he must have looked haughty and it suited him.

The reception had barely started when a young woman appeared at the King’s side. She was more or less Kylo’s age, rather tall for a woman but still significantly shorter than himself, with long dark blond hair, shiny and braided with fantasy at the back of her head. She wore a long blue dress and a pearl necklace, held herself confidently and had a very pleasant, warm smile which put him at ease.

“My daughter Mara,” Listellion explained.

“Princess Mara,” said Kylo and shook hands with her. She tilted slightly her head to the side and studied him with lively and genuine interest.

“I am delighted to meet you, Lord Ren. You look very different from what I expected.”

“What did you expect?”

“Someone older, I guess. And cutting a less imposing figure.”

Did she mean it as a compliment or did she imply he was too young for his role? He decided it was a compliment. The King laughed.

“My daughter is a very sincere person, my lord. She will tell you the truth whether you want it or not. She just can’t help herself.”

“I think I can handle that,” Kylo said.

“Are you going to give a speech, my lord?” Mara asked. “Many have come a long way to hear you. You’re quite the talk of the galaxy, you know.”

“I am not a man of many words but I suppose I have to say something. I won't be long though.”

“Very well. Will you let me introduce you first? The plan was that I open the reception on behalf of my father.”

“As you wish. I’ll be pleased to be introduced by you.”

Mara smiled. She might have been mocking him a bit, but in a nice way. He didn’t mind. The King and Queen were also very pleasant and overall, despite certain distress related to the party, which he considered as futile entertainment, the situation wasn’t unbearable. It was in any case a nice change from the _Supremacy_ ; last time he went planet-side was a whole month earlier, and that previous planet wasn’t half as inviting and pleasant as Neelia.

Mara clipped a speaker mic onto her dress, walked towards the centre of the room and clapped her hands a few times. Soon the whole room grew silent. She commanded respect, with her tall, straight silhouette, shiny eyes and confident walk. She looked and moved like a King’s daughter and an heiress to the throne. The Queen whispered to Kylo quickly that Mara was following a path not unlike that of his mother, Princess Leia, who had engaged in politics very early in life. Mara was a member of the Galactic Senate before the Hosnian cataclysm, and spent years travelling across the galaxy as an ambassador, striking alliances and trade agreements, attracting visitors to Neelia, and acquiring command of new languages. She knew most of decision makers who counted and most of them knew her. Kylo heard of her in the old times of Snoke’s rule but had never met her in person; Neelia wasn’t at the top of the First Order’s list as, despite being attractive, it didn't possess enough resources to be exploited for military purposes. It never submitted to the First Order’s rule and always preserved careful neutrality. This time, however, the King of Neelia chose to be the first ruler of the galaxy who hosted the new Supreme Leader at an official reception rather than just in a private meeting.

“Dear friends, we have the pleasure of receiving a very special guest today,” said Mara looking straight at Kylo with a smile, “and I thank you for turning up so numerous to greet him. I can’t say I’m surprised that you have; like myself, you must have all been curious to see the new Supreme Leader. Before his ascension, he wasn’t really famous for attending social gatherings, to the point that some of us were wondering whether he wasn’t just a legend. For my part, I have been curious but also quite hopeful.”

She paused and Kylo raised a glass of wine to his lips, covering his slight apprehension. The full attention of the room was on him and while he commanded that of his troops or enemies effortlessly, at this gathering he was out of his comfort zone. Mara must have guessed it because he saw she took great pains to put him at ease, to make her talk light but respectful at the same time.

“My lord, you’ve just told me you’re not a man of many words. I hope then that you forgive me for taking a few minutes to tell a story before I give the floor to you.”

Everyone, including him, listened now with great interest.

“Not many people outside my family know this story,” Mara started. “And some of those who knew have forgotten because it happened long ago. I haven’t spoken of it for years myself, and certainly not in front of a crowd at a party, but today’s occasion calls for it”.

“When I was seven, the galaxy was slowly becoming a playground of rogues and criminal warlords. The New Republic never succeeded in controlling or eradicating them, and perhaps never tried very hard as its leaders harboured so diverse and contradictory interests. One day, after my father refused to do business deals with several gangs in succession, a group of masked men stormed into the palace and kidnapped me and my four-year-old sister. They took us to an obscure cold moon somewhere in the Outer Rim and demanded a very high ransom.”

Kylo had no idea of that. The room was so quiet that he heard the sound of the wind in the curtains covering high windows opening onto the gardens.

“My parents paid the ransom,” continued Mara. “But it wasn’t enough. The kidnappers asked for more and Neelia paid again. At the end of two months of these tedious negotiations my sister got sick and died a few days before they released us. They took away her body and I never saw her again. I don’t know where her grave is. I spent the last few days in my prison alone.”

“My lord, the first words you said publicly three months ago, about how the galaxy needs order but it must be a new order, displeased and scared many who feared more of the same tyranny and exploitation as we all experienced during the rule of Supreme Leader Snoke.”

Many people inhaled sharply and Kylo froze at what could be considered at least provocative, but he kept listening.

“As a former Senate member, I was also wary. But when you said that the first enemy you want to eradicate are criminal syndicates, bands of outlaws, corrupted corporations and gangs who terrorize whole galactic systems, I knew we would at least have things to discuss. I know that stories like mine are still happening. I would do anything to stop that. And it meant a lot to me to hear you say that in your first official declaration. It didn’t sound like smooth talk, either. You actually sounded _angry_ , and I liked that.”

Kylo couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He would never expect anyone to dare speak to him like this in public – to mention Snoke, to speak about his anger as something positive.

As if she heard his thoughts, Mara continued:

“Your dark reputation precedes you, my lord, and your name elicits great fear. But when I heard you speak on that day, I could only share your anger. You mentioned the Senate’s lack of effectiveness. As it happens, I know the Senate first hand. It was a confused place of conflicting interests where hardly anything ever got done. We all remember and despise the tyranny of the First Order but we don't want the anarchy of the New Republic, either.”

“But is there any other way?” asked Mara and looked directly at him, with a serious face expression. “You seemed to imply that there might be. For the first time someone explicitly stated that there might be something in between those two. We are all so tired, both of domination by terror and of a messy parody of democracy. There _must_ be something else. I’m not sure you have already figured it out yourself because it’s not a matter of one brilliant idea but of concerted effort, continuous work, and strategic alliances and negotiations. We hope that today such an alliance will begin between the New Order and Neelia. We hope it will bring both you and us satisfaction and benefit.”

“And we hope – _I_ hope – that you will succeed in creating something completely _new_. We want to help you build it and we want to be part of it. What every new ruler needs the most is a credit of trust, and I am willing to give it to you. I also have to admit, with some relief, that it’s somehow easier to trust a ruler who is human, young, and good-looking.”

Laughter could be heard from all the corners of the room. Kylo smiled because he had no idea what else to do. He was embarrassed but not irritated.

“So I do hope good things result from your anger, my lord. We have things in common, things to discuss, and I do hope you will want to continue discussing them with us.”

She finished, smiled at him and the room roared in applause. Kylo applauded too and felt genuinely pleased. It was a speech he hadn’t expected. A traumatic personal story that she didn’t hesitate to share, and yet so much optimism and hope, and a welcoming hand extended to him. It was surprising but felt good.

His turn to speak came; as he walked to stand in the centre of the room, his black robes flowing about his impressive figure, his pale face surrounded by a black crown of hair, and a silver lightsaber hilt attached to his belt, everyone fell silent. Only Mara moved; she passed him by on her way back to where her parents stood and their eyes locked together for a second.

Kylo refused the speaker mic; he let the Force carry his voice and people’s eyes widened as he made himself heard, seemingly without any effort, in the furthest corners of the room. He thanked Mara and acknowledged the honour bestowed upon him and the New Order by the King and Queen of Neelia, as well as Princess Mara, with this invitation. The war in the galaxy was over, he said, but only in its old form. Armies, planets and systems didn’t clash with one other anymore, but there was still a tremendous amount of crime that undermined the order he intended to bring. He would always remember that the royal house of Neelia was the first of all galactic worlds to propose to him an alliance to fight this problem together. He would make every effort to convince others to follow.

* * *

Now that the ice was broken, it was time for food, small talk (which Kylo didn’t excel at), and seeing many new faces. After two hours he felt exhausted. People started leaving the room through the high glass doors and dispersed onto numerous walks outside. He followed, and stood on the vast terrace overlooking the gardens. The sun felt pleasant on his face and he relished in this moment of quiet solitude, with nobody soliciting his attention and nothing to be seen to immediately. He felt like strolling in the garden alleys. He couldn’t immediately remember when he had taken a walk outside in nature for the last time.

“Are you enjoying the view, my lord?”

Mara leaned against the rail of the terrace beside him. A waiter was passing by with a platter full of champagne glasses; Mara looked at Kylo questioningly and, when he nodded, took two and handed one to him.

They sipped the pearly liquid in silence for a few moments.

“The view is spectacular,” admitted Kylo finally. “It is not a frequent one for me. One never sees sunlight on a spaceship.”

“Yes, I did wonder about that,” Mara said. “You could use more sunlight, my lord. There’s nothing better to clear one’s ideas.”

“What makes you think I need that?”

“How is it going?” she asked, glancing at him.

“How is what going?”

“How is it for you, being the Supreme Leader?”

The directness of her question took him slightly aback, even if he could have expected such directness after her earlier speech. He was silent for a moment, then shrugged.

“It’s just happening,” he replied truthfully. “It’s been three months; I’ve taken some decisions which you have mentioned but now I’m mostly wondering what comes next.”

“You are aware, though,” Mara began, gazing at the view, “that everything is very different in times of peace. You don’t need to _do_ new things all the time. After the First Order and the reign of terror of the previous Supreme Leader, for a while everyone will mostly be happy with life being _less_ eventful.”

“In the long term, life for everyone can only become less eventful if the current state of relative peace and order continues. And you’re as aware as I am that after some time, old troublemakers will crawl out of their holes and someone will need to keep them in check. Why would the galaxy need a Supreme Leader otherwise?”

“There are other ways to do it, though, than by constantly waging war. Our end goal is peace, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but war is all I know,” Kylo said dryly. “War is action and purpose. If we’re to have something else than war, I’m not sure I’m the right person to do it.”

“I don’t see a better candidate in the galaxy. Not any of the politicians I know, and not any of the military men, like your General Hux.”

“Hux dreams of being the Supreme Leader. In fact, I am surprised he hasn’t staged a coup yet. He’s getting itchy from lack of action.”

“You’re saying this as if you didn’t care?”

“I do care. Hux is vermin that needs to be kept on a tight leash. This I can do, just like I can go after criminals. As for ruling the galaxy, I’m less sure.”

“The galaxy needs a leader,” Mara insisted. “And that leader needs to be more than a politician or a general. These are just human. To rule a galaxy, you need to wield the Force. Just like Snoke did. Only Snoke also happened to be an evil, insane bastard.”

Another, this time an overtly hostile reference to his former master and Supreme Leader, from a diplomat’s lips, shocked Kylo. Even if the whole galaxy knew by now he killed Snoke, what she said was rather bold.

“I am no Jedi, Princess Mara,” he said icily. “If you expect a peaceful and benevolent ruler with supernatural powers as a fancy bonus, you will be sorely disappointed. I belong to the dark side of the Force, just like Snoke did.”

“I am not Force-sensitive,” replied Mara, unflinching and unfazed, still gazing away from him towards the hills basking in sunlight, “but I have a read a lot about it and about the history of Force users. And I have never believed in the dark-light dichotomy.”

Kylo could hardly disagree with that. He remembered his own wish that the old ways of the Jedi and the Sith should die for a new order to begin.

“We can’t deny half of our nature, can we, my lord?” inquired Princess Mara, turning to him now. “Human nature is not made of light or darkness only. We all derive power from anger and pain, not just the Sith. And we all derive it from love and compassion, not just the Jedi. Those who claim otherwise only repress their true selves.”

“This may be largely true, but the former Supreme Leader, as you were yourself pleased to remark, was made of darkness only. He was every inch a sadistic, vile and manipulative creature. No love and compassion there, I assure you.”

“But it’s not your case, is it?” asked Mara quietly.

“Are you pretending you can read my mind, Princess? Are you sure it’s not just your wishful thinking based on the fact that I am ‘human, young and good looking’?”

She didn’t take the bait and continued as if she hadn’t noticed his sarcastic allusion to her speech.

“I suppose I am good at listening to people. Without prejudice. I am genuinely interested in people’s stories and I think I can see them for what they are.”

“And what do you see in me?”

“I see no evil. At present, that is enough.”

“Enough for what?”

“Enough to hope.”

“This is generous but I wouldn’t hold my breath, if I were you,” said Kylo sharply. “You can hardly be unaware of my past and reputation. I was Snoke’s right hand man for years.”

“But now it’s over, my lord,” replied Mara, taking one step towards him, which surprised him again. “Snoke is dead. All the crap he was feeding you for years is gone with him. And you can finally be who you really are.”

This was outrageous and at the same time deeply unsettling. It was as if she was really reading his mind. She knew too much. How much exactly?

“I’m sorry if I have spoken out of turn,” conceded Mara with a smile. “But this seems obvious to anyone who has been paying attention. You have been with Snoke for years. You are a strong Force-wielder and he was the most powerful Force user in the galaxy, which means he must have been training you. He was a manipulator, so probably he spent all those years messing with your mind. So much that you killed him in the end. And just after he dies, suddenly the whole galaxy breathes with relief as your first decisions are about abolishing slavery and dismantling criminal syndicates. Looks to me like you must have breathed with relief yourself.”

“You have indeed spoken out of turn,” replied Kylo, glaring at her.

“You will see, my lord,” said Mara, still smiling and dismissing a threat implicit in his tone of voice, “that in times of peace, when people cease to be afraid, they are much more inclined to tell their rulers the truth. A wise ruler appreciates that.”

Kylo snorted.

“I am not a wise ruler, as I have already told you. In fact, I am mostly uninterested in politics.”

“Oh, you _are_ wise. Your first moves were very wise. You made the Resistance completely irrelevant with your decisions, you deprived them of purpose. You practically left them no choice but to sign that ceasefire agreement.”

“The Resistance was already irrelevant. There were only a few of them left.”

“Their call-to-arms would have been answered and they would have become more numerous, if you hadn’t made the idea of joining them so unappealing. Suddenly there wasn’t anything to fight against anymore.”

“Still,” Kylo said wearily. “This is enough of an achievement for the first months. These were easy first declarations. What comes next is less easy. And it’s not like I have tons of trusted people with whom to discuss that, just a bunch of soldiers who also find themselves lost at times of peace.”

“You are lonely, my lord,” stated rather than asked Mara.

“I am alone,” agreed Kylo. “But so was Snoke, and he did have a vision. He imposed it on his people and on the whole galaxy.”

“What vision? Killing everyone and destroying everything? Not only ruling by terror but also slowly eliminating whoever there was to rule? Snoke had no idea what to do. He didn’t have any vision. If he stayed alive, what would have happened, once there were no more people to kill, no more systems to pulverize or planets to pillage? Evil has no vision and no purpose.”

“Do you know how many people I slaughtered in all the years I served Snoke?” asked Kylo slowly, watching her face carefully. “What are you going to say? That everyone can be redeemed? That you can help me? Save your energy. You won’t be the first one who has tried.”

“Oh, I know people have tried,” said Mara calmly, narrowing her eyes. “How did it work out, by the way?”

“How did what work out?”

“Last time someone tried to save you?”

She knew about Rey. Stories must have leaked from the Resistance, and also from the First Order. Kylo didn’t want to talk about it and anyway Princess Mara was being impertinent, saying too much and asking too many questions. His anger flared at her words, yet he somehow found himself replying.

“It didn’t. Our paths have diverged.”

“Why?” asked Mara with genuine interest.

“We were both strong Force users, and because we both struggled with similar issues from the past, I assumed we would be good for each other. But in reality we both just secretly hoped to pull the other to our side, without giving any thought to a middle ground. She had this idea of me based on who I was years earlier and she wanted me to be that person again.”

“Ben Solo. But you are him, too.”

“Yet I am so much more than him. I have been so much more for years. There is no return to the boy from ten years ago. Not only because of some terrible things I have done – simply because one always evolves. Everyone does.”

“So you felt inadequate, not living up to her expectations?”

“She tried to make me into someone I can’t be. Into someone I have no interest in being.”

“I think that confirms what I said earlier. There’s no simple dichotomy of light and darkness. It’s naïve to assume there can be. There must be, as you said, a middle ground in everything. What happened to her?”

“She left with the Resistance. Afterwards, when the fighting ceased, she left them, too, or at least she’s not staying with them permanently anymore. I don’t know where she is now. I think she must be training, she will probably set up a sort of Jedi academy, like my uncle did a long time ago. She was self-righteous enough for such a life.”

“Not you though,” smiled Mara.

“Not me. I might be miserable leading the galaxy but I’m certain I have zero interest in donning a white and beige robe and meditating on a rock in the middle of an ocean.”

Mara laughed.

“I understand that. You see, I’m not trying to save you. I think you’re doing fine for yourself.”

“Well, thank you for your trust,” replied Kylo sarcastically.

“You’re very welcome,” Mara smiled. “And now, would you like to take a walk in the gardens? The sun is lovely at this time of the day.”

The sun was indeed lovely. He couldn’t stop enjoying the warmth of it on his face: he’d almost forgotten it. He must have seemed sickeningly pale to her. They descended together the stone steps from the terrace to the gardens, where many people were already walking. His officers looked delighted. Perhaps the planet was not as impressive as Naboo but it seemed superbly beautiful to those who lived in the darkness of space for most of their time.

“I must apologize,” resumed Mara, strolling confidently by his side, “if you felt under pressure because of what I said. Or if you thought that I, too, wanted to persuade you to be someone you didn’t want to be. This is definitely not the case. I just thought you were really too severe with yourself. Or too modest, perhaps?”

He didn't have faith in himself, and especially in himself as a galaxy leader. It was his path but there was always this lingering suspicion he wasn’t good enough.

“I judge people by their actions and not by their potential. What is and not what could be,” Mara continued. “It’s safer and more accurate. I’ve been hoping things will be changing in the galaxy. And I think they are changing. The fact that we are walking here, you and I, in my gardens, talking about it openly, is one important sign of that change.”

Kylo remained silent. She didn’t seem to mind; she didn’t look as if she expected an answer. They approached a small crossroads of paths now, with a clearing in the middle and a huge tree on the left. The tree buzzed with butterflies. An enormous blue-winged one flew towards them and Mara stretched her hand towards it, inviting it to sit on it, but the creature was too wary and only circled them.

Kylo considered reaching out with the Force and killing all the butterflies so that they dropped to the ground. It would be enough to close his fist. You can be now who you really are, she said; well, _that_ would show her who he really was. How horrified she would be, how she would run away from him, like everyone else always had, and he would never again have to endure this kind of conversation. Instead, he extended his hand, and the butterfly sat on it. Mara grinned and watched in fascination. Kylo looked at the little creature, then at her, and moved his fingers ever so slightly. The butterfly rose, flew towards the Princess and sat on the side of her head, right above her right ear. She made a startled but delighted sound. It was a perfect adornment, he thought. The butterfly’s blue wings matched her blue eyes and dress; she could have worn the butterfly as a jewel tonight.

“Are you doing it with the Force?” she whispered. He nodded. He could still kill it; he could also split the beautiful tree in half with a brief movement of his hand, and squeeze Mara’s throat, made her panic, claw for her life, so that she would see what he was capable of. He didn’t care to show her his strength; it would be just to prove that she should place her hopes and trust somewhere else. On the other hand, he could also tell her how much the colour of the butterfly suited her. In the end, he decided to release the little creature with a flick of his fingers and moved slowly again down the path. Mara followed.

“My mother would love this place,” Kylo said suddenly, before he had the time to think about it. The gardens brought a happy memory from his childhood, and these words just came out. There was no taking them back now, so he resolved to continue. “You know of course she was the leader of the Resistance. She died some time after the battle of Crait. She had been exposed to mortal levels of radiation.”

“Did you talk to her before she died?”

“Yes, we signed the ceasefire agreement together. We then saw each other and talked for the first time in years. It was difficult but we did say some things that needed to be said. We managed to have a good moment together, finally. She proposed the ceasefire herself when I told her about my planned decisions. Sometimes I think I did it all for her.”

Mara listened carefully, so he continued:

“She never agreed with my vision of a strong ruler for the galaxy, in whatever form. She believed in democracy, with all its anarchy, till the end. But she was a wise politician and she knew the value of a compromise. She also knew, after Crait, that there was no point in sending even more of her people to a certain death. She couldn’t have won that war.”

Mara glanced at him briefly, as if to gauge his mood.

“I knew your mother,” she said. “Our whole family knew her. Before the Resistance came into being and she was blacklisted by the First Order, she sometimes used to be our guest. She always talked about you. Every time I saw her.”

Kylo struggled to hold back tears so he kept silent. Mostly he was amazed that he had even started talking about his mother to Mara. She had a way of getting things out of him not only by her questions but also by the simple act of being there and listening.

“I wish so much she were here tonight,” said Mara warmly. “That she could see you. She would be proud of you. No, none of that,” she added, seeing him snort, “I know she would have been, even if she didn’t quite agree with your political views. Just to see you more at peace would have been such a joy to her.”

“I’m not at peace,” sighed Kylo and they stopped again, turning to face each other. There were tears in Mara’s eyes, as in his. But she smiled to him and though he found himself unable to return the smile, he kept gazing at her. How surprising that conversation turned out to be, from the first to the last moment! It was so unexpected to find such a firm and strong ally here, a gift he hadn’t hoped for, and he was still suspicious as to her real intentions. Why was she so full of praise and hope? He was a well-known mass murderer, who ascended to the throne after a bloodbath, un unstable and cruel Force wielder, a man who had waged a brutal war against a movement led by his own mother. A man who killed his own father. The Princess had all the reasons in the world to despise and fear him. She could have just tolerated his presence for diplomatic reasons but she did so much more than this; she went out of her way to make him feel welcome. He wondered why. He couldn’t believe the truth of her words.

It was getting late now, the sun was setting – so it must have been about 11 o’clock in the evening standard time as the sun set very late in summer on Neelia. It was time to return to the _Supremacy_ , hanging in the pinkish skies over the planet. But the New Order’s flagship could remain close to the planet for a few days, just to allow the troops to take more trips to the surface in order to enjoy the sun. They weren’t at war anymore and they should get some leave. Kylo thought that he might return, too. He wouldn't mind seeing Mara again.

“It’s time for us,” he said. “We are very grateful for your warm reception, Princess. I must say I didn’t expect that. Like I didn’t expect this conversation.”

“Again, I beg your pardon if I have overstepped,” Mara replied, reaching out to warmly shake his hand. He bowed. “I assure you the intentions are all good, even if the execution might have been somewhat clumsy”.

“Clumsy is the last word I would use to describe you.”

“Thank you, my lord,” said Mara and smiled again. The smile reached and lit up her eyes, which reminded him again of his mother. He hadn’t seen anyone smile this way for a long time and he wasn’t sure he remembered anyone smile like this to _him_ in his whole adult life.

“If you feel like visiting the _Supremacy_ , Princess,” said Hux, suddenly appearing at his elbow, and Kylo winced, “Just let us know and we’ll organize it for you. The Supreme Leader and I will be honoured to have you on board.”

Kylo sent him a deadly look but Mara seemed pleased.

“I may well take you up on your offer, General.”

* * *

On the way back, in the shuttle, Kylo considered their conversation again. He also thought of Rey and of the ease with which he had talked about her to Mara. It wasn’t a sore spot in his heart anymore. He told Mara the truth, which he discovered in the weeks following Crait, and which Rey must have also discovered for herself. Rey and Kylo had known each other only for a few weeks. They had had a few fleeting conversations, mostly via the mysterious Force bond. On the basis of this, each of them built a dream and then struggled to adjust the reality to it. They were both lonely and thought the other could quench their thirst for company and perhaps for affection. But in the end Kylo couldn’t, and wouldn’t, leave everything and change all his life for her, and neither would she. He didn’t understand why she lingered with the Resistance, people she had met only a few weeks earlier but spoke of them as if they were her best friends. She, in her turn, didn’t want to hear about the First Order, and didn’t want to rule the galaxy. He made her a fair offer, he thought, that of starting anew from the ruins of the past. In fact, this is precisely what he wanted to do once his rage subsided after Crait: to build something new. Not him joining the Resistance, not her joining the First Order. A new thing, a middle ground, even if he had no idea yet what it would be like.

But they had no time to discuss it in the throne room after killing Snoke; they barely had time to exchange a few words before she did what she always did – ran away. Both of them had their favourite strategies when things got difficult, and things seemed to get difficult every time they were together. He raged and destroyed, and she ran away. The bond flicked to life once again after Crait and though Kylo had longed for it for weeks on end, once it happened it left him a very bitter taste. Ray wouldn't even acknowledge the good will he tried to display since he became the Supreme Leader, she wouldn’t acknowledge him for his first good decisions. It was as if she and her so-called friends of the Resistance were disappointed that their movement suddenly found itself without an enemy, and she – their Jedi – without a clear purpose.

But of course, she was right about many things too. She couldn’t forgive him for refusing to stop firing on the Resistance fleet and for the deaths on Crait. He understood that. There was too much to forgive, she couldn’t move past it all. They certainly had some ideas in common; she wanted the Jedi order to evolve, to stop repressing their passions and dismissing those feelings to the dark side. She thought the balance in the Force should be re-established not only in the universe but also within Force-sensitive people. And yet, she accepted that only in theory, because when it came to a concrete case, she wanted none of Kylo Ren, just Ben Solo. He, in turn, had no interest in becoming a noble vigilante of the galaxy or setting up an academy and teaching padawans, perhaps because of bad memories of his two masters who both greatly damaged him. So when the bond connected them that one time after Crait, they had a long, tortured conversation, mostly talking at cross purposes, and Kylo realized their relationship had always been just a fantasy.

He also had to admit, when he really, really thought about it, that he could hardly imagine Rey as an empress, or the Supreme Leader’s partner, or whatever she would be called. What would she do on the ship that would remind her every day of her past experiences with the First Order? What would their daily life look like, would they even see eye-to-eye on important decisions? Would she get along with his Knights, her light and self-righteousness against their darkness? Would she get along with his High-Command? And wouldn’t she feel terribly lonely without her “friends” and without a link to any world other than _his_ world? Finally, wasn’t she too young and too inexperienced for such a responsibility – ten years younger than himself – and for such a burden?

The bond never worked again, as if the Force was giving up on them. Or perhaps the bond had really been forged by Snoke and slowly dissolved after Snoke’s death. Ever since Kylo understood that Rey and he were not meant to be, it was back to complete loneliness for him, even if the brief interlude of her presence in his life was no more than an illusion. In the meantime, his mother died. Snoke was dead. Kylo literally had nobody. Hux, who hated him and wanted to overthrow if not kill him, was the closest he had to a friend. It was absurd and pathetic. There were his Knights, four of them, but they were far, dispersed around the galaxy on various missions. Kylo had nobody to talk to every day, nobody to discuss important decisions with and nobody to be close with. Just like for his entire life. The cruelty of this predicament angered him so much that sometimes he just had to lash out, trash everything around or brutalize someone, in order to calm down.

When he killed Snoke, he thought he did it for Rey. However, if he was being honest with himself, that wasn’t the whole truth. It wasn’t just to save her. It wasn’t just to seize power, either, as Hux suspected. When the truth was revealed – namely, that it wasn’t Rey but Kylo who was the killer – Hux threatened to overthrow him and put him on trial for the former Supreme Leader’s murder. Kylo responded by sending his Knights to find and kill several high-ranking officers of the First Order who openly adhered to Hux’s cause. After that purge, hostility towards the new Supreme Leader within the Order immediately abated. To Hux’s utter shock, the General found that nobody was too interested in helping him anymore. Everyone was relieved Snoke was dead. After the horrific destruction of the Hosnian System there could be no love for Snoke in the galaxy and many First Order officers would probably even have helped Kylo to kill Snoke, if he had been looking for help. Everyone in the Order was of course also afraid of Kylo Ren who had the reputation of a dangerous, supernaturally strong madman, but before Hux managed to talk to a sufficient number of people and forge a new alliance, it became clear that Kylo Ren had somewhat changed and that his rule would be very different from Snoke’s.

Because of Rey Kylo had to kill Snoke _there and then_. But mostly he was relieved to be rid of his master. Snoke had been a sick, twisted, terrifying bastard, just like Mara said. He degraded Kylo, humiliated and tortured him for years, and the only good that came from Han’s death was that Kylo, shaken to his core, finally realized he was being manipulated. Ending Snoke then became just a question of time. And once it happened, the terrible voice Kylo had heard in his head for so long that he didn’t even remember the voice wasn’t part of himself, stopped. Killing Snoke didn’t solve all Kylo’s problems but he was able to rest somewhat better at night. He didn’t live in constant agony and fear, and under constant pressure anymore. He wasn’t desperately trying to please anyone anymore. And, perhaps more importantly, he was getting more powerful in the Force. Snoke kept him down, probably even harnessed his power. Without Snoke, and with a slightly more peaceful mind, Kylo found himself acquiring new skills. For example, he started practicing healing with the Force, which he had never been able to do. Once the vicious voice within his own mind disappeared and stopped distracting him, he was able to hear better the call of the Force and tune in better to it.

Still, he didn’t know what to do next as the Supreme Leader. Did he even care to be the Supreme Leader? Or was it only because he didn’t know what else he could do? What was he supposed to do in times of peace in the long term anyway – fly across the galaxy from one end to another in this bloody ship?

He thought of his mother again and how good it would be, now, to be able to ask for her advice. She would know the answer. She always knew. He could hardly expect his generals accept a former leader of the Resistance as his adviser but she could advise him privately, they would talk, things between them would change. It was too late for that now. He was alone.

Hux watched him like a hawk.

“What is it, Hux?” Kylo asked, frowning. “Are you disappointed that they don’t hate us? That we have no excuse to blast them from orbit and obliterate the whole planet?”

“No,” said Hux haughtily. “I know who to wage war on and who to spare.”

“Waging war. The only thing you care about.”

Hux snarled.

“As if you had ever cared about anything else, Ren. Don’t give me this bullshit. The pretty princess was nice to you and suddenly you’re the golden boy of the galaxy, a fine politician, basking in the sun in the royal gardens? You won’t deceive anyone.”

“The sun would do you good too. You look horrific, white as a sheet”.

Hux was speechless at that and raised his hand indignantly to slick his hair back. The guy looked as creepy as could be.  

“I must say I don’t quite trust them,” Hux changed the subject, looking away. “Why this heartfelt welcome? Why such immediate and total forgiveness for all the past?”

“I searched her mind,” lied Kylo. Though he entertained the same doubts, he hated to agree with the General and he wouldn’t have him think badly of Mara. “I found no deceit.”

“I don’t understand then,” said Hux, shaking his head.

“We’ll see in time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed! New chapters will be posted very regularly, 1 or 2 per week.


	3. The offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara makes Kylo a business proposal, but Kylo finds it difficult to trust her  
> \-------------  
> “Just… slowly, please. I’ve never experienced that before. I have no idea how it feels.”  
> “Don’t be afraid,” he said and extended his hand towards her. “You will just feel a slight headache. But don’t try to resist me. It will make it worse.”

Kylo spent the next day in countless briefing meetings, apart from a few hours in the morning when he was training as usual. Many stormtroopers were given a day’s leave to go planet-side again. Kylo wouldn’t mind going too but there was no time, no escaping his generals and their endless reports. Someone wanted something from him all the time. His day was never his own. He wondered if it had been the case for Snoke, too.

He, Hux and the rest of the High-Command were finishing the afternoon briefing and Kylo decided to end his working day there and then when the comlink on the meeting room’s table buzzed.

“Supreme Leader, sir,” an officer said when Kylo answered. “We have a VIP guest asking for admission on board.”

“Who’s that?”

“It’s Princess Mara of Neelia, sir. She came alone with her pilot in her shuttle.”

Kylo stood up, trying to avoid Hux’s curious look.

“Maybe she is coming for that tour you promised, General,” he said and then spoke to the officer in the docking bay, “Let her in and have her escorted to the bridge. I’ll be there in a moment.”

* * *

He walked to the bridge faster than he normally would have.

“Princess Mara!” he said, approaching her. She was standing by the huge viewport, watching the galaxy go by, with her back to him. Her hair, yesterday combed into an intricate braid, was down today. She wore a loose green tunic over light grey trousers with wide bottoms, narrowing at the ankle, and simple but elegant sandals of pearl colour. They were flat, unlike the high heels she wore the day before, so she now seemed smaller. She also had a long silver chain with a pendant around her neck. She looked lovely and Kylo was surprised to realise how much he enjoyed seeing her again.

“The General will be delighted that you accepted his offer of a guided tour,” he continued, pausing by her side, facing the viewport and locking his hands at his back. “Will you be staying for dinner, too? We can’t promise anything as exquisite as your reception yesterday but I did send my chefs to buy some fresh produce on Neelia today.”

“As much as I’d love to take the tour and listen to the General’s stories of the _Supremacy_ , this is not why I came.”

“What do we owe the pleasure of your visit to, then?”

“I came to see you, my lord,” Mara replied, looking up to meet his eyes.

“In that case, what would you like to discuss? Shall we move somewhere more private?”

“That would be preferable, thank you.”

He led her away from the bridge and into another, rather large and empty room with a viewport extending over the whole wall, from the ceiling to the floor, overlooking Neelia. A big red sofa stood in the middle of the room to enable them to enjoy the view. He invited her to sit and offered her a drink. She asked for wine, which the droid brought immediately, sat comfortably and relaxed next to Kylo who also decided to have a glass of wine.

“I’ve never been on such a large ship,” Mara remarked with a smile. “It is very impressive. And it’s wonderful to see Neelia from this distance. I could look at this view for ever.”

“I come here sometimes to read, though usually I am at the library. In any case, this room is for my exclusive use. Nobody will disturb us here, unless you wish me to ask someone else to join us.”

“No. I want to talk to you only.”

He waited, intrigued.

“I came to offer my services to you, lord Ren.”

He didn’t understand. What did she mean by that?

Mara laughed, seeing how puzzled he was.

“Let me rephrase that. I’d like you to hire me. I’m asking you for a position with the New Order.”

“In what character?”

“As your adviser.”

Kylo paused for a long moment. This was a most extraordinary request given who she was and who he was. Given his past and reputation, and her civic commitment. Given his darkness. Given her being a normal person (and a royal), not a Force user, not a soldier, not some kind of shady warlord who wanted to strike a deal with him. He just had no idea why she would want to work for him.

“Why?”

“You need an adviser, my lord. A diplomat, an ambassador who would support you, lend some non-military air to your rule, give you counsel on political strategy. At present there isn’t anyone like this in your entourage.”

“I must have seemed really lost yesterday if you thought I needed help so desperately.”

“Absolutely not,” said Princess Mara, leaning slightly towards him. “Not at all. But being the Supreme Leader is not a job for one man. Nobody can do it alone. There’s no Senate anymore but you need a Council to help you rule, to support you. And that Council cannot be composed only of soldiers. It just wouldn’t give your reign enough political legitimacy. The galaxy does not want a solitary tyrant or a military chief. It wants to see other people by your side. Civilians.”

“And you want to be one of them?”

“Yes, but not just because of my knowledge. Also to open doors for you.”

“I’m the Supreme Leader. Do you really think I need a door opener?”

“You absolutely do, my lord. In spite of all you have done in your first three months, you are still greatly distrusted and even hated in many places. Not to mention that for many people the very idea of one ruler is unacceptable. If you don’t want to rule by terror like your predecessor did, if you want people to accept your vision, you need to make them trust you. And for this, you need people like me. I am widely known and respected in the galaxy, by different political factions and in different circles. My presence by your side can add to your credibility, it can make certain things easier and faster for you. It will send a message those you wish to talk to won’t fail to notice.”

She was undoubtedly right, even if his pride and insecurity made him cringe and almost reject her suggestion at first. It was true that he needed other people than just his generals; he needed people who knew about other things than war. He thought just yesterday how good it would be to have his mother as adviser. And he needed someone trustworthy to talk to, someone without ulterior motives, who didn’t engage in power games. But how did she just come up with such a proposal? How could she consider leaving her planet, her whole life, for this?

“You do understand this means living in space for most of the time, don’t you? Do you think this is something for you?”

“It’s for nobody, really. But I could get used to it. On the condition that we go planet-side from time to time. For the sun.”

“But you have a life. You have responsibilities. Would you abandon all this so suddenly?”

“I cannot imagine a more interesting challenge in the whole galaxy at the moment than working with you,” Mara said. “So yes, I’d do it. It’s because of my sister too, you know. But it’s also a little because of you.”

“Because of me?”

“I suppose I like you,” she replied thoughtfully and without a trace of embarrassment or hesitation. “You intrigue me. You are completely different from what I expected. And we actually had a real conversation yesterday. I don’t know about you, but to me, even with all my contacts, networks and responsibilities, it doesn’t happen every day to have a meaningful conversation with someone. One in which I can learn something or be challenged. One that is worth my time.”

“Oh, I can easily tell you how often that happens to me,” said Kylo. “ _Never_. I never have this kind of conversations. I don’t really reach out much to people and nobody reaches out to me anymore. Hardly anybody dares. And those who dare aren’t that informative and fascinating as to be worth my time.”

“Was I worth your time yesterday, then?” asked Mara with a smile.

“Yes. Yes, you were.”

“So? Would you hire me?”

“It just appears too good to be true,” said Kylo, moving slightly away from her on the sofa. “We only met yesterday. Even if you have followed my moves and decisions for some time, we have just talked once, and on the basis of this you’re ready to change your life in order to work with me. I must admit I’m not one hundred percent convinced as to the honesty of your intentions.”

Mara nodded.

“That was to be expected.”

“If I take you to my generals and announce your appointment as of today, they will be very suspicious. They will never believe you.”

“Let me handle that. I will grow on them, I promise you.”

“I don’t think _I_ can believe you. I can’t take a risk like that.”

Mara observed him for a long moment, sipping the wine.

“Search my mind,” she suggested. Kylo was taken aback.

“Search my mind,” Mara insisted. “I know you can. It’s one of your Force abilities. You’ll find no reason to doubt me.”

“I couldn’t possibly. Not after being your guest and striking an alliance with you.”

“I’m letting you. Just do it.”

He looked at her, incredulous. Did she even understand what it entailed?

“It may hurt,” he warned.

“Be gentle with me then.”

His heart beat faster at that innuendo. She moved a little closer to him on the sofa, completely calm.

“Just… slowly, please. I’ve never experienced that before. I have no idea how it feels.”

“Don’t be afraid,” he said and extended his hand towards her. “You will just feel a slight headache. But don’t try to resist me. It will make it worse.”

She was silent and still, looking at him in apprehensive anticipation, suddenly less confident and more vulnerable than she ever seemed to him before. The darkness inside of him murmured, intrigued; here was a willing victim. He could take anything he wanted. She had been bold with him until now but she could be taught her lesson. It didn’t have to be a harsh lesson, either; just enough to make her fear him sufficiently to submit to his will. To know her place. Like everyone else.

Yet he was so sick, so tired of people fearing him. He couldn't stand yet another silent creature in the briefing room, panicking when Kylo frowned, or swallowing unspoken words of disagreement, even justified ones, for fear of facing his wrath. He could never count on his High-Command to tell him honestly what they thought, to challenge him, make him feel less alone in the impossible and tedious task of ruling the galaxy. Except perhaps Hux who at least talked back. But Hux was an enemy more than an adviser.

Kylo could so easily break her; she was physically weak, her mind was untrained and insensitive to the Force. How imprudent of her to have come here, put herself at his mercy, let him isolate her in this room. He was a predator. He could break her without touching her once.

She came here alone and trusted him even though he never did anything to deserve it. She barely even knew him. She let him pry her mind open to show him he could trust her. In her little rational world monsters that would take advantage of that to hurt her simply did not exist. She never met Snoke. She had no idea what evil was. She thought she did but she didn’t, not really. And she told Kylo she knew he was not evil.

“Don’t be afraid,” he repeated. “I need to see into your mind but I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

* * *

He saw sunlight.

He heard laughter.

Landscapes coming and going. No ominous or bleak ones. Only pleasant, inviting landscapes, of Neelia and of other places.

He saw her parents at a much younger age, her whole family together. He saw them laughing but also crying. He saw Mara as a child and her little sister in a dark place. He felt her fear, he felt she was cold. He saw them take away her sister’s body and he heard Mara scream for help. Then help was coming. And then back to sunlight. As if she isolated this memory from the rest of her mind so that poison and pain didn’t seep into other, happier places. He felt her getting stronger. He saw her parents again. He saw various people around her, also men, some closer; he didn’t want to look at that and moved on. A clear blue sky, a sound of wind among trees. Stars at night, looking different than when he watched them from space. Lights of a house. Big gatherings of people. Always many people around, no crowds, just faces that counted for her. All he ever wanted and never had. Feelings of acceptance, admiration, friendship, surrounding her and coming from other people. She had a happy life, no doubt. And she had so much in her, emotions that flashed as he explored her mind: passion, stubbornness, anger, determination, purpose, forgiveness, compassion, joy, sadness. She was perfect, and he was a broken creature next to her, ashamed to even look at her. He finally saw the memory of their meeting yesterday, saw himself through her eyes and it was a pleasant sight. Astonished, he felt in her a certain warmth towards him, her honest intentions and her compassion for him. No deceit and no fear. He withdrew from her mind, pained.

Mara opened her eyes.

“I felt you,” she said, almost stunned. “Inside my head. I can’t describe it. It was so unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Just a little. Just a bit of pain here.” She touched her temples.

“I’m sorry. It will go away soon”.

She stayed silent, looking at him.

“Did you see things to reassure you?” she asked.

“I did. And then some.”

“Meaning?”

“You’re such a happy person. You’re having a good life. People to support you, people you support. And yesterday, when you talked to me, you pitied me. I _saw_ you pity me. Is this why you came?”

“I don’t pity you. I just see how difficult your situation is. I feel your loneliness. And your anger.”

“How? You’re not Force-sensitive.”

“I just feel it,” she said with emphasis. “It emanates from you. You’re full of sorrow. I didn’t come because I pity you or think you can’t cope without me. I came because I felt moved by you. As if you were made of pure emotion, to which I responded. I couldn’t ignore it.”

“So, will you really stay? What if you change your mind? You don’t even know how it will be, living here and working with me. I’d rather you didn’t come at all if you were to leave.”

“Oh, I’m not a big fan of changing my mind. I’m rather stubborn. When I decide upon something, I stick to it. So don’t worry, I won’t leave on a whim, out of the blue. Unless you really make me.”

“If you promise to really try, I also promise,” he said, hardly knowing anymore what they were talking about. It was as she said: pure emotion. He once thought feeling another person in this way was possible only through a Force bond. He was wrong. He sensed emotion in Mara, like she did in him, and felt himself respond to it.

Mara smiled and shifted on the sofa.

“I take it I’m hired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly shorter chapter today but there will be a new one on Saturday! Tell me what you think!


	4. The Council

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara helps the Supreme Leader to set up his Council, but gets into a heated discussion with a certain General  
> \-------------  
> “I beg your pardon, my lord, if you don’t find all my suggestions to your liking. But my role as your adviser is to give you my views in all honesty, and then it’s up to you to accept or reject my ideas.”  
> “Speak.”  
> “I think, my lord, it’s time you summoned the Knights of Ren.”

By next morning all the members of the High-Command, starting with Hux, knew that the princess had taken quarters on board for the night, but didn’t know why. Hux especially wasn’t happy about it because he liked to control everything that was happening on the  _Supremacy_. But the others were also puzzled. Some suspected a secret diplomatic negotiation, others wondered about an affair between the princess and the Supreme Leader, given their similar age and social standing. Neither option seemed very believable. 

So when Mara entered the briefing room at 10h, she was welcomed by blank stares from Hux, Peavey, whom she remembered from the dinner reception on Neelia, and a few other commanders. The room was spacious, with a long, oval table, at the top of which sat Kylo, with the other officers to his right and seated at a safe distance. Mara took in the room upon entering and chose a chair on Kylo’s left side, directly beside him.

“Princess Mara will be joining us permanently,” Kylo announced, “as a political adviser and diplomatic counsellor. Even if we remain a military organization, we also need civilians in our High-Command to be able to play a new role in the galaxy.”

The silence after these words was more surprised than furious. Nobody felt hostile towards Mara; the decision was however sudden, not consulted, and rather unorthodox so the first natural reaction had to be sceptical.

“I do understand the need for political advice for the government of the galaxy,” said Hux. “Even if I’m not sure why we couldn’t come up with such advice ourselves, perhaps with the help of hired consultants. And that’s precisely the point: a former member of the Senate, even if the Republic doesn’t exist anymore, can hardly be expected to have the perspective that would match ours.”

“And what exactly is your perspective, General?” asked Mara.

“To avoid at all costs going back to the anarchy and inefficiency of the Republic. A military government is much preferable to that. And as much as you underlined in your speech the need to find something in between, I do not suppose you have a silver bullet for that because you would have mentioned it. So I think I’m justified in fearing that you will apply the only perspective you know in your counsel, and recommend some form of representative democracy, which we cannot accept.”

“‘Some form’ of representative democracy,” Mara said, “is not the same thing as the Republic we have seen in the past, with hundreds of bickering and corrupted senators financed by criminals. You cannot be serious, General, in claiming no representation is needed for the acceptance of your rule of the galaxy. How would that be different from your previous system?”

“Different perhaps in methods, but not in principles. We renounce terror but we still require to be recognised as a ruling body in exchange for the protection we provide. The Supreme Leader has taken some popular decisions, which will gradually win us more support. In the end, power is all that matters, and we’re the only ones holding it after the destruction of the Republic. Apart from criminals, who only grew stronger with the chaos that ensued and now pose even more of a threat to everyone – except to us. Galactic systems and leaders have no choice but to acknowledge our rule. There’s no alternative.”

“There is an alternative,” Kylo interrupted. “And that is, everyone takes care of themselves. Bilateral or multilateral agreements, military alliances, trade deals, regional cooperation. After the end of the Republic, everyone fell back on local solutions. So why would they want one ruler if we do not force them to accept?”

“In order for you to credibly claim the role of the galaxy watchdog,” Mara resumed, “you need to demonstrate there are shared challenges in the galaxy that should be addressed jointly. What are those, in your view?”

“Gangs, criminal syndicates and warlords, together with corporations financing them,” Hux replied.

“But also the striking inequality of conditions,” added Kylo, “which makes it very easy for gangs to exploit resources of more remote systems, and grow in power. So there you go for the shortcomings of local solutions. As it’s not a level playing field, regional politics cannot be sufficient everywhere. If we want general stability, the galaxy needs a uniform protection net, like an insurance guarantee.”

“Well, convincing everyone of that is the first important condition for you to succeed, my lord,” Mara said. “And the second is to show that you and your organization are the best placed to provide a solution. And let me tell you that having the biggest army cannot be your only argument.”

“And why in the galaxy not?” asked Hux.

“Because then the Resistance will rise again. This is the power dynamics, isn’t it? That was the whole vision on both sides, or rather the lack of vision. The First Order, or the Empire before, shows off its military power, dominates, destroys and terrorizes, and the Resistance, or the Rebellion, fights against it. But what happens when one of them wins and the dust settles? The only _raison d’être_ was fighting the enemy. One needs the other, and none of it works in times of peace. We’re all so tired with that old story repeating itself, so let’s find some new arguments for your rule.”

“So what should my arguments be?” asked Kylo.

“First of all, you need to be the person to trust. Your priorities must be clear and non-controversial, such as going after gangs. Nobody can disagree with a goal like that. But as I said, it’s not a job for one person, so you also need other people around you, not least for the sake of image. Four, or ten, or twenty former high-ranking officers of the First Order aren’t cutting it.”

“And you will change this imbalance, I presume?” Hux inquired sarcastically.

“No, because I’m also just one person. But a person whose presence by the Supreme Leader’s side nobody will consider as insignificant, I guarantee you. But you, my lord,” Mara turned to Kylo again, “need more than this. You need no Senate, but a Council. A close and small committee of trusted, competent people. To provide at least some representation of various interests and perspectives in the galaxy. Otherwise how can you propose a vision that will appeal to everyone? And it's not just about different political perspectives. Your Council members should also offer different skills and types of knowledge.”

“And what knowledge would we need, apart from diplomatic agility and a network of political contacts, which we are getting with you, as I understand?” asked Hux, now somewhat angrily.

“On technology. Industry and corporations. Finance. Law. Natural resources. Knowledge of the other worlds, their history, culture, characteristics. I’m sure we’ll find suitable candidates on the way, some of our future allies, who could serve us as permanent or ad-hoc counsellors. But for a start…”

“For a start,” said Kylo, “I don’t see anyone. I told you that yesterday. I don’t have tons of people to ask counsel from.”

“Maybe you could start simply by gathering around you people you trust. Other than your officers. Loyal and competent, and coming from elsewhere than the ranks of the First Order.”

“There isn’t anyone like this, I’m telling you,” repeated Kylo, thinking about his mother.

“How about other Force users?” asked Mara.

There was silence.

“Are you mad?” shouted Hux, hitting the table with his fist. “Are you suggesting the Supreme Leader should call as his counsellor the Jedi who used to fight him? Whoever next – the leaders of the Resistance?!”

She can’t be serious, thought Kylo. She can’t be possibly thinking of Rey. Not after what he told her about Rey on Neelia. And one thing he was absolutely sure of was that he’d prefer to fail as a leader and abdicate than to have Rey in this room as his counsellor (which she would never agree to anyway) and go through the drama again and again. 

“Actually,” replied Mara calmly, unfazed by Hux’s explosion, “the leaders of the Resistance wouldn’t be such a bad choice. There must be one or two competent people there who would be an asset, even after General Organa’s death. But I understand this is not an option, at least not for now, and I was most definitely not suggesting asking the Jedi.”

“So who do you have in mind?” inquired Kylo, puzzled.

“I beg your pardon, my lord, if you don’t find all my suggestions to your liking. But my role as your adviser is to give you my views in all honesty, and then it’s up to you to accept or reject my ideas.”

“Speak.”

“I think, my lord, it’s time you summoned the Knights of Ren.”

There was a collective gasp in the room, from the officers’ side. Hux was red.

“How do you know about the Knights of Ren?” Kylo asked slowly after a few seconds of silence.

“I did my research before asking you for a job, my lord.”

“Criminals, sorcerers and assassins as members of the Supreme Leader’s Council?” barked Hux. “Great idea, Princess Mara. That’s certainly a new order for the galaxy you’re proposing here. Are you sure you know where your own loyalties lie?”

“Shut up, Hux,” said Kylo darkly. “You’re not the one to be calling other people criminals.”

“Neither are you,” replied the General wistfully. Kylo slammed his gloved fist on the table.

“I said silence.”

Everyone was silent. Mara sat motionless, one leg folded over the other, careful not to cross eyes with either of the two men.

Kylo considered. Two of his six Knights were no more, dead in fights on different missions a few years ago. Both because they left him – or rather left Snoke, and Kylo couldn’t help but suspect that their demise wasn’t accidental. The other four, however, were still alive. Kylo met each of them after Snoke’s death, but now they were away on assignments somewhere in the galaxy. One of their past missions was to get rid of the First Order’s old admirals and all the three Grand Marshals, who openly contested Kylo’s leadership and were preparing a coup. Either they were plotting to establish Hux as Supreme Leader or, as Kylo suspected, each of them secretly intended to seize the power himself or herself. So for a time the Knights were busy dealing with those; Kylo got used to thinking of them as his envoys to do difficult and unpleasant jobs, but it was just a reflex because that’s how Snoke always used them. Perhaps Snoke was always sending them away on purpose so as to weaken Kylo’s position, because the Knights were very loyal to Kylo. They were all bound to one another for ever by the night at Luke’s academy when the Dark side took them, when they raged, slaughtered, and fled together.

They were no diplomats but not exactly officers of the First Order, either. The Knights were like Kylo – a different category. They understood the Force. He didn’t actually expect extraordinary counsel from them on matters of politics. But maybe he was wrong? Djawan and Sansena, brother and sister, were from Tattooine, so they knew a lot about the challenges that the Outer Rim worlds faced, especially gangs and criminal syndicates. M’biren, an eminent engineer, remained in charge of the New Order’s biggest industrial stronghold on planet Xeria in Mid-Rim, rich in natural resources. And Tw’oorah, the only alien among the four, harsh and edgy, could definitely provide a different perspective than that of humans. Perhaps Kylo had focused too much on the kind of help and advice he could have obtained from his mother and didn’t consider his old friends seriously enough.

“Let me think about it,” he offered.

“Just one more thing, if I may be allowed to take another minute of your time, my lord,” Mara said, as everyone had already started to move their chairs and stand up, the meeting clearly coming to an end.

“What is it?”

“The names of your ships.”

“What about the names of my ships?”

“This is not the First Order anymore. We want to send a different message. You even changed the name of your organisation to the New Order, though if I were here at that time I’d advise a more radical modification. But too late for that.”

Everyone blinked and glanced at Kylo to see if he was going to annihilate the person who had just casually criticised his choice of a new name. His face was blank though.

“Coming back to the ships,” Mara continued. “ _Supremacy_?  _Finalizer_? Not to mention the whole categories of ‘star destroyers’ or ‘dreadnoughts’. That doesn’t really call to mind happy associations. It may be difficult to claim your organization just intends to preserve the peace and order in the galaxy when you arrive at the diplomatic talks on something called the  _Supremacy._ ”

Nobody dared to breathe in the room, as if they all expected her to be Force-choked on the spot and feared becoming victims by proximity. Kylo just stared and suddenly snorted, almost laughed, and tried to hide it immediately by turning away from the table for a second.

“Look at me,” he demanded. “Do you think it would be credible if I called my ship the _Sunshine_?”

Timid and hopeful laughter sounded around the table.

“The  _Glory_?” suggested Hux. Mara rolled her eyes.

“Oh General. Do you find the message improved? No, it has to be something humbler. But not  _humble_. Something more neutral. Less ostentatious, less threatening. Who invented the current names?”

“I did,” Hux replied, offended.

“We need to work on communication and image here,” sighed Mara.

“I am enjoying this conversation,” Kylo remarked.

“What about _Starlight_?” suggested Peavey.

“For obvious reasons, I’ll veto any name with ‘light’ in it,” Kylo replied.

“ _Stardust_ ,” Mara offered.

Everyone considered in silence.

“Adopted,” Kylo announced, after some ten seconds during which it became clear that nobody objected and smiles started appearing around the table. He also liked the name. It wasn’t pretentious and ridiculously pompous, like all the names ever proposed by Hux, and the sight of Hux’s face at that moment was simply priceless. “Princess Mara, welcome on board the  _Stardust_.”

“Excellent. Thank you, my lord,” said Mara, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More interaction with the General coming soon :-)


	5. The General

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara and the General get to know each other a little bit better  
> \-----------  
> “There’s something I have been curious about,” she began.  
> “Oh! So the interrogation starts.”  
> “I just can’t stop wondering why you and lord Ren always wear these thick gloves inside the ship? Don't you feel too hot in them?”

In the evening Mara set off on her first exploratory tour of the ship. Life on this ship was surprisingly well organized and easy; the night before, droids brought her everything, from food to clothes (which she refused because black standard issue garments were not to her liking; she preferred to wait for her things to arrive from Neelia) to cosmetics.

She was in a good mood because the morning briefing, her first, went well. Kylo and she had a meaningful conversation again, her main suggestions were taken into consideration, and the Supreme Leader appeared rather pleased with her presence and counsel. The General was more difficult but didn’t seem to hate her – at least not yet.

When she left her quarters to explore, she quickly realised she needed a guide. The ship was a huge city, with multiple decks, turbolifts and levels, and a complex network of corridors. She encountered groups of stormtroopers who stared at her with surprise. She managed to find the main hangar and watched via the viewport, fascinated, rows upon rows of shuttles, TIE-fighters, and cruisers, and the crews tending to them. Of course she didn’t meet anyone she knew, she got lost very quickly and had to ask a droid how to get back to the High-Command’s wing. From there, however, it was only a short walk to the bridge and she knew the way already, having walked it the day before with Kylo to the red sofa room and then from there to her new quarters. She decided to walk towards the bridge. Kylo had granted her free access to this area, a privilege of the members of the High-Command and the crews working there.

The _Supremacy_ ’s – or rather the _Stardust_ ’s – bridge was enormous, black and red, one of the greatest high-tech miracles of the galaxy, and newly renovated after a near destruction of the _Supremacy_ by Admiral Holdo three standard months earlier. In front of Mara, beyond rows of computers, dashboards and lights blinking in different colours, beyond working posts of tens of officers and technicians, there was a huge curved transparisteel viewport, giving a 180-degree panorama of the galaxy. To touch the transparent surface, one had to walk up two steps onto a black platform extending along the whole length of the viewport. In this way, those who wished to view the sights were able to enjoy them from a slightly higher vantage point. On the platform, in the middle of the transparisteel arc, stood a ginger-haired figure clad in black, in a characteristic posture with hands clasped at his back. 

“General,” Mara spoke, softly walking up the two steps and standing next to him. He glanced at her, surprised, and grimaced.

“Princess Mara. Still not tired after your first eventful and successful day?”

She laughed.

“I know what you must be thinking. That I’ll be a pain in your neck. But I assure you this is not the intention. I want to help. In any way you need me to.”

“Well, you’ve certainly helped a lot so far,” Hux remarked, dry as usual. “Four more brooding dark knights for me to manage, an interesting discussion of representative government, and even the very name of the bloody ship changed, all of it on your first day. I dread to think how much more helpful you will be tomorrow.”

“General, I’m not your enemy,” Mara smiled. “Whatever you may think of my views and methods, I intend to be your ally.”

Hux looked at her with narrowed eyes, this time more serious.

“You are Ren’s adviser. His favourite pet soon, I am guessing, what with how he listens to you and how he keeps his temper in check. You have seen the dynamics between him and me. His friends cannot be mine.”

“Well, you can hardly be his enemy and work for him, can you?”

“This is not a matter of friendship, or even trust. If I leave, he will fuck it all up. He can never be a leader. He made a few good moves but he’s already growing weary of it all. Your arrival won’t change it, it will just put things off. He will eventually leave out of his own initiative or he will be removed. It’s all a tedious game for him. For me, it’s my whole life.”

Mara chose to overlook, this one time, a possible threat hiding in his words, bordering on treason. There were no gains from calling him to account now, and he visibly didn’t even care, telling her this on her first day even though she was Ren’s adviser. He probably imagined she would run to her master and tell him all, and he enjoyed the thought.

“Must be a bit of a love and hate relationship, though,” she remarked. “You bicker and insult each other but stick together. Perhaps he needs you and you need him?”

Hux snorted and shook his head.

“You haven’t seen much yet.”

“I come in peace,” Mara offered. “Shall we have a ceasefire between you and I? I don’t want to come to the briefing room twice a day and find an enemy there, and certainly not an enemy like you. And I guess you also have enough other trouble, don’t you?”

“You’re a funny little thing. Are you sure he didn’t send you to trick me?”

“Trick you how? To make you think I’m your friend and get all your little secrets out of you? Remember he can read minds. He doesn’t need me for that.”

“Oh, he can’t read mine. I learnt how to protect myself from Force users.”

“All right, so I promise not to ask about your secrets. Or not the compromising ones, in any case.”

He laughed and relaxed his stiff posture a little. He was a funny thing himself: the ginger fur on his head, slick back with gel, with a perfect separation on the right side of his head. It’s not that it was terrible, but not great either. He would be so much better looking if he styled his hair differently, starting with getting rid of the gel. His overcoat and uniform were absolutely perfect, without one crease, his hands gloved, and his face – though he was just a few years older than herself – as stern and serious as if he was seventy. He made her smile.

“There’s something I have been curious about,” she began.

“Oh! So the interrogation starts.”

“I just can’t stop wondering why you and lord Ren always wear these thick gloves inside the ship? Don’t you feel too hot in them?”

“Well…” Hux stammered, visibly surprised. “They’re part of the uniform…”

“He doesn’t even wear a standard uniform. And you’re a General, you surely aren’t obliged to wear them. I mean, it can’t be practical, can it? Have you never forgotten them in the cafeteria or the bathroom? Is it some kind of a power trip, or a fashionable trick to swoon the ladies? Though I suppose the gloves offer at least some protection when you slam your fists on the table, like you both did today.”

“Well, I don’t know what to say,” he replied stiffly, which made her laugh again.

“Never mind. Can I ask you something else?”

“What is it?”

“You promised me a tour of the ship, do you remember?”

“I remember. Would you like to take it now?”

“I’d love to, if you have time right now. I tried on my own earlier but got lost.”

Hux rolled his eyes and stepped down from the platform.

“Let’s go then,” he said, looking back at her.

* * *

He showed her everything, starting with the bridge itself, and explained each of its functions. Then they visited the canteen and a common room where stormtroopers ate and relaxed, which was actually nicely furnished (though mostly in black) and looked quite lively. There were many troops there, standing at attention as the General passed, and watching her curiously. Since the stormtrooper programme was reformed by Kylo, there was more normal interaction, and friendships and leisure activities were not frowned upon anymore. The troopers were even allowed to take their helmets off more often than before. Of course, Kylo might have done it to make sure of their loyalty rather than out of the kindness of his heart. Whatever the reasons, the result was good.

Then they went to the main hangar and Hux explained to her the different types of ships they had on board. He also showed her pictures of other ships the New Order fleet owned so that she would be able to make a difference, for example between a star destroyer and a dreadnought. They also went to the engine and technical decks; although Mara was not a technical person, she found it fascinating, perhaps thanks to the impassioned and genuinely interesting way Hux talked about it. The functioning of shields was a particularly interesting subject. He also took her to the training room with battle droids and different weapons, and even showed her how to use a blaster, which she had always wanted to learn. Finally they passed by the library and she admired rows upon rows of electronic records of the history of the galaxy, the Empire and the First Order, on the Republic, on the Force and the Jedis, and thousands of other topics. There were also paper books, which she was happy to see. Hux didn’t read paper books himself but he told her Ren did. She made a mental note to ask Kylo about that when an opportunity presented itself.

“He comes here very often in the evening, apparently,” Hux added. “That’s why I come to get my books during the day, so as not to meet him.”

“What do you like reading?”

“Oh, plenty of things. I like history and military history best but also good fiction. And you?”

“Fiction, mainly, and also natural science. I like reading about natural environments, plants and creatures from different worlds. And about geology. But I’m very interested in the Force and the history of Force users. I’ve read plenty of books about it.”

“Well, you’re in the right place here. Not just the history but also first-hand experience.”

“You’re not Force-sensitive, I am guessing?”

“No, and I despise them. It’s childish, the way they function. All blind emotion, all moodiness. If they were not dangerous, nobody would be even paying attention to their idiotic tantrums.”

At the very end he invited her for a drink at the cafeteria reserved for high-ranking officers. He told her they all ate their meals there and if she wanted to, she could join them the next day. She accepted happily.

“Does lord Ren eat here too?”

“Not very often. He’s too high and mighty for that. He likes brooding over his food alone in his quarters.”

“You’re hilarious, General.”

As they entered the pleasant space of the cafeteria, she saw about ten officers there, mostly but not only men, lounging with a drink and a datapad. Everyone stopped speaking and stood at attention but Hux quickly waved them down and conversations resumed. They all knew who Mara was; the news that the Supreme Leader had a new civilian adviser spread throughout the ship with the speed of a lightning. The initial formality and awkwardness were quickly overcome and by the time Mara left them one and a half hours later, she knew everyone’s first names – including the General’s – and had had three drinks, so it was fortunate that the next morning briefing started only at 10h.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so much fun to write Hux. One of my favourite characters.


	6. The Knights of Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara is confronted with five users of the Dark side of the Force at once and has to answer some uncomfortable questions  
> \---------  
> “Right,” said Tw’oorah slowly, switching from Basic to Ryl, and his head-tails moved silently behind him. “So the Jedi is gone for good. That’s a relief. Though I’m not so sure it is for you, is it, Ben? We were worried she would end up turning you.”  
> “She didn’t. As I said, it’s over.”  
> “And I see you didn’t waste time in finding yourself a new distraction. Second best after the Jedi, is she?”

Mara walked with Kylo along the corridors of the _Stardust_ to the former throne room, which he wasn’t using as such anymore. He hated the association with Snoke and the very idea of sitting on a throne. When the ship was repaired, Kylo had the walls stripped of their crimson velvet fabric and now it was an audience chamber, furnished in white, black and chrome. He received there delegations coming for trade or political talks. Instead of the damned throne, there were just meeting tables and couches. Kylo also had parts of the walls removed and a viewport built, so that the room seemed less claustrophobic.

The Knights of Ren arrived separately in the last hours, from their different locations around the galaxy. They all responded immediately to Kylo’s summons. Now all four of them were waiting for him in the former throne room and Kylo asked Mara to accompany him.

To say she wasn’t nervous would be a lie. She firmly stood by her own earlier advice to summon them but now that they were actually here she felt uneasy. They were four users of the dark side of the Force, in addition to Kylo, who himself seemed rather unstable and explosive. What would the life on board the ship be like with four more of those? What would the briefings and discussions look like? She remembered the General’s words about the Knights and wondered whether he might not have had a point.

The room was big, with a very high ceiling, and in spite of all the furniture still looked rather empty and lofty. She entered after Kylo and stood next to him, facing four dark figures in front of her, who bowed to him, calling him “Master,” while he acknowledged them one by one.

“Long time since we all met together,” he said. “I should have summoned you earlier.”

They were all clad in black, like Kylo. They looked very different from one another but the similarity of their clothing, as well as that of their face expressions, gave an impression of one group that Kylo was also part of and that she was most definitely not. A rather ominous group. Their darkness hung in the room like a black cloak; while Mara rarely had this impression around Kylo, now that there were five of them it was almost tangible. She felt slight apprehension at how this might turn out, and was also very conscious of being an outsider, at whom everyone stared and whose presence everyone questioned. She actually assumed Kylo would have told them about her but it looked like he hadn’t.

There was one woman among the four, surprisingly rather short; Mara imagined all the Knights, male or female, to be tall and strongly built, like Kylo, but this was not the female Knight’s case. She was rather pretty, with olive complexion and curly chestnut hair reaching her shoulders, but she didn’t look friendly, and she looked Mara up and down without even trying to hide it. Next to her stood a man who resembled her so much that he must have been her brother; a handsome man, the slimmest among the male Knights, and looking the most normal and the friendliest. He didn’t actually smile but seemed the least impenetrable.

On the right side, two others stood, and they were quite a sight, one human and one alien. The human was a veritable giant. Taller and of even stronger build than Kylo, he was a black man, with piercing dark eyes and a black beard. He seemed the scariest of them all and Mara actually looked away because his eyes bore into her. She had a comparable sensation when Kylo searched her mind and she assumed it must have come from the giant but when she looked at the alien standing next to him, she realised it was him. The alien was a Twi’lek, with large, fleshy lekku. The scary part was his golden yellow eyes. He must have been a Sith, the only one among them, because no other Knight had eyes that colour. And he was undoubtedly the most unnerving, with an ugly snarl on his face. He tried to read her mind and she was not the only one to have noticed; Kylo clicked his tongue impatiently, with a distinctively angry air, and the pressure on her mind ceased immediately.

“Who is this, master?” the Twi’lek barked.

“This is Princess Mara of Neelia, my adviser. It was her suggestion to summon you.”

“She’s not the bloody Jedi, is she?” the female Knight asked. “I don’t sense her Force signature.”

“I’m not Force-sensitive,” Mara replied.

“So what the hell are you doing here?” inquired the woman angrily. “And what business do you have to advise summoning us?”

“I act in lord Ren’s best interest. I advised what I thought best for him.”

“It’s imprudent, brother,” said the Twi’lek addressing Kylo and putting his hand threateningly over the hilt of a lightsaber hanging from his belt. “We don’t know her. She’s not on the dark side. Where did she come from and why did she advise you to call us back, out of the blue? How are we to know this is not a trap that you yourself might be unaware of?”

“Your doubts are understandable but unjustified, Tw’oorah,” Kylo answered. “She’s trustworthy. And no, Sansena, she’s not the Jedi.”

“So what happened to the Jedi?” Sansena asked.

“You know well that she left. That story is over.”

“Right,” said Tw’oorah slowly, switching from Basic to Ryl, and his head-tails moved silently behind him. “So the Jedi is gone for good. That’s a relief. Though I’m not so sure it is for you, is it, Ben? We were worried she would end up turning you.”

“She didn’t. As I said, it’s over.”

“And I see you didn’t waste time in finding yourself a new distraction. Second best after the Jedi, is she?”

“Silence, Tw’oorah,” barked the giant before Kylo had the chance to answer.

“She’s not second to anyone,” Kylo said. “And this is the last time I have allowed you to speak of her in this way. Leave it time and you will understand better, and until then refrain from saying things which you may later regret.”

The whole exchange between the two men was held in Ryl, which Mara spoke fluently. She remained silent because Tw’oorah’s words and the allusion to the Jedi surprised and hurt her. Second best, this is what he said. Kylo couldn’t keep the Jedi, so he settled for Mara. It made no sense to think this way as she was just his adviser, and the Jedi was more than that, or at least was supposed to be more. Kylo had asked the Jedi to rule with him and she refused. But even if the comparison made no sense on the surface, even if Mara’s role was very different, she felt a pang in her heart, and the words “second best” resonated in her mind painfully. This ominous stranger managed to get to her just a few minutes after they met. Whatever he saw in her mind during the brief moment before Kylo intervened, he found a way to hurt her.

This was how the dark users of the Force operated. They sneaked upon people, found their weaknesses, and preyed on them. Hurting others was the best way dark-siders knew to assert their power. Feeding on others’ fear strengthened them. It didn’t even have to be personal. She wondered for a brief moment if this was also Kylo’s natural way and if he had had to refrain from doing it to her. She wondered if he was still going to refrain now that there were other dark-siders around, for all of whom she was an easy prey.

“You’re trying to poison my mind,” she said slowly in perfect Ryl, looking Tw’oorah in the eye. “Are you feeling threatened by me?”

The Twi’lek snorted, meeting her eyes.

“You’re speaking of things you don’t understand. Get out of my face.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Mara retorted, advancing so that she now stood directly in front of him. “Do not presume to know me. Do not presume I am afraid. And don’t you ever try to get into my mind again.”

Saying that she was not afraid in the face of danger was a technique that had always had a magical effect. She learnt that years ago. Not showing fear was helpful but once she said it aloud, she really was not afraid anymore. And if you couldn't run or simply didn’t want to give ground, the best reaction was to advance and confront the danger, both the fear within and the threat without.

The Twi’lek stayed silent as they stared at each other coldly.

“Enough.” Kylo spoke in a low voice, in Basic, and Tw’oorah’s eyes shifted from Mara’s face to that of his Master. That was another thing Mara had learnt: never be the first one to look away. Once Tw’oorah did, however, she also allowed her eyes to wander off and met Sansena’s brother’s amused look.

“Well, well,” the young man said. “Forgive Tw’oorah for his abominable manners, Princess Mara. As a diplomat, you surely understand the power game that goes on during such encounters.”

“For a diplomat, she was remarkably direct, Djawan,” Sansena commented with a little smile playing around her mouth. “Very interesting, all this.”

“Well,” Kylo said. “Now that we have all made acquaintance with one another, I suggest we have something to eat and I will explain why I have summoned you. Tomorrow I’d like you to attend the morning briefing.”

He waved them towards the door and waited for them to exit, then turned to Mara, who was leaving last.

“I didn’t know you spoke Ryl,” he said slowly.

“There are many things you don’t know about me yet. None of them posing any threat to you, contrary to what your friends seem to think.”

“Do not let his words get to you. He is trying to make you stumble, to weaken your defences. He’s not sure if he can trust you.”

“I know that. But…”

“But?”

“But it hurts anyway.”

“It does?” Kylo asked and looked at her more closely, as if wanting to inquire why this comparison to the Jedi stung her so. Mara felt embarrassed.

“You’re not a substitute for anyone,” he stated.

“I understand, my lord.”

But a thorn was planted into her heart.

* * *

They had a lavish dinner served in the High-Command’s cafeteria. Hux, Peavey and Hithen, the commander of the other star destroyer flanking the _Stardust_ , also attended, and they looked rather wary around so many Force users. Contrary to Mara’s expectations, and given this explosive mix of characters, the meal passed in a jovial atmosphere, dominated by the Knights, overjoyed over the meeting. With Kylo at the head of the table and Hux on his right side, Mara found herself sitting two chairs away, between Sansena and M’biren, the giant. The latter didn’t speak very much, either to her or in general, but she was relieved not to be seated by Tw’oorah, who still eyed her suspiciously from the other side of the table.

The Knights were talking about past adventures from the times they roamed the galaxy together. The conversation was somewhat rowdy, there was a lot of loud laughter and jokes of rather doubtful quality, reinforced by alcohol, but at least not all the stories were about slaughtering people, and those that were seemed to be about killing bad guys. There was a certain blunt and brutal quality to the Knights, but Mara found herself listening to their stories with interest, especially those that involved Kylo, and laughing together with them. There was some talk of Snoke, and about the past war against the Republic. Then each of them talked about his or her separate life, in a different location and on different assignments. In the course of the evening, they started acknowledging Mara by turning to her to explain certain things. Kylo addressed her in this way several times, but not just him; Djawan, sitting opposite her, talked to her quite a lot, and Sansena turned to her a few times.

At one point, Sansena asked Mara to explain why she thought summoning them was a good idea.

“I thought your master needed more people he could trust in his entourage,” Mara answered simply. “And more advice on important decisions. I also thought the presence of other Force users would be especially valuable to him.”

“And?” asked Djawan. “Are you regretting your advice yet, princess Mara?”

“On the contrary. I’ve never seen lord Ren so pleased and relaxed in other people’s company. I am actually congratulating myself on my excellent suggestion.”

This solicited smiles from everyone, including Kylo.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Mara,” Kylo remarked. “It’s true I’m very pleased to see them but it doesn't mean their counsel will be worth anything.”

“One thing at a time, my lord,” Mara replied and they laughed. At that moment Kylo’s datapad blinked and he checked the message; it was something to see to on the bridge and he beckoned to Hux to follow him, promising they’d be back soon. Once the two of them left, Sansena sent an amused, knowing look to the other Knights and turned to Mara.

“So, princess Mara, now that we’re alone, perhaps you could answer the question which we’re all asking ourselves,” she said with a provocative glint in her eyes. “Are you sleeping with him?”

“Which one?” Mara asked.

There was a moment of stony silence, during which Peavey choked on his dessert and started coughing, and then a general outburst of laughter.

“Oh!” Sansena looked at the door through which the two men had left. “I meant Kylo, but…”

“Both, actually,” Mara said casually, which again provoked gasps around the table.

“Both?” Sansena repeated, dumbfounded. “Like both… together?”

“Oh, that depends on the day. They’re not always free at the same time, you know.”

Sansena was speechless, her eyes wide open.

“What’s the matter, Sansena?” Mara asked. “You look shocked. I wouldn’t expect the Knights of Ren to be so... prudish?”

“I’m not prudish!” protested Sansena, to her brother’s and the other Knights’ hysterical laughter.

“Then let me know if you ever feel like joining us,” Mara offered and winked at her.

Everybody stared, and Peavey was red. Mara looked around the table, kept a straight face for a moment and then burst out laughing.

“I’m just making fun of you. But your faces are a priceless sight.”

“So it’s not true?” Djawan asked, looking slightly disappointed.

“No. But you seemed to enjoy the story.”

“No offence, princess Mara,” Peavey spoke, “but the very idea of a triangle involving General Hux _and_ the Supreme Leader was just… it’s an image I won’t be able to un-see in my mind.”

 “Well, but captain, you must admit, they _do_ have this interesting dynamics between them.”

Peavey put his face in his hands and the rest of the company roared with laughter. When Kylo and Hux entered a moment later, they both froze at the doorstep.

“What’s so funny?” Kylo asked suspiciously. “Are you making fun of me?”

“You could say that,” Tw’oorah confirmed. Kylo looked at Mara questioningly but she shook her head, while Peavey clearly avoided Hux’s eyes. Kylo shrugged and sat down, and the party continued.

“Please don’t tell him about it,” Mara whispered to Sansena. “It was fun but… I’m just not sure how he would react. Especially to the part with Hux.”

“Your secret fantasy is safe with me, wicked princess.”

Later the Knights asked about Mara, her past and her decision to join Kylo, and after some time she found it surprisingly easy to talk to them. They spent several hours just chatting and drinking.

“Another drink, Mara?” suggested M’biren, who, in silence, kept pouring alcohol into everyone’s glasses.

“Thank you but I think I might pass out if I have another one. And no offence but passing out in a room with five dark-siders is not really something I feel extremely comfortable about.”

Amidst general mirth, Kylo glanced at her and smiled. This was his first genuine smile, not just a smirk. He was enjoying the evening, even if more discreetly than the others. He wasn’t loud and rowdy like some of them, especially Sansena and Djawan, when telling stories. Calm and quiet, he easily commanded everyone’s attention and Mara was pleased to see how much of a leader he seemed now and how they all looked up to him as their master. He exercised natural authority over them and was much more at ease with them than with his officers. Introducing into his closest circle people he knew so well and trusted had definitely been a good idea. It should make him feel not only less lonely, but also more in control. He seemed to think so too because he raised a glass to her at one point, without a word, and she understood he was grateful.


	7. The strategy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo’s new Council discusses war, politics, and the future of the galaxy
> 
> \---------  
> “The Republic doesn’t exist anymore, the whole galaxy is in disarray, everyone thinks only of themselves, and everyone is afraid of us. A new power might rise, taking advantage of this chaos. Or, despite our first friendly signals, galactic worlds might start uniting against us, just in case. They’ll soon see we aren’t that effective in eradicating criminal gangs because we can’t do it on our own, without support and money. How about we start striking alliances, to find new sources of credits?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A political chapter today but necessary for the plot; after all, the galaxy will not run itself :-) There will be another, much more emotional and personal chapter this weekend.

“So, the situation is the following,” Kylo said. “We will sooner or later get short on cash. The First Order was financed by resources robbed from the worlds it controlled, but also by criminal syndicates and corporations from across the galaxy who wanted the Order to conveniently close its eyes. Now we have less money coming in because we’ve abolished slave labour on our planets, and we can’t just exploit their resources for free any more. We will need to agree on a new way of cooperation. And of course there’s no income from the gangs anymore since I declared war on them.”

“And there’s more than that,” Hux added in his usual sarcastic manner. “The Supreme Leader, in his magnanimity, annulled all new agreements that many worlds signed with Supreme Leader Snoke just after the downfall of the Republic. So there are fewer systems under our control than there could be.”

“They signed those agreements under duress,” Mara protested. “Fearing they would meet with the same fate as Hosnia. This is not how the New Order wants to rule, is it? We want them to come to us out of their own initiative, to strike alliances, rather than intimidate them and plunder their planets.”

“Needless to say, none of them have come to us so far. They’re just relieved the new Supreme Leader let them go!”

They were all sitting in the briefing room, Mara, the General, Peavey, Hithen, and four Knights, all listening attentively.

“Well, the simplest solution is always the best,” spoke Tw’oorah.

“And that is?” Kylo asked.

“Back to the First Order model, just a touch nicer. No more slavery if you care so much but go easy on gangs. Just keep them in check, be the strongest player, but close your eyes to some of their dealings, like the Order did, and you’ll have the source of credits again. As for the worlds that used to be ruled by the First Order, take what you need but don’t pillage, and offer protection. Don't destroy any more systems. Like this, the Resistance won’t have enough reasons to rise against you again. Or if they do, other people won’t be desperate enough to join them.”

“Hear, hear,” Hux said.

“Great,” Mara commented. “Visionary.”

“Fighting gangs is a never-ending story,” Tw’oorah shrugged. “You take them down, new ones appear. What’s the point? You think your mission as a leader of the galaxy is to go after the bad guys and beg the worlds you protect for money to be able to do so?”

“That’s why we shouldn’t beg anyone for anything,” the General said.

“Our strategy should be not to fight the gangs ourselves,” remarked Mara. “Or at least not all of them. We should get our allies to fight them with us and for us. The Supreme Leader and his organization don’t police the galaxy but unify it and empower others to fight injustice.”

“Then start by putting bounties on the heads of main gang leaders,” Djawan replied. “Get them one by one. In this way we give a signal to our allies that this is everyone’s job.”

“Unify and empower? The style reminds me too much of the bloody New Republic,” said Sansena. “Lose the pathos, princess Mara. Doesn't work well with us.”

“All right then,” Mara conceded. “Let’s just talk about practicals. The Republic doesn’t exist anymore, the whole galaxy is in disarray, everyone thinks only of themselves, and everyone is afraid of us. A new power might rise, taking advantage of this chaos. Or, despite our first friendly signals, galactic worlds might start uniting against us, just in case. They’ll soon see we aren’t that effective in eradicating criminal gangs because we can’t do it on our own, without their support and money. How about we start striking alliances, to find new sources of credits?”

“And how exactly would you go about convincing worlds to give us money for nothing, just out of the goodness of their hearts?” Hux asked sarcastically.

“It’s not nothing,” Kylo said. “We’re offering something. Protection, safety, eradication of organised crime.”

“All of this is very difficult to measure and put the price on. While, in return, we need very tangible and measurable resources. I don't see how this is a great deal for anyone apart from us.”

“It’s a matter of vision,” M’biren stated; he spoke so rarely that everyone immediately turned to him. “Vision comes before strategy. What do you want the New Oder to be, Kylo? A military government of the galaxy? A mercenary army paid for its services? Or a facilitator for all the worlds to come together and fight against one enemy? But the military dimension doesn’t need to be so central. What about creating new laws, who takes decision and how? How big should your Council be, how to avoid the chaos of the Senate but to have some minimum representation of your allies within it? What needs to be centralised and what doesn’t?”

“All right, so about politics,” said Kylo. “First of all, the main goal is to preserve peace, not just order. This is very clear in my head but the other galactic governments might not like how I intend to do it. I don’t believe in the Republic model, I never have. The galaxy is too big for that, the interests too divergent. No decisions can be taken in this way. Any new Senate would quickly become as paralysed as the previous one.”

“Well, anyway after the Hosnian cataclysm there seems to be no appetite for reviving the Republic immediately,” Mara said. “And one reason is fear of new reprisals. There’s rather a shift towards regional alliances, as you yourself have remarked.”

“Yes, and I believe even less in that. A completely decentralised government can’t work when we have criminals who span the whole galaxy. Individual systems can be granted extensive powers and autonomy but in the long term, for the whole galaxy, there must be one ruling body above them, representing main interests, supported by an army. That is my view.”

“And then there’s the economic dimension,” M’biren resumed. “The New Order could be an enabler of trade cooperation, initiate some big projects that would bring the galaxy together, build prosperity.”

“An economic actor that just happens to have an enormous army?” Hux asked.

“It’s an enormous galaxy, General. Lots of things can go wrong.”

“This is why I talked about different competences,” Mara said to Kylo. “If we’re supposed to be more than a military organization, we need other skills.”

“We have them,” stated M’biren. “On the industrial base that I run I can guarantee you we have lots of people with incredible expertise. The Order is not just about soldiers.”

“So we branch out into industry and trade?” Hux asked ironically.

“You needed industrial expertise too to have your Starkiller built, didn’t you, General?”

“We need to strike deals with the worlds,” said Mara. “We want access to their unexploited resources, plenty of which are on some faraway moons, and help them build the infrastructure for that. We employ locals, we give them preferential trade conditions. Money flows into their economy. We get nice profits and we give them protection. Plus, criminal syndicates don’t skim the cream anymore so everyone wins.”

 “We could do other things, too,” Peavey said. “We have the best pilots, we can establish new routes across the galaxy. Through the Unknown Regions, for example, which we could map. Nobody has ever done that. And we could patrol trading routes to ensure security.”

“We hire people from our allies’ worlds as our stormtroopers, engineers, medics,” Djawan continued. “No more kidnapping children, no brainwashing, no slaves.”

 “My idea,” Kylo said slowly, “was also to be the organisation that channels resources. To less developed places of the galaxy where crime starts and flourishes. Especially the Rim. We could help local governments do that within their systems, with our industrial and technological investments. A reasonable distribution of resources within a system could even be a condition for obtaining our protection.”

“Why would they accept, though?” Sansena asked. “How they distribute their own money within their own territory, to their own people, is their own business.”

“Because it’s security-related. Poverty breeds crime on their doorstep. Also, some really evil syndicates or new military powers might be hiding in underdeveloped places where nobody goes, and preparing an attack. For this reason, we will also need more military bases all over the galaxy and they need to let us build them on their territory. For their own protection.”

“It’s all good, Kylo,” Tw’oorah spoke again. “Except that nobody will believe you. What’s your narrative? ‘Just let me mine your moon and set up my military base on it, and I guarantee it will help develop your economy and free you from criminals’? It’s a long shot anyway to make such a deal credible and the results measurable, as our General here rightly says. But besides that, who in the galaxy would trust Kylo Ren to actually stick to such a promise? Everyone will think you’re trying to build another Starkiller close to their planet, with their own resources and their own people’s hands, to annihilate them later on.”

“That’s right. And this is where Mara comes into the equation,” Kylo said, smiling.


	8. The confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo opens up to Mara, and past traumas resurface  
> \-----------  
> “Snoke was a monster,” Mara said.  
> “I am a monster, too.”  
> “No. No, you aren’t. Not to me.”

The library which Hux had shown Mara was a quiet place in the evening. After they spent the day discussing the vision and the strategy, Mara had an early dinner with the Knights and finally had the time to come here. The Knights had got acquainted with Kylo’s training room and decided to hold a sparring battle there the next morning, their first one together in a very long time, so they needed to go to bed early. Mara would quite like to see them all in action with their lightsabers, slicing droids, but seven o’clock in the morning seemed to her a bit too early.

She browsed through the library shelves for half an hour, then took a few volumes about the history of the Empire and the birth of the First Order, and others about planet Zeenah where, as she found out recently, the New Order was building its first new military base since Kylo took power.

When she entered the reading room, she found Kylo sitting on a couch, reading by a dim light of an old-fashioned floor lamp.

“Good evening, my lord,” she said, stopping a few metres away from him, unsure whether to leave him to it or sit by his side. Kylo raised his eyes and gestured for her to sit in an armchair.

“I don’t want to disturb you…”

“You aren’t disturbing me. But don’t worry, I’ll let you read.”

However, after she sat down, neither of them went back to reading.

“I’m told you often come here, my lord. You like reading?”

“Yes. I also do some of that.”

He gestured towards a small desk beside the couch. Intrigued, Mara stood up and went to examine the box that sat on top of it. It was a carved wooden box, with a wooden pen lying by its side.

“It’s a calligraphy set! Can I open it?”

Kylo nodded and Mara lifted the lid, revealing a stack of beautiful paper sheets, some of them blank and others covered with ornamental handwriting. Some of it was in languages she didn’t understand, which aroused her interest; there were also alphabets and signs she didn’t recognise, which looked like a work of art more than writing. She sat at the desk, took the sheets out of the box and looked at them one by one, fascinated by the old art she hadn’t seen for a long time.

“You’ve made those?”

He nodded again.

“They’re beautiful. Very intricate. I tried calligraphy too when I was young… but I was too impatient for it. It surprises me…”

“That I, of all people, like it?”

“In a way, yes. I knew of course you were well educated but didn’t expect you to have this kind of interest. I wouldn’t expect you to have the patience.”

“It has a calming effect on me.”

“You’re a man of so many contradictions.”

“Isn’t everyone?”

“Perhaps not to the extreme.”

“Ah. Extremes are my specialty.”

She moved back to her armchair.

“What else calms you?” she asked, with real curiosity.

He considered her question for a moment.

“I think _you_ do,” he said finally and looked at her with very serious, deep brown eyes. She was silent, quite overwhelmed by his sincerity and, at the same time, by the sadness seeping through him.

She curled her legs under herself and put the books down.

“Tell me more,” she asked.

“About what?”

“About you. Your story. I’d like to understand… some things.”

“Understand why I became a murderer?”

“Understand the darkness, perhaps?”

He was quiet for a long moment and looked away. Mara waited but expected him to refuse to tell her anything in the end. So when he started speaking, she listened greedily, without a word.

His childhood. The powers his family was afraid of. The lack of attention and frequent absences of his parents. Their quarrels. The voice of Snoke that gradually settled in Kylo’s mind. Luke’s academy. Loneliness. The night when Luke tried to murder him. The slaughter of other students. The pact with the Knights of Ren and the flight to Snoke, for lack of other options. Being Snoke’s apprentice, a tool in Snoke’s hand, to torture and kill. More loneliness, anger, hatred. The poison drowning him, the darkness advancing, the conflict tearing him apart. The killing of his father and the despair. The war against the Resistance. The murder of Snoke and finally freedom from Snoke’s stifling, odious voice in Kylo’s head, for the first time in years – but this freedom coming too late.

There was no appropriate way to comment on all this. It wouldn’t do to judge him when he already judged himself so severely. Mara decided to ask more questions.

“Why did you stay with Snoke? You were so powerful. Why submit to such a master? Why choose a life of servitude to him?”

“He had his ways of making me submit.”

“What ways?”

“Planting fear and doubts into my mind. Convincing me that he was the only person who really cared about me and saw my potential. Making me hate everyone else, isolating me from other people. Making me behave in such a way that everyone feared me. And then…”

“Then?”

“He was telling me I could only fulfil my potential if I got rid of my inner conflict between light and darkness. But I could never manage it, so he was never satisfied with me. And I didn’t question his judgment. I craved his approval. My entire life I had felt I wasn’t good enough. It was normal to be punished for it. I don’t think I expected anything else.

“Punished?”

“Whenever he wasn’t happy with my progress, he punished me. To make me stronger and more hardened.”

“Punished you how?”

“I still have scars from his punishment.”

“You mean he actually punished you physically?” Mara asked, shocked.

Kylo was silent for a long moment and she could see how difficult, perhaps shameful, it was for him to bring these memories up.

 “His favourite method was the Force lightning. Extremely painful. I tried to learn how to resist it but never quite succeeded.”

They were both silent. She understood confessions like this didn’t come easy or fast. She waited for him to continue.

“In the end, Snoke was right,” Kylo added. “It did make me stronger on the dark side. There’s nothing like being punished or constantly fearing punishment to push you deeper into the darkness.”

It was very touching that he willingly confessed his weakness to her. Surely that had to be a good sign. But the horror he was describing was almost overwhelming; powerful and feared across the galaxy, Kylo Ren used to be abused and thought he deserved no better. Such degree of self-loathing and insecurity was completely foreign to Mara and she felt enormous sadness. She hesitated to dig in but wanted to understand better.

“He tortured you, but you stayed with him?”

“I wanted to be as powerful as he was, and he was saying I needed to overcome my weaknesses for that. So I endured. I thought he was right.”

After a moment he added:

“I had nowhere to go. I had nobody else. I couldn't go back to my family after what happened at Luke’s. Even less after my father’s death. Snoke isolated me from the Knights, whom he was always sending away so that we didn’t get to be together too much. All this to leave me no options.”

“But in the end you understood that and killed him.”

“In the end, yes.”

“Good,” Mara said.

“Too late.”

“Not too late. You’re still alive and you’ve done good things since then. You’re trying to live differently.”

“I will always be the man who killed his own father,” Kylo said and his voice broke a little. “My father said Snoke was using me. Asked me to come back home. I had a choice. But I wanted to prove I was too far gone, so I killed him. I wanted to show I’m as strong in the dark side as my grandfather.”

“But you’re not like your grandfather. You know it now. And I know it when I look at you.”

“Too late,” Kylo repeated.

“Good things will still happen to you, my lord,” she pleaded. “You’re young. All your life is ahead of you. You will still have many more good years than bad ones.”

“I’m still on the dark side, Mara. It can’t be helped.”

“We’ve talked about that. These are just empty names. There is one Force and besides, we all have light and darkness inside of us, not just Force users. We have different personalities, we all strive for balance. You can derive power from positive or negative emotions, use it to do good or bad things, call it what you want, but it’s your choice. The Force doesn’t make you do anything.”

“Maybe. But there is much more darkness than light in me. In my thoughts, if not in my actions anymore.”

“Your anger and pain will become less strong with time. The darkness will become less troubling. This storm of negative emotions you’re enduring will abate.”

“How can you know?”

“I told you I believed in you.”

“These are only words too. You can’t see inside my head.”

“I’m so sorry for everything you endured. For your pain, and your loneliness, and especially because you were led to think you didn’t deserve better. I know for a fact that you do.”

Kylo didn’t reply.

“Snoke was a monster,” Mara said.

“I am a monster, too.”

“No. No, you aren’t. Not to me.”

He inhaled sharply and looked away, and then suddenly sobbed a few times, as if his heart was too full and he couldn’t control it anymore. This was so surprising and distressing that, on an impulse, Mara moved to sit next to him on the sofa. She wanted to touch him, take his hand, but she wasn’t sure he would welcome that. Kylo glanced at her as she sat closer but didn’t reach out. So she just stayed close. He was silent again, just breathing heavily.

“Don’t torture yourself, my lord. You’ve suffered enough. You’ll be happy again.”

“Again? I’ve never been happy. Maybe a long time ago, as a small child? I don’t even know what it means. The only strong emotions I’ve ever experienced are pain, hatred, anger, fear, resentment. That’s all I know. That’s all I will ever know. You can’t learn everything from scratch when you’re thirty.”

“And now?”

“What, now?”

“What are you feeling now?”

“Exactly those emotions I’ve just mentioned,” he said angrily. “Hatred and anger, and resentment, at myself, at my uncle, at Snoke. Pain because of what I have done. Fear and despair that I will never know anything else.”

“And that’s all? That’s really all you’re feeling at the moment?”

Silence again.

“I feel some relief that I told you.”

“That’s good. I’m happy to hear that. Surely it’s also a relief that all this is over? That all this horrible past is behind you?”

“Relief that Snoke is dead? Of course.”

“Relief that you can do what you want. You can sit here in the library and practise calligraphy, or you can talk to me, or you can jump into your ship, go planet-side and take a walk. Without having to report to Snoke and worrying about displeasing him.”

“I suppose. Though of course now that he’s gone and I’m in charge, I have new things to worry about. Like running the galaxy.”

Mara laughed, relieved to be finally able to dispel the painful tension.

“I don’t know about you, but I’d take running the galaxy over being shot with lightning any day.”

Kylo glanced at her with a smile.

“Well, I also feel gratitude. Because you listened.”

They were so close now, leaning towards each other on the sofa, her hand merely centimetres away from his. She wanted to take it. Then waited for him to take hers.

“And also some peace,” he added. “I’m pleased that you’re here. It feels good.”

“So there are positive emotions, after all. Perhaps with time they might become stronger than negative ones,” she asked hopefully, longing for the touch that wasn't coming.

He slowly leaned back, moving away from her, and shook his head wearily.

“I always ruin good things. I don’t expect it to be any different this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a slow burn! But patience, there will be a lot of romance. There will be a lot of darkness, too - soon.


	9. The first alliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which first Mara saves the day but then Kylo rises to the challenge  
> \------------  
> “You are asking me to trust Kylo Ren, a criminal who slaughtered his own father and served as Snoke’s private killer for years?”  
> “I can’t tell you where to put your trust, Teran. I’m simply saying that I trust him. I hope it will at least make you reconsider.”

There was tense silence in the briefing room and Mara leaned forwards over the table.

“Am I to understand, lord Wynad, that there is no point whatsoever in our further talks?” asked Kylo coldly. She shot him a warning look but he wasn’t looking at her, just seething silently. He was adopting the usual tone of haughtiness and fury. Mara sighed. He was no negotiator. He didn’t have the patience. At least not yet.

They contacted Chandrila on Mara’s advice. It wasn’t a good idea to start with places like Naboo, Mara said, though it seemed like an easy win, the Queen of Naboo being one of her closest friends. They should start with Core Worlds, such as Coruscant or Chandrila. Lord Teran Wynad of Chandrila, a former member of the Galactic Senate, one of the lucky survivors of the Hosnian cataclysm (only because he was on holiday back home when the Starkiller struck), and currently the President of the democratic assembly of Chandrila, was definitely not a friend of the New Order. Nevertheless, starting the talks from him was a gesture of good will, Mara argued; to show they weren’t trying to sway – or intimidate – smaller and weaker worlds in order to corner Core Worlds but rather wanted to approach the most relevant and the strongest interlocutors first. If Wynad accepted to open the talks, many others would follow. There was however a serious risk he would refuse, and then alliances with the smaller worlds, at least from the Core, would also be at risk. Despite Hux’s advice to the contrary, Mara argued it was a risk worth taking, as they had to demonstrate they were playing an honest game. To prove they deserved to be trusted, they needed to enter difficult talks with their counterparts without delay.

The conversation held from the _Stardust_ ’s briefing room via comlink had lasted for ten minutes and was going badly. Lord Wynad refused to meet the Supreme Leader. They were free to land and spend time on Chandrila, of course, but neither Wynad nor any other representative of the planetary government would be seeing them on the subject of a future alliance. That was it. There was uncomfortable silence, and when Kylo asked his question, Wynad sighed.

“Let me be honest with you, _Supreme Leader_ ,” he said, the last words, Mara thought, with a sneer. “Your initiative to open talks and search for a new way, if honest, is what the galaxy needs. But I don’t believe for a second that a lasting change and improvement can come from you and your organization. The remnants of the Hosnian System still float in the sky and we both know you and your people won’t ever be put on trial for this crime. As for the future, I’m even willing to admit you’re sincerely intending to change things. For the moment. What happens when you encounter opposition, I have no illusions about. So tell me now honestly, what will happen if I refuse to receive you. Am I to expect a laser beam striking Chandrila, or an invasion? Because if this is the case, then of course we will need to surrender. We cannot defend ourselves against your army. But then let’s just stop pretending it’s about negotiations, alliances, and equals, and let’s call it by its name.”

“And that is?”

“Domination. The same thing your organization has been doing since it was established. Bending the others to your will or destroying them. So once again, what is the fate you’re planning for us if we don’t humour you?”

“I’m not planning anything. Nobody is asking you to surrender. I told you we were coming to talk. If you don’t talk to us, you’ll be left to your own devices in the galaxy full of others who will try to bend you to their will. I am asking you to reconsider.”

“I thank you but if you are so kind as to leave me a choice, I choose to decline. We will rely on alliances with other planets and systems in the region to ensure our defence. This is what your mother Senator Organa always recommended.”

“My mother and I didn’t have the same ideas on galactic government. You think you’ll be all right, but what about the rest of the galaxy? What about those who are too remote or too weak and will continue to be easy prey for smugglers, pirates and gangs? The criminals will only grow in strength, become more organized, and sooner or later turn out to be a threat to you too.”

“With all due respect, this is a legitimate but rather remote concern. The immediate danger in my humble view is you.”

Heavy silence fell again after these words. There will be an explosion, Mara thought, watching Kylo anxiously. And then everything will be lost. She had faith in him, she knew he would become better at this, he just needed more practice. It was a thing you could learn, and he always learnt fast. She raised her hand to catch his attention, pointed towards the comlink and signaled her intention to speak. Kylo frowned but she insisted, and finally he nodded.

“Lord Wynad,” Mara spoke. “Good morning.”

There was a moment of silence again on the other side and then Wynad asked:

“Who is this? The voice is familiar.”

“It’s Princess Mara of Neelia, Teran. It’s been a long time.”

“Mara!” said the man in a tone so strikingly different from the way he had addressed Kylo that everyone around the briefing table, the officers and the Knights, blinked. “What a surprise! Are you also connected? I thought Neelia had already signed an agreement with the New Order?”

“We have, indeed. And I know you were not terribly impressed, Teran. I remember our conversation about it.”

Kylo frowned at her again. She made a calming gesture with her hand.

“Indeed. And I’m rather surprised I haven’t been informed that you will also be connected to our conference today.”

“I’m not exactly connected, Teran. I’m here, on their ship.”

“On the _Supremacy_? What in the galaxy are you doing there?”

“It’s actually the _Stardust_ and not the _Supremacy_ , but that’s not the point now. I’m living here, Teran. I’m with the New Order.”

It was technically true but even she was surprised by how serious it sounded, as if she went to live among devils, and for a moment she feared Teran would just cut the connection and break their acquaintance.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” said Wynad stiffly. “In what character, pray, are you ‘with them’?”

“I’m the Supreme Leader’s adviser.”

“Are you allowed to talk in private?” he asked sharply.

“Obviously. I’m not a prisoner here,” Mara said, again dismissing Kylo’s silent protests with a wave of her hand. “I’ll comm you in a moment from my private channel.”

She ended the link and got up.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Kylo asked. “Just call him from here and pretend you’re alone.”

“You can’t be serious, my lord,” Mara replied indignantly. “I’ll need half an hour.”

“And what are we supposed to do, sit here for half an hour and wait for your little chat with that impertinent idiot to end?”

“My lord,” Mara said, leaning on the table with her both palms and looking him in the eye, “this is not a chat between friends, this is a political negotiation. I never promised those would be quick and easy.  _I need half an hour_. And please try to refrain from calling people names just because they happen not to like you.”

With this, she left the room.

“Well, well,” Hux said, amused. “Now that went well, wouldn’t you say, Supreme Leader?”

“Shut up,” replied Kylo.

“Are we really going to sit here and wait for the result of her conversation?” asked Tw’oorah.

“You have a better idea?” Sansena said.

“I’m sure the General here has plans for an invasion already crystallizing in his head, so in the meantime we could listen to that,” Kylo remarked.

* * *

“How long have we been friends, Teran?”

“Years and years.”

“Will you consider what I have to say in the name of that?”

“I will always consider your view, Mara. But why…?”

“I sincerely believe things can change. I believe you, and many others, can benefit from an alliance with the New Order.”

 “You are asking me to trust Kylo Ren, a criminal who slaughtered his own father and served as Snoke’s private killer for years?”

 “I can’t tell you where to put your trust, Teran. I’m simply saying that  _I_ trust him. I hope it will at least make you reconsider.”

“Mara, you are, like me, one of the miracle survivors of the Hosnian cataclysm. If you weren’t away from the Senate at that time you’d be dead now.”

“He didn’t give that order, Teran. And he killed the one who did. Do not presume this tragedy didn’t affect him. Are you forgetting he’d be Prince of Alderaan today if it wasn’t for the Death Star? Do you not remember he talked about Hosnia in his first public speech ever?”

“But he stood by, doing nothing! He didn’t even try to stop it!”

“And what did _you_ do, Teran?” asked Mara angrily. “What did I do? What did we all do? After it happened, most worlds surrendered to the First Order immediately. Some others carefully expressed their displeasure from a safe distance. Did you ask for a personal audience with Snoke to let him know about your outrage, or did you shut up because you were afraid like everyone else?”

“Still. Everyone should pay for their deeds. Kylo Ren should be on trial and in prison.”

“And what good would that bring to the galaxy? More good would come from that than from what he’s trying to do now?”

Teran sighed. 

“Why is it that you trust him, Mara? What has he done to earn your trust?”

“It is I who asked him to take me in as his adviser. He seemed to me then, and he seems now, a clever but rather lost and very lonely man with enormous powers which make everyone fear him. He was being controlled and poisoned by Snoke for years. And now he’s coming to terms with freedom and with the responsibility, naturally stemming from his powers, to change things in the galaxy.”

“Sounds rather unstable to me.”

“He is a bit unstable, yes. But he’s learning control. His intentions are good. I know you said it wouldn’t last long if people started disagreeing with him but I do believe this can change, too. I have lots of very interesting conversations with him. I actually really like him, and he seems to appreciate my views and company. With the right people around him – and you could be one of them, one of the members of his Council – he could be a great ruler. This is my view, Teran. I am not in his head and I can’t see the future but this is a bet I am willing to take.”

“So what do you want from me?”

“I just ask you not to reject him at such an important time when he’s only trying to make first allies and is treading on uncertain ground. Just talk to him. I will be coming with him. And then you’ll see. Give us a few hours of your time. That’s all I’m asking.”

“You never really appreciated the Senate. This is for you an opportunity to look for another way. You always thought there was another way.”

“Didn’t you? Did _you_ appreciate the Senate? The loss of human life is a terrible tragedy but I’ve never regretted the end of the institution. It was becoming as bad as during the Old Republic.”

 “But one ruler?” Teran asked, wearily. “I just don’t see how this can end in any other way than the Empire and the First Order.”

“I do. Because, contrary to Palpatine or Snoke, this ruler is not evil. And he doesn’t want to be an absolute ruler, either; he’s open to discussing all forms of government. Please, just talk to him. He needs your views and advice.”

Teran was silent for a moment.

“All right,” he said finally. “Come and spend a day here. I’ll invite other senators and advisers. But you come along with him, whoever else will be coming. I won’t talk to him without you there.”

“Of course I’ll come. Thank you, my friend.”

“I think you’re wrong and I’m right, Mara, but I’d really like it to be the other way round. I’d like you to be right about it.”

“Time will show.”

* * *

On re-entering the briefing room, she found Kylo waiting sullenly. All the eyes shot to her.

“We’re invited tomorrow for the day. His only condition is that I come with you.”

Everyone was stunned.

“How in the galaxy did you manage that?” asked Sansena. “The guy was adamant. Is he your ex-boyfriend or something like that?”

“He’s sixty, Sansena. He’s not my ex-boyfriend.”

“What did you tell him?” asked Kylo.

“Nothing I would hesitate to repeat to you, my lord. But I would like to keep that conversation private, as he wanted me to.”

“So what now?”

“Now I’d like to ask for one hour of your time, my lord. To talk alone. And later, during the afternoon briefing, if you agree, we could all discuss our strategy for tomorrow’s meeting.”

* * *

“Do you trust me?”

They were sitting in the living room of his quarters, which he suggested as a place to talk in private, and Kylo asked Mara this question when he noticed she was tense and nervous after the conversation with Chandrila.

“Do you believe my intentions are good?” he repeated.

“That I don’t question. Even Teran was willing to acknowledge that. But like him, I am a bit apprehensive…”

“That I will go into mad rage and kill everyone when something happens to contradict me?”

“I wouldn’t go that far. But yes, I’m afraid you might not display enough patience for this kind of talk. And also, I’m afraid you might simply scare people.”

“Do I scare you?”

“No, not me. But we are talking every day, we are friends now. At least I hope so.”

“Of course we are,” Kylo said, keeping a straight face and trying not to show how much these words pleased him. Both that they were friends and that she wasn’t afraid of him. Apart from his Knights, he couldn't remember when someone last referred to him as a friend.

“You don’t realise how intimidating your looks are, my lord. Your height, your build, your visible strength, your black clothes, the lightsaber at your belt. This on top of your reputation as a dark Force user. It simply unnerves people. It can play to your advantage in many situations but not there. They really _don’t want to be scared_. If they’re afraid, they won’t trust you. You must make an effort to appear less menacing.”

“So what do I do? Wear green?” Kylo was being sarcastic but actually, though he would be ashamed to admit it, he took what she said as a compliment. The part about his looks, at least. She said that to argue that he looked scary but it sounded _attractive_. He wondered whether she did this consciously, and whether she did find him attractive.

Mara sighed.

“Why do you think Wynad asked me to come along? He wants a normal person to be there. I’m one of _them_. Not a Force user, not a First Order officer. They know how to talk to me. It will mean a lot to them to see you arrive with a normal person by your side, to know that you’re actually listening to that person’s advice. It has nothing to do with my skills or competence. It’s just what I represent to them, and what your relationship with me represents. It reassures them. If they see I’m not afraid of you, why should they be?”

“Looks like you’ve earned your salary for this month, then,” said Kylo with a smirk.

And then Mara told him how to do it. He needed to interact with Chandrila senators, to show he was listening, to acknowledge their views and suggestions. He could open the talks by mentioning he was actually coming home because Chandrila was his home world. They would appreciate that. It might lead to some pleasant small talk later (Kylo winced at that). He could not get angry and lose his temper _whatever happened_. No slamming fists on the table. And no gloves.

“What do the gloves have to do with it?”

“You wouldn’t wear your mask, would you? Well, the gloves are not as scary but they don’t exactly look friendly. You’re not going into battle, why would you need your military leather accessories? Just please leave them behind.”

He needed to keep his Knights in check, she said. They must come along and Hux must come too, but she was not worried about Hux. He was civilised and pleasant enough when he wanted to be. Kylo didn’t quite like the sound of it but let it go. But the Knights, Mara said, some of them could be a bit… rowdy? So no swearing, no striking menacing poses, no sneering. Tw’oorah must shut up. In fact, she wasn’t sure about Tw’oorah coming. He needed at least to be briefed beforehand. Kylo agreed with that.

She asked if there was a way they could be persuaded to leave their lightsabers behind? No, Kylo said. He drew the line at that. They had too many enemies. The hosts would have to accept the weapons. Mara looked a bit worried but admitted he was right.

They went through all of this methodically, until finally she looked satisfied.

“There’s just one more thing,” Kylo said.

“Of course. What is it, my lord?”

“For the time being, we shouldn’t mention all these concrete proposals on resources, trade, building military and industrial bases. It sounds as if we thought about it really hard and knew exactly what we wanted – their money, or making money on their backs. This just looks too aggressive coming from us. We shouldn’t arrive with a deal ready to be sealed. We should stick to the broad lines that everyone can agree on – cleaning the galaxy of crime, protection to all worlds, cooperation. The one thing I will insist on is my vision of one strong ruler above local governments, with a Council and an army to support him. And then we should give them a chance to make more specific suggestions. What do you think?”

She was loving it, he could see that. She was practically beaming. She actually went as far as to take his both hands in hers, visibly on an impulse, and squeeze them affectionately. This was the first time she had ever touched him and Kylo felt very pleased.

“I was going to suggest something along these lines,” she said. “I’m so happy to hear you also think that we need to be less forceful. You do understand this instinctively. There’s some fine politician in there!”

He liked it how she now said more and more often “we” and not “you” or “the New Order”.

“I’m glad we agree, Mara. But, on the other hand, won’t it seem _weak_ to them? That we arrive without a clear idea?”

“Weak? My lord, it’s not about appearing too weak that you need to worry, believe me. You must, on the contrary, make efforts not to appear too _strong_. Someone who can annihilate their whole world without even disembarking from his ship, just striking from orbit, but instead comes to ask for their opinion, will not be perceived as weak, but as magnanimous. As a good ruler should be.”

Kylo just smiled. He couldn’t even explain why these words gave him so much pleasure. He was learning. He was capable of change. He was moving in Mara’s direction. And this idea of her being his adviser was really working.

She must have thought so too because there was real joy on her face. She looked as if she restrained herself with difficulty from hugging him. It was amazing for Kylo to see that anyone could be so hopeful about his success. He asked her to have lunch with him in his quarters, and she accepted enthusiastically. They talked about Chandrila, his birthplace, and other worlds he knew well, some even better than she did though she had travelled a lot as a Senator. They were both educated and knowledgeable about the galaxy, and he found it a great pleasure to have a normal conversation, not about politics and not about the past, Snoke, or suffering. Sharing their stories of different worlds, discussing cultural habits and food – a subject they were both fond of – as well as art and books, which they too had in common. His heart was much lighter after that lunch; it was a good day.

* * *

Just as Mara had predicted, her presence at the meeting on Chandrila seemed to help everyone relax, on both sides. She was the link between the two worlds – the only link. She was a common language between two foreigners.

Because at the beginning Lord Wynad and the other nobles of Chandrila didn’t look very reassured when six ominous black figures marched into the room. But then, next to the daunting Supreme Leader there was this woman they all knew, dressed in green, and it so happened that the Supreme Leader was actually talking to her while entering the room, and she was smiling. Mara put them all at ease when they sat at the table, making conversation about Chandrila. Lord Wynad knew this was Kylo’s home world, the place where he grew up. They discussed some locations Kylo knew and people who lived here a long time ago, at the time of Kylo’s childhood. Kylo found bringing his mother up could also work miracles. She was dead but she was another link between his world and their world. None of the painful details were mentioned. Then they could move smoothly to the subject of negotiations.

Without making any concrete proposals on financial or economic deals, they discussed Kylo’s philosophy and priorities for the galaxy. Without signing anything or taking any official commitments, they talked about cooperation and Kylo suggested Lord Wynad could be a valuable member of his Council, advising from the perspective of Core Worlds. He was actually coming here to ask Wynad for help. The Senators and nobles of Chandrila were first intimidated, then intrigued, and then honoured. The Supreme Leader was acknowledging them, the relevance of their perspective, the importance of cooperation with them. He humoured and flattered them, assisted by Mara, to obtain a promise of alliance and continue negotiations on the modalities of their cooperation, economic, military and political.

The Knights of Ren helped, too; M’biren definitely knew what he was talking about when they discussed industry, developed and underdeveloped worlds, and sharing of technology, so Kylo made him speak a lot. Sansena was provocative and very cheerful, Djawan seemed very much like a normal person even in his black clothes, and Hux and Tw’oorah had the decency not to speak very much. As for Mara, seated on Kylo’s left hand side, she participated keenly in the conversation. Kylo, for his part, was careful to often refer to her opinion and counsel and to show to everyone that the two of them got on very well.

In the afternoon Teran suggested lunch and a little excursion in the city. Mara was curious if Kylo would also like to visit the place he lived in with his parents before being sent off to Luke’s, but he didn’t.

“Not yet,” he said. “I will one day.”

Civilities continued and when the day was over, one important thing they definitely achieved was that the nobles didn’t feel nervous in the presence of the Supreme Leader anymore. They didn’t consider him to be an unstable madman. There was no firm commitment on either side but things would progress slowly. The talks would continue. They would find a way. Lord Wynad promised his counsel and expertise whenever he was needed, and Kylo suggested fortnightly holoconferences between the two of them, which Wynad accepted. That was a very good move and Mara was happy with how Kylo handled this.

It turned out she was also right about Wynad being the best choice for the first interlocutor. The following day the Supreme Leader received a holomessage from the democratic assembly of Coruscant, inviting him to a meeting. And a week later, just after Kylo came back from that meeting, the Queen of Naboo, whose ship was in close proximity to Coruscant, hailed the _Stardust_. Kylo took the call personally from the bridge, with Mara by his side. The Queen explained that Naboo celebrated soon their most important annual event, the silver festival, and she would be honoured if the Supreme Leader, his friends and Princess Mara attended.

“This is such an honour, Saileen,” Mara exclaimed enthusiastically. “We will be more than delighted. I haven’t seen one of your festivals for years. There’s no planet more beautiful than Naboo, and no better moment to visit than during the festival. What do you think, my lord?” She turned to Kylo, who might have been less than keen to attend such a frivolous social event but he took the cue and gracefully accepted the invitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, we will be going to that silver festival soon! :-)


	10. The warnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara starts to wonder whom she can really trust, but in the meantime she carries out a fashion revolution  
> \------------  
> “My whole life, all I have achieved, is here. Where shall I go? And anyway, this conversation is not about me. It is about you. I am trying to warn you. Don’t trust this man, Mara. You have allowed him to creep too close to you. He will destroy you sooner or later. That’s his only mode of operating.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t post this weekend as I’ll be off the grid, so instead I’ll be posting two chapters during the week – one today and another on Thursday (the Thursday one will be very romantic - just in time for St Valentine’s). Enjoy and let me know how you like it!

The first time Kylo found Hux and Mara together on the bridge, talking in a lively way, his face clouded over. But Mara turned to him and smiled so he made an effort not to appear upset.

“My lord. You look well rested this morning!”

“Yes, I know what you mean. I did oversleep,” said Kylo with a shade of irritation in his voice and Mara smirked.

“I got up very early. And the General is an early bird, so here we are. He is giving me a lesson on the military history of the galaxy.”

“And? Are you enjoying the topic?”

“Rather, yes. It’s a war ship, manned by soldiers, and I’m living and working on it. I should learn something.”

“Are you planning to learn how to wield weapons, too?”

“Well, the General has shown me how to use a blaster, but I wouldn’t risk learning with you,” said Mara, and Kylo froze, but she laughed so warmly he smiled despite himself. “I wouldn’t last two seconds, I’m terrified of your sizzling weapon. I’m sure I would chop my own arm off accidentally just the second I ignited it.”

“Well, I still think one day you’ll ask me for a lesson, you’re too curious not to,” Kylo predicted and turned to Hux. “General, I hate to interrupt your lesson of military history, but shall we all go now to the briefing room?”

“Caf or tea, anyone?” offered Mara. “I’m making myself a cup.”

“Yes, please,” they both said at the same time and fell silent, while Mara strolled off towards the drinks corner. The two men looked at each other in confusion and frowned.

“I’ll never understand why this woman showed up here and offered to work for you, and how she can put up with you so bravely,” remarked Hux.

“Watch your mouth, Hux,” Kylo threatened darkly. “Or you may never have the opportunity to give her another of your precious lessons.”

They strode towards the briefing room without a further word, and a moment later Mara brought in a platter with three mugs of steaming caf.

* * *

And that was just the first time. He bloody seemed to run into them more and more often. And one time, to his dismay, Kylo found Mara with the General during her usual morning routine of tea and caf making in the kitchen, holding an animal.

“What in the galaxy is that?”

“This is Armitage’s cat, my lord,” said Mara simply, stroking the cat, which was nestling comfortably in her arms and purring.

Kylo didn’t fail to catch the information that she and Hux were now on a first-name basis, and he disliked it. But the cat? Yeah, he remembered hearing that the General had one, but he had never seen the animal and forgot all about it. He was also momentarily distracted by the pleasure the cat visibly derived from Mara’s touch, and for a split second, before he chased the thought away, Kylo imagined her hands stroking his own head in this manner, her fingers in his hair.

“Well, it certainly looks like the General,” he remarked, as the cat was ginger. Hux didn’t look very happy about that comment.

“Her name is Millicent,” Mara informed Kylo though he didn’t ask. “I love cats. Do you mind if she has a stroll around the bridge and other common areas from time to time? I’ll keep an eye on her, I promise.”

Since she said she loved cats, Kylo couldn’t bring himself to say no. Also, he supposed the cat shouldn't be locked all the time in Hux’s quarters. Though probably the General brought her out when Kylo wasn’t around.

“Not the library though,” he warned her.

Five minutes later Millicent trailed after Mara and between Mara and Hux on the bridge, and Kylo was seething. He didn’t have anything against cats but the fact that it belonged to Hux, and that Mara liked it so much, rubbed Kylo the wrong way. He could have got her a cat himself, if only he knew she liked animals.

But walking Millicent around was one of the things Kylo was willing to let Mara have, to make sure she liked the life on his ship. He thought she did; all the signs seemed to point to that. However, the Hux issue bothered him and finally he brought it up with her one evening when they were sitting together in the library.

“I’m glad that you seem to get on so well with everyone on the ship, Mara, though I must say I’m rather amazed to see you so often with General Hux.”

She looked very surprised at that; not guilty, though.

“I quite like him. But we aren’t the closest friends in the world, either, and I wouldn't say we’re together that often. There’s of course the cat.”

“Why do you like him? You do know about his past, don’t you?”

“Like I know about yours, my lord.”

“You realise he’s the brains behind the Hosnian cataclysm that killed hundreds of people you knew?”

“Perhaps, my lord, his mind was being manipulated and brutalised by the same person who manipulated and tortured you, but he was weaker than you?”

“That’s too easy an explanation.”

“I don’t find him to be a bad man.”

“Then you’re deluding yourself, Mara. He’s full of spite and hate.”

“Some would say the same of you, my lord.”

“Snoke used to call him a rabid cur.”

“Well, that’s hardly a reference. If anything, I’m tempted to automatically think exactly the opposite of what Snoke thought.”

“Yet I think Snoke had a point there. If Hux only believed he had a chance, he would kill me and seize the throne in a split second.”

“Why do you keep him here, then? In your High-Command, as your closest officer? Why don’t you get rid of him if you distrust him so completely?”

“He’s always been in the High Command under Snoke. As a result, he knows things much better than any other high-ranking officer, even admirals and Grand Marshals – when they were still around – who, for their part, were never so close to the centre of power. And the army, the troopers, respect and trust him. He commands them. I don’t think it would be wise to get rid of him.”

“Then perhaps it’s time to make peace with him? Give him something he wants?”

“I can’t give him what he wants,” Kylo said darkly and Mara looked intrigued but decided not to pursue the subject for now. “And I don’t like this friendship between you and him. He might be trying to use you against me, to get you to his side.”

“I’ll always be on your side, my lord. That doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with anyone else.”

Kylo was silent. Displeased, he didn’t know what else to say. If he insisted, she might think he was being possessive. Jealous. Trying to isolate her in order to have her just to himself. Which was not the case because he really enjoyed seeing her interact with his Knights and everyone else – apart from the red-headed General. So perhaps Kylo  _was_  jealous after all. 

“You must trust me to make my own choices and judgments, my lord. You must believe I’ll always be loyal to you,” Mara said warmly and Kylo melted a little – but the worry remained in the back of his mind.

* * *

The ball ending the silver festival on Naboo, to which they were all invited, was supposed to take place in one week and Mara brought the subject up just after the morning briefing, as soon as several generals participating via holocomm from other ships ended their connection.

“This is an event of great consequence for Naboo people. It commemorates important things in their history, it’s their most cherished tradition. We need to look the part if we’re to be well received there. They will appreciate it very much if we make an effort to honour their traditions.”

“I am coming to their party,” Kylo said. “What other efforts do I need to make?”

“Everyone dresses in a particular way for this event, my lord. That’s why it’s called the silver festival.”

“Everyone wears silver. Yes, I know. I’m not quite ignorant of cultural customs in this galaxy, Mara.”

“So…”

“So no way I’ll be wearing silver clothes. They’ll have to satisfy themselves with my presence.”

“You must think of our alliances, my lord,” insisted Mara. “Sure, they’ll be happy with your presence. But if you make no effort to blend in, if you insist on emphasising that you’re different, it’s not helping to change your image and that of the New Order.”

“I won’t wear silver,” repeated Kylo. “Men at that festival look stupid.”

Mara sighed.

“I’m not asking you to wear silver clothes. I was simply thinking of a discreet silver adornment on your black garments.”

“Like what?” Djawan asked.

“Well, for example you could all pin a silver ribbon to your jackets. There’s a special type of ribbon knot that they use. It would look very elegant.”

“I can do that,” Djawan said, and there were general grunts of approval around the table.

“All right,” Kylo conceded. Mara shifted in her seat.

“For you, my lord, I was thinking of something else.”

She placed a holoprojector on the table.

“So, this is a demonstration,” she announced with some excitement. “I worked on this yesterday. Commed my stylist back on Neelia. I somewhat despaired of getting Tw’oorah or M’biren wear any more silver than a ribbon, but I asked the stylist for ideas for myself, Sansena and you, my lord, and this is what she came up with.”

“Wait, why can’t I just wear a ribbon like the rest of them?” Sansena protested.

“You can’t be serious. These black uniforms you wear do have a feminine cut but they remain very much based on male aesthetics. Why should you dress like a man? You can have your own style, even as a Knight.”

“I don’t wear dresses, Mara!”

“I wasn’t thinking of a dress. I have another suggestion for you,” Mara said and turned on the holoprojector. The outfit appeared as a 3D hologram, rotating slowly so that they could see it from all sides. It was a silk silver jumpsuit, sleeveless, with the front held around the back of the neck by a band, and a plunging V-neckline. The trousers were wide at the hips, with side pockets, narrowing towards the bottom and fitted at the ankle. The outfit was complete with a wide black leather belt, a rich silver necklace fitting the neckline, and silver block heels.

“What do you think?” Mara asked. “I really tried to imagine what would suit you.”

“I actually love it,” Sansena admitted, somewhat dumbfounded. “It’s silver, shiny and feminine… but somehow it’s me, too.”

“You can even hang your lightsaber at that leather belt, if you want to.”

“Sure I will.”

“Now that will be interesting,” Tw’oorah said.

“Hands off my sister, lecherous alien,” Djawan warned.

“My lord, with your permission, this is what we imagined for you,” said Mara and turned on the holoprojector again.

“Oh, please say yes, Kylo,” Sansena exclaimed. “It’s fantastic!”

“Is that velvet?!” Kylo growled.

The outfit was black, with a long velvet jacket, discreetly embroidered with a silver thread around the collar and the lapels. It also had a single silver thread woven around the cuffs. The fabric and the embroidery together gave a very distinct impression of elegant evening attire.

“I don’t know,” Kylo said weakly.

“Do you not like it? I can think of something else if you give me some indications.”

“I do like it… in principle. I just can’t imagine myself wearing something like that.”

“The clothes you wear every day aren’t simple, either. They’re rather intricate, in fact. I tried to find something that would be suitable for a ball but in keeping with your style.”

“I think this is great, Kylo,” Sansena said. “Give it a chance. If you try it on and hate it, you can always change into some other elegant black clothes and just pin a ribbon.”

“It’s _velvet_ ,” Kylo argued. “Is this even for men?”

“For royals,” Mara replied brightly.

“What about you, Mara?” Sansena asked.

Mara turned on the holoprojector again and her outfit in 3D appeared. It was a satin dress with a low neckline starting just above the bust and extending over the upper part of the arms but baring the shoulders. Ankle-long, the dress was fitted at the waistline and had a wide, flaring hem. It was decorated with a patch of intricate black lace sown onto the dress above the right breast, extending onto the model’s naked shoulder. The silver colour reflected light beautifully when the holo projection rotated. The cut seemed rather simple but the fabric and the small accessories made the dress look luscious.

“You will break all the hearts in this,” Sansena said with sincere admiration.

“Whatever helps our cause.”

While everyone was still taking in these developments – Mara said that the ship’s tailors were ready to prepare the outfits based on her designs – she turned to Hux.

“General, I also have something special for you.”

“Oh no. I’d much rather wear a gala uniform and just pin a ribbon.”

“That’s fine. I was thinking of something else. But it’s a surprise. I have nothing to show and I’d like you to trust me with this.”

“Well…” Hux hesitated, but noticing Kylo’s frown – of course Ren was jealous – he acquiesced. “Let’s try. When are we doing it?”

“Right now.”

* * *

“It’s ready!” said Mara and took the band off the General’s eyes. Hux glanced in the mirror in front of which he sat and gasped. He stayed silent for a long moment.

Mara sat down and moved her chair closer to him, so that she could see his face in the mirror. She put her arm around his shoulders and smiled to his reflection.

“So? What do you think?”

“I love it,” he said quietly. “It’s… I… it just looks so… different. I wouldn’t even think it was possible.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. There was no gel, his hair wasn’t slick back anymore, there was no separation; all the hair was short and styled fashionably, and his sides had also been shortened. And somehow it even looked less orange, as if it caught the light differently without the gel he always used.

Mara had brought him to the styling bay and called a hair stylist who apparently had already been briefed because he was smiling mysteriously. Once the General’s hair was washed, she covered his eyes with a band so that he couldn’t see what they were going to do to him. He started protesting but Mara positively begged him, laughing, to trust her, so he did in the end. She stayed with the stylist all the time, giving instructions. And now Hux was able to admire the result.

“Looking very handsome,” Mara said. 

He glanced at her and smiled.

“You think?”

“Absolutely.”

She let go of his arm but didn’t move away and they remained there, looking at each other’s reflections in the mirror.

“Mara,” said Hux hesitantly, serious again, and covered her hand resting on the table with his palm. She didn’t pull away but looked at him with curiosity.

“There’s something on your mind.”

“Yes. I want to talk to you about something.”

“Tell me.”

“We should talk about Ren,” Hux said.

“What about him?”

“Mara, he’s not the person you think he is. He is unstable. And very dangerous.”

“Curiously, he talks about you in the same way. Perhaps you should explain your issues to each other once and for all?”

“Explain? There is no explaining or reasoning with him.”

“Well, that’s simply not true. We have lots of rational conversations during our briefings, and he listens to advice. He’s better and better at political negotiation too. You’ve seen it yourself.”

“You have no idea how he has changed since you arrived.”

“So it’s good, then. He is capable of change, and he has changed.”

“He only _behaves_ differently. Inside he’s still the same.”

“I think if he behaves differently, that’s fine for me. I can’t keep people accountable for their past behaviours I never witnessed or for what’s going on in their minds.”

“He is a violent murderer. He has done things you have no idea about. Slaughtered whole villages. Trashed half of the _Finalizer_ when he got annoyed. He can’t control himself.”

“Well, I’m not sure you should be the one accusing him,” said Mara sternly. “How about _your_ past? How about the Hosnian system, Armitage?”

“You don’t know me. You don’t know about my past. I hated the Republic.”

“Right. And that justifies annihilating forty billion people…”

“I’m not trying to justify myself,” Hux interrupted. “I’m guilty of many things, but I’m not an unpredictable madman with supernatural powers. The point is, anything can trigger him, Mara. _Anything_. You must be aware of that when you talk to him.”

“I’m not afraid of him,” protested Mara. “He has been nothing but courteous and polite to me. I know you have tried to overthrow him and there is no love lost between you. But aren’t you a bit biased against him?”

“Overthrow him? I’ve also tried to _kill him_. In the throne room, after he killed Snoke. I found Ren unconscious after the fight, the girl was already gone. I wanted to finish him. But he woke up.”

Mara was shocked; she stood up abruptly and moved away from him.

“What a disgrace! You shouldn’t even be here! He needs loyal people, not assassins. He is doing good things. I don’t understand how you can be confessing this to me so easily!”

“Oh, I don’t intend to kill him anymore. I am aware that a coup against him now would not be popular, and I wouldn’t have any legitimacy to rule. But let me tell you that I have reasons to hate him.”

“What reasons? What reasons that are serious enough to want to kill him?”

They looked at each other in the mirror. She was standing behind him. Hux remained silent.

“What is it that you’re not telling me, Armitage?”

“Ren’s no better than Snoke,” hissed the General. “He  _learnt_  from Snoke. He has made some popular decisions to protect himself from a coup within his own ranks and to shut the Resistance up but he treats everyone like garbage. He beats and tortures people. Uses his sorcery to break them.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve never seen him do anything like that!”

“Well, he hasn’t since you arrived. He’s on his best behaviour. But it’s just a question of time. On Crait, I ended up with two broken ribs.”

It took Mara a few seconds to understand what he was saying. She assumed he had been referring to Kylo torturing Resistance enemies during the war in order to extract information.

“Are you saying he attacked _you_ on Crait?” she asked, incredulous.

“It wasn’t the first or the last time.”

He avoided her eyes now. He’s ashamed, realized Mara with horror. She slowly sat down again next to him and looked at his face in the mirror.

“Look at me, please.” The General turned his eyes towards her reflection and Mara saw how affected he was, how miserable he looked. An adult man, an officer who commanded his troops with an iron fist and whom all the soldiers on the _Stardust_ respected and obeyed, had been taking _beatings_ from Kylo? Kylo was _beating_ his own men?

“I just…. I don’t understand,” she pleaded. “Explain this to me. Why did this happen, in what circumstances? Were you fighting? Did you, I don’t know, threaten him?”

Hux just laughed.

“Oh Mara. How you love to apply rationality to everything! No, we weren’t exactly fighting. Usually I say something he doesn’t like and then he uses the Force to choke me, or throws me against the wall, or knocks me out in some other way. He’s done that countless times, and he’s been doing it to other officers and troopers too. And in front of other people. Everyone knows it on this ship, that’s why he’s so feared. Nobody is safe from him.”

“He… has choked you? Thrown you against the wall? Because of something you said to him?”

“Admittedly, I’m not very respectful towards him. He knows I hate him. But I can’t fight him. Nobody can. He knows that too. And that’s how he deals with dissenters.”

After everything Kylo told Mara about the tortures Snoke had inflicted upon him, this was sickening. Did Kylo really have the guts to complain to her about being abused while he was an abuser himself? He cried when he confessed those things to her in the library, he seemed so sincere. Did he deceive her? Of course, there were two sides to each story. But how could he do the same horrific things as Snoke? Or was Hux lying to manipulate her, just like Kylo warned her? No, this story was too crazy to be made up, and Hux mentioned that other people on the ship could corroborate it. Mara felt sick to the heart and scared for the first time since she arrived on the _Stardust_.

“This is unbearable. Insane. I cannot stand it. I need to talk to him about it.”

“Are you mad? He will kill me on the spot.”

“This cannot go on. How can you accept that? Why don’t you leave?” she asked and realised she had asked Kylo exactly the same questions about his sick relationship with Snoke.

“My whole life, all I have achieved, is here. Where shall I go? And anyway, this conversation is not about me. It is about you. I am trying to warn you. Don’t trust this man, Mara. You have allowed him to creep too close to you. He will destroy you sooner or later. That’s his only mode of operating.”

“No, for me it _is_ about you,” she replied, moving closer to him and putting her arm under his. She found it easier to look at him in the mirror and not directly in the eye during this terrible conversation. “I’m so, so sorry. Never in a thousand years would I imagine that he would lay a finger on you. And use the Force! I won’t let this happen again.”

Hux laughed hoarsely but looked appeased by her proximity and her touch. He covered again her hand with his and stroked it slowly.

“Don’t feel bad on my account,” he said. “I’m used to it now. I’ve been used to it all my life. My father treated me terribly.”

“Where is he now?”

“Dead. I had him killed.”

“Oh, Armitage,” said Mara, with tears in her eyes. She had no idea of the depth of his suffering; it was true that she didn’t know him, and she didn’t know his past. He and Kylo seemed to have had similar issues: a past of violence, childhood and youth filled with either neglect or abuse by family members and mentors, desperate loneliness, and finally the father’s murder. For different reasons, and yet strangely similar. They should be able to understand each other, and yet they only replicated hatred, as in a vicious circle.

Hux sighed and squeezed her hand gently.

“How is it that Ren always gets the best things? He gets to rule the galaxy and he gets a woman like you. Without deserving any of it. He doesn’t have the skills to rule, he has no idea what to do with the galaxy, and he isn’t able to make another person happy. He will screw it all up and yet he is so lucky.” 

“Oh,” Mara said, “We haven’t… nothing has happened between him and me.”

Hux shook his head.

“Not yet. But mark my words, Mara. This man will make you suffer.”

They stayed for a long moment in silence, her head on his shoulder, their hands enlaced.

“I wish things were different,” he muttered.

She smiled and kissed his cheek.

“I care about you, you know,” she said.

“I know.”

She stroked his hand with her thumb. At this moment of openness and vulnerability she felt drawn to him like never before. He had never seemed so human.

“Will you at least let me have one dance at the festival?” he asked hopefully.

“Oh! I didn’t know you danced!”

“I do. It’s just that we never have the opportunity here.”

“I’ll be delighted,” she said and once again squeezed his arm affectionately.

It struck her, when she was leaving the room, that Kylo would surely be mad if he had witnessed that scene. Not just because of how Hux talked about him, but how close she and Hux were during that conversation, how intimate was the moment they shared. She wasn’t Kylo’s, he had no right to be mad, and yet she was sure he would be. Had she been lying to herself all along about him?

In the last weeks she found herself in rather intimate situations, consoling two violent murderers who also hated each other. She felt close to both of them. She’d call them both her friends. She couldn’t help but like them. What was wrong with her? Hux’s revelations weighed on her heart like a stone. Had Kylo been manipulating her, playing the victim on purpose, fully conscious of his own hypocrisy? Or was he entirely unaware that he was repeating the same pattern of abuse for which he had killed Snoke? After all, most bullies and abusers used to be abused themselves.

Was it all really surprising? He was a dark-side Force user. Perhaps she just forgot, because she had wanted to forget, the dark side of Kylo. She had pretended that it didn’t exist or wasn’t an issue because Kylo was nice to her. Perhaps she had trusted him too much. She had been naïve.

* * *

When Hux entered the briefing room the same afternoon, everyone gasped. Mara smiled, watching their reactions. The Knights were stunned, the other officers exchanged surprised glances, and even Kylo raised an eyebrow, faintly amused. The General looked smug. Mara beamed.

“Oh my goodness,” Sansena spoke first. “What a change, General! Why in the galaxy didn’t you always style your hair like this? It really suits you.”

“You’re an artist, Mara!” exclaimed Djawan. “What other hidden talents do you possess?”

“See, I told you,” said Mara to Hux. “Everyone loves it!”

Kylo cleared his throat.

“Right. Can we start now or are we going to talk about the General’s hair for the rest of the briefing?”

When they finished and began to leave the room, Kylo lingered.

“You’re turning my ship upside down, Mara,” he started. “Whatever next? Are you going to style my hair, too?”

“No,” replied Mara, smiling. He looked a bit disappointed.

“Why not?”

“Because I like your hair as it is.”

He blinked, studied her for a moment, then smiled, visibly pleased.

But Mara wasn’t exactly feeling pleased. She felt chilled to the bone, looking at him and remembering Hux’s words. Was Kylo able to read her mind at this moment, would he try? What would he do if he knew about her and Hux’s interaction?

Suddenly her conversation in the library with Kylo from just a few weeks ago, when she felt so close to him, so touched by his openness, so affected by his suffering, seemed very far away. Mara felt darkness surrounding him as he moved past her, heading for the exit.


	11. The silver festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara and Kylo get rather close and intimate and Kylo plays some not-so-innocent Force tricks on her  
> \-----------  
> “Are you flirting with me, Mara?”  
> She glanced at him but didn’t look timid or embarrassed.  
> “I never flirt with you.”  
> “Why not?”  
> “It’s silly. I just don’t do it with you. I am touching you because I feel like it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine!

Kylo was standing on the ballroom’s balcony, hanging over the edge of a cliff. It was already dark but the huge waterfall just a hundred metres away from the royal palace of Naboo was brightly illuminated, as were the royal gardens, for the silver festival. During the day, the view from here was truly breathtaking and Kylo was willing to admit Naboo was the most beautiful planet he had ever been on. He liked coming to Naboo because his grandmother was from there. He didn’t know much about her but when he was in the city, when he saw the royal court, it was somehow easier to imagine Padmé Amidala and feel closer to her.

The night air felt warm but fresh on his skin. He was enjoying a moment of solitude. The silver festival culminated with the royal ball they were attending at the moment, but for Kylo the party turned out to be as much about politics and work as about entertainment. Rulers and representatives of authorities from the whole galaxy gathered here tonight and Kylo made quite an impression, and quite an entrance again, just like less than two months ago on Neelia. Only this time the attendance was even more diverse and he found plenty of opportunities to discuss his ideas and possible alliances with different people around the room. In fact, he didn’t have to look for any of them as the opportunities came to him. After the word had spread of his first talks and the initial agreement on further cooperation with Chandrila, after he met the leaders of Coruscant and obtained even firmer promises of an alliance from them, everyone wanted to have a word with him. And this time, unlike on Neelia, people wanted to talk to him not just to flatter him so as to make sure his army won’t attack them; this time, the conversations were actually about the future. About how everyone can work together. How he could help them, how they could help him. Which was exactly what he wanted to talk about.

One meeting was particularly memorable. It was an elderly humanoid alien woman from Snaathia, a rather sad and obscure planet in the Outer Rim. Kylo had never been there and never met anyone from there. But she was a Senator, a delegate of their planetary assembly and she came here, she said, as much for the party as to talk to him. Hers was one of the planets that initially refused to submit to the First Order but surrendered after the Hosnian cataclysm. When Kylo ascended, he annulled this and many other similar agreements that were signed, as Mara rightly remarked, practically under duress. The government of Snaathia appreciated the gesture.

They really started to pay attention, however, when Kylo had his warships deployed strategically around the galaxy. His generals, rather than attacking systems, pillaging planets, and enslaving local populations, as the First Order used to do, began leading operations against criminal syndicates. This was part of a broader military strategy to make good on Kylo’s promise of a crackdown on organized crime, especially in the outer parts of the galaxy.

The criminals, Senator Deina said, were terrorizing her world. What the New Order was doing at present to help planets like Snaathia with military patrols and raids was great but it wasn’t enough. The gangs were growing stronger, she said, probably as a reaction to the New Order’s increased presence and pressure. Snaathia needed the Supreme Leader’s help. They would be willing to give the New Order access to the planet’s numerous moons, rich in various natural resources, if, in exchange, they could obtain better protection. Snaathia leaders wouldn’t mind a construction of a New Order base close to the planet, if this could improve Snaathia’s situation. Kylo was quite surprised at how the Senator unknowingly repeated his own suggestions, the ideas he had discussed with his Council, back to him. That must have meant these ideas could actually be, at least to some extent, the right response to the challenges the galaxy was struggling with.

“Has your assembly thought about it carefully, Senator? Most worlds would be wary of having a New Order base in their proximity. They still deeply distrust me and my organization.”

“You can’t imagine what life looks like in the Outer Rim, my lord,” Deina said. “It’s a playground of all kinds of outlaws. Kidnappings, murders, drug smuggling, acts of terrorism, shady corporations and businesses, all this to intimidate people and enable the criminals to get whatever they want. We are constantly at war, and nobody has ever tried to stop them before. We can see the good coming from the actions your commanders carried out around Snaathia. But unless it's bigger, it just treats the symptoms, rather than the source of the problem, and it can work only temporarily. So rather than be robbed and terrorised by criminals, we’re willing to make a deal with an organisation that can clamp down on them and offer us some peace.”

Kylo actually took out his datapad and wrote down some details she mentioned, including those related to the operations carried out by his two star destroyers deployed to that galactic system. His strategy was working – at least it was helping sway some worlds in his favour, but apparently it was not effective enough to change the situation in the galaxy permanently.

The Senator, clad in a long silver and white robe, looked like this was the most important conversation of her life. When Kylo said he’d look into it as of tomorrow, and could visit them soon, she thanked and thanked. The perspective of these people was very different from that of Core Worlds that Lord Wynad, his new ally, represented. Those from the Core could afford to view the New Order with suspicion and to refuse cooperation. But for people in the Rim, it was exactly the opposite: once Kylo vowed to transform his organization and proved true to his word in the first months of his rule, once even Core Worlds started talking to him, the Rim had no reason to hesitate. Whatever danger the new Supreme Leader might pose to them was purely theoretical, while daily nuisances with criminal syndicates were much more immediate and serious. Kylo needed the support of Core Worlds and alliances with them, but it was in the Rim that his potentially strongest base of supporters lay. And the Rim was often both rich in resources and underdeveloped, so offering local populations jobs, a share in profits and protection seemed like a good concrete idea to start with.

But even more revealing than the specific topics and outcomes of those political conversations was the simple realisation that, suddenly, people were actually _talking to him_. Snoke must have conducted many political negotiations, even if he didn’t like being seen at social gatherings. But for Kylo this was all new. In the old times, hardly anyone, apart from Snoke and Hux, ever addressed him. People moved hastily out of the way if he happened to walk in the corridor. He never really enjoyed seeing that but was often relieved to be left alone. Those people – the troopers, the officers, the crew of the _Finalizer_ – had always irritated him, and when irritated he couldn’t keep his temper. Now he had to talk and talk, he couldn’t snap, and he didn’t want to, but the sheer effort of having so many interactions exhausted him. Yet, as exhausting and stressful as it was, it was also strangely gratifying – not just because some people agreed with his ideas, but above all because he was being addressed like a normal person. Having normal conversations felt… sort of good, both pleasant and painful at the same time, both satisfying and stressful. He could sense that people feared him less than before. At the reception on Neelia, the first official event he attended as the Supreme Leader, he felt everyone’s hesitation, wariness, and nervousness. There was much less of it now, and it was certainly one of the results of his first successful diplomatic efforts and negotiations.

During the evening he was often flanked by one of his Knights or General Hux, and sometimes by Mara. Mara was in her element, talking to everyone, dancing with everyone, beaming, but she often checked up on him, and when she saw him in the middle of a political conversation, she sometimes came by to throw in a few words, to show her complicity with him, her respect for his ideas, or simply, Kylo thought with amusement, to charm the interlocutors in order to sway them in Kylo’s favour.

She looked incredible tonight. When they had all met, dressed up, in front of the turbolift on the _Stardust_ before going to the shuttle that was supposed to take them to Naboo, Kylo showed up last. On arriving, he took in Mara’s appearance in her beautiful silver dress.

“You look gorgeous, Mara,” he exclaimed in front of everyone, before he could stop himself.

She was gazing at him with shiny eyes and Kylo felt self-conscious in his velvet jacket though, he had to admit, it was very elegant, and rather suited him, while not making him look any less like himself.

“And you look like an emperor, my lord.”

Everyone else also looked good; Sansena in her sexy silver jumpsuit, the Knights in their best clothes, each with a silver ribbon, even the General with his new hair, a gala uniform – without his overcoat – and also with a ribbon. When Mara turned to enter the lift, Kylo, one step behind her, admired her intricate hair braid with silver and black pins.

“Why the black though?” he asked, meaning the lace at the front of her dress and the pins. He knew she didn’t like black particularly.

“That’s our theme for tonight. We all wear silver to acknowledge their traditions, but we also wear our colours, the New Order black.”

“Good to hear you think of it as your colour now, Mara.”

“Well, I guess I’m part of the New Order now, aren’t I?”

“Its better part,” Sansena commented. “That’s why you're wearing more silver than black.”

“You’re wearing more silver than black too! I love your outfit, by the way. It is so you. I’m really proud of my stylist.”

Kylo sighed but was not totally displeased to hear this chatter.

When Kylo’s bat-winged Upsilon-class shuttle landed in front of the Naboo palace complex, they were all able to catch a glimpse of the city festivities. Government buildings were draped in silver fabric; in the distance, the streets were filled with people and adorned with silver decorations. Apart from the royal ball, a street party and a Silver Market were held in the capital, with a concert and theatre performances. Naboo citizens and guests walked around dressed up in various shades of silver, often wearing fantasy masks.

The Queen, her brother and her dignitaries waited for the Supreme Leader and his companions in front of the main entrance to the palace, at the end of a long garden alley. Everyone wore silver, and the characteristic vertical patch of red on the Queen’s lips looked even more striking by contrast. Just like Mara had predicted, everyone seemed delighted to see silver accents on the New Order delegation’s outfits.

“Am I guessing correctly that you, Mara, are responsible for this?”

“You are absolutely correct. You must realise, Saileen, how special it is to see the Supreme Leader wear any other colour than black. I put some persuasion into it but I did hope you would appreciate the effort.”

“I do realise, and I certainly appreciate,” the Queen replied, looking at Kylo with a smile and – he thought – with some mischief in her eye, suggesting that she liked what she saw.

The party was held in a huge, brightly illuminated ballroom, similar but even more luxurious than that on Neelia, and after some time Kylo’s companions all dispersed around it. Mara spent the first half an hour chatting to the Queen; Kylo was initially part of that conversation but then went on to talk to other people and lost sight of Mara. Not for long though; she always appeared by his side just seconds before he started wondering where she was.

At one point the dancing started and many people immediately and eagerly rushed to the dance floor. This was also one of the silver festival traditions; there were some special dances, Kylo knew, but it all began with ordinary music. The small orchestra – a real one – was playing, and Sansena immediately whispered to him that they should have a musical band on the _Stardust_ , too. Naturally, he absolutely dismissed the idea.

Hardly had the dancing started when Kylo saw the General, of all people, take Mara by the hand and lead her to the dance floor. It certainly didn’t look like he needed to throw in any persuasion; on the contrary, she went very enthusiastically as if she expected the invitation. And when they started dancing, Kylo was completely dumbstruck. Where did Hux learn to dance like that? He moved so well, with such grace and agility in his tall, slim body, he led her so confidently and into such an intricate combination of moves that it really got on Kylo’s nerves. And then it got even worse because another woman came by and it turned out Hux was capable of dancing with both at the same time, spinning and turning them around, and both women looked absolutely delighted. Later other men started dancing with Mara, including Prince Neevar, the Queen’s brother, whom Kylo had found rather arrogant. Hux danced and danced, again with Mara and also with other women, including the Queen of Naboo. To Kylo’s utter dismay, even his Knights danced, with the exception of M’biren. Tw’oorah danced! Was there another dancing Sith in the galaxy?! When traditional dances started, it turned out that, in Kylo’s whole party, only Mara knew them – but then Hux, after observing the dancers for some time, decided to join in. He picked it up incredibly, infuriatingly fast. All this was silly, not at all in line with the dignity of the New Order and the purpose of their visit here, which was of course politics and not entertainment. At this point, however, even the political talks were becoming too many, and Kylo stepped out onto the balcony to get away, breathe some fresh air and stop looking at the dancing crowd.

He had been standing there for a few minutes before he heard steps and turned round; it was Sansena. She stopped by his side, clinked her glass against his and for a moment they watched the view together in silence. She was slightly flushed, probably as a result of dancing.

“Why don’t you join us?” she asked sarcastically, already guessing the answer.

“I don’t dance,” Kylo said.

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“Same result.”

“Oh, come on, Kylo. Let’s live a bit. Let’s have some fun after all the misery and hard work.”

“Go on then. I’m not holding you back.”

“Won’t you even dance with your lady?” she asked with a mischievous smile.

“If you mean Mara, she’s enjoying herself well enough without me.”

“Oh, so this is what it is about?”

“It’s not about anything,” he said, irritated. “These are not places or activities for me. I feel like a monkey in a circus here. It’s fine, it brings peace to the galaxy, we need to be more approachable, mingle, I get it. But I just need to be left out of some of it or I will go mad.”

“To brood alone on the terrace?”

“I’m not brooding.”

Sansena sighed.

“You’re still my dearest master,” she offered. “And any time you decide to join us, we will be happy.”

“Have fun,” he replied.

She left but must have come back a minute later because he heard steps behind him again. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“It’s still a no, Sansena,” he spoke patiently.

“It’s me,” Mara said, approaching him and taking his arm.

“Beautiful air,” she added. “This is what I miss the most when we are on the ship. I don’t like breathing artificial air.”

The only time she touched him was a few weeks ago, when she squeezed his hands excitedly after he told her how he wanted to play the meeting with Wynad. It was a friendly, innocent touch, and it wasn’t really so strange to become less formal after all the time they had spent together. This time, however, there seemed to be more to it. Kylo felt warmth radiating from her; she must have danced a lot. Her hand slowly slid down his arm and she enlaced her fingers with his. He responded by enveloping her small hand in his large palm and she whirled around to face him, with her back against the balcony rail. Here they were once again, just like on Neelia the day they met: talking on the palace balcony.

“Do you not want to dance with me, my lord?” she asked and Kylo couldn’t find any reply to that. She wasn’t being flirtatious, despite the touch and the positioning of her body in such close proximity to him. She was just radiating sincere emotion, as usual. Generous, open emotion towards him. He was hiding on this balcony, brooding, irritated, with dark thoughts, some of which concerned her, Hux, this place, the whole situation, the bloody galaxy – and she came here looking for him. He thought of sending her back and telling her to enjoy Hux’s and Neevar’s dancing skills, or coldly removing his hand from hers and reproaching her for taking liberties, or leaving her alone here and going back to the ballroom himself. Something that would stop her from smiling like this. She insisted on treating him not just as a normal person, but as a friend, which was highly disconcerting. He would force her to admit that she was wrong and that he was every bit as terrible as everyone else thought. He wouldn’t be courted and trifled with, he needed her to learn that, he needed her to keep more distance. Here he was in a silver-embroidered coat she dressed him in, forced to chat to tiresome people, and it wasn’t him.

“I’m not sure I can dance,” he said. 

“We can choose an easy song. But one who can move in a fight with grace and skill, will also know how to dance. It’s similar, I guess. Or maybe you could help yourself with the Force?” Mara laughed, her eyes shining, peace and happiness in them seeping through Kylo’s darkness like golden filaments of light. 

“I won’t dance for these people, Mara. It’s too much… it doesn’t feel sincere.”

“Don’t dance for them. Dance for me.”

There was trust in her eyes, and he could either grab her by the hair, throw her out of this balcony – off the cliff – and be done with it, or put his arms around her and bury his face in the said hair to smell her. 

“Let’s go then,” he said. “But manage your expectations. I don’t have Hux’s skills.”

She moved first, still holding his hand. She let go of it slowly, reluctantly, as they entered the ballroom. So she knew it wasn’t innocent. It was intimate, it was just between them, and she didn’t want other people to see it.

There was some rather slow music playing to which he thought he could dance. Several people stared at them as they entered the dance floor but it wasn’t as bad as he had thought. He put his arm around Mara’s waist, took her hand, and she placed her other hand on his shoulder. They started moving together and, as people stopped staring, she gradually slid her hand from his shoulder onto the collar of his velvet jacket, behind his neck. This felt much more intimate and enabled him to pull her a little closer to him. A few centimetres closer still and she could put her head on his shoulder, their bodies flush; Kylo realised with painful irritation that he would love that, even for a few seconds. His face was now close to Mara’s hair and she smelled so good. He needed to control himself, people were watching, but his heart pounded and he wondered if she could hear it. She would be able to if she only lay her head on his chest. Her naked shoulders were nagging at him, their fragility so evident, her neck inclined towards him. He would like to graze his fingers against the bare skin of her back, starting at the low neckline of her dress, between her shoulder blades and up her neck, to her hairline. He got lost in reverie; she looked up at him with her smiling eyes and it caught his breath away, so beautiful she was and so inappropriate was all of this, in this place, with all these people around. But Kylo didn’t care anymore, he just didn’t want it to stop.

“How everyone is watching us!” he said, somewhat sheepishly. “I really hope I’m not terrible at this.”

“You’re doing great. And tomorrow you will anyway see in the media how the others found you,” she laughed.

“That’s right. I forgot about that. What a nuisance.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to dance with other women, too. At least with the Queen. Otherwise it’s really rude.”

“No way. I draw the line at that. I’ve already had lots of interaction and I can’t face any more conversations at such close quarters, holding people in my arms. It’s too weird.”

“Doesn’t seem so weird at the moment, does it?” she asked, smiling.

“It’s different with you.”

She could have asked why, and he had a safe answer ready: because they knew each other well. But she didn’t ask, she just smiled to him again. And then she moved her head even closer to his shoulder and shifted her hand again, from his collar to the nape of his neck. He felt her warm fingers stroking his skin and it was clearly a deliberate touch.

“Are you flirting with me, Mara?”

She glanced at him but didn’t look timid or embarrassed.

“I never flirt with you.”

“Why not?”

“It’s silly. I just don’t do it with you. I am touching you because I feel like it.”

It was the heat, the frivolous party atmosphere, the wine, the dancing. She wouldn’t be so bold normally. There was always polite, respectful restraint in her manner, and now suddenly there was so much less of it.

“Do you flirt with others, then?” Kylo insisted in a way that he intended as playful but wasn’t quite sure it came out like that. He didn’t really know how to do playful.

“Are you jealous, my lord?” Mara asked and he felt embarrassed.

“Well, maybe a little. Is that so bad?”

“No. And I’m glad to hear it.”

“I believe you are,” Kylo agreed, feeling the balance about to tip in his favour, “judging from the image in your mind right now.”

“What?!” she reacted quickly, looking up at him, alarmed. “What are you talking about?”

“The scene you’ve been thinking of.”

“Have you been searching my mind without my permission? That’s not kind.”

“No, I haven’t. It’s just that people tend to project certain thoughts very strongly and when I’m close, I cannot help but hearing or seeing them. This is what you have done right now.”

“It’s just a thought. It’s nothing!”

“I know. But it was nice to see it.”

The image he saw in her mind was of the two of them, dancing. They wore the same clothes, they were in the same room, but in the scene she projected Kylo was kissing her neck. His face was buried in it and Mara imagined the warmth of his breath on her skin, the feel of his lips, the thrill of the light touches of his tongue. His arm also felt nice to her, wrapped around her waist. She found his scent pleasant. He withdrew from the image quickly but couldn’t refuse himself the simple pleasure of looking at it once.

Kylo was wrong though if he thought she would be embarrassed for long. Mara was presently smiling again and looking him in the eye.

“Did you enjoy watching it?”

“How bold of you, Mara. You _are_ flirting now.”

“Just because it seems you like it.”

“And I also found out that you like my perfume,” he remarked.

“Oh! Can you even see that in my thoughts? I must learn to guard them better.”

“I could teach you that. Not sure I want to, though.”

“Pity I can’t do the same. See the scenes in your mind. We could play. You could imagine something and I would tell you what it was.”

“Ah but we can. I can send an image, a projection, into your mind. Then you will see it.”

“Do it,” she demanded, looking at him with sparkling eyes. So he did.

She almost stopped dead in her tracks on the dance floor and looked somewhere beyond him, above his shoulder, with her eyes wide open in amazement. She stayed silent for a long time while he was imagining the scene he wanted her to see.

“So? How did you like it?” Kylo asked finally.

He imagined them again as they were at that moment, dancing. He knew she was flushed from having danced so much and from so many people’s proximity. So he projected an image of a waiter passing by with a crystal platter of ice cubes; Kylo took one of them and touched it against the bare skin of her shoulders to cool her down. In her mind, he made her feel the sensation, and he saw her shiver in reality. He slowly slid the cube along her neck, shoulders and back, and then, before it melted, he moved it to her front and pressed it lightly to her chest just below her neck. The rivulets of cold water trickled down into her cleavage, between her breasts, and Mara gasped.

She was looking at him with awe.

“That was… so real,” she said. “I felt it.”

“I felt it, too.”

She stayed silent for a moment. They were dancing to a second song now, which was even slower, so it was enough to sway slightly to the music – fortunately, because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to do more with so much distraction going on between them.

“My turn,” she said suddenly, looking at him with a new expression in her eyes. He didn’t hesitate; he dived into her mind and into the scene she imagined for them.

They weren’t in the dancing room any more. He didn’t see where they were, in fact, because he could hardly see anything, but he sensed they were alone. It was silent.

He was on his knees, under the skirt of her dress. It was the silver ball dress she was wearing now. Kylo was amazed, aroused and embarrassed at the same time. He didn’t think she’d go that far. Then again, perhaps as a thought it didn’t seem to her so strong, just amusing. But he _was_ here, in her mind, on his knees under her dress.

He could bend the scene to his liking, if he dared. He straightened his back and his face was now at the level of her hips; he slid his hands up her legs, to her thighs, gripping them and holding her firmly in place. He lifted her right leg slightly, placing it on his shoulder, while she leaned back for better balance, probably against an imagined wall or table. He started slowly kissing the inner side of her thigh, and he felt her tremble. He caressed her other thigh with his hand.

He shifted weight and buried his face in the triangle marked by her silk underwear. She was very warm there and her scent was intoxicating, arousing and soothing at the same time. He could stay like this for a long time, just breathing her in and feeling her softness around him. She pushed her hips slightly forward to position herself even closer to him and, after a moment’s hesitation, he ran his mouth across her panties, from her mound downwards, and kissed her through the fabric. He moved closer to her core; the delicate material felt wet there and he was able to get a small taste of Mara. He hesitated again, then slid the tips of his fingers under the fabric.

She gasped and snapped the connection.

They were dancing, looking at each other. This time she was almost blushing, really flustered.

“I… I shouldn’t have,” she said. “I’m sorry if it went too far…”

“Nothing to apologise for. I was there with you.”

“But how? It was different this time. Even if I was imagining the whole setting, it wasn’t just me doing it; you were, too.”

“Yes. I saw the scene in your mind and I let myself in to modify it. To participate.”

“It’s amazing.”

“Was it?” he asked with a smile.

“I meant… but yes. It was.”

She didn’t know where to look.

“I have no idea what possessed me.”

“I have no idea either,” he said. “But I’m not complaining.”

He was hard now, wondering if she could feel it, being so close to him, and she must have been wet, judging from the scene in her mind. It was extremely arousing to look at a woman he held in his arms who was wet _for him_. She looked up, not flirtatiously, not even sensually, but with such vulnerability and longing – a longing for _him_ – in her eyes that he would have instantly kissed her if they were not in a public place. Not that he cared what people would say or think; but she might, and besides if they were ever to kiss, he’d rather it happened in private. He could suggest leaving the room but where could they go that would be totally private? He could invite her to come to his room later tonight, when they were back on the ship. But perhaps she would have found it too much. Their moment was now.

So instead he gathered her closer to him and lay their hands, clasped together, on his chest so that she could feel his heartbeat. He also tightened his grip on her waist. Mara responded immediately by snuggling in to him, her face in the angle of his neck, the fingers of her other hand stroking affectionately the nape of his neck just below his hairline. This simple, delicate touch filled Kylo’s whole body with soothing pleasure. When was he last touched in this way? How good it was to hold her so close, to feel her warmth, to still taste her on his tongue, retain her scent in his nostrils, and remember how she trembled under his mouth and hands, how she wanted more of him. It was entirely unexpected, it wasn’t even real because all happened in her mind, and he could hardly believe it was not a dream. In fact, it was a dream – but a dream they shared.

He was also wondering if later that night, once she was alone in her room, she would finish what they started together and, if she did, whether she would be thinking of him.

* * *

On the way back, in the shuttle, Mara and Sansena sat on the seats, looked at each other and smiled.

“All right, are we doing it?” Mara asked.

“You bet.”

And they both bent down and took their high heels off their feet, breathing a sigh of relief. The men watched, amused.

“All this dancing,” said Tw’oorah sarcastically.

“You try doing anything in those for a few hours,” Sansena retorted.

“Did you enjoy the party, my lord?” asked Mara.

“Actually I did,” Kylo said. “In spite of all the stress of talking to so many people. I do think I have achieved some progress in our objectives.”

“But did you have fun too?” she insisted playfully, sending him a meaningful look.

“I suppose you could say that,” he replied, not daring to look at her.

“And you, Sansena?”

“I had lots of fun,” the female Knight answered with her usual mischief. “I actually almost seduced prince Neevar in the royal gardens. He invited me for a stroll there… you know, in these darkish alleys… and we kissed!”

“Oh, I really don’t want to hear any details,” Djawan said with distaste.

“Can we go back planet-side tomorrow?” Sansena pleaded. “I think I have a date with him.”

“No, we can’t,” Kylo replied.

“And you, Mara?” Sansena asked. “Who have you kissed?”

“No one, I’m afraid.”

“I must say I kissed the prince because I suspected he might be on to you if I didn’t take care of him. I wanted to be there first, you know. No hard feelings, I hope?”

“No hard feelings. He’s very smooth and charming but not my type.”

“What’s your type then?” Sansena inquired, exchanging knowing glances with the other Knights.

“Different,” Mara replied, smiling.


	12. The attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which darkness begins to rise  
> \-----------  
> “Look at me,” Mara pleaded anxiously. “This is not like you. You’re better than that. You’ve worked so hard to achieve something better than that.”  
> “Get back to your seat and stop interfering,” Kylo hissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren alert. You've been warned!

After two months of living on the same ship and seeing each other every single day, Kylo learnt a few things about Mara.

She liked exercise but the confined space of the gym bored her. She preferred walking. So she walked around the ship, which was bigger than an average big city, because she was curious. After two months, everyone got to know her. She made acquaintances at all levels of rank and hierarchy. Kylo even saw her have lunch in the stormtroopers’ canteen; she was sitting with them at the common table. He was passing by with several officers, because it was the shortest way to wherever they were heading. The troopers all stopped eating and stood at attention, but he waved them down, and then smiled and waved to Mara, who waved back. That was the first time his stormtroopers saw the Supreme Leader smile or interact with someone casually.

Mara was always very respectful towards him, but not formal. She made small gestures; for example, she always made him a cup of caf before the morning briefing. He trained early in the morning, then showered and had a quick breakfast, but she knew he liked to enjoy a cup slowly, so she got into the habit of bringing him one, along with tea for herself. Every day. He told her she didn’t need to do it, she was not his waitress, he could ask a droid, but she liked doing it. She was at his service and she liked to make it clear. And it’s not that Kylo enjoyed pulling rank on her, quite the contrary – but he did like having someone _who was there for him_. His person, a person who looked after him and from whom he received small attentions. He’d never had that before.

Mara remained discreet, not imposing and not demanding. When she went shopping on one of different planets they visited, she often brought Kylo a gift – a book, a bottle of wine, a gourmet food specialty – but she never gave it to him herself. She always asked a droid to leave it in Kylo’s quarters for him to enjoy it without being obliged to thank her on the spot. She often sought Kylo out to keep him company but always knew when he wanted to be alone. Sometimes she came to the library when he was there but talked very little, just stayed comfortably with him and read. Whenever he asked her to have dinner with him, she always agreed, even if she was now good friends with the Knights and the officers, and usually ate with them in the High-Command cafeteria. Whatever her plans might be, his request or invitation always took precedence. Kylo was a bit ashamed as it felt very selfish but he couldn’t help liking it, too. Mara was always available, always eager to do whatever he needed her to, always interested, always listening, and always positive. So Kylo was careful to respect her independence and her need to interact with others, even her damned friendship with Hux, and didn’t ask her very often to drop everything just to be with him. At least not as often as he’d like to.

He did things for her, too. Whenever they went planet-side for business, he tried to linger for a day or a few more, letting her explore and visit any friends she might have there. She loved the open air, greenery and blue skies. To give her a taste of this on the ship, he had a huge, brand new simulation room installed where one could relax surrounded by an almost perfect illusion of various natural landscapes. Mara loved it and spent a bit of time there every day. Forest seemed to be her favourite setting. Kylo bought her a painting at an art gallery on Naboo, depicting a forest, with vivid colours that he knew she liked. She hung it in the living room in her quarters. As a matter of fact, he also liked all these things – nature and exercise in the open air. He just wasn’t used to it anymore.

He always made a point of distinguishing Mara, interacting with her and sometimes deferring to her opinion publicly at their official meetings. And he made great efforts not to show his bad temper around her. He stopped destroying equipment and furniture on the ship, not that he had many reasons for it anymore; but in any case he managed to contain his negative emotions, if any, within the walls of his training room. After two months, he really thought he succeeded.

* * *

They were on Gheran, an Outer Rim planet whose governor and assembly invited the Supreme Leader for a visit. After his long talk on Naboo with Senator Deina from Snaathia, Kylo planned a round of visits in Outer Rim worlds, starting with Snaathia itself. Gheran, located in the same system, was his second stop.

During the break in talks, Mara went outside the building to get some fresh air. Every opportunity for that was good. At first sight, Gheran wasn’t the most hospitable planet; lit by an enormous red sun hanging low on the horizon, with sparse vegetation, very cold nights, it was a stern environment where people lived in high buildings with thick stone walls to protect themselves from the cold. The governor’s residence was a multi-storey round structure that to Mara looked more like a warehouse, or perhaps like an old-fashioned castle tower, so small were the windows. There was a vast landing pad in front of the entrance gates on the residence’s highest level, where Kylo’s Upsilon-class shuttle had landed prior to the meeting, and it was on this pad that Mara now took her walk.

She saw some guards but also other people, probably technicians or engineers. Apart from the New Order’s shuttle, a few other small ships were stationed here. There wasn’t actually anywhere to go, the pad being completely open and propped up by stone columns from the level below. To move to lower floors one had to enter the building and use lifts.

Mara spotted one Twi’lek and two Pau’ans standing together beside one of the ships. They weren’t wearing guards’ uniforms or technicians’ overalls and she wondered for a moment what these aliens of species non-native to Gheran were doing on this remote planet. There wasn’t much to visit anyway, and least of all here, in front of the governor’s residence. Security was quite tight, however, so they must have acquired permission for landing. Curious to find out what brought them here, Mara passed by twice but heard only very brief fragments of conversation in Ryl, not satisfying her curiosity.

“Then you open the hatch…” one of the Pau’ans said. She caught nothing else for a long time, and then the Twi’lek said something that sounded like: “not until he leaves.” There was some talk about money and she concluded they must have been delivering something to the residence.

It was time to go back to the meeting room, where she found Kylo sipping a strange reddish drink (he signalled to her that it wasn’t particularly good so she thanked politely when she was offered the same).

“I saw a Twi’lek outside,” she said to Tw’oorah, “with two Pau’ans. Funny they should be on Gheran, and here of all places. Perhaps traders?”

Tw’oorah looked outside through the tiny window overlooking the landing pad.

“Can’t see very well from here. But they look like they’re quarrelling.”

“Really? I heard them talk about money. Maybe this is what it is about.”

“Don’t know. They’re talking via comlink. Looks like they’re waiting for someone.”

“Perhaps they’re going to rendezvous with another ship.”

“They look rough,” Tw’oorah remarked and returned to the table.

They talked for another hour and then the meeting was adjourned. Kylo seemed satisfied; he insisted on these meetings in order to fully appreciate the particular challenges the Outer Rim faced. It was obvious that nobody, neither the Republic nor the First Order, had ever troubled themselves with a detailed analysis of the Rim’s problems. To design a proper strategy, Kylo first wanted to understand the stakes. While he was fairly knowledgeable about Core Worlds, the Rim was still a big question mark, and it was precisely there that he believed he could play his best cards.

They said mutual goodbyes, and Kylo and his entourage stepped outside to get into their shuttle and return to the _Stardust_. The three aliens were nowhere to be found but their ship remained on the pad. Its hatch was now open, and Mara remembered she had overheard them talking about it. She expected to see crates of goods inside but there was nothing. Actually she couldn’t see the interior very well; the lights were not on but it seemed empty. Also, there were now two other similar ships that must have landed during the second half of Kylo’s meeting. While the first ship was parked at the very end of the landing pad, exactly opposite the entrance to the governor’s residence, the other two were positioned on the sides, so that if someone drew three lines starting from their open hatches, the lines would converge exactly at the centre of the pad.

There was something off about it. Another slightly strange thing was that all the guards and technicians had disappeared and there was nobody left on the pad. Kylo and the Knights started to walk towards their shuttle and it was only when Mara heard the noise – a sound of ships incoming – and looked at the sky that the dots in her mind got connected.

“Watch out!” she yelled, grabbing Kylo’s arm. “They’re trying to kill you!”

Before he had the chance to respond, rows and rows of battle droids rolled out of the three open hatches at astonishing speed, heading towards the centre of the pad. The first droids exploded, producing a lot of smoke. And then the fire from the air started. Mara let go of Kylo’s arm and he disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Everyone disappeared. The chaos and the noise were extreme; they were being pounded from the sky, blasts rained around her, and soon new droids were rolling in on them, shooting incessantly. Mara saw five lightsabers ignited, their red light the only thing shining through the thick smoke around her. And then the smoke suddenly cleared and she saw Kylo, with his hand outstretched, chasing it away with the Force, then raising his crimson blade to deflect the shots from above.

The four Knights of Ren and their Master unfurled like a furious storm, slashing the droids and repelling the fire from the sky with their sabers. They moved with grace and speed, in a star formation, their movements practiced and forceful. But there were several starfighters whizzing above – she couldn’t really tell how many as they all circled continuously – and firing series of shots as close to the centre of the pad as they could, clearly targeting Kylo. The air became very hot. The General shot his blaster time and time again at the droids and Mara wished she too had a weapon. They needed to find cover but there was nowhere to run; two fighter ships hovered above the governor’s residence, firing at will. The entrance and the whole level of the building already lay in ruins.

Suddenly she felt someone grab her arm and yank her around. It was Kylo, his face contorted with fury, sweat on his forehead, his clothes fuming from burns.

“There’s an open cargo transport over there,” he shouted into her ear and pointed to the ship in question, parked a bit further on the landing pad. “Run and hide! I’ll cover you.”

“What if there are more battle droids inside?”

“There aren’t. Go!” he yelled and gave her such a strong push on the back that it almost knocked the air out of her lungs and Mara staggered. There may have been a battle raging around her but it wasn’t until she was handled so roughly by Kylo that she fully grasped the danger and the violence of the situation. She broke away from the Knights’ circle and ran in the direction of the cargo.

In a matter of seconds, she was by the ship’s open hatch. As she ran into its interior, more fighters appeared in the sky and started methodically pounding all the vessels stationed on the pad, including the one she was hiding in. The ship suffered a few direct hits but she was still safe inside. The droids kept attacking, the Knights repelling and destroying them with the Force, but it wasn’t enough. The starfighters needed to be taken out. Then perhaps Kylo and the rest of them could get to their shuttle and escape; otherwise they’d be shot down straight away.

Where was the fleet of Gheran? And where was Captain Peavey? He must have realised by now; someone from the governor’s residence must have contacted the _Stardust_. Unless the governor was accomplice? But it made no sense. Gheran had nothing to gain from killing the Supreme Leader. It would have been a suicide for the planet; the _Stardust_ could obliterate their whole capital in just a few minutes.

The landing pad was burning from numerous explosions. Kylo stopped deflecting the fire from the sky and the Knights turned towards him as one, covering him, while he reached for the Force and began hurling the starfighters away, one by one. He was getting tired and finally fell on his knees in the middle of the circle of the Knights. Their Upsilon-class shuttle had just exploded in the last blast from the sky and now there was really nowhere left to run. The entrance to Mara’s cargo transport was also hit and the force of the explosion threw her deeper inside the ship. Hot twisted metal parts came tumbling down and all of a sudden everything went silent.

Lying on her back amidst the debris, not shielded anymore from the starfighters’ fire, Mara watched the Knights retreat towards the residence, for lack of other options; as the whole floor of the building had been destroyed, they would have to jump onto lower levels, hoping to find cover. Kylo was up again but looked stunned; he had just thrown some ten fighter ships away. Those that didn’t suffer too much damage were already returning. He extended his hands once again and everything went white; Mara saw him in the centre of the explosion and thought he had been hit but then she understood he simply triggered a Force blast which sent the remaining enemy ships rolling. That wouldn’t be enough, Mara thought anxiously; some would regain control and come back again. But then a shadow passed above her and she saw the TIE fighters finally coming in, together with other fighter ships that must have been part of Gheran’s fleet.

She tried to crawl under a piece of debris. She didn’t feel any pain, it’s just that she could barely move, trapped under the metal rubble and still stunned. The blasts were blinding her, total silence gradually replaced by a shrill noise in her ears. It grew stronger and stronger, and finally Mara closed her eyes and drifted away.

* * *

When she came to, the TIEs were finishing the last of the enemy ships. Mara’s ears were ringing and the debris around her was floating in the air. She looked around and saw Sansena close to her, her hand outstretched, lifting the metal parts with the Force. Mara was free but couldn’t manage to sit up.

The sound began to come back and she heard screams. Tw’oorah was dragging behind him an alien whose species she could not identify but he wasn’t one of the three she saw earlier. Tw’oorah threw the man on his knees. Everyone was kicking him, shouting questions, and the General had a blaster pointed at him. The alien was bleeding from the mouth and laughing, laughing like a madman, looking at Kylo. Then Kylo reached for the Force and the man screamed with pain, clutching his head. It didn’t last long; Kylo ignited his saber once again and cut the alien’s head off in one blow. There was no blood. The limp headless corpse fell to the ground with a thud and Mara felt shocked, sick, but above all angry at the attackers, whoever they were. Suddenly Hux crouched by her side.

“Are you all right? Do you want me to carry you?”

“Just help me up, please. I think I’m all right. I’ve only been stunned by the explosion.”

Kylo and the Knights were standing in a circle around the alien’s body but presently turned towards Mara. Lifted easily by the General, whom she hadn’t suspected of so much strength, and supported by him, she was now just a few steps away from them, but everything was happening in slow motion and her legs felt like lead. She was shaking. She didn’t think she was wounded apart from a few scratches and burns. Kylo and the Knights looked a bit worse for the wear, their clothes torn, blood on Tw’oorah’s and Sansena’s faces, but everyone was standing.

Kylo was suddenly in front of Mara, his eyes fiery, his hair matted and his saber still ignited. There was blood on his arm from a gash that fortunately didn’t seem very deep. She looked at it, then at the corpse on the ground, wanted to say something, wanted to reach for Kylo, but couldn't speak, and her arms hung uselessly by her side.

“You need to obey my orders in battle, not argue with me!” he barked. “You understand? I can’t protect you otherwise.”

Mara nodded in silence. She hadn’t argued a lot when he told her to run to the cargo. She complied almost instantly. But he was visibly high-strung and it would be pointless to oppose him any further.

“It’s fine,” Sansena interrupted quickly. “We have protected her. I looked after her as you told me to. I generated a shield above her when the transport exploded. She was safe.”

Kylo didn’t reply. Mara stared at him, processing his and Sansena’s words, and he frowned.

“You’ve been seriously knocked out,” he remarked. “How long?”

“I think just one or two minutes,” Sansena answered. “Then I saw her stir.”

“Why didn’t they come earlier?” Mara whispered, thinking of the TIEs and the Gheran defence.

“They came very quickly. In seven minutes or so.”

To her, it had seemed that the battle lasted for half an hour; she also had the impression she was out for much longer than a minute or two. Kylo looked at her with some concern, taking in her dishevelled appearance and singed clothes, then suddenly turned away without another word. She needed to lie down on the ground. She did so, closed her eyes and dozed off, and woke up only when a new shuttle sent by Peavey landed on the pad and they were all able to board and return to the _Stardust_.

* * *

In the shuttle, they all sat hunched, breathing hard, and looking at one another. There was stony silence and Kylo spoke first.

“If this was your doing,” he said, pointing at Hux, “You’re a dead man.”

“It wasn’t me, Ren. Believe me, I’d choose to have it done at a time when I wasn’t with you so that my own life wouldn’t be in danger.”

Kylo stood up and strode to the cockpit.

“Move to the guns,” he barked to the terrified pilot, who quickly gave way, and Kylo took the commands of the shuttle. He must have expected they would take more fire on the way, but nothing happened. It was clear that the whole plan relied on the ambush while they were still planet-side.

“Was it the governor, then?” offered Tw’oorah. “Or at least it happened with his knowledge?”

“I searched his mind during the meeting,” M’biren spoke. “There wasn’t anything. It wasn’t a trap.”

“The governor must be dead,” Djawan stated. “Like everyone who was in that tower. Everyone we talked to.”

“Just think. Who are we fighting?” asked Sansena. “Who are we trying to destroy? Who has a reason to set a trap for Kylo?”

“Is it one of the syndicates?” wondered Hux. “Would they dare? We can wipe them all off the galaxy tomorrow.”

“So why haven’t we yet, General?” Tw’oorah asked angrily.

“Or maybe we can’t,” said M’biren quietly. “Maybe we don’t realise how strong they really are.”

“We haven't finished them off yet because there are so many of them. As for the big ones, like the Guavians, whenever there is trouble we rarely find any proof they’re behind it,” said Hux. “They’re sleazy bastards. Can talk their way out of everything.”

“So look for proof! Get me proof!” Kylo shouted from the cockpit.

This was not just an attack on the New Order, it was an assassination attempt. Somebody was trying to take Kylo out. They must have had at least accomplices among the Gheran security guards to have been able to land their three ships in front of the governor’s residence. Then there was the air strike. A well organised one. Clearly they counted on the surprise effect and the speed; they knew the Gheran fleet and the _Stardust_ would react within minutes. The attackers hoped to eliminate their target quickly with hundreds of battle droids and relentless fire from the air, in a relatively small, empty space with practically nowhere to hide. It wasn’t an unreasonable expectation.

“And then what?” Mara asked. “Once you find proof?”

“What needs to be done, will be done,” said Hux. “And better be done fast, because now they know we’re after them and they’re running against the clock. They’ll try to get to the Supreme Leader again, maybe even in the next days.”

“Prepare an operation against the Guavians,” Kylo spoke again from the cockpit in such an icy and foreign voice, fury boiling behind his words, that they all looked at one another anxiously. “Never mind which syndicate it was today. We need to send a message.”

“Operation, where?” Hux snorted. “We don’t know where their base is. Or rather, there isn’t a single base.”

“We know very well. The key people are hiding on Kessel. We know they run plenty of their deals via Kessel banks.”

“So what? We land on Kessel and ask the royal family for permission to raid the whole capital? Or do you actually have the exact locations?”

“What, shall I also give you the addresses? What do I have you for?” Kylo barked.

“An invasion, then?” Hux asked excitedly. “We take control of the city and trap them? I doubt the king will appreciate. But maybe we can come to an understanding with him.”

“Understanding?” Kylo said slowly. “They all profit from the Guavians’ trade, including the king. It’s a planet of criminals even if the spice mines aren’t operating anymore. It has always been.”

“So what would you have me do?”

“We won’t work with their king. We just attack.”

“Invasion it is,” Hux acquiesced. The others were silent, looking between the two men, tension palpable.

“No invasion. I won’t be engaging ground troops and putting our people in danger for this.”

“So what the hell do you want, Ren?”

“We strike from orbit. A few craters in their capital will make them think twice next time.”

“You can’t be serious, my lord!” Mara shouted, jumping up. “Many innocent people will die!”

“Sit down, Mara,” said Tw’oorah impatiently. “You’d be dead now yourself if Sansena hadn’t watched over you when you were lying in the rubble.”

“We don’t have any proof it’s them! This is an act of unprovoked hostility against a sovereign world, not just a raid against a gang! It will cause outrage across the galaxy!”

“At least let’s try to do it the way we’ve done things so far,” Djawan agreed. “In cooperation. Let’s make a coalition against them rather than go and obliterate half of the planet, like the First Order used to do.”

“No time for a coalition,” Hux said.

“No time to comm a few of our allies?” asked Mara in disbelief, looking from Hux to Kylo. “No time to look for proof before we attack? So what will it be, Hosnian Prime all over again, a massive annihilation? Your old instincts kicking in? In your first public speech, just a few months ago, you said there would never be another Hosnian cataclysm!”

Kylo didn’t reply and didn’t even turn around to look at her. She longed both to argue with him and comfort him, but darkness was swirling around him and she didn’t know how to get through.

“Who was that alien you killed?” she asked.

“He was a pilot. He flew one of the fighter ships our TIEs shot down,” Tw’oorah replied for Kylo. “We pulled him out of the wreck and interrogated. But he knew nothing.”

“Why was he laughing like a madman, then?”

“He hated the First Order,” M’biren said. “He used to have a family on Hosnian Prime. But he didn’t know who ordered today’s attack. He was hired by an intermediary and briefed on the objective of the operation, but not on who was paying him.”

“And the other pilots? And the three aliens I saw before the attack, who probably came in the ships with the droids?”

“Those three guys are gone. Nobody saw them again after it all started. And all the other enemy pilots are dead.”

“Enough,” Kylo said quietly, a dangerous note in his voice. Everyone fell silent.

“One week,” he added, turning around in his pilot’s seat to look at Hux. “You have one week to find out who did it and gather evidence. If you find nothing by then, we blast Kessel.”

Nobody spoke after that. Kylo turned back to the commands.

* * *

“How are you holding up, little one?” Sansena asked in a low voice so that nobody else heard them, nudging Mara.

“I think I’m ok,” Mara said. “But feeling totally useless. And a burden. The only one who can’t defend herself.”

“You’re not here to fight. That’s not your role.”

“I’m starting to think that everyone here should be able to fight or else should leave. Thank you for saving me, by the way.”

“You’re welcome. Next days will be very important. Stay focused and strong for him.”

“He is ignoring me.”

“Go and try to talk to him, then.”

Mara stood up, went to the cockpit and sat in the co-pilot seat, now empty.

“My lord…” she started but there was no acknowledgement from Kylo.

“I think an attack against Kessel would be a mistake,” she said carefully. “Nobody will condone such a step, none of the people you have spent the last months persuading to join your cause. A ground operation, or even an attack from the air, but targeted, could be accepted, if you had proof the Guavians were behind this assassination attempt. But not a blast from orbit. It’s nothing but a brutal show of strength. Everyone will turn away from you. And think of all the innocent people who will die!”

“Let that corrupt world burn,” Kylo replied darkly.

“Give your intelligence services a chance to find proof. Wait with the attack. In the meantime, we’ll reinforce security. Whoever it was, they won’t get another chance.”

He was piloting the shuttle in complete silence, looking straight ahead.

“Look at me,” Mara pleaded anxiously. “This is not like you. You’re better than that. You’ve worked so hard to achieve something better than that.”

“Get back to your seat and stop interfering,” Kylo hissed. At first she thought he was angry with her but when she looked at him closely, his whole attitude seemed strangely detached, as if he was being consumed by something. His profile was sharp, there was strange fire in his eyes that she had never seen before, and a hardness to his jaw that made him suddenly look much older. Was this the same man who held her tenderly when they danced at the festival on Naboo? The one who enjoyed quiet library evenings and opened up to her about his past traumas? Or was it rather the man who used to Force-choke Hux, and Mara was getting her first glimpse of him? Who was he, really?

Maybe she overestimated her influence. His tone of voice gave her the chills; she stood up and moved back to the transport area where everyone else sat. Silence reigned there. During the rest of their journey, Mara did her best to collect herself. She leaned against Hux and it helped; this small human contact, the warmth of his body, did her good. She felt some pain from her small injuries, but her hearing came back and she stopped shaking. Nobody died. They were safe, for now. They would find out who was behind the attack. The strike from orbit wouldn’t be necessary. She could talk Kylo into delaying it once he calmed down. She was just in a shock but everything would be all right. She was therefore taken aback when Hux looked at her and wiped off tears trickling down her cheeks, tears she had no idea she was shedding.

* * *

One hour after they docked in at the  _Stardust_ ’s hangar, Kylo got out of the refresher and decided to call a med droid to tend to his scratches and burns. Before he could do that, his datapad’s screen lit up with a message from Mara. She didn’t seem to be able to settle; it was a normal reaction, she wasn’t used to these things, couldn’t just go to sleep as if nothing happened. But this time even Kylo was unsettled. Mara was asking if she could do anything to help. She regretted he had left so abruptly – indeed on arrival he stormed out of the turbolift without one word and headed for his quarters – perhaps he’d like to get a drink, or talk in the library, or take a walk around the ship? I’d just like to offer some comfort, she said at the end.

Kylo wasn’t sure of anything anymore, least of all of his leadership and his new – or rather emerging – strategy for ruling the galaxy. There was an easier way, the old way. Terror was easy, as Mara had rightly remarked, and almost six months after Snoke’s death Kylo still didn’t quite know whether he was going in the right direction, trying to somehow transform the organization he led, all the while maintaining its military character to preserve security in the galaxy. He also wasn’t sure whether his efforts would actually make any lasting impact. Why not just give up, lock himself in his quarters on the ship or in a palace on some remote planet, and let the old First Order admirals return and regain their influence? Why not let Hux enjoy himself blowing up a few more worlds? What difference did it make anyway, and why should it make difference to Kylo? He didn’t feel he was a charismatic ruler with a vision; rather, being the Supreme Leader was a burden with which he would have to struggle for the rest of his life. Was it worth it? Someone had just attempted to kill him because of what he was trying to accomplish. To kill _him_ , not Hux, not any other officer of his High-Command. Was it worth to die for a cause that Kylo found so wearisome?

Alternatively, he could disappear somewhere in the Outer Rim or the Unknown Regions, finally live a free life he always wanted, and again, leave all this mess to Hux.

In the mirror, Kylo saw dark circles around his eyes, and a strange expression in his eyes he didn’t know: of a tired, hunted animal. Could Mara offer any comfort? He could probably tell her about all his doubts around a drink, as she had suggested, but he didn’t feel like it. Perhaps he felt too vulnerable today. Or perhaps all this talking wasn’t getting him anywhere. Maybe he needed a different kind of comfort – her touch, her closeness, rather than words. He could do with her warm body enveloping his. He could ask her to come and stay for the night. It would just be such a relief to crawl into her arms and fall asleep with her in his bed, after the events of the day.

And maybe she could do even more than that for him. If she was so ready to offer comfort, if she was so available, perhaps he should ask for more. No, perhaps he should _take_ more. He could take whatever he wanted, after all. It would do him good. It would help him sleep. She was rather willing at the festival, wasn’t she? He could summon her to his bed like he summoned her for counsel, or for dinner, or for any other service. She was there for him, and he could use her as he thought fit. Tonight it could be on her back in his bed, with her legs spread, or perhaps on her hands and knees. She was _his_. He had a _right_ to this. So what if she agreed only because she would find it difficult to refuse him, or she would be too scared to refuse? Why would he care?

The thought was supposed to be arousing but instead it gave Kylo nausea. He sat on the sofa in his living room for a long time, staring at the dark sky outside the viewport. Finally he turned off his datapad without replying. No comfort from her today. He settled in his huge, comfortable bed but sleep wasn’t coming. Since Mara arrived on his ship, did he feel less or rather more lonely? He enjoyed her company but at some point he always needed to let her go and was invariably left with an unsatisfied longing for closeness. That reminded him of his relationship – if it could be called this way – with Rey, in which there were always more thwarted than granted wishes. If only Mara had knocked on his door tonight rather than written a message, he’d ask her to stay, but there must have been a reason she preferred to write and suggest meeting outside his quarters. And that reason was she didn’t want such closeness, she didn’t want the intimacy Kylo longed for.

Someone tried to kill him today. It wouldn’t be the last time. One day they might succeed and this would be all he’d ever had. Sleepless nights, unsatisfied longings, unspoken words, a whole life of doubts, always feeling like a disappointment to everyone, and what in return? The galaxy would tear itself apart once he was gone, and if he stayed and ruled it for fifty years, it would tear itself apart soon after that.

He got up to take a sleeping pill and glanced at his datapad, hoping Mara would insist. But she didn’t.


	13. The darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which darkness swallows everyone  
> \----------  
> The lights were still out and it seemed to Mara that things were moving in the shadows. She crawled onto her bed, under her duvet, shaking all over, and wailed for the next quarter of an hour like a hunted and hurt animal. The darkness, Kylo’s darkness, was swirling around her, its cold claws as close to her throat as his fingers were a few minutes earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better hold on to something because we're in for an emotional ride...

They arrived near the newly constructed military base on planet Zeenah to supervise the final preparations before the base became fully operational.

The morale had been low since the attack. The rather cheerful, light atmosphere that had lingered after the silver festival, the enthusiasm on account of the progress they were making in political negotiations, had all but vanished. Each of them – Mara, Kylo, the Knights and the officers – went his or her own way for a few days. They met mostly at briefings, which were short and to the point, and concerned the state of play on Zeenah as well as the plans for the destruction of the Guavians.

Allies had been contacted and talks were ongoing but so far it wasn’t possible to identify who was behind the Gheran attack. In absence of any concrete proof, not many worlds supported Kylo’s planned military operation. The idea of carrying it out from orbit, causing mass destruction, made everyone recoil in horror, just like Mara had predicted. In addition, Kylo gave orders not to reveal the location of the strike, nor which gang was being targeted, so as to avoid leaks. The only thing that was communicated was the intention to annihilate one of the major criminal syndicates by a strike from orbit, and the assurance that the action was not going to take place on any of the allies’ territory. With such scant information, the distrust and fear among the allies were extreme, everyone condemning the method and wondering anxiously where exactly the New Order was going to attack.

The governor of Gheran wasn’t very helpful. Apologetic and terrified, he swore his innocence. The attack went through their defences, some of his guards had been bribed, and his intelligence services – modest as they were – so far failed to uncover any trace that could lead them to the perpetrators. Kylo found himself thinking he might have been wasting his time entering into alliances with wrong people, people who expected protection from him but couldn’t offer him any support in return. Perhaps his new political strategy was wrong after all and there was no other way than brutal force to keep the order? Perhaps if everyone was still afraid of him, if he wasn’t gallivanting all over the galaxy, attending balls and receptions, nobody would have dared to attempt to take his life.

How did he see his future when he was still Snoke’s apprentice? He did envisage taking over from his master one day as the successor of Darth Vader, but did he ever wonder _how_ he would rule when that day came? Did he ever question Snoke’s methods of ruling the galaxy? Since Kylo became the Supreme Leader, he discovered that his views on galactic government differed practically in everything from Snoke’s. He was going to do things his own way and he started doing just that. And yet the old pain and rage did not disappear; they returned to haunt him, so all that change was for nothing.

* * *

One evening Mara knocked on the door to his quarters. There was no answer. She hadn’t talked to him at all for the six days that had passed since the attack, besides briefings, during which Kylo seemed obsessed with the plans of annihilating the Guavians and got disinterested in whatever projects they had had for Zeenah. He rarely appeared now on the bridge and anywhere outside his quarters, and she was never able to catch him. This was the first time ever they had spent so many days without any face-to-face conversation, and Mara missed it. Kylo was obviously dealing with some issues after the assassination attempt, but she felt there was more to it, and whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

She knocked a second time and waited. Of course he could be somewhere else but it was nine o’clock in the evening and she could reasonably expect to find him in his quarters. Finally the door hissed open, but nobody was standing behind it. Mara stepped in; the room was drowning in darkness, the only light coming from the huge silhouette of Zeenah outside the viewport. It was a gorgeous view, even though Zeenah wasn’t the most impressive world, but from such a close distance, its surface all silver and coppery from the minerals the planet abounded in, it looked spectacular. The door closed behind Mara and she spotted Kylo splayed on the sofa, facing the viewport.

“My lord?”

“What do you want, Mara?”

His voice was tired, but not hostile. She stepped around the sofa and sat next to him.

“Can I do anything for you? Can I help you somehow?” she repeated the question she asked him a few days ago in a message to which he never replied.

“Yes,” he said in a low voice, watching her closely.

“Tell me.”

There was a strange expression in his eyes, a new and unsettling darkness, which all of a sudden made Mara uneasy. She couldn't read him anymore. He seemed threatening, and in the almost completely dark room she sensed something ominous building up, something rising in him _against her_. He stared at her for a long moment in silence, then suddenly snapped out of it and looked away.

“You should go,” he said sharply.

“Why? You never talk to me anymore these days. What’s on your mind, my lord? Have I done anything to displease you? Are you worried about what happened?”

“Worried? You could say that, yes.”

“We will get them, sooner or later, one way or another. You know we will. We knew those things could happen when we started all this…”

“I can’t say that I care anymore,” he interrupted.

“What do you mean? Not care about what?”

“About anything. Any of this.”

She could argue, they could talk for hours. But she felt they had already had parts of this conversation, and his doubts, however painful at the moment, were normal, given his difficult position. No discussion would dispel them right now. It was just a bad timing.

“Can’t you see?” Kylo said bitterly. “I’m a broken man, a powerful one perhaps, but broken. Not a hope for the galaxy. You should stop believing in me.”

Mara considered saying that the more broken he appeared, the more she believed in him because it made him more human. But the truth was, her belief had been faltering. There was high risk that under such tremendous pressure Kylo would resort to his old methods and stratagems: rage, brutality, withdrawal. He accepted to talk to his allies but ordered to prepare the attack on Kessel all the same, without any consideration for the allies’ opinions, which were of course unfavourable. That absurd attack could not be carried out, especially not without any proof of the Guavians’ involvement in the Gheran incident, or else everything the New Order had been working for would be lost. Everyone would turn away from them, and Kylo would become again public enemy number one in the galaxy. From there, it was straight back to the First Order. What would Mara do then? She couldn’t stay with him under such conditions but how could she leave and risk that things would become even worse without her?

Perhaps this was why there had been so many good, decent people working for the First Order? She had always wondered about that. Joining the Order might have seemed like a better solution than doing nothing or wasting energy on lost causes, such as the Resistance, while leaving the fate of the galaxy in the hands of a bunch of sadists and murderers.

Would that be her story? Becoming a member of a new merciless military government, wearing black, learning how to use weapons, choosing the lesser evil, gradually moving the limit further and further until she didn’t even realise anymore that she had crossed the line between good and evil a long time ago? Was that where working for Kylo would take her? Would she in the end just play the role of a last bastion against tyranny, stopping Kylo from extreme and excessive cruelty, pleading for his mercy, negotiating with him? Accepting the killing of one hundred people in order to spare thousands?

Was she right when she told Kylo back on Neelia that the galaxy needed someone else at its helm than a politician or a military man? Was a Force user really the best placed to rule the galaxy? Did Kylo even think and reason the way a ruler should, or he didn’t reason at all, relying instead on his mysterious connection with the universe and on the magical power it accorded him? Mara didn't even understand that power, let alone judge whether it could be a force for good.

But she promised him.

“This is your darkest hour, my lord. There have been so many others, when you appeared to me not as a broken man, but a powerful and wise ruler. Everyone has days when they’re broken. Someone has just tried to kill you. But I wouldn’t be a good counselor if I ceased to believe in you only because of that.”

He listened but shook his head. But he listened. He was still here, with her. Could she stop the rise of darkness in him? Could he stop it himself, with her help? Was he even willing to, or was he spiraling down into darkness, going back to a place he hated but knew so well that it had become his comfort zone?

“You haven’t been sleeping much, have you?” Mara asked.

“I go to bed but I wake up many times during the night. I can’t really seem to rest.”

She reached out and stroked his cheek gently with the back of her hand, brushing his lips. Kylo didn’t say anything and closed his eyes. And then he suddenly leaned into her, laying his head on her chest, and he let her put her arms around him.

“Rest,” Mara offered. “Just enjoy a moment of quiet rest. Let me comfort you.”

“You comfort me every day,” he muttered. She wanted to take away some of the burden, and if she could make him feel a little better by holding him, she would do just that. She knew he craved another person’s touch. She realised it at the silver festival when Kylo reacted with so much emotion to her taking his hand or stroking the nape of his neck. His whole body tensed when she touched him – so unusual it must have felt for him to be touched – but then he always relaxed and settled into contentment. He didn’t need to say it, Mara didn’t even need to read it in his expressive eyes; she felt it in his body. And she felt it now, too. He responded to her little tender gesture so quickly and calmed down immediately, letting her embrace him.

“Don’t carry all the sorrow of the galaxy on your shoulders, my lord. I’m here with you. It will be all right. There will be better days.”

“I feel darkness gathering around me,” Kylo said slowly and Mara felt a chill but kept stroking his face tenderly, again brushing his lips with her fingers. “And I’m so tired of all this.”

“Why don’t you just ask me to come and stay with you whenever you feel bad? I’ll always come. You’re not alone.”

“You’re supposed to be my adviser, not my private therapist. I can’t always bother you.”

“I like to be bothered by you. I like spending time with you. And I consider a bit of coaching to be within my remit.”

“And this, is it also in your job description?” he asked miserably. “Sitting here and physically holding me so that I don’t fall apart?”

“No, this is one of the perks of the job. For my own pleasure. You know I like your perfume.”

He chuckled, took hold of her arms and pressed them closer around his body, to bury himself in her even more.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

* * *

The next day Hux, Sansena and Djawan went on a transport shuttle to Zeenah to check how things were going on the base. On their return, the Council was supposed to gather for a debriefing exceptionally on the bridge, so as to view the different sites of the huge planetary base from the _Stardust_ ’s viewport. Mara was slightly late and when she was walking towards the bridge, she heard shouting. Upon entering the area, she saw Hux and Kylo standing in front of the viewport, flanked by the Knights, and fighting. Or to be more precise, Hux was fighting with Kylo.

“I cannot work like this!” yelled the General, visibly furious. “I’ve already given orders and now you’re undermining me. We talked about it for a week, it was your bloody idea! My intel services were killing themselves trying to find evidence for you within the ridiculous deadline you gave me! And now this? Why don’t you just leave the command of military operations to me?”

“Let’s all calm down,” said Djawan quietly, putting his hand on Hux’s shoulder. Hux shrugged him off angrily.

“Shut up, Hux,” Kylo hissed. “I will not tolerate your insolence. The attack is cancelled. You had a week and you’ve found nothing. We obviously don’t have anyone’s support on this and we are crawling around in the dark, so we must wait for their next move, whoever they are. And you don’t _give_ any orders, you execute mine. Is that understood?”

“I’m done wasting my time executing your stupid, contradictory orders! Preparations have been made for nothing, and it has cost us a lot of money – which we _don’t have anymore_ because you cut off our previous sources of financing! I have a fleet ready to fire upon Kessel, and you tell me _now_ it’s called off? Your so-called allies have been notified and will now laugh in our faces. Can you just think rationally for once and make up your mind? Do you realise how much your incompetence costs us, both in money and in reputation? Do you know how much it costs us to have a moody child as a rul…”

Before he finished the sentence, he froze and gasped, and his hands went to his throat. He was visibly choking. Mara rushed towards him, fearing he was having a heart attack but then it suddenly dawned on her. He was being Force-choked. Kylo had his hand extended towards Hux and the General struggled for air, wheezing and clawing at his throat.

“Are you more inclined to obey me now?” asked Kylo, smiling, and it was this smile, cold and evil, more than his earlier anger, that terrified Mara.

“Enough, Kylo,” said Djawan angrily, stepping forward. “He got the message.”

“Silence!” roared Kylo.

“Stop!” Mara shouted. He whirled around to face her.

“Go to your room, Mara,” he said in a low voice, more calmly now. She rushed to his side, trying to grab his hand outstretched towards Hux, but Kylo easily evaded her.

“You’re going to kill him!”

Hux was hanging a few feet above the floor, twisting and turning. He desperately gasped for air, his eyes wild and terrified. He was going to die in front of her.

“Stop,” Mara begged, now weeping, trying again to take hold of Kylo’s hand. “Please don’t kill him! Don’t be a murderer! Let him go, please, I’m begging you!”

“Oh, you’re begging me, now?” said Kylo, glaring at her. “Let us see that. How much are you prepared to beg for this dog’s life? What is he to you?”

“Kylo!” shouted M’biren, moving forward to shield Mara but before he had the time to take another step, Kylo raised his other hand and shoved him on his back onto the floor. One more flick of his wrist, and all the Knights were thrown back by a Force wave and immobilised in the air.

Mara shrieked and pushed Kylo in the chest with all her strength. Taken by surprise, he staggered back, lost his balance for a moment and his hands fell to his waist. Hux dropped on the floor, unconscious. Kylo spun back and was in front of Mara again in less than a second, just centimetres from her face, his fists clenched at his sides.

“How dare you!” he yelled.

“No, how dare _you_!” she retorted. “He’s not your dog! He’s a human being! Your own general! How can you humiliate him like this? It’s disgusting! You _disgust me_!”

“Oh, so now I disgust you?” said Kylo with black hatred in his eyes and, to Mara’s utter disbelief, raised his hand to her throat and curled his fingers. He didn’t squeeze her neck, but the gesture was vicious, meant to intimidate, and his hand was so close – _too close_ – that his fingers were grazing Mara’s skin. He looked like a madman, black circles under his eyes, his whole body shaking.  

“Don’t you dare!” Mara hissed, staring him down. “Don’t you dare touch me. You’re sick, you’re insane! You should see yourself!”

She felt someone else’s presence by her side now; it was Hux who had just managed to scrape himself off the floor, and tried to grab her and pull her away. Kylo punched him under the chin so violently that Hux flew in the air and fell in a heap on the floor again.

“Help!” screamed Mara, taking a quick step back; Kylo immediately advanced and was looming over her. “He will kill us all! Someone help me!” But none of the Knights were able to move, all held in the air by Kylo’s raised hand.

“You were supposed to be loyal to me!” bellowed Kylo. “What did he promise you? That you will be his empress? You planned to murder me together?”

“Get away from me, you madman!” Mara screamed and pushed him away again. He resisted easily this time but she used the momentum to move back, increasing the distance between them.

“Is this how you want to rule, _Supreme Leader_?” she asked with contempt. “Snoke degraded and tortured you for years and now you’re doing the same thing to other people? Does that make you feel strong? Does it make you feel better about yourself? It’s pathetic. You’re pathetic!”

“Arghhhh!” Kylo roared, and the big table at the back of the room broke in the middle and collapsed with a deafening sound as if someone dropped a huge stone on it. Mara shrieked.

“GET OUT!” Kylo yelled and made another menacing step towards her, his hair dishevelled, fury at the bottom of his bloodshot eyes. She turned around and ran. She couldn't help the General anymore. She hoped he would manage to get out of there in one piece.

She ran through the halls towards her quarters, glancing back a few times but nobody was following her. When she turned the last corner and found herself barely two hundred meters from her door, the whole ship shook violently and tilted dangerously to one side. Mara fell, slid on the floor and hit the wall. From all sides came sounds of things breaking and people’s terrified screams. The tremor continued and Mara crept on the floor, on her hands and knees, while the lights blinked a few times and then went out. She had to cling to the wall to avoid being trampled upon as panicked stormtroopers ran across the hall. Finally she reached her room, managed to stand up and push in the code; the door hissed open and Mara locked herself inside, using for safety also a second code that nobody, including Kylo, knew.

She threw herself on the sofa. The tremor presently stopped and an eerie silence ensued. The lights were still out and it seemed to Mara that things were moving in the shadows. She crawled onto her bed, under her duvet, shaking all over, and wailed for the next quarter of an hour like a hunted and hurt animal. The darkness, _Kylo’s_ darkness, was swirling around her, its cold claws as close to her throat as his fingers were a few minutes earlier.

* * *

When the light came back on after some twenty minutes, Mara’s datapad lit up, making her jerk nervously. The message was from Hux; he was asking if she was all right. So he was safe! She replied immediately, inviting him to come to her room. A minute later she ushered him in and locked the door again.

The General had somehow put himself together, just looked paler than usual, but otherwise seemed calm. However, when she examined him carefully, she noticed a shadow under his high uniform collar, seeping onto his neck.

“What is this?” Mara asked, horrified, already knowing the answer. She reached to Hux’s collar and started unbuttoning it; his throat was covered in reddish bruises which were already turning black. This was unspeakable horror, this was beyond the worst fears she had when she decided to come on board the _Stardust_. It was evil, sadistic, barbarian, and Mara remembered vividly how both she and Kylo, on several occasions, used precisely these words to describe Snoke. Now this was what Kylo himself was doing, and what Hux had warned her against.

“Don’t cry,” the General said, seeing her distress. He didn’t say: “I told you so,” and she was grateful for that. But she couldn’t stop crying; even if Hux had been insolent, even if Mara was actually glad Kylo called off the attack, there was no forgiveness for his brutality, no extenuating circumstances or justification possible. She squeezed tight the General’s both hands and cried, because there was nothing else to do. Hux pulled her to him and put his arms around her. He stroked her hair soothingly and Mara thought that she should be consoling him and not the other way round.

She looked up at him; he was tall, though not as tall as Kylo, and of slimmer, less broad build. He would have a chance in a fair fight, being a well-trained military man, even though Kylo still had the advantage of physical strength. But he obviously couldn’t hold his own against an opponent using the Force. So what Kylo did wasn’t just horrific, it was also shameful.

“Does it hurt?” she asked.

“Only when I touch it.”

“I’m so sorry. It was also because of me. He appeared to be… jealous.”

“It’s not because of you, it’s because of him. You saved my life. If you hadn’t pushed him, if he hadn’t lost his grip for a moment, I would be dead now. You actually _attacked_ him. Something I have never gathered the courage to do.”

There was sadness and longing in his eyes which Mara didn’t want to ignore anymore. She placed her hands on his chest and brushed her lips against his bruised neck. She tried to be very gentle to avoid giving him any pain, it was barely a touch, barely more than a warm breath which travelled slowly over all the sore places. Hux’s skin was soft and warm and he had a very nice, wooden scent. He moaned quietly and tilted his head up when Mara started kissing his jaw; then he cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers. At first it was a light and sweet kiss, but Mara found herself putting her arms around his neck and opening her mouth to him. He responded immediately, but was surprisingly tender; she would have expected otherwise, knowing his rough edges and brusque demeanour. He slid his hands under the top she was wearing, at the small of her back, and caressed her bare skin.

She wanted him to stay for the night. She liked him, and also, which was a terrible thing to admit, she wanted to punish Kylo. As if she were proving to herself that Kylo didn’t own her. She had a right to sleep with the General if she wanted to, she shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

It would be simple and nice. It would be easy comfort for both of them, and they both desperately needed comfort now. He was literally battered; she was devastated and mortified. It wouldn’t necessarily be gentle; it could be rather wild as they were both riding on strong emotions at the moment. The General would strip her hastily of her clothes, then push her onto the bed and settle between her legs, his hands on her breasts, her body arched and her head falling back as she allowed him complete control of her body. They would be moving together and coming together, his eyes locked onto hers, his hands firmly gripping her hips. It would be exhilarating, it would free them from all the tension. She needed it, she needed him, his body against hers.

But the face she saw in her fantasy, hovering above her, the eyes boring into her, the hands undressing her and then holding her firmly, were Kylo’s. And this was really unnerving because his face was the last one Mara wanted to see right now. She dreaded seeing him. Yet he appeared in the scene she imagined and she couldn’t chase him away however much she tried.

So she couldn’t do it. She was kissing the General, longing for more; she wanted to offer both him and herself an escape from all the drama, some pleasure after all the abuse, she wanted to hurt Kylo back; and yet shecouldn’t do it. If she did that, there was no going back. Going back to what, to whom? There was nobody, she and Kylo weren’t together, and even if they had been, after his horrific display of madness that wouldn’t even matter anymore.

“I just want to enjoy it this one time,” Hux whispered, tightening his embrace and kissing her breathless, their bodies flush. His hands travelled up and down her back, under the thin fabric of her top, and Mara was moaning, flooded with warmth, full of unsatisfied longing.

They stayed like this for a long moment. Finally, Hux let go of her, buttoned his collar and gave her a last kiss on the forehead.

“You should leave,” he said. “You can’t be staying here any longer. I can’t guarantee your safety. I can post a stormtrooper, or ten, or fifty, at your door, but that won’t stop him.” 

“I don’t know what to do,” she confessed.

“I’ll give you a ship and a pilot. You can leave at any time. Just say a word.”

“Thank you, Armitage.”

“Good night, Mara,” Hux said, turned around and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a low point (although still not the lowest). Everything that has been slowly and carefully built comes crushing down, everyone suffers, all kinds of raw emotions come to the surface… Please tell me how you liked this chapter, I’m very curious of your views.


	14. The cold war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara and Kylo suffer and fight again  
> \---------  
> “Merciless? I am merciless? I don’t think you realise how hurt I am, how horrified, to have seen this part of you. I trusted you, admired, I believed in you! I was proud of what you achieved, proud to have been part of it! I saw so much good in you! But now I see how wrong I was, I see why everyone has always hated and feared you. You broke my heart!”

When the officers and the Knights entered the briefing room the next morning, the Supreme Leader was already there and looked like death.

Kylo hadn’t slept. He didn’t even go to bed for half of the night, and when he finally did, he didn’t close his eyes. He had crawled back to his quarters from the bridge the night before, shaking. He was still shaking hours later, the terrible truth of what he had done revealing itself to him gradually as his anger subsided.

Mara would leave. He had no doubt about that. Perhaps she had already left, in the middle of the night. She had told him she wouldn’t leave but that was a long time ago, when everything was fine. Even then, she said: “unless you really make me”. He did make her, now. He made her fear for her life.

There was stony silence in the briefing room as everyone sat down and avoided looking at him. Hux showed up. He kept a straight face and his neck looked very bruised. For the first time, Kylo didn’t relish in the General’s humiliation. The words that Mara shouted – in front of everyone – comparing Kylo to Snoke and accusing him of replicating the same pattern of abuse he had been subjected to, sickened him to the heart. He felt just like he had after killing Han, though this time nobody died. Disgusted with himself. And this was precisely what she said: that he disgusted her. Of all the painful things she threw at him, that was the worst.

 “Congratulations,” Sansena spat at him last night after Mara ran away and he released the Knights from Force immobilization. “The best, the only gift you’ve ever received from life, and you have just trashed it, like everything else.”

He didn’t shave this morning before the briefing, for the first time ever. His dark stubble and dishevelled hair provoked anxious looks among those present. His Knights seemed unimpressed and grave but the officers – apart from Hux – fidgeted in their seats. Kylo waited, sullen, not bothering to explain the delay to them. Everyone must have guessed anyway. It was five minutes after the appointed time and she had never been late. Her chair, to Kylo’s left, remained empty for the first time in three months.

After ten minutes had passed, General Hux cleared his throat.

“We should start,” he said firmly.

“We need to wait for Princess Mara,” Kylo replied.

“I doubt she will be coming.”

“And how would you know that, General?” Kylo asked with an eerie calm and everyone looked up, sensing a build-up to yet another scene.

“I wouldn’t come in her place,” said Hux simply.

“We’re going to the Zeenah base tomorrow,” Sansena interrupted. “We should discuss how many people we’ll be sending there for the next days, given the amount of equipment we already have on the base. It will still be a month before it’s fully securised and operational.”

“Bombers, frigates, TIEs of the latest generation, command shuttles and other transports, armoured walkers for all terrains, explosives, great quantities of weapons,” Djawan added. “And we’re going to build new star destroyers and two new dreadnoughts there in the next months. So it’s still not complete but in the long term it will be our largest military base in the galaxy.”

“Are you both sure about your decision to stay there?” Kylo asked. Sansena and Djawan nodded. It wasn’t supposed to be forever. Just a few months before the permanent command of the base became fully staffed and operational.

So it was decided. The _Stardust_ would be staying in the skies above Zeenah for two weeks, during which the Supreme Leader and his High-Command would inspect the base and make sure it was safe to leave it in the hands of the two Knights and a few thousand stormtroopers until more personnel and troops arrived. Even if there was no army in the galaxy willing or able to challenge his organization, Kylo had insisted on tight security protocols and decided to send a lot of troops to Zeenah. Such a display of strength, without being as sinister as the ostentatiousness of the former First Order, was dissuasive enough for anyone who would harbour hostile intentions. It was especially important in the aftermath of the assassination attempt.  

They talked about the organization of the base, the reporting needed, the exact types of weapons and equipment stocked there, and about the plans to station there permanently new big ships with a minimum crew onboard. The planet was uninhabited and rather cold; most of it was covered in a steppe-like desert, ideal to build a base on. It could be easily revitalized by transports from nearby fertile worlds. Because of its abundant mineral resources, Zeenah was also a good place to develop industry, and the idea of the New Order using its know-how to produce high-tech goods that could be traded across the galaxy, was as dear as ever to Kylo’s heart.

He couldn't discuss it today though. His absent-mindedness was noticed and the meeting was adjourned sooner than usual. He disappeared immediately afterwards and didn’t emerge from his quarters until the afternoon briefing.

“I thought he was going to go and see her,” Sansena said in a low voice to her brother when they walked towards the High-Command’s cafeteria for dinner.

“Maybe he did?”

“No way. I commed her half an hour ago, asking if she was all right and if they talked. She said no, and no. But she didn’t want to see anyone.”

“So she’s not coming to dinner?”

“I shouldn't think so.”

“That’s a bloody shame. I really got used to having her around. Do you think she’ll leave now?”

“She should never have come here,” Tw’oorah said, walking behind them. “She never understood what it meant to live with five powerful users of the dark side of the Force. She thought there would be some black humour and a lot of easily won little fights with really bad guys. She never wanted to accept that darkness can affect her, that it can destroy her.”

“She was doing fine,” M’biren said quietly. Every time he spoke, the other Knights paid attention because he was the most respected after Kylo and the quietest.

“Not anymore,” replied Tw’oorah.

“He really cares about her. We all know it.”

“He cared about his father, too.”

* * *

Kylo didn’t join them at dinner, but then again, he rarely did. He often ate alone in his quarters. Since Mara came on board the _Stardust_ , he visited the cafeteria more often, but still no more than twice a week. Sometimes he had dinner with one or two members of his High Command, including Mara. Meetings with her in the library after dinner were his favourite evening ritual. But there was no chance of this now.

In fact he hadn’t eaten for the whole day. He couldn't get anything down. After the morning briefing he spent hours training furiously in his gym, alone, until he was so sweaty, shaky and exhausted, and slashed through so many droids, that he was sure he would sleep like a log at night. However, when the night came, he woke up at 3.00 in the morning and felt terribly tired. He hadn’t gone to see Mara for the whole day. It was out of the question. He couldn’t bear to look into her eyes after what happened, he couldn't bear to hear her shout again that he was sick, insane, disgusting, pathetic. Each of those words stung and Kylo knew all of them to be true. It just hurt so infinitely more to hear it from her.

He remembered threatening her, his fingers reaching for her throat. He remembered how she stood up to him, how she pushed him away, with hatred and revulsion rather than fear in her eyes. What fierceness, what courage she had! He couldn’t go to see her. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know how. He hated himself for what he had done, he hated her for what she had said, he was crushed, miserable and he couldn’t face her anger and contempt again. Also, he couldn’t risk that she wouldn’t even open the door. He resolved to talk to her the next day at the morning briefing. 

Except that, yet again, the next morning she didn’t show up. He waited like the day before, standing by the viewport, with his back towards the room full of hushed voices. The ship was busy. Hux was overseeing the Zeenah operations and the High-Command’s shuttle was being readied to go planet-side for the day. They were supposed to come back only in the evening. Mara didn’t show up at the briefing nor in the launch bay later on so they had to leave without her. Nobody heard from her, or nobody told Kylo. She must have had her meals brought to her room by a droid. Kylo spent the day walking like a ghost around the base, not listening to what his officers were saying, trusting that Hux and the Knights would take care of everything. In the evening he again ate a small dinner alone, and wondered how long it would be before he went mad.

On the third day of this ordeal, deep shadows under his eyes, he exploded during the morning briefing.

“Where is she?” he asked sternly. “Has she left the ship without my knowledge?”

“No, she’s here,” said Hux. “I have just commed her, she replied she was in her room.”

“Why isn’t she coming? How long will this last?”

“I don’t know, Ren. Why don’t you ask her yourself? It’s because of you she’s not coming.”

Everyone shifted in their seats, keen to avoid another show of the Force and more bruises on the General’s neck. But Kylo didn’t take up the challenge. He stared into space, then propped his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands.

“Kylo…” Sansena started.

“Let’s just go to the Zeenah base,” said Kylo. “No use sitting here.”

* * *

He never came. Not to say sorry, not to see how she was, not to talk. Never sent any message. For three days. Not that she was sitting there waiting for him or decided to brood until he showed up. She stayed in her room because she felt too sick to go out and work as if nothing had happened. Blackness and anxiety completely swallowed her and the dark veil started to lift only after three days. It was then that Mara realized bitterly that Kylo had never made contact. He didn’t care. Not enough even to come and fight with her again. She felt terrible, she was tired but couldn’t really sleep at night, couldn't function during the day, couldn’t find distraction in any entertainment because after a few minutes she always found herself thinking again, obsessively, about the scene on the bridge. And she couldn’t bring herself to walk out of the room and risk meeting Kylo in the corridor. She was afraid of that meeting. Not afraid of him, but afraid of her own reaction, of what the conversation would be like. Above all, she feared that if they talked, she might realise things would never be good again and that it was time for her to leave, as Hux had suggested.

Both Kylo and Hux warned Mara, each in his turn, against the other, and it was clearly Hux who was right. Was she really surprised by that or had she always known? Because, whatever was wrong with Hux, Mara could easily see through it. The man had serious issues from the past, he was rough and sharp, he could be resentful and cruel, but was not wildly unpredictable. He acted according to a certain logic she could grasp, whether she approved of it or not. He was rather open too, not really hiding much of his bad side. Kylo, on the other hand, had layers upon layers of depth and contradiction. The pieces he was made of were thrown together in a complex way, connected by the mysterious energy of the universe, an energy Mara had no deep knowledge of. Kylo was driven by forces that worked in strange ways; they gave him power but also tore him apart. He couldn’t be understood, rationalised or tamed. Being around him was never totally safe. It was like being around a mentally unstable person, Mara thought with a tinge of pain.

Perhaps Kylo simply  _was_ mentally unstable? Perhaps his inner conflict between Darkness and Light had led to this? His powers rendered him mad, or his past did, or both. As a result, he might be disturbed and anything could trigger a slip into madness, just as Hux had warned her.

Or was Hux wrong? Mara couldn’t forget the moments of harmony and openness she had shared with Kylo. She couldn’t help thinking that if only he was finally allowed to thrive, if he could get rid of pain, struggle and endless challenges that were too big for one person, if he ceased to be lonely, if he was _loved_ , it would solve his problems. Perhaps he was not insane but lashed out because he always felt helpless, inadequate, afraid to be rejected. And yet, he _looked_ insane,  _acted_ insane, during that terrible incident on the bridge. She told him that. Should she be afraid of him? Even now, after what happened, she simply couldn’t find fear in herself. Despite all the recent evidence to the contrary, she felt she _knew_ Kylo. She knew who he really was, deep down, and she knew it from the very beginning. She saw his heart, and she felt she wasn’t mistaken. But now that she sat in her empty, quiet room for three days in a row, and had no idea what to do next, her former instincts and beliefs related to who Kylo was and who he wasn’t, suddenly seemed very uncertain and unreliable.

* * *

That third evening, when after the return from Zeenah everyone – except Kylo – was having dinner as usual in the High-Command’s cafeteria, Mara walked in. The conversation died down; the Knights, Hux and two other generals stared at her when she took her usual place at the table.

“Well, are you all going to stare?”

“Good to see you again, Mara,” Djawan said. “We were wondering…”

“How are you?” asked Sansena.

“I’m better. So I decided to venture outside. I missed company. How is everything on the base? Looks interesting from the viewport in my room.”

“Will you be coming with us tomorrow?” Hux asked.

“Maybe. I’m not sure yet.”

“We will first have the usual briefing at 10h,” he added, looking at her from across the table. She smiled to him.

“Yes, I know.”

After a moment of silence she resumed:

“Please, let’s not make it uncomfortable. We can talk normally. I _want_ to have a normal conversation. About something else.”

They talked late into the evening, telling her about the base, and she felt better. Sansena and Hux walked her off to her room. Nobody spoke Kylo’s name and nobody mentioned the drama from three days ago, so Mara felt relieved, but her heart ached all the same. She didn’t think she would be able to go to the briefing the next day. It was becoming more and more difficult to imagine that.

* * *

But the next day she woke after a good night’s sleep and hesitated, lying in her bed. She couldn’t just give up and go back to Neelia. She had been happy here. She liked everyone. She liked the kind of life she was living in the stars. There were so many good memories from those three months. Returning home, to her former diplomat’s life, suddenly seemed less exciting. However, she might be in danger if she stayed. Hux thought so and Tw’oorah also hinted at that at dinner last night. No one could tell whether Kylo’s next attack of rage wouldn’t be even worse and when it would happen. None of the Knights, and not even all of them together, could control him at such time or fight him off. His power was enormous and he abused it; she had hoped otherwise, she had expected better from him. What would this mean for the galaxy, in the long-term? She had thought her presence was changing him, appeased him, helped him rid of his insecurities and sorrow. It turned out to be quite the opposite. Perhaps she simply wasn’t good for him, and wasn’t the right person for this job.

It was the fourth day after the drama and if she didn’t rise now to go to the briefing, she didn’t know when she would. She could take a decision to leave the ship at any time later on, it didn’t need to be before seeing Kylo. She had to face him; if she had been brave enough to confront him when he was in a murderous rage, she surely could stand a morning briefing.

She came on time but when she entered, everyone was already in the room and most people were seated. Kylo, dressed in his usual black, stood at the viewport with his back to the room. When conversations in the room suddenly died down, Kylo caught on and turned around just as she was sitting down. Dumbstruck for a moment, he then quickly moved towards the table and sat next to her.

“Good morning, Mara,” he said quietly. A very brief glance earlier told her that he looked terrible: neglected, dishevelled, and utterly unattractive.

“Good morning, my lord,” Mara replied, avoiding further eye contact, and started browsing through the files on the table.

“Good to see you, Mara,” Djawan spoke. “We were afraid you might have left.”

Of course they knew she hadn’t because they saw her in the cafeteria the evening before but Kylo didn’t know about that.

“Thank you, Djawan,” Mara replied calmly. “I’m glad to see you too.”

And after a very brief pause, she added, looking directly at Kylo:

“No, I didn’t leave. It’s not in my nature to run away.”

Unlike your ex-girlfriend, she thought, and felt ashamed at how petty and childish that was but she couldn't resist. He visibly caught the allusion, stared at her but didn’t say a word. After a tense pause, under her fierce eyes, he was the first one to look down and open his file.

“Let’s discuss what we’re doing today on Zeenah,” he said.

* * *

This time Mara went with them to the base. She really enjoyed discovering it; it was the first time ever she had been to a real military base and Hux was happy to show her around and explain everything. Djawan and Sansena already had their quarters ready for them; in ten days, after the _Stardust_ ’s departure, Zeenah would be their home for a few months.

It was a weird and painful day for Mara. Seeing Hux at the cafeteria the evening before – their first meeting since the kiss they had shared – triggered strong emotions. But seeing both him and Kylo today in the same room, the General’s neck still bearing cruel signs of abuse, and yet both the bully and the victim talking business and pretending nothing had happened, left Mara seething. She hated Kylo for that. And then there was Kylo himself. He was a sadist and a murderer, an unstable and dangerous madman, an insolent capricious child, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to leave him. Yes, she liked the job and the people, she liked the life on the _Stardust_ , but she liked it all first and foremost because of Kylo. Her heart broke at his evident sadness and confusion, at how aloof and withdrawn he seemed for the whole day, at his neglected physical appearance. He didn’t trail after her on the base, he hardly talked to anyone; he was there like a ghost of himself with burning eyes. And yet, she didn’t seek to start a conversation; she wasn’t going to save or redeem him, and the very fact that he looked sorry about what happened between him and herself but didn’t seem to mind the General’s bruises, angered her.

They came back to the _Stardust_ for an early dinner – without Kylo, who again disappeared in his quarters – after which Mara walked to the bridge area. Its quiet atmosphere in the evening always soothed her, the view was breathtaking, and she liked to see thousands of little lights on dashboards and computers. This ship was her home now. She had her favourite seat on the bridge but didn’t take it now, she just stood by the viewport, as Kylo or Hux always did.

And that’s where Kylo found her. He came up to her and stood silently by her side. Mara had sort of expected that, and hoped he would finally start talking about what was on their minds.

But he didn’t. He kept staring into space for some time, then said suddenly:

“Maybe you’d like to come with me to the red sofa room, to read? The view is better from there.”

“I don’t want to read. I think we should talk about what happened.”

“I know we must. But just not tonight. I’m so exhausted thinking about it. Could we just have a quiet evening, a normal conversation?”

“Could we just pretend nothing is wrong, you mean?”

“Not pretend that nothing is wrong. Just put the talk off for one day.”

“We have put it off for four days. For four days I waited for you to start talking about it. I think that’s enough.”

“You weren’t even here. You were hiding in your room.”

“And what did you expect?” Mara asked, glaring at him. “Do you understand the gravity of what happened? Do you understand you threatened me with physical violence, and actually abused several other people? How can you even envisage a nice evening together without talking through all of this? It’s not like you just threw a childish tantrum. You almost killed someone!”

“I do understand. I heard what you said, I saw myself through your eyes. It’s too much to take. I’d like to have a calm evening before we talk about it again.”

Mara shook her head. There was a brief pause, and she said:

“You need to apologise to Hux.”

Kylo snorted.

“Didn’t you notice what our relations are like? There’s no room for apologies there. And what’s the point? He has always hated me, and he always will. He’s just looking for any weak point that would enable him to overthrow me. He was insolent. He deserved it.”

“Stop that, stop!” Mara shouted. “Have you seen what he looks like? Have you seen the traces of your Force trick on his neck? Are you actually _enjoying_ this?”

“I’m not enjoying it. But I can’t see myself apologizing to him. He should learn to hold his tongue. I’m the Supreme Leader and his superior.”

“So behave like one. And not like a violent coward!”

“Have you just called me a coward?” asked Kylo slowly; Mara felt his seething anger and the danger closing in on her. She didn’t care.

She turned to face him and Kylo turned to her as well, clenching his fists.

“Hux is being disrespectful towards you? So fire him. Or fight him like a man, go and punch him, without the safe distance of twenty metres between you, and you’ll see if he’s as defenceless as when you choke him from far away with the Force.”

“Oh, believe me, it would end even worse for him.”

“And if you weren’t a coward, you would have come to see me on any of the past three days to talk about it!”

“To hear you call me even more names? On top of being disgusting, pathetic, and whatever else, I’m now also a coward!”

“Hearing all this is still much easier to bear than being choked!”

“For you, maybe,” replied Kylo quietly, staring into space.

“I don’t know how to talk to you anymore,” Mara said wearily. “You either don’t understand or pretend not to understand. You find violence banal. According to you, there’s nothing much to talk about, what happened wasn’t that dramatic. You’re the strongest person in the galaxy so why would you have any consideration for anyone else? You can just do whatever you want, to whomever you want, without any consequences. It’s terrifying.”

“You needn’t be terrified. I’d never lay a finger on you.”

“You almost did! You threatened to choke me!”

“I never would!” Kylo yelled, smashing his fist into the transparisteel surface of the viewport with such violence that Mara jerked away, startled. He saw that and winced, then stilled and fell silent.

“I am… trying to control myself,” he spoke finally again, “but you are merciless, you are so hurtful with your words!”

His voice was hoarse and he repeatedly clenched and unclenched his gloved fists, which was a nervous habit but at that moment, together with those words, it seemed sinister. He was shaking; was it regret, or hurt, or anger? Mara wasn’t sure anymore.

“Merciless? _I_ am merciless? I don’t think you realise how hurt _I_ am, how horrified, to have seen this part of you. I trusted you, admired, I believed in you! I was proud of what you achieved, proud to have been part of it! I saw so much good in you! But now I see how wrong I was, I see why everyone has always hated and feared you. You broke my heart!”

She burst out crying and Kylo remained at her side, with his shoulders hung, a picture of misery.

“I broke mine too,” he said.

That was the end of the conversation. Mara cried for a few minutes and he stood there, tense, and yet he didn’t find anything to say to her. In the end, she went back to her room, and he didn’t follow her. She cried some more when undressing and, tired after four days of that drama, fell deeply asleep.

                                                *                                          *                                                 *

… and it’s on that very night, at 5 o’clock in the morning, that the red lights flashed and the siren blared, and Kylo banged on Mara’s door to say they were under attack. Everything happened very quickly, she begged him to take her with him but he refused, there was no time to talk, and then he was gone and it was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've closed the loop - we've retraced the events that led to what happened in Chapter 1. Don't hesitate to re-read chapter 1 now as everything will make sense! 
> 
> Next week's chapter will pick up directly where Chapter 1 left off - with Kylo struck down in battle on the Zeenah base, and Mara waiting anxiously for any news of him on the damaged Stardust, thousands of light years away. I hope so much you still like the story - let me know please and thank you for reading!


	15. The desolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara finds out what happened to Kylo in the battle of Zeenah  
> \--------------  
> “I won’t be able to get over it,” Mara says suddenly. “Ever. This is the worst day of my life. I wish I had at least told him...”  
> “I think he knew, Mara.”

“What are we doing?”

Hux asks this question to Sansena and Tw’oorah, in a conference room next to the med bay of the _Tempest_. It’s one of the New Order’s star destroyers that have responded to the _Stardust_ ’s call of distress and have come to Zeenah to their rescue. The battle of Zeenah is over, the New Order’s victory total, though their losses are serious. The newly arrived ships have sent shuttles to the planet to pick up the injured and those whose transports have been destroyed. The Supreme Leader has been transferred to the _Tempest_ and is now lying in a bacta tank, with patches covering his whole head, in a coma.

It was Tw’oorah who found him. In the midst of battle confusion, Tw’oorah always kept his eye on the red light of Kylo’s lightsaber. He saw his master give them a sign to withdraw to the High-Command’s Upsilon-class shuttle after fresh troops had arrived. Their victory was certain by then, it was just about finishing the job. So Tw’oorah turned around and started withdrawing from the field but when he looked back a few seconds later, the red lightsaber was nowhere to be seen. There was no way someone could have completely overpowered Kylo in such a short period of time, so for a brief moment Tw’oorah looked around, confused. He thought there might have been traps in the ground, perhaps even installed by their own troops to slow down a potential enemy, and that one of them had opened under Kylo.

But when Tw’oorah rushed back, calling to Sansena – Djawan had already fallen by then – he spotted Kylo lying on his back on the ground, his helmet nearly crushed, beside a huge block of concrete that must have come off the ceiling. Tw’oorah tore the helmet off Kylo’s head to uncover a horrific gash on the top, Kylo’s forehead already blue from what looked like internal bleeding. His skull might have been smashed, too; the wound looked so messy there was no way to tell. The alien Knight couldn't establish for sure if Kylo was still alive; he lifted him with the Force, while Sansena picked up Kylo’s saber and covered their retreat, and took him back to the High Command’s post.

On board the shuttle it turned out Kylo was breathing shallowly. They had him transported immediately to the _Tempest_ , hanging in the sky above them, with a squadron of TIE-fighters to cover the journey. When Hux and the Knights arrived at the _Tempest_ two hours later, once the battle on Zeenah was finished and other high-ranking officers could take over the operations on the ground, the Supreme Leader had already been treated for severe brain concussion, fractured skull and brain haemorrhage. He was alive but in a deep coma. The doctors made it clear that Kylo should have died on the spot from his injury; in fact the concrete block would have probably taken his head off his shoulders, if Kylo hadn’t slowed it down with the Force. The helmet helped some but the impact was still tremendous and, though saved by the Force from instant death, Kylo was in a critical state. He would likely never wake up and if he did, he would never recover his mental faculties.

That was the situation when they arrived on the _Tempest_ , and now, one hour later, it remains unchanged. The first ships with uninjured stormtroopers have already jumped to lightspeed to return to the _Stardust_ , now stationed a few thousand light years away. In a few hours they are bound to arrive at their destination and those on the flagship will start wondering what has happened to the Supreme Leader. So Hux is asking the Knights what to do because they must all decide, and fast.

“We should issue a statement to the troops, and another to the rest of the galaxy, about the attack,” suggests Sansena, “saying the Supreme Leader has been injured in the battle, but we don’t need to give any details yet nor communicate how serious his state is.”

“Yeah,” Tw’oorah agrees. “That’s fine. The question is, what do we tell Mara? Do we tell her at all?”

“We need to tell M’biren, and right now,” Hux intervenes. “He’s now the only member of the High-Command on the flagship. He absolutely needs to know. And I don't see how we could tell him and hide it from her.”

“Who’s going to tell her?”

“I will,” Sansena offers.

* * *

There is no news. Kylo, Hux and the Knights aren’t responding on their comlinks – most probably destroyed during the battle – and the commanders of the other star destroyers who have come to the rescue can’t give M’biren any indications, apart from the fact that the New Order has been victorious. They instruct him to wait for an imminent call from the Supreme Leader’s High-Command. Mara finds that ominous. The persistent refusal to give them more information can’t possibly be a good sign, once the battle has ended. She expected Kylo or Hux, or both, to comm her once it was over but neither has. Are they still on the planet, overseeing the end of the operations, after they were in the battle for so many hours? Unlikely. It’s not up to the Supreme Leader, nor to his second-in-command, to pick up the dead and the injured from the field, assess the damages to the equipment, or put cuffs on prisoners. Are they interrogating people, and is it so crucial to do it immediately? Perhaps. Or have they arrived on one of the new star destroyers and have had to convene an urgent meeting with all the military chiefs? M’biren, staying on the _Stardust_ ’s bridge and awaiting news, has no idea. But like Mara, he can find no justification for complete silence.

The silence doesn’t last long.

It’s M’biren who first receives private comm from Hux. He reads a long message on his datapad, then gives orders to officers on the bridge and approaches Mara. Something strange is happening.

“Any news?” she asks hopefully. But before he opens his mouth, her own comlink buzzes; Sansena is calling her.

* * *

Sansena, flanked by Hux and Tw’oorah, is standing in the large med bay of the _Tempest_ where Kylo’s bacta tank is positioned. Mara picks up immediately. They have chosen to contact her via comlink, without a video connection, lest she should ask to see Kylo. He isn’t a pretty sight.

“Sansena!” Mara says, her voice anxious and careful. “Finally! Nobody has commed me yet. We’ve been talking to the star destroyers that went to help you but nobody wants to tell us anything, either. What in the galaxy is going on? Apparently we’ve won the battle, so why this silence? Is everyone ok? And who attacked us?”

“It’s the gangs, just like we thought. But I’ll explain later. For the moment, our three star destroyers are tracking them back to their hidden base, somewhere in the Outer Rim, to finish them off, but we’ve interrogated a few prisoners and we don’t expect to find very much there. We think they sent all they had into the battle. Everything here is calm now, our base is destroyed but some ships and equipment are intact. We’ll have to think of the aftermath, starting tonight, but that’s later. Meanwhile, no, everyone is not ok. Djawan is injured.”

“Oh!” Mara says, alarmed, and pauses. “That’s terrible news. How did that happen?”

“They fired many blasters at him, all at the same time. He wasn’t able to stop them all.”

“Will he recover?” 

“We hope so. The doctors are optimistic.”

“I’m very sorry. I hope he will be all right.”

“Yes. But Mara, that’s not all.”

“What else? Or rather, who else?” Mara inquires, her tone suddenly different, wary, as if she knew something bad was coming.

“Nobody is dead.”

“That’s a relief.”

“But…”

“It’s Kylo, isn’t it?” Mara asks in a quiet, eerily calm voice. “Something has happened to Kylo. That’s why nobody wanted to tell us anything. Is that what you commed M’biren about a moment ago?”

“Kylo got injured. Not by the enemy, actually. A part of the base’s roof fell on him. He’s got a very serious head wound. He’s in a coma.”

There is silence on the other side and they hear her breathe.

“Mara?”

“I felt that might happen,” Mara says quietly. “I feared he might die in that battle. As if it was a logical ending.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We fought again the night before you all left… I told him terrible things. And when he banged on my door during the night and we didn’t have time to talk, I thought that it usually ended like this in stories. He would die. I can’t explain. I just knew something would happen to him. I couldn’t shake off this certitude.”

They hear her sob but the sound is muffled, as if she were covering the speaker.

“He asked for a truce,” she says and her voice breaks. “He wanted to put off serious talk. And I said no, and we fought. I was right, of course. We had to talk first. But if I knew then it would be our last conversation… I thought we had all the time in the world. So I spent that time fighting with him.”

“It’s not your fault, Mara,” says Tw’oorah quietly.

“I called him a coward,” she sobs. “I told him he was disgusting, pathetic, insane. I said he was like Snoke! I should have tried to help him. I was only accusing and insulting him, I did no better than he did!”

They hear her cry desperately and exchange anxious looks. M’biren’s hushed voice speaks in the background. Mara weeps for a few minutes and nobody dares to interrupt. Then she slowly calms down until there is silence again, except the sound of her hastened, heavy breathing.

“I told him he broke my heart,” Mara says with enormous sadness.

“Mara,” Hux starts carefully. “He’s not dead. The doctors aren’t leaving much hope for his recovery but he will at least be stabilized soon. In some time, though it may take a day or so, we’ll take him back to the _Stardust_. You’ll see him.”

“Maybe it’s better if I come where you are? Should he even be transported in that state?”

“It’s a bit of a chaos here. The debris from the battle is floating everywhere. Not very safe for you to come.”

“Just give me a good pilot. Please. I’ll leave right now.”

“I don’t know, Mara. Our best pilots all left for the battle. And it will take you three to four hours to even get here.”

“Please, Armitage, just let me come and see him. I need to. I can’t wait more than one day before you get back.”

“I won't stop you if you are decided. I’ll ask M’biren to give you the best pilot available. We will comm you if anything changes, all right?”

“I just want him to wake up,” she says and starts crying again. “Can’t we do something? Can’t we get better doctors, can’t he have a surgery?”

“The droids operated on him with a laser, and there were three of the New Order’s best surgeons supervising them. We could call a few more experts for counsel but I’m not sure this will make any difference.”

“He can heal with the Force,” Mara remembers. “He told me he started learning after Snoke’s death. Can’t he heal himself?”

Sansena and Tw’oorah exchange surprised looks. They didn’t know.

“He told you that?”

“Yes, and he showed me, too. I had cut my finger and he closed the cut. It literally closed. It stopped bleeding and I felt the skin come together.”

“We don’t know how to do it so we can’t tell,” Tw’oorah replies. “But I’m not sure he can perform it on himself, and certainly not while he’s unconscious.”

“I just want him to wake up,” she repeats miserably. There is not much more to say but Sansena can’t bring herself to end the connection.

“I won’t be able to get over it,” Mara says suddenly. “Ever. This is the worst day of my life. I wish I had at least told him...”

“I think he knew, Mara.”

* * *

In the conference room next to the med bay nobody is speaking; the three of them are looking at one another with dismay and distrust.

“What now?” Hux asks. Tw’oorah winces.

“With what?”

“With the New Order, of course!”

“We continue,” Tw’oorah says. “We finish the gangs off and we raze their secret base. Then we track and eliminate those hiding on other worlds. Once this is done, it will be a completely new galaxy, within which the New Order will have a new role.”

“We have no Supreme Leader anymore,” Hux reminds sternly.

“Stop talking as if he was dead!” Sansena shouts.

“You Force idiots really don’t understand,” Hux explodes. “Without him, there’s no authority we can all hide behind while we interfere with sovereign worlds, combing through the galaxy in search of remaining threats. And there’s no alliance, or a united galaxy, or whatever the hell it was that Ren was preparing, because without a leader we don’t get to finalise the agreements we started negotiating. We just have a huge army that will run out of resources soon. We’re back to square one.”

“And I bet you already have a solution to this problem, don’t you? One that involves setting you up as a new leader?” Tw’oorah asks slowly and pointedly.

“The New Order needs a leader. Especially at this delicate time when we’re under attack and vulnerable. Things can change very fast. If we show weakness now, we will be done for.”

“Nobody even needs to know for the time being that Kylo is in a coma,” Sansena says quickly. “He can be in recovery, for some weeks if necessary.”

“Kylo Ren is a vegetable!” Hux yells. “Open your eyes! We won’t manage to deceive anyone for as long as a few weeks! We need a plan, now!”

Tw’oorah jumps up from the sofa.

“Let me make a few things clear,” he hisses. “In case you felt tempted to try and take any _unilateral_ decisions. Kylo is alive. He remains the Supreme Leader. Whoever has a problem with that can talk to the Knights of Ren, and I can tell you that will be one hell of an unpleasant conversation.”

“And what exactly are you insinuating?” Hux challenges back angrily, also rising to his full height and facing Tw’oorah.

“You’re going to tell captain Snyde to put ten stormtroopers in front of the med bay’s door. So that nobody gets in, besides the doctors. You’re no exception. And I will have a little talk with these stormtroopers as soon as they’re posted.”

“I bet _you_ will be allowed to get in though, won’t you?” Hux asks with a sneer.

“Will you stop?” Sansena shouts. “Will you stop fighting for his succession while he’s still alive?”

“I’m not fighting for succession,” Tw’oorah replies. “I want to make sure there’s no threat to Kylo while he’s lying there unconscious.”

“And since when are your kind so noble and protective?” Hux mocks. “Because these yellow eyes tell me otherwise.”

“Be careful, General. The Supreme Leader might be indisposed but there are more of us who could teach you a lesson like the one you’ve received recently.”

“Try that and you’ll always have to sleep with one eye open,” Hux snarls, putting his hand on his blaster. The Twi’lek’s lekku twirls angrily behind his head, his yellow eyes flash, and his hand goes to the hilt of the lightsaber.

“You’re fucking insane,” Hux adds distastefully. “As paranoid and unhinged as the other madman. You all are.”

“You both shut up now,” Sansena orders, standing between them and extending her arms as a warning, to separate them. “You don’t know what you’re saying. We’ve all been in a battle for hours, and…”

“Hux wasn’t,” Tw’oorah scoffs. “He didn’t take any risk. He stayed comfortably in the command shuttle.”

“Someone must command a battle. You’d know it if you were capable of any strategic thinking. What a great perspective to have you as a contender for leader of the New Order after Ren dies.”

“Say once again he’ll die, and it will be the last thing you’ll ever say.”

They are standing very close to each other now, their fists clenched, and the air between them crackles with danger.

“Ben has saved my life in the past, and I’ll die protecting him if need be,” Tw’oorah hisses. “But many will die before that happens. Until such time as he’s declared brain dead and there’s no hope, there will be no decision on the new leader. We will lead the New Order together.”

Hux snorts.

“You and I? Hardly.”

“All of us,” Sansena says. “The five of us. Djawan will soon feel better, and M’biren will be coming back. We’re Kylo’s Council. That means something. It’s obvious that at a time of such crisis, he would like us to take over and rule on his behalf.”

“You’re forgetting Mara,” Hux says.

“I’m not forgetting her. I just have doubts she will want to stay on as a Council member.”

“You’re wrong. Her loyalty is not just to Kylo, it’s also to the vision of the galaxy we’ve all been working for. She will stay.”

“I have a feeling you’re very interested in Kylo being out of the picture and Mara staying,” Tw’oorah growls.

“So it’s settled,” Sansena changes the subject quickly. “We’ll manage the New Order together. For the time being.”

“Nothing’s settled. I don’t trust him,” Tw’oorah points to Hux, “and I hate all of this. We just don’t have any other choice. So yes, for now, whatever decisions need to be taken in the war, strategic or other, we take them together.”

They are standing in the middle of the room, the Force crackling dangerously around the two Knights. An uneasy agreement has been reached but their spirits are heavy, there is no veritable plan, they’re in the middle of a war against an opponent they underestimated and though they’ve won one battle and will most likely win the next one, the body lying in a coma next door reminds them they may have lost the war. Without Kylo, their unity crumbles, the Knights distrust Hux and he distrusts them, rivalries emerge and will only get stronger, and focus is difficult to maintain. They all know it as they eye one another warily. It’s a test of the New Order’s internal strength and external credibility, and they’ll likely fail it without Kylo, so it is the beginning of the end.

* * *

Mara knows it too as she is hurriedly preparing to board her transport and leave the _Stardust_. But the politician, the professional and the royal in her for once do not take the centre stage. She has plenty of questions about the Zeenah attack – how the gangs worked, how they could have pulled off such a stunt, which ones were involved. She’s also wondering about next steps and how to eradicate the criminal threat to the New Order definitively. Finally, she’s well aware of the chaos that may ensue in the absence of clear leadership. She knows of trust issues between the Knights and the military chiefs. But the cold panic that takes hold of her has nothing to do with the fate of the New Order or the galaxy, even if she knows she needs a plan with which to contribute to an inevitable discussion that will take place soon within the High-Command.

Instead, she’s replaying in her mind the last conversation between herself and Kylo, the one from last night, just before his hasty departure, in the corridor in front of her room. She remembers every detail: how he looked, how his mouth was slightly twisted, how his eyes bore into her, how he repeatedly urged her to run to security, how he paused when she cried and was reluctant to leave her, even when the officers and Tw’oorah came for him. It was just a few hours after their second big quarrel, during which she called him a coward, but Kylo wasn’t angry when he came to say goodbye. He didn’t leave without a word, though time was pressing. He wanted to see her first. She remembers vividly the pain and hesitation in his eyes when she cried. She remembers his ruffled hair – he must have dressed in a hurry, did he even sleep after their fight? – his tall figure towering over her, and his pale face in the middle of the sea of blackness.

Mara wishes they had forgiven each other during that moment in front of her door, at 5 o’clock in the morning. In fact they did forgive but they should have said it. She would like them to have comforted each other as he was preparing to depart. She wishes she had held on to him a little longer, put her arms around his neck, pressed her cheek to his, kissed him. She’s feeling on her lips a phantom of that kiss that never happened. Her body is aching in a phantom of their last embrace that never came to pass. She’s reciting in her mind the words she should have told him: not just those of affection, but above all words of mercy, forgiveness, and compassion. She wishes she had wrapped him in her affection like in a cloak. It would have protected him.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt like that. This is not at all what Princess Mara signed up for when she came to the _Stardust_ three months ago to offer her services as adviser to Kylo Ren. She thought she was in control – of her future, her heart, her image, her words and behaviour. She wouldn’t be destabilised. She was an experienced diplomat. She was prepared for hard work and difficult progress. Yet Kylo Ren has put her off her balance time and again, and now she finds herself shaking, sobbing like a child, even praying to deities she doesn’t believe in. A pitiful shadow of a confident, self-controlled royal and politician she thought she was.

_Nothing_ was ever supposed to hurt that much.

No other attachment in her life – and yes, she has had other attachments, and she has cared about other people – has ever felt so crushing, so terrifying, so final. No other has ever felt so impossible to let go of.

In the end, Mara knows prayers aren’t answered; she prayed for rescue and for her sister’s life when she was a little girl, kidnapped by gangsters. So now she only hopes she will be able to see Kylo, touch his face, kiss him, before he is gone for good, and that he, in the depth of his coma, will somehow be able to feel her too. She wants to climb into his bed in the med bay, take his arms and wrap them around herself, pretend that he’s holding her and that they have just fallen asleep together. Pretend they have had a little of what they will never have now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!


	16. The healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which even the Knights of Ren cry  
> \-----------  
> “Mara? Are you there? Are you on your way?”  
> “Is he dead? Is that why you’re calling?” she asks finally in a small, scared voice. She is speaking slowly, as if she wanted to delay the moment she hears the answer that will confirm her fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just to invite you to also read my new story, [The Fever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147002/chapters/42910568). It will be a bit shorter than this one, but quite long, too, so a pleasure for many weeks to come, with regular updates!

Two hours later, as Sansena, Tw’oorah and Hux are discussing current operations in the conference room next to the med bay, and dispatching orders to the whole fleet via comlink, a loud bang next door makes them all jump. It sounds as if many metal objects fell on the ground all at the same time. The two Knights bolt out of the room. They both have the same thought: despite the presence of stormtroopers in front of the door, someone has broken into the med bay to finish Kylo off. There must be a traitor on the ship. From the corridor, they can hear the metal clanking noise again, but also other sounds. Someone is clearly moving around inside the med bay. The stormtroopers patrolling outside seem as confused as the Knights; they disperse anxiously and point their blasters in the direction of the room. Sansena and Tw’oorah run towards it, their sabers lit. But before they reach the door, it slides open and Kylo’s tall figure appears. Everyone screams with shock.

Kylo looks terrifying. He staggers and leans against the wall; he tries to walk but stops every so often, panting. His hair is wet and matted, blood trickling down his face from his head, bewilderment in his eyes. He’s pressing a big bacta patch to his forehead. The compress is secured by a bandage wrapped around his head, so he doesn’t need to hold it but he must be reaching to his head because of pain. He’s shirtless and wearing loose grey trousers that the droids left next to his bacta tank. He must have knocked something over when he woke up, got out of the tank, and tried to put the clothes on. Perhaps he has even fallen down.

Tw’oorah is by his side in one stride and props him up. Kylo leans on him so heavily the alien bends under the weight.

“Don’t move, Kylo, don’t move!” shouts Sansena and rushes to help Tw’oorah. They’re on Kylo’s both sides, throwing his arms over their shoulders and dragging him back to the med bay, where they carefully put him down on the bed. Kylo grunts with pain. They lower him onto the pillows, pile up a few more behind his back and hover above him, uncertain what to do next. Hux arrives at the scene and stays close to the door, as shocked as the other two.

“Get the doctors!” Tw’oorah bellows at the troopers who peek inside from the corridor.

Kylo closes his eyes and breathes heavily. He must have put all his strength, once he woke up, into getting up and exiting the med bay.

“Are you in great pain, master?” Tw’oorah asks. Kylo nods, his eyes still closed, and makes the sign of the injection against his arm. He wants a painkiller. The pain must have flared once he stood up. Sansena shouts to the droid to get her a syringe and gives him the jab herself. He relaxes almost immediately. A few moments of tense panting and he slowly opens his eyes. He also opens his mouth but no sound comes out. He tries and tries again.

“Where?” he croaks.

“You’re on the _Tempest_ ,” Hux answers. “It has come to our rescue.”

Kylo looks at him for a long moment as if he registered Hux’s words with a delay and an effort.

“ _Stardust_?” he manages.

“The _Stardust_ is safe. They repaired the hyperdrive and managed to jump to lightspeed in time. They’re now close to Xeria, the repairs are ongoing, but the ship is stable. The shields are back on. M’biren is in command.”

Kylo leans forward, trying to sit, and Tw’oorah puts one hand cautiously against his master’s back and another on his chest, to steady him and prevent him from toppling over.

“Mara is safe and sound, master,” Sansena confirms, reading the anxious question in Kylo’s eyes. “We talked to her a few hours ago, and she said she was coming over in a shuttle. She must be on her way now.”

“You were in a coma,” explains Tw’oorah. “Do you remember what happened on the battlefield, how you were injured?”

Kylo looks at him for a long moment, finally nods.

“I found you, we picked you up and took you to the _Tempest_. You had a laser surgery to stop the haemorrhage. The doctors said you might not wake up.”

“They obviously don’t know very much about Force users,” interrupts Sansena and smiles at Kylo. She and Tw’oorah are both visibly very happy to see him awake. Hux has more mixed feelings but even he in the end feels relieved. The death of the Supreme Leader at the hands of gangs at this moment would cause a total panic in the galaxy, which all the criminals would likely take advantage of.

“You’re immortal, you lucky bastard,” he says to Kylo with a tinge of admiration. “That concrete block should have blown your head off, the doctors said. Or, in the best-case scenario, you should be brain-dead now.”

“Disappointed?” Kylo croaks again and everyone laughs.

Kylo scrambles to sit up properly, with Tw’oorah’s help, and leans back against the pillows with a sigh of relief. He lowers his arm; he’s been holding onto his bandaged head all this time.

“Let me have a look, Kylo,” Sansena offers. “Just don’t move, please.”

She removes the bandage and the bacta compress. The gush on the top of Kylo’s head was closed during the surgery and now it is only slightly bleeding, probably from the effort of standing up or maybe when Kylo fell down trying to get dressed. There is an enormous dark bruise, covering almost all of his forehead and creeping down towards his eyebrows.

Two doctors rush into the room now but Kylo gives them a sign to stop and leave. They linger uncertainly, arguing they need to examine him; Sansena orders them to wait outside and closes the door. She gets a wet cloth and wipes Kylo’s face carefully, avoiding the bruise, just to get rid of sweat and blood, and offer him some comfort because the cloth is pleasantly cool. She moves his hair away from his face, trying to make him appear less dishevelled. He still looks horrific, white as a sheet, with the scar on his cheek looking much more prominent than it has been in the last months. But he seems better than a moment ago. His face is calmer, and, as the pain recedes, there’s more consciousness in his eyes.

“You should lie back down,” Hux suggests. “You had a brain haemorrhage. I’m sure it’s not good to sit up or move your head. Also, why don’t you let the doctors see you?”

“Healing,” Kylo says.

“What do you mean?”

“He means he will be healing himself now,” explains Tw’oorah. “With the Force.”

Kylo closes his eyes and the two Force users feel a wave of powerful energy swirling around him, which he directs and channels into his own body. He closes the little veins and capillaries, reduces the swelling, helps the fractured bone grow back together and aids his system in absorbing the blood from the bruised places. There’s a faint electric current dancing at the tips of his fingers, with which he touches his forehead. It is unbelievable, Hux thinks, but the bruise is getting visibly less black and slightly retreats from above Kylo’s eyes. Kylo looks serene, meditating with his eyes closed.

“I thought Dark side users can’t heal,” Sansena whispers.

“There’s one Force,” replies Tw’oorah. “He is powerful enough to be able to take whatever he needs from both sides.”

It takes about ten minutes. Gradually some colour comes back to Kylo’s cheeks; finally he lowers his hands and opens his eyes.

“Water?” offers Sansena and he nods. A moment ago she would have needed to hold his glass for him, but now he’s drinking unaided, though slowly.

“We should tell Mara,” Hux utters and Kylo’s eyes shoot to him. He nods again.

“Do you want to talk to her?” inquires Sansena but he shakes his head. He can still barely speak.

So Hux comms Mara, who picks up immediately. However, she remains silent and doesn’t acknowledge the contact.

“Mara? Are you there? Are you on your way?”

“Is he dead? Is that why you’re calling?” she asks finally in a small, scared voice. She is speaking slowly, as if she wanted to delay the moment she hears the answer that will confirm her fears.

“No, he’s not. He’s awake!”

A moment of stunned silence.

“He’s awake?!” Mara shouts. “Like, really awake? Conscious?”

“Yes. It has just happened. He has been healing himself, too. He already looks better.”

“He’s been asking about you,” Sansena interjects.

“Can he talk?”

“Not really, but he can hear you.”

At that, Mara bursts out crying.

“How?” she tries. They can hear she’s making an effort to compose herself, but she begins to sob whenever she starts forming a word. Kylo closes his eyes and tears trickle down his face. Maybe that’s too much emotion for now. They’ve never seen him cry before.

It takes a few moments, then Mara falls silent and just exhales slowly.

“I’m coming over to see you,” she says softly. “I’m on my way. Please rest now. Just… don’t do anything.”

There is again a moment of silence, full of meaning and heavy with unspoken words that everyone can sense.

“Because if something happens to you again, I will not be able to bear it,” Mara whispers. Kylo is staring at the comlink as if he was entranced, and as if she was standing there in person. His face betrays amazement bordering on disbelief – has she just cried so desperately because of him? Has she said what he thinks she has?

“We’ll be waiting for you,” Hux confirms.

“Thank you,” Mara says quietly.

When they end the connection, Kylo slightly shakes his head. He’s overwhelmed, but not in a bad way.

“It was a very difficult conversation when we told her what happened to you,” Sansena speaks. “She cried and cried, Kylo.”

“She said it was the worst day of her life,” Tw’oorah adds and Kylo’s eyes widen.

Hux snorts.

“Are you really that blind, Ren? What, you didn’t know? It never even crossed your mind? Not very sharp for a Force user who allegedly can read minds.”

“She regretted that the two of you parted in anger,” Sansena interrupts, shoving her elbow into the General’s side to shut him up. If Kylo can heal, he can surely choke.

“I was never angry with her,” Kylo says, more clearly now.

“She regretted the things she told you.”

“She shouldn’t. I deserved them.”

They're standing in a half circle around him, in silence. He is pensive and visibly chagrined, staring at the wall to his side.

“I’ll sleep now,” he utters finally and lowers himself onto the bed while Tw’oorah carefully arranges the pillows under his head.

“Please let the doctors see you first, Kylo,” Sansena insists. “Just for a moment. Then you’ll sleep.”

He hesitates but in the end accepts and she ushers in the two surgeons who are waiting outside. When the Knights re-enter fifteen minutes later, Kylo’s head is bandaged, with the fresh bacta compress underneath, he has a drip in his arm, he’s dressed in fresh clothes, and the doctors tell them he is better. Kylo is already asleep; Sansena covers him with a blanket and they all leave, while several droids stay to monitor him non-stop.

In the corridor outside the med bay, Sansena and Tw’oorah burst out crying, which completely stuns Hux. It’s the first time he can see so clearly how devoted the Knights of Ren are to their master. It’s also the first time he sees a Sith cry.

“He really is immortal,” Tw’oorah says after a few moments, with a wide smile.

“Poor Mara!” adds Sansena. “She thought he was dead! Imagine the reunion now!”

Hux is silent. He’s also imagining the reunion and can’t help but feel his chest tighten. He knew it from the beginning, he was prepared for it, and yet he feels like indulging himself now and grieving a little. He never expected she would choose him over Ren, not even after Ren’s horrific behaviour in the last days, and yet...

But he had that one moment with her, her kiss, he held her in his arms, felt her body close, and she enjoyed it, she wanted him there and then, and gave him more emotion than he had hoped to steal from this brief encounter. He knows it’s over now, but he will remember it. He knows that she will remember it too, and that she doesn’t regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're high on emotion but the worst has been avoided... I was stressed myself when writing about these things! Tell me what you think of the last chapters, it's always very interesting and uplifting to read your comments, and thanks for reading.


	17. The reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara’s heart overflows  
> \------------  
> Mara wants to tell him that she wanted to die when she thought he wouldn’t wake up. That nothing and nobody in her whole life had ever seemed more precious. But these are grand things, requiring eloquence, and she is so overwhelmed by emotion that she can barely stammer a few words. So she gives up and just strokes his face.

The doors of the _Tempest_ ’s med bay slide open and Mara bursts in, no trace of her usual composure on her face. She has just landed, after almost four hours of a solitary journey. The Knights and Hux, who have picked her up at the hangar and brought her here, enter the room with her.

She hasn’t really thought that much about what exactly she will do once she sees Kylo; in any case, she assumed it would be a rather dramatic reunion. She was going to kiss him, to throw herself into his arms. But now she pauses at the entrance because he looks so fragile, asleep and slightly curled on his right side in a med bay bed, with a drip in his left arm. The lights are dim and the med droids are blinking at Mara, displeased at this interruption. She comes closer to his bed, trying not to make any noise, and sits on a chair next to it. And then, all of a sudden, Kylo jerks awake, raises his head from the pillows and opens his eyes.

His eyes are tired, there are small creases around them that were not there before, and Mara’s heart melts. Kylo immediately reaches for her and wraps his right arm around her waist. Mara leans forward and touches his face, carefully avoiding the forehead area covered by the bacta compress. She strokes his cheek with the back of her hand. Kylo doesn’t make any sound, doesn’t smile, he only leans into her touch, watching her carefully. There’s too much emotion to just say hello.

“You have tired eyes,” Mara says quietly. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“You have tired eyes too,” he replies, clutching her waist. “You’ve been crying.”

She’d never cried as much as in those last five days. Her eyes are small and swollen; neither of the two of them looks great at the moment.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better. Stronger. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

“Are you in pain?”

“It’s bearable. All I really need is more sleep. But stay with me for now, please.”

There’s no way to express in words what Mara feels right now, and she finds herself unable to speak for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo says, looking away, then turns his head towards her again, and repeats, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry…”

He now presses a button and the back of his bed rises to the sitting position. He tries to pull her closer to him, so she sits on his bed, snuggles against him and snakes her arms behind his back. Kylo buries his face in her hair and Mara can hear the others leave the room.

“I’m sorry, too,” she whispers into his neck.

He smells bad. It’s a smell of blood, sweat – his own and of those he has killed – and of the dust of the battlefield. She doesn’t care. He’s warm, she can hear his steady heartbeat and his breathing, and he’s holding her close. It’s so much more than she hoped for. A few hours ago she only prayed he wouldn't die while she was crossing the galaxy to come to his side.

* * *

She was still teary when she boarded the shuttle, some fifteen minutes after Sansena told her Kylo was in a coma. M’biren gave her a pilot but couldn’t come himself; he needed to supervise the last repairs on the ship and promised the _Stardust_ would join the rest of the fleet above Zeenah as soon as possible, probably on the morning of the next day. So Mara set off alone and for two hours, before Hux and the Knights commed her for the second time, sat in the transport part of the shuttle, strapped to her seat, mulling it all over. Those were by far the worst two hours of her life, and she remembered with irony how a few days earlier she thought in the same way about the terrible scene on the bridge. What happened on the bridge was still terrible but _this_ – this was one million times worse.

She wanted to die. This thought appeared briefly but stunned her all the same. She had never had thoughts like this. She had never been in such despair. She was strong, cheerful, full of light, and now she wanted to die. Suddenly it turned out that if Kylo was gone, it was the end of _everything_ , and she wasn’t even sure when he became everything to her. His last memory of her – apart from the hasty and chaotic conversation in front of her room’s door at 5 o’clock in the morning, which hardly counted – must have been that of anger, of hate, with which she responded to him the evening before his departure. He was right, in a sense; she _was_ merciless. For once, she didn’t even try to understand him, didn’t show any compassion, didn’t bother to express her reproaches in a more tactful way. She stood on principle. To teach him a lesson. Now he learnt it and he was dying.

She had told him he broke her heart; she smiled bitterly at that memory. She hadn’t known back then what a broken heart was. It was now that her heart was truly broken, and it was excruciating, like physical pain. She couldn't breathe properly. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if Kylo died. Mara couldn’t shake off the absurd feeling that if they hadn’t been fighting so much, if only they hadn’t fought again just the evening before he left, he would have come out of the battle alive. She knew it was ridiculous, and she was wiser than to presume she had had such a determining role, but she just couldn’t stop thinking of it. She dreaded seeing him in a coma, his battered face; she dreaded even more that he would die while she was still on her way. When her comlink buzzed and she saw the call was from Hux, her heart stopped beating for a moment, she was sure of it, it wasn’t just a manner of speaking. They were calling to tell her Kylo was gone.

And then it turned out they weren’t, and the next hour or so was spent in a state of frenzy; wild joy mixed with a terrible fear of his relapse, and an absurd premonition that something would happen to him again. Someone would try to kill him, perhaps? She just needed to be there, to see him in order to believe he was awake, and to _protect_ him – from whoever and whatever. She knew it was a delusion, but she felt a tremendous surge of power and energy that she had thought only Force-sensitive people could experience. As soon as she arrived, he would be safe. He couldn’t be safe until then.

So when she landed in the hangar of the _Tempest_ and met the Knights and Hux waiting for her outside the shuttle, she just said: “Take me to him”. And when Tw’oorah suggested she should sit and calm down first, have a drink, talk to them for a minute, she grabbed the front of his jacket and shook him violently.

“Take me to him right now,” she hissed, “or I swear, Tw’oorah, I will show you the dark side like you’ve never seen it before.”

* * *

After a long moment in each other’s arms, Mara pulls away to look at Kylo. Their bodies separate reluctantly; she stays on the edge of his bed, their hands clasped together on his chest. He looks at her with dark, intense eyes – so intense that the air stills in the room. Mara squeezes his hand and tears flow again.

“No,” Kylo says, raising his hand to her face and wiping them off. “No more crying on my account.”

Mara wants to tell him that she wanted to die when she thought he wouldn’t wake up. That nothing and nobody in her whole life had ever seemed more precious. But these are grand things, requiring eloquence, and she can barely stammer a few words because of emotion. So she gives up and just strokes his face.

“You need to sleep now,” she whispers. “You must rest.”

“All right.”

She tries to think professionally.

“I know there are lots of things to oversee in the aftermath of the attack. But the High-Command will know what to do. Tomorrow I want you to let me take care of you. I will look after you.”

“How could I say no to that?” he says, his face slightly brighter now.

“Will you let me take a look at this tomorrow?” she asks, pointing at his bandage and compress. He nods.

“Do you have everything you need? Clothes, blankets, towels?”

“The droids have brought everything. You can just cover me up.”

She pulls the thick, warm blanket over him and looks around, searching for the droid.

“If anything is the matter with him during the night, you need to wake me up immediately. Is that understood?”

“Yes, madam,” the droid confirms. Kylo smiles.

“Don’t worry. I will be fine. Will you come to see me in the morning?”

Mara has briefly contemplated sleeping on a cot here, in the med bay, so as not to have to leave him, but she fears her presence would disturb him. So she will leave, she’s just trying to overcome the irrational dread that something happens to him as soon as she goes out of the med bay’s door. She won’t tell him about it, of course, but it paralyses her. It’s so unlike her to feel this kind of anxiety that she hardly recognises herself in these strange, overly emotional reactions. She tries to hold back.

“Just send me a message when you’re ready to see me, I don’t want to wake you up or interrupt your treatment. And I’ll send you a small surprise before I arrive.”

“What kind of surprise?”

“You’ll see. Something nice to start the day with.”

However, when she begins to pull away in order to stand up, his grip on her hand tightens, so Mara lingers. They remain still, their eyes locked. He looks so tired now, his eyelids become heavy, and yet he doesn't let go of her.

“Kylo…” Mara whispers, leaning towards him.

It’s the first time she has addressed him by his name, and his eyes flash at that. But again, Mara’s chest constricts, and she can’t speak. Neither can he, it seems. She would like to press her forehead to his, but of course that would hurt him. She feels like wrapping his head in her hands, to keep him safe and unharmed. Perhaps, rather than tell him anything, she should show him how she feels, but she refrains lest she should become too violent: squeeze him so hard it would be painful, yank him towards her, or kiss him until his lips hurt. In her mind, a storm rages: a war of emotions, all of them unhinged, all of them for him. Then again, she is flooded with fondness so gentle and yet so powerful that her heart melts. She is angry, she is loving, she is tender, she is passionate, she is rough, she is soft, she can’t breathe. She can’t breathe.

He is alive and safe. He will get better. She will see him tomorrow morning. She won’t lose him again. Nothing bad will happen to him. Maybe tomorrow she will find her words.

She leans over him and kisses his cheek lightly, her lips lingering on his skin, as Kylo turns his head towards her and brushes her ear with his mouth. She presses another kiss to his cheek, then another, and strokes his neck.

“Sleep well.”

* * *

Sansena is waiting outside and takes Mara to a lounge a few hundred metres away. Mara is sleepy and feels broken but wants to talk to all of them before going to bed. Tw’oorah and Hux are already in the lounge, waiting for her.

 “I’m sorry, I realise now I haven’t even asked how you all are,” she utters wearily, sitting on the sofa. “No injuries? And Djawan will be fine? Is he asleep now too?”

“We’re all fine, Mara,” Sansena assures her. “Djawan is better, he will be back on his feet tomorrow. He hasn’t been injured nowhere near as badly as Kylo.”

“I think I’m really losing it,” Mara confesses, hiding her face in her hands. “Or I have already lost it. These last days have just been too much.”

They are all silent, and she finally lowers her forearms and looks up at them.

“This job might be too much for me,” she admits. “And also, I think it’s not just a job anymore.”

“Yeah, we got that,” Tw’oorah says.

“He drives me crazy, he does. Five days ago I could have torn him to pieces. Literally. I was furious. Enraged. I could have almost thrown this block of concrete at his head myself.”

“The call of the dark side?” asks Hux sarcastically. 

“…And then when he left – and when you called me to say he was in a coma… It felt like the world ended, like there was nothing left for me in the whole galaxy.”

“Anger, pain and fear are powerful emotions,” Tw’oorah comments. “But your strength, and also your confusion at the moment, comes from a very different source, Mara. Not from the dark side.”

“I hardly have any strength left,” she says and rubs her eyes wearily.

“Oh, you do.”

“Tw’oorah,” Mara starts, looking at the Twi’lek carefully. “You found him. He would be dead without you. I will never forget that.”

“It’s fine, Mara. He’s like a brother to me. He’s saved me once, too.”

“I’m sorry I used to distrust you. In fact, at the beginning I disliked you. I was very wrong about you.”

“I was wrong about you too.”

Second best. This is what he called her when they met. Second best, after the Jedi who had left. Mara still isn’t sure Tw’oorah was wrong when he said that. After all, she isn’t as strong as they are. She isn’t a Force user. She couldn’t help in the battle, she couldn’t help in the healing, she couldn’t protect anyone. She can only give some consolation, and how can that be enough? Does she even belong here?

“Tomorrow is going to be a better day, Mara,” Sansena promises. “No more drama.”

“I can’t stop shaking,” Mara says miserably and her voice breaks, for the umpteenth time in the last days. “I can’t control myself anymore. What is happening with me? This is not like me. I don’t know where this is going.”

“Well, we kind of have an idea,” Tw’oorah smirks. 

“I need to sleep,” Mara decides. “I need to stop thinking. Maybe I should take a pill or something, to calm down.”

“Any orders for tomorrow?” Hux asks.

Actually, she should have started by asking them about all the details of the attack – they told her very little in their earlier conversation via comlink, just that the gangs worked together, which is shocking and upsetting, but… But as long as Kylo is safe, at the moment Mara simply can’t make herself care. This is perhaps the first time in her entire life that personal matters have taken such a clear precedence over her professional, political persona. She will learn the whole story of the battle soon, but not now. For now, she just wants to think of him. She wants tomorrow morning to come already so that she can be with him again.

But this is not right, because Kylo would rely on her to help. If he were feeling better, he would task her with overseeing the next steps for him, in case the Knights and Hux run into disagreement. Also, she needs to check that things are on the right track so as to shield Kylo, to make sure he won’t be disturbed tomorrow. So she collects herself. She still needs to do her job.

“You’re in charge of operations, Armitage, but the Council takes key decisions as a whole. Tomorrow Kylo needs to rest; however, just in case he feels well enough to see you in the afternoon, have a report ready on actions taken, with recommendations: military, technical, personnel-related, communication, anything. I don’t know all the details, but I imagine securing the remaining equipment on Zeenah and tracking the criminals to their base are our priorities? I suppose you’ve already started. And whatever you do, I’d definitely advise to coordinate with our allies. If the Council can’t agree, comm Kylo, but please try to agree. He needs a day off. Plan a regular morning briefing for the day after tomorrow, with all the commanders.”

“You’ll make him a fine empress one day,” Tw’oorah comments with a smile.

“All understood,” Hux says quickly, visibly put out by that last comment. Mara is, too. It’s too much right now. “I’ll start working right away.”

“Will you be coming tomorrow to work with us, Mara?” asks Sansena.

“I don’t know. It depends on Kylo. If he asks me to stay with him, I will. But comm me if you need anything.”

“He’s better now, right? What’s he doing?”

“He went to sleep. He seemed fine. I asked the med droid for any updates during the night if anything is wrong. I think we’ve done all we could.”

“I still can’t believe it,” Tw’oorah remarks. “He seemed finished. A vegetable. I saw this block of concrete on the ground and I’m telling you, nobody should have survived this, not in a helmet, not even with the Force slowing it down.”

Mara sighs.

“Will anything good come out of all this?” she wonders.

“Yes, I think so,” replies Hux. “We are tracking them. No doubt the same people had organized the first attempt on Gheran, and they knew it was just a question of time before we got to them. They had no choice. They had to give it one more go, and fast – and fortunately, they failed. We will come after them now and end them once and for all. All our allies will be reassured and impressed. There will be a tremendous surge of positive emotion towards the New Order. Plus, everyone will be reminded of the Supreme Leader’s exceptional powers. All this is worth more than our losses.”

“Don’t say that,” Mara says sadly. “People died. Many people.”

“We knew people would die when we decided to wage war on gangs.”

“Still…”

Mara sits with them for a bit longer, in companionable silence. With a murderous, unscrupulous general and two users of the dark side of the Force, one of them a fully-blown Sith with terrifying yellow eyes. Three months ago they were all openly hostile towards her, accused her of being a traitor, suspected her of hidden motivation, threatened her, and now they feel like family. And in another room somewhere on this ship sleeps the scariest, darkest and most powerful man in the galaxy who infuriates Mara, drives her to despair, and occupies all her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what they will be doing the next day when he wakes up... I have a feeling it will be intense :-) Stay tuned for the next chapter!


	18. The bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara looks after Kylo while he’s healing  
> \--------------  
> Kylo falls back against the wall of the tub and Mara leans against him, planting kisses on his collarbones and neck. It is a happy time of satisfaction and fulfilment. She settles in his arms, while he slides down to immerse himself more deeply in the water, a smile on his face, his body completely relaxed and singing with happiness. There is no better view in the whole galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long and intense chapter ahead - enjoy!

At eleven o’clock standard time Mara enters Kylo’s quarters on the _Tempest_. He left the med bay early in the morning. He is resting on the sofa by the viewport but presently stands up and turns around to face her.

“My lord,” Mara says, approaching him. Yesterday, when he was bedridden and weak, and she full of emotion, they behaved in an informal and intimate manner; they touched each other tenderly, she called him by his name. But today he stands tall and strong, dressed in his formal black clothes, and a respectful and polite distance between them is instantly re-established.

Kylo looks at Mara without a smile. But he doesn’t smile very often so it doesn’t matter because his eyes tell the story she has hoped to see, that of anxiety and relief, of longing and fear, of weariness and peace – the peace he found again as soon as she entered the room.

“Mara,” he says calmly, but looks less calm than usual. She is standing in front of him, closer than she normally would, and Kylo looks down at her with familiar sadness which now feels like home. 

Mara reaches to the large dark bruise on his forehead and grazes it with the tips of her fingers. It is swollen and warm. If it looks like this today, after all the Force healing and bacta, she can’t imagine the state of him yesterday when he was brought onto the _Tempest_ from the battlefield. But apart from the bruise, Kylo seems fine: a spectacular recovery. There must have been many times he came back from a battle wounded, bruised, alone, always alone, to nobody’s touch, except the med droid’s attention. This will change now.

“Have you had it seen to this morning?” she asks, cupping his face with both hands and stroking his cheeks with her thumbs.

“I am now,” Kylo says and closes his eyes under her touch. He leans against the table behind him, to lower himself a little, so that she can reach him more easily and their faces are more or less at the same level.

Mara weaves her fingers into his hair. It’s soft yet thick, freshly washed and shiny. It’s the first time she dares to play with his hair though she has wanted to do so for quite some time. He sighs, with a weary, tired sigh, which almost breaks her heart. Once he opens his eyes, Mara leans forward and tentatively touches her lips upon his.

They are as soft and warm as she has imagined. At first, Kylo freezes, but a second later pulls her into his arms and kisses her back, harder. She opens her mouth to him and when their tongues touch, they both make a sound that is almost like a whimper, a quiet, desperate moan, coming from a need buried deep inside.

A moment long awaited, long delayed, long imagined. Mara grinds her hips against him, Kylo slides his hands under her top and caresses her back. She can feel his whole body pressed to hers, and remembers the last time they were as close as this, dancing at the silver festival on Naboo, when her desire for him felt just like it does now: so urgent it’s almost painful.

Then he suddenly stops kissing her and drops his arms.

“Did you really want it?”

“What?” Mara asks, for a second completely disoriented. She wants his hands back where they were, she wants his lips back on hers. Her body feels frustrated and she doesn’t understand why he would torture her – and himself – like this. What has he just said, anyway?

“You don’t need to be afraid. I will not resent you. You don’t have to do it just to make me feel better.”

“What? But it’s I who kissed you first,” Mara protests, brushing her cheek against his. It isn’t enough, so she kisses him again, leaning into him fully. Kylo responds eagerly and immediately, enveloping her in his arms, but his eyes remain sad.

“Do you not want this? Do you not want me?” she asks.

“I don’t deserve any of this. I don’t understand why you would want me.”

“Perhaps I see other, better things in you. One terrible incident cannot make me stop wanting you.”

“Nobody has ever really wanted me,” he says bitterly and now it’s not any more about the incident on the bridge; it’s about his whole life, the stories he told her in the library, his parents, his uncle, even the Jedi girl.

“I do,” Mara whispers, between one kiss and another, which he reciprocates but otherwise remains passive. “I do want you.”

“Why?” he insists, clueless.

It is painful. Mara looks at him as she did three months ago, with the eyes of a stranger, and she sees a formidable man. Tall and broad, dark and handsome; frightening, too, with his seething anger and a haughty demeanour. All this dangerous allure, his dark appeal – she finds it very attractive. And yet, now that he has asked her why she wants him, it is rather their quiet, more intimate instants, like those in the _Stardust_ ’s library, that spring to mind. At times like those he opened up to her, he seemed less formidable and more human. She feels the strongest pull towards him in those softer moments.

“You mean so much to me,” Mara says. She didn’t find the words yesterday at the med bay, but today she has to. She needs to say it, and he needs to know. “I chose to come to you three months ago. I served you, I learnt to understand you, I worked hard to deserve your trust. And yet until the day before yesterday I had no idea how dear you were to me.”

“And until a few days ago you had no idea how obnoxious I was,” he murmurs against her lips dejectedly but keeps kissing her. “You deserve so much better.”

“I tried to hate you after what happened. But I couldn’t. I can’t fight my heart. I can’t stop wanting you.”

She gives up the talk for now and pulls him into another long kiss. They’re comfortably settled in each other’s arms, Kylo’s lips explore her neck and Mara runs her hands across his chest. The room is silent except for the sound of their quick breathing. Kylo finally smiles, more confident now. But unfortunately, before they go any further, there is something else Mara needs to tell him, which might ruin that confidence again.

This morning, before coming to see him, she wondered for a long time whether to tell him or keep silent about it forever. It’s either now or never; she can’t do it later because it will be even worse then. She doesn’t feel guilty about it but still, it would be a decent thing to tell Kylo. He could find out by chance one day. He could even read it in her mind. If she tells him now, there’s a slim chance he will understand and accept. And more importantly, she doesn’t feel like hiding anything of this nature from him.

But she hesitates again because of the General. She is anxious to protect him. What if Kylo gets mad and attacks him? He has attacked him for much less, after all. However, even for the General it will be worse if she hides it now and Kylo finds out in some other way. Then she won’t be able to contain him.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she whispers. Kylo glances at her anxiously but she keeps stroking his chest affectionately and he relaxes.

“I’ve kissed another man. Recently. On the _Stardust_.”

Kylo freezes. He doesn’t move away from her but gets completely still. It isn’t a good sign. And it isn’t a good beginning between them; the instant he started trusting her and believing she might want him, she tells him there’s someone else.

“Who?”

This is a terrible moment because Mara knows it’s literally the last name Kylo wants to hear, though perhaps not the last one he expects.

“Armitage,” she says quietly.

Kylo looks at her with a blank face, as if he didn’t understand.

“You kissed Hux?”

She nods, with a knot in her throat. She hopes he won’t bolt out of the room to find the General and kill him on the spot.

“Don’t be angry,” she pleads. “I can explain.”

Kylo is not listening. He removes his hands from her back and shakes her arms off him angrily. There is black fury in his eyes; he is literally transformed, from one second to another.

“So I was right!” he spits at her. “What I said then on the bridge, I was right! You defended him because you have feelings for him!”

“No, you were wrong. I would have defended anyone else in the same situation. And the kiss happened only later. It actually wouldn't have happened if it had not been for the scene on the bridge.”

“When, later?”

“Later the same evening.”

“Why?!” Kylo shouts, enraged, his fists clenched at his sides, but at the same time his lips tremble.

Why? Because she wanted to. The kiss was pleasant, she felt good. She would have asked Hux to stay for the night if it were not for Kylo. But she can’t tell Kylo that, and yet she has to. And he will be livid.

“I needed that. I was shaken, and he was there… I wanted to check up on him and get some comfort from a friendly presence. He was hurt, he had those bruises on his neck, and I somehow wanted to make it up to him. To apologise for you. And I wanted to be consoled too, I needed someone close.”

“This is so painful,” Kylo says and steps away from her. Mara grabs his forearms and tries to keep him close.

“Please try to understand. He and I were both in a terrible state. He said I saved his life. And I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't belong to you. That I was free. Maybe also to punish you a little bit.”

“Did you sleep with him too, to punish me even more?” he sneers, but his voice is shaking.

“No, I didn’t. I couldn’t…”

“So you wanted to! You actually felt like going to bed with him! I’m sure that bastard tried as hard as he could!”

“No,” she whispers. “He didn’t try anything. It was me all along.”

“What are your feelings for him?” Kylo asks and his voice breaks; she can see he’s mad at himself for showing how much it bothers him, so he puts on a haughty façade.

Mara sighs. No reply will satisfy him, but she has to reply nonetheless.

“I like him. And I have been attracted to him. That’s all it is.”

“That’s all it is? I hate that!” Kylo explodes. “I hate to hear it! Do you talk about me like this too? Did you play with me, back then, at the festival on Naboo? What happened between us there, was it just one more social activity for you, between dancing with other guys and drinking wine?”

“No,” Mara says, slightly taken aback at this twist of the conversation. But really, she should have anticipated it, knowing his deep insecurity. “I have never played with you. Nor with him. And you’re not the only one suffering. When that kiss happened, I was in pain, too. You hurt me.”

“I couldn't control myself. I didn’t actually _want_ to hurt you!”

“You _did_ control yourself! You threw everyone else across the room, slammed them against the walls, you choked Hux, but you didn’t touch me. You threatened to, but you didn’t. Not when I insulted you, not even when I pushed you. You knew there could be no forgiveness, no return from that. Perhaps I did a similar thing with Hux.”

“Well, if you wanted to hurt me back, you’ve succeeded,” Kylo says bitterly. “And Hux, of all people! He hates my guts! He despises me! He must have gloated.”

Mara puts her arms around him and buries her face in the angle of his neck.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’ll never do it again. And I will never wish to hurt you again.”

He doesn’t reciprocate her embrace but doesn’t move away, either; he just stands there in gloomy silence.

“It was then, and now it’s another matter. You understand? I wouldn’t do it now.”

Kylo shakes his head, doesn’t respond and doesn’t look at her. He can really drive her to distraction with his brooding and bad temper.

“I have thought of you every second for the past days. I thought I’d go mad when I believed I lost you. You have no rival to worry about.”

“He’s lucky I didn’t find out at the time,” Kylo utters darkly.

This is one threat too many. She’s not in a position to make demands but she needs to talk about it now.

“About that…”

“What else?”

“We need to talk about what happened on the bridge. This time without insults and violence. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I happened to kiss that man.”

“So talk.”

“You must promise me,” Mara says calmly, “that this will never happen again. That you’ll never torture or humiliate anyone again just because you got annoyed at them. Fighting enemy is one thing, but what you did to Hux was – abject. It made me feel sick. I can’t ever see it again. I refuse to accept it.”

“You made it clear there and then,” he replies, sullenly. “Those things you told me – that I was like Snoke. No, I won’t do it again.”

“I love it that you’re so driven by emotion. There’s such intensity in you, I’d never met anyone like that. It’s in your eyes, I was drawn to it from the very beginning. But you must control yourself. You can’t be hurting people like that, give in to such outbursts of rage. This is not a battle. I won't be able to stay if this happens again.”

“Right. So I suppose that means I can’t kick his ass for kissing you?”

“No. I’d like you to promise me that you won't. I want to know he’s safe, I owe him this. He doesn’t even know I told you.”

“Fine,” Kylo says, still furious.

“Don’t be so jealous,” Mara murmurs into his neck and kisses his jaw. He is still stubbornly staring ahead, but he rolls his eyes a little and there’s a beginning of a smile on his lips. She could smack him.

“So, no more kissing for me today?” Mara asks, smiling back at him.

“I’m not sure yet.”

“All right then. Remember I told you I wanted to take care of you? Did you like my surprise, by the way?”

“Oh yes,” he brightens up a bit. “I forgot to thank you. It really did me good. That was a great idea. It relieved me of some aches and pains I didn’t even realise I had.”

She ordered a massage for him. There is a team of physiotherapists on board the _Tempest_ , trained to relieve sore muscles after a battle and tend to muscle injury. She sent one to Kylo this morning. She thought it would be a nice beginning of the day for him and that it would help his recovery a little.

“Happy to hear you liked it, my lord.”

He finally pulls her closer to him and, to her delight, begins to nip at her ear.

“You called me Kylo yesterday…” he mutters begrudgingly.

“Did you like it?”

“Very much,” he says quietly and warmly, then falls silent and looks embarrassed. But when she smiles encouragingly, he relaxes into her embrace, encircling her waist with his big hands.

“I like it when you use my title. The way you say it, it sounds like a caress. That’s why I never told you to stop. But now I want you to call me by my name. Kylo… or Ben, if you prefer that?”

“I will call you both. I like both of you, Kylo  _and_ Ben.”

He looks very pleased at that.

“So, you said you’d take care of me…” he starts and looks at her questioningly.

“Come with me. I have an idea what else, besides a massage and kissing, could help you rest and recover.

“Where are we going?”

“You have a bath here, correct?”

“What do you have in mind?” he asks, surprised.

“Do you never take baths?”

“Hardly ever. I take showers…”

“Well, I am going to run a hot bath for you to lie in, relax and enjoy.”

Kylo is silent again, thinking the idea over.

“Only if you join me,” he suggests almost timidly, apprehension in his eyes, his whole body tensing up to prepare for her refusal. But Mara is pleased he ventured to ask her. Warmth sweeps over her body as she imagines him lying in her arms in a hot, luxurious bath tub.

“Of course I will join you. Is your bath big enough for two?”

He is entranced by her answer. He can’t believe it.

“Well, I think it's quite big…”

“So what are we waiting for?”

She lets him lead the way. There are special quarters for him on every star destroyer the New Order owns, and they are all built according to the same design. Above all, they’re spacious, with several different rooms. On the _Stardust_ , Mara has only ever been to his living room and office space, the same as the room they’re in now. She has never seen his bedroom, refresher or any other part of his apartments.

Walking behind him, she wonders when anyone last touched or kissed Kylo and offered to look after him. He is such an attractive, striking man, physically and otherwise, that it is hard to believe he has had no opportunities. Yet love stories don't seem to fit into the kind of life he’s led in the recent years. For one, Snoke probably wouldn’t allow him such a comfort. And everyone feared Kylo. Maybe there have been some fleeting adventures, attempts to calm a biological need. There must have been, he is only human. But they probably didn’t offer much besides a quick release. Now, Mara wants him to feel really wanted.

She also finds herself thinking back to the night he left for the battle of Zeenah. Their hurried goodbye in the early morning at her doorstep. She knew there was no time the moment she saw him, dressed to leave. He found a minute to come and tell her, but it was really just a minute, perhaps one minute and a half, of her panicked questions and his calm but sad answers. She was terrified but there was no time, and she didn’t find the right words. After he left, there was finally all the time in the world: time to regret that she let him go without making up after their quarrel, that she had never told him how she felt, that she had not taken the first step, which he, she knows it now, would not take for fear of being rejected. It was up to her to do it, and she hadn’t, and suddenly he was gone.

But now she has another chance.

She knows that to him, what they have together is a first really close relationship with another human being in a long time. He wouldn’t risk losing it by taking a step too far in the direction she might not wish for. They had this magical moment at the silver festival but neither of them ever referred to it afterwards nor attempted to repeat it. Mara hardly knows why – perhaps they both just wanted to take their time? – and now she also realizes Kylo was afraid it didn’t mean much to her. In a way he’s right; she did try to play it down afterwards, pretend she had it under control. But all that ceased to matter yesterday when she heard he was in a coma. Since she is fortunate enough to have him back, now is the time to make a move.

* * *

In the bathing room Kylo turns the dim, warm light on, and Mara surveys the space with curiosity. The room is big and almost empty, with a bath tub in the middle. There’s also a discreet corner with a curtain, probably to undress, and a chest of drawers. The room has a huge curved transparisteel bay, just like the red sofa room on the _Stardust_ , stretching from the ceiling to the floor and overlooking the starry sky. It is the best view from the bath tub Mara has ever seen.

“You said you never took baths?” she remembers. So why require this kind of room in his quarters on every ship? If she had a bath like this, she would be spending all her evenings in it. She has beautiful quarters on the _Stardust_ , with nice big viewports, but nothing as impressive as this. The bath tub itself is luxurious, coppery gold, with black taps.

“Hardly ever. When I became Supreme Leader, a separate bathing room was part of the design for my new quarters and I didn’t object, mostly because I didn’t care that much. I used it only once or maybe twice on the _Stardust_ since it was installed. I have a refresher with a shower just next to my bedroom.”

“Candles!” Mara exclaims as she examines the contents of the chest of drawers. Kylo nods and takes out several big candles. It must have also been part of the design because she can hardly believe Kylo would take the initiative to ask for them to be kept in his bathing room. He seems glad to discover them now though. He proceeds to light them and places them on the floor around the bath, while she opens the tap and pours bubble bath liquid into the tub. It has a pleasant, slightly spicy smell, the kind of a bath product a man would use. Whatever is needed for a romantic evening, everything seems to be here.

“Will you get in while I undress there?” she suggests, gesturing towards the corner with a curtain. He is speechless at that, and she turns and walks away without waiting for his answer.

She takes her time, taking off and folding her clothes, necklace, underwear. There is another chest of drawers here and she finds a pleasant silk robe. She hesitates whether to put it on and let it slip to the floor in front of Kylo but in the end decides against it. Keep it natural. She can hear him undress and move around the room; finally there is a soft splash when he gets into the bath tub. Then she steps out, naked.

He is sitting comfortably in the bath, facing the viewport, covered by abundant foam, while the water still rises. He already looks more serene and relaxed. The room is now lit only by candles and it is perfect.

He gazes at her as she approaches. Mara pauses beside the tub and Kylo looks bewitched, not only by her beauty – which he has probably anticipated – but also by the sheer intimacy of the situation as she is standing there completely exposed, for the pleasure of his eyes, for the first time ever.

Then he extends his hand but doesn’t touch her. He just offers to help her into the tub. When she lifts her leg to get in and her thighs open slightly, Kylo shifts. His eyes wander over her body when she lowers herself and kneels in the tub in front of him. His gaze lingers on her breasts, lips, finally reverts to her eyes. He opens his arms, inviting her in.

 “Oh, but it wasn’t supposed to be like that,” Mara protests. “I was to take care of you, remember?”

“You _are_ taking care of me. Please come here. I want to feel you against me.”

Mara turns around and leans into him, settling between his legs, her back against his chest, enjoying the touch of his warm, wet body. His arms, which envelop her immediately, are almost as thick as Mara’s thighs, his chest very broad. Mara loves this, and loves the feeling of being cradled in his arms while she immerses herself in hot water and foam. Kylo buries his face in her hair and they enjoy a few moments of quiet intimacy. He caresses her neck and shoulders, not touching her yet in more sensitive places, and she likes it that he takes his time. She turns her head slightly to the side and brushes every now and then her lips against his neck. They are warm and comfortable, the candles flicker and the light dances over their skin, while the galaxy is moving past them outside the viewport.

“Feeling good?”

“Better than ever,” Kylo admits and kisses her shoulder. It’s not just a manner of speaking. He probably really can’t remember last time when he felt so good, and it is rather heart-breaking. But they have made progress, and quickly. Less than an hour ago he assumed she had kissed him only out of pity or politeness. Now he has asked her to come into his arms, naked. Mara hopes soon there will be no going back to old insecurities and doubts.

“I am here to serve you, my lord,” she murmurs playfully but from the manner he inhales quietly she knows it has aroused him.

“You feel lovely,” he whispers into her ear and brushes his lips across her neck, while stroking her belly. Then he moves his hands upwards, to her breasts, and it’s electric. Mara closes her eyes and lets her head fall back onto his shoulder, enjoying every little stroke of his fingers and the pressure of his palms. She’s happy to offer anything he wants to take. The muscles of his chest move behind her back; she can feel his strength when his arms encircle her body.

“You feel lovely too,” she whispers back. Kylo snorts.

“Nonsense. You’re as smooth as silk and I’m all covered in scars. You just haven’t seen it yet.”

She did see it. She noticed some scars on his chest and shoulders when she faced him, sitting in the water, but he is definitely not _all covered in scars_. And those he has are small and pale, just some lines left after bacta treatment. There is nothing ugly about them. She turns around to look at him, trails her fingers along his shoulders and chest and, actually, his skin does feel very smooth. And his hair looks like silk. She has never known anyone with such a distorted perception of himself. He looks absolutely gorgeous, sitting there and gazing at her sadly, he is the most beautiful man she has ever been with, and he finds himself hideous.

There is a thin, long scar on his face, extending across the shoulder. Mara knows the Jedi gave it to him, but she doesn't make a drama about it. First, it’s not so visible anymore, it has closed and paled in the months following the injury. Mara actually finds it attractive; it gives him character and maturity. And she doesn’t want to believe in all this nonsense about how this means the Jedi marked Kylo forever as hers. At least she doesn’t believe in it at the moment.

“I am looking at you now,” she says. “You’re perfect. Every woman dreams of a man with a body like yours.”

She leans forward to kiss him and whispers into his mouth:

“Shame for them. Because you are mine now.”

It’s clear he’s unused to compliments but he looks very pleased now. He pulls her to his chest and closes his legs around her. Mara quietly takes him in: a mass of hard muscles, a black crown of hair, brown piercing eyes, lips made for kissing. He smells good, he tastes even better. She can’t understand how she has managed to restrain herself until today; she has rarely touched him, never kissed him, and now there is no return, she can’t tear herself away from him anymore even if she wanted to.

“You do make a woman feel safe, looking like this,” she says with a mischievous smile, still admiring his massive, strong body, her fingers tracing the muscles on his chest. “If I’m not safe with you, I can never be safe.”

“I suppose that’s true. Though if someone attacks us now, I will cut quite a figure jumping out of this bath naked and covered with foam.”

“If someone attacks us now, you’ll just throw them out of the door with the Force. You won’t even need to move.”

He smiles, amused. But then –

“Safe from others, yes, but perhaps not so safe from me. In fact, you’ll find very few people who will claim that they feel safe around me.”

That came from a dark place. She kisses his jaw and looks up.

“I always do,” she says.

“You’ve never been afraid of me,” he states rather than asks.

“No. Not really.”

“Not even on the bridge the other day? Not when I threatened to choke you, like a complete brute?”

“A little because it was happening so fast and it was so violent, but I was more shocked and mortified than afraid. And very angry.”

“I would hate it if you were to be afraid of me. But everyone is, so I wouldn’t be surprised, not after what I did…”

“Not everyone can see what’s behind your anger. I do. It’s not cruelty. Not evil. It’s just pain.”

“You always seemed to understand my pain so well. Even before I told you about my past.”

“You carry your pain at the bottom of your eyes, Ben. I can’t fail to notice it when I look at you.”

“Not now, though?” he asks.

“Now too. Because you’re afraid that what we have here will end.”

“Won’t it?”

“No. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Everyone goes away, eventually.”

“Is that what you think will happen?”

“No,” Kylo admits slowly, after a moment of silence. “I guess I just want to hear you deny it. I want to hear you say you’re staying here with me.”

She kisses him and strokes his hair.

“I’m staying here with you. As long as you want me to stay.”

“Be careful what you promise, Mara. You might have to stay forever.”

“So I’ll stay forever.”

They have been so close their lips were almost touching anyway, but now he closes the distance between them. While they’re kissing, she slides her hand down his chest and touches him under the water. She felt how hard he was already earlier, when she sat with her back tucked into his chest. She strokes his length slowly a few times, and he grabs her head with his both hands and moans into her mouth, his muscles tensing up. Suddenly he turns her around and presses her back to his chest again. He grips the insides of her thighs and pushes them open, then uses his feet and knees to spread her legs apart and trap them. She finds herself unable to move; she’s so surprised she makes a startled noise. 

“Don’t be afraid,” he murmurs into her ear and trails his fingers along her thighs, towards her core.

“Once again, it was I who was going to take care of you,” she whispers, pushing her hips up in anticipation of his touch.

“Oh, you will,” Kylo promises. He slides his fingers up and down her folds and rubs her gently.

“Kylo…”

“I love it when you say my name like this. Say it again,” he demands, and she complies, over and over again, as he slowly caresses her opening and pushes a finger deep inside her. With two fingers of his other hand, he rubs the aching bud above her entrance. He reaches all her sensitive spots, one after another, and Mara gives in to the long-awaited pleasure.

She has wanted this. She couldn’t help but imagine it last night, after she entered the quarters assigned to her on the _Tempest_. She was coming from the med bay, and he was still very weak and tired, but the moments they spent together – their physical proximity, tender intimacy, his arms around her, her hands on his face – woke a terrible need inside her, a need she had pretended to ignore for so long. So now, Mara is ready for him the moment he touches her. Her desire flares up; she enjoys being laid open to him, at his mercy.

She thrusts against his fingers, while Kylo whispers dirty things into her ear, things she would never guess this reserved man could say to her. He tells her what he wants to do to her after they get out of this bath. How he wants to take her. How he will draw out her pleasure and make her scream. How many times. He must have imagined all that for a long time, judging from how easily words flow from his mouth now. And she imagined similar things, not only last night, but for weeks, if not months, lying alone in her bed on the _Stardust_.

She comes quickly, trembling and moaning, then goes limp in his arms. His fingers are still curled inside her, pressing against her walls, prolonging the aftermath of her pleasure. Kylo slowly pulls them out, kisses her neck and moves his hands higher up to stroke her breasts again. Her nipples are hard and even more sensitive now than when he caressed them before, and she enjoys his touch while her heart is calming down.

“I love your body,” he says quietly and squeezes her breasts lightly, kissing her neck again. She turns towards him and his eyes are shining, he is smiling, looking genuinely happy that he has given her so much pleasure, that she has opened up and come for him like that, shaking, passionately, so fast that she must have longed for it, for _him_ , for quite some time.

“Well,” he resumes with a mischievous smile that reaches his eyes, though normally his eyes never smile, not even when his mouth does. “I don’t think I need to ask if I was doing this right?”

Mara laughs and leans in to kiss him. He is visibly proud of his performance. 

“So, did you like having your way with me?” she whispers, licking and biting his lower lip. “Holding me down, being in control?”

“You just wait,” Kylo hisses, his eyes dark with desire and possession, but he tenses as her hand travels slowly down his chest again. A minute ago panting and dishevelled, Mara now quickly gains advantage. She shifts on his lap and puts her other arm around his neck. She takes her time and he whimpers when she finally touches him under the water, wrapping her hand around him. Then she lets go and brushes the insides of his thighs instead, while he looks at her with a silent, hungry plea in his eyes. His earlier smugness all gone, he is lost, he kisses her like it is their first or last time, and his body begs for her touch.

Mara isn’t going to torture him any longer. She takes him in hand and begins to stroke him at a steady, but rather slow pace. Then she speeds up and Kylo moans into her mouth, his whole body rocking against her.

Mara loves this unique combination of strength and vulnerability in him, and it comes out so clearly in a moment like this. There is desire, but also much more than that; with his head thrown back and his eyes closed, his arm tightly wrapped around her, Kylo clings to this moment of pleasure as if he was afraid it would never happen again. It excites her but also makes her tender, and she whispers words of affection, acceptance, admiration, until he opens his eyes and there is such helplessness in them as she has never seen before. He is hers and she is holding his fragile happiness just like his manhood in her hands.

Mara flicks her tongue against his lips and Kylo comes in her hand with a loud moan, jerking his whole body towards her. She feels him pulse again and again as she continues to stroke him, and she loves every second of it. She is aching for more of him. Kylo falls back against the wall of the tub and Mara leans against him, planting kisses on his collarbones and neck. It is a happy time of satisfaction and fulfilment. She settles in his arms, while he slides down to immerse himself more deeply in the water, a smile on his face, his body completely relaxed and singing with happiness. There is no better view in the whole galaxy.

“It makes me so happy to see you happy,” she murmurs against his neck.

“I do feel happy,” he admits, pulling her to him with one arm though she could hardly be any closer than she is already.

“Oh. I didn’t even hope you’d say that. I’m really delighted now.”

“As am I.”

“And that’s just the beginning…”

“I think it would be enough for me forever even if you were to leave me now,” he whispers.

“I’m not leaving you,” Mara says, stroking his cheek. “I love you.”

Kylo lifts his head abruptly and looks at her in utter shock.

“I love you,” Mara repeats. For a few seconds he keeps completely still, then suddenly bursts out crying.

She holds him close, his head on her shoulder, while he sobs, and she strokes his silky hair. Mara feels on the brink of tears, too. She hasn’t intended to tell him that. Not yet. Not just after they kissed and caressed each other for the first time, not before they even made love. On entering his quarters this morning, she didn’t ask herself whether to tell him or not. It was plain and obvious that, however the conversation between them would go, it wasn’t time for such confessions. It was too much, too soon. Relationships progress in a certain way, and blurting out “I love you” one hour after the first kiss is what teenagers might do, but not adults. It’s just not serious. It’s overly sentimental.

But it just _came out_.

It hasn’t been long since she realized it herself – no more than a day or two, sometime between Kylo’s departure for Zeenah and the news he was dying. Last night, when she entered the med bay, she knew it with astonishing clarity, as if it had been in front of her for ever and she had just kept her eyes shut, pretending not to see it. Why didn’t she realize earlier? Was she so afraid of loving him? Did she feel it was too complicated? It doesn’t matter anymore. She loves him now, and she has told him. And suddenly it seems not too much and not too soon anymore, just a perfect thing to say in this intense moment, and exactly what he needs to hear right now. He needs to know this so as to stop being so afraid and holding back.

Minutes pass before he stops crying, as if Mara’s words had opened a well of long-repressed grief inside him, and then he looks at her with swollen eyes. She kisses them. She guesses he has never heard those words since his childhood. Except for his parents, probably nobody has ever said this to him, and she doesn’t think it possible for him to say it back to her, not now, perhaps not for a long time, what with the endless betrayals and rejections he has experienced. To him, love is a scary concept. But it doesn’t matter. Mara is sure of his affection, she doesn’t need to hear it. She wants to put to rest all his fear and pain. If humans are creatures of habit, and if for him pain and fear became habitual companions of love, she can surely change that, slowly, gradually, by creating new patterns, can’t she? She can start by touching him lovingly, staying close to him, making him feel less lonely. Because he is lonely above all, starved for affection but suspicious and resentful just in case things go wrong one more time.

“You really mean it?” he asks, incredulous, as if she could say something like that, in such a moment, without meaning it. Mara smiles and kisses the tip of his long, sad nose.

“Search my mind if you don’t believe me,” she jokes in order to get him to smile, and it works. “But I must be projecting it very strongly, so you know I mean it.”

“Yes,” he whispers, looking as if he had been stunned by an explosion, and he pulls her in such a tight embrace, clutches her so desperately, that for a moment she thinks her ribs will get bruised, but she doesn’t protest. He gets her to straddle him, wrapping her legs around his back; his arms are all over her, his hands in her hair, his lips pressed to her neck. They’re so close she feels him getting hard again against her wetness, and she can hear his ragged hurried breathing. It comes from desire, or from the emotion her confession has plunged him into, or both. He’s holding on to her as if she was the one and only thing in the whole galaxy that he can call his own, the one and only he can’t bear to part with, and as if he was terrified that she could be torn away from his arms at any moment.

It’s time to put all this intensity to good use, and Mara has an idea.

“Shall we get out of the bath now, Kylo?” she murmurs, running her hand through his hair, careful not to hurt his forehead. She knows already that playing with his hair will be her new favourite thing.

He seems surprised and pleased at her use of his name; he must have assumed she would be calling him Kylo in dark moments of passion and Ben in those of tenderness and control. Mara, however, doesn’t see it this way. She loves her dark and menacing Kylo as much as her humble and quiet Ben, but she equally likes the idea of Kylo opening up and showing vulnerability, and Ben becoming stronger and more confident. In him, weakness is intertwined with strength just like light is with darkness, and she wants both.

“Let’s,” Kylo agrees, slowly lets go of her and stands up, helping her to her feet. He gives her one last kiss, as if to make sure nothing will change once they’re out of the water, then he gets out, takes two light grey robes from the chest of drawers, comes back and spreads one in front of Mara. She steps out of the tub and into the robe, which he wraps around her. He gets dressed too, extinguishes the candles around the tub with a wave of his hand, and they leave the room together.

Kylo puts his arm around her; he glances at her and smiles in a distracted way, his eyes glazing over. He looks… dreamy. Or shell shocked. She feels like tormenting him a little.

“So? Aren’t you taking me to your bed?” she asks when he stops in the middle of the living room, looking uncertain. She stretches lazily, making a show of it, and his eyes follow the movement of her body barely covered by the grey robe.

“I was going to,” he admits, “if that’s what you want too?”

“Are you sure you don’t prefer to get dressed and attend a briefing instead?” she teases, sneaking her fingers inside his robe. Touching and kissing his chest is her other new favourite thing.

“Not particularly,” he says, smiling. He looks at her as if she was a birthday gift – and slowly unties her robe’s belt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it gets even worse in the next chapter... I'm not sure she's doing such a good job taking care of him, he shouldn't be exerting himself too much after his injury ;-) Tell me what you think please and don't forget to check out my other Kylo Ren/Original Female Character story, [The Fever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147002/chapters/42910568). Thanks for reading!


	19. The awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mara asks for some of Kylo’s darkness and Kylo’s body feels happy  
> \--------------  
> It was everything at once; the wildest, most basic desire he’d ever felt and allowed himself to act upon, the overwhelming need to possess and dominate, and at the same time the deepest, the most excruciating pang of the heart, violent but tender, that brought tears to his eyes, along with the longing to wrap himself around her body and never let her go. So this was how love felt, and it was terrifying, because he couldn’t live without her, but when he was with her, he couldn’t manage to breathe properly, his heart was exploding in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is finally having his well-deserved day off - but it's not a very restful one. Warning: if you don’t want to read explicit content… oh, forget it. I know you do want to read it :-)

Kylo wakes up slowly. No jerking awake. No nightmares. No dreams, even. But it doesn’t feel like it’s the morning. He doesn’t actually remember when he fell asleep. And then, a few seconds later, it all comes back.

His body feels happy.

This is a safer thing to say than to admit _he_ feels happy. Things of the body are fleeting by nature and when gone, tend to be less regretted than those of the mind and soul. And heart. He looks to the other side of his big bed and Mara isn’t there. Before he can feel a sting of anxiety, he hears the sound of the shower. She must have woken up before him and she’s in the refresher, just next door.

They came to his bedroom after the bath and made love for hours. He doesn’t remember falling asleep but he remembers everything else: her smell, her taste, the sounds she made when she was underneath him, the look in her eyes. How he made her moan and cry out. How delicious she felt: wet and velvet inside, her skin silky, her hair soft when he unbraided it for her. In the bath, she had told him she loved him and he cried. He remembers all of this now yet can hardly believe it. It all happened just a few hours ago.

When they fell asleep it must have been around 4 o’clock in the afternoon standard time; it is almost 7 o’clock now according to the chrono on his datapad, and his body is happy, with one exception. He is terribly hungry. He had a big breakfast quite late this morning but nothing else all day. He wants to have dinner with Mara.

The shower stops and his heart beats faster. Kylo is nervous. Things have changed so quickly between them, what if they change again? But Mara comes out wrapped in a towel, humming happily to herself, and it doesn’t look like she has changed her mind about anything.

She sits on the bed by his side and strokes his hair. Her cheeks are pink, the ends of her hair damp, and he is itching to tear the towel off of her and ravage her all over again. But they need to eat something and even with the towel on, there’s so much wonderful flesh on display he just sits back and devours her with his eyes.

“Good evening, Supreme Leader. Now that I am looking at you, it strikes me again how sore your poor forehead looks. Are you sure it’s ok?”

“It’s ok. I had it checked this morning at the med bay and all scans came back fine. With some bacta compresses the bruise will soon go away.”

“Feeling rested?”

“I’m feeling fine. We needed that sleep.”

“You bet. I can still hardly walk.”

Kylo gasps but is happy to hear it. It is silly and childish, and rather basic, to be proud of that, but he is.

“So, perhaps let’s give it a break for an hour or two,” he suggests, and Mara laughs, pretending to be scared. “I’m starving. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Yes. What shall we do?”

“Let’s have dinner in my living room? I’ll order it now and the droid will bring it.”

“Fine. Let me just get dressed.”

She goes to retrieve the clothes that she took off before their bath – indeed, no need to change, she hasn’t worn them long today – while he gets out of bed and heads to the refresher. His forehead does look bad in the mirror, the bruise is still rather dark, but if Mara likes him, he doesn’t care.

Her hair was loose when she came to him a moment ago and he recalls how incredibly exciting it was to slowly unbraid it earlier. It was the first thing she asked him to do when they got in his bed after the bath, naked, and he was delighted to comply. The braid was complex though it had come a little undone in the bath. It took Kylo more than ten minutes to finish the job and it was their whole foreplay. When her hair hung loose, she turned around to face him – he had been kneeling on the bed behind her – and they started kissing, and then it didn’t take long before she lied down and pulled him on top of her.

He could finally feel her whole body under him. In these ten minutes when he was busy with her hair, he had planned to make love to her slowly. He had wanted to kiss every centimetre of her skin first. He’d spent a few minutes imagining how he’d be kissing her ankles. Then he’d slowly trail kisses up her legs, before putting his mouth on her, and licking and sucking her into oblivion.

He had thought about it since the silver festival, where he managed to get only a small taste of her, kneeling under her dress in the middle of her fantasy, which seemed very, very real on his tongue and face. In the weeks that followed, he had fallen asleep on many nights with this image under his eyelids; one of her legs on his shoulder, his face buried in her core, her hips rolling forward in order to meet his tongue, and the intoxicating smell and taste of her sex all over him.

Yes, he had wanted to do all this, he had wanted to spend long minutes working on her, until she would writhe and scream. But in the end, when she pulled him on top of her after he unbraided her hair, he understood immediately it would be for another time because there was a need in her eyes, a plea he couldn’t ignore. She opened her legs and wrapped them around his back, then pushed herself up and slowly rubbed against his erection, and she was so wet it felt as if she _licked_ him. Kylo couldn’t delay it any longer, so he lined himself up and rocked his hips into her.

He was careful at first because she was deliciously wet but tight. With every little thrust, he immersed himself in her a bit more and oh how they both enjoyed this slow lovemaking. She wanted him deep and he loved seeing her face, her mouth slightly open with pleasure, her hair splayed on the pillow, her body moving up and down on the bed, following the rhythm of his strokes. They didn’t do anything unusual, they just stayed in that one position the whole time. It was powerful, passionate and overwhelming. Her eyes glazing over, Mara moaned continuously, gripping his backside with both hands. Other than the sensation of her wetness clenching around him and her body beneath him, this sound and the tight grip on his hips alone almost pushed Kylo over the edge.

At one point, he pulled out. Lying next to her, his head propped up on his elbow, he allowed himself a break to enjoy looking at her. It was the first time he was able to really do it; he had only seen her naked for a few seconds before she entered the bath, after which she was mostly covered with foam and water, and when he took the robe off of her in the living room, they moved to the bedroom quickly.

So now he took his time, brushing her skin with his hand, from her face to her collarbones to her breasts to her core, registering her reactions as he touched her in different ways and in different places, more gently or more roughly, applying more or less pressure. He slid two fingers into her and curled them deep inside, hitting a soft spot which made her tense and whimper. He kept sliding his fingers in and out to hit it again and again, and she kept moaning. At one point she grabbed his hand and pressed it to her core, preventing him from withdrawing the fingers, so he just curled and uncurled them repeatedly and she wiggled, crying out. It was almost as arousing as being inside her. When she started thrusting against his hand and he saw she was getting close, he climbed on top of her and entered her again.

With one hand, he pinned her wrists to the bed above her head. He had noticed in the bath that it excited her to be partly immobilised; she now arched her body towards him and he tightened the grip on her wrists to hold her down. He moved faster. He brought his other hand into the small space between their faces and sucked his fingers, covered in her slick, looking into her eyes. Mara raised her head from the pillow and opened her mouth to him. Kylo felt her clench around him while they were kissing, her orgasm building, and he moaned, finally losing control; he pounded her into the mattress as he came, almost fainting with pleasure that throbbed through his whole body, from the painful bruise on his head to the tips of his toes.

Mara tensed and pulsed under him for another ten or so delicious seconds, after which he released her wrists and collapsed onto her. She held on to him, settling more comfortably under his weight, but he remembered how heavy he was and slid off her, flipping her onto her side so that she faced him. He leaned back, to look at her properly. Her cheeks were rosy, her eyes shiny, and if it was possible at all, she was even more gorgeous than usual.

“Beautiful,” he whispered.

He wished he could be more articulate. She told him everything today: how attractive she found him, how he made her feel. To him, words never came so easy. He was always afraid to say too little or not enough. When she said she loved him – the most incredible moment of his life – he didn’t even say it back. At first, he was too overwhelmed by emotion. He had never heard those words from a woman, and he had never said them to any. All the people he had loved betrayed or left him, so hearing those words, let alone saying them himself, was terrifying, as if he were to lose her, too, as soon as he admitted he loved her. Now he was afraid she might resent him for not saying it back, and for speaking so poorly and so little of how wonderful he found her.

“I’m sorry I never know what to say. I don’t know how to seduce you with words.”

Mara smiled and kissed his nose.

“You don’t need to say anything, Ben. You have the most expressive, intense eyes I’ve ever seen. Everything is in them. You don’t ever need to tell me I’m beautiful, it practically screams at me when I look at you. I can’t do that. But I’m good with words.”

“I like that,” Kylo said, pulling her to him. His legs were entwined with hers, their arms around each other, her whole body pressed against him. Their lips were so close they were almost touching and he could feel her warmth, her eagerness, her affection for him. It got better all the time, even if he kept thinking it couldn’t get any better.

“Were you somehow enhancing my sensations with the Force?” she murmured, kissing him. “It felt like each nerve in my body was alive.”

“What? No, I wasn’t using the Force! Just my natural talent,” he replied and was utterly shocked to catch himself laughing. The sound was foreign even to him, and very different from his usual mirthless dark chuckle. She noticed it too and gave him a happy kiss.

“It’s amazing what good sex can do even to the darkest and most brooding man in the galaxy.”

“I might lose the title because of you. You’ll ruin my reputation.”

“Oh, I don't think so. This was romantic lovemaking. But we can do it in a darker way, too.”

That caught his interest.

“What will that be like?” he asked, nuzzling her neck.

“Rougher,” she whispered and rolled her hips against him with a wicked smile. “Kylo Ren way.”

* * *

Rougher, she said?

A wild, all-consuming, predatory hunger woke in him as soon as she whispered those words. Within a few seconds, he was hard and about to pounce on her, freeze her with the Force so that she would be at his mercy, devour her, make her come time and again, in all imaginable ways, until she passed out, bite her neck, arms, breasts, fuck her so hard she would be sore, her legs would be shaking under her…

It took all his self-control and a lot of deep breathing to let her out of his embrace when, oblivious to this surge of wild desire in him, she said she was going to clean up, kissed him and trotted off to the refresher.

He waited for her sprawled on the bed, close to its edge, his legs on the floor. When Mara came back to the bedroom, her eyes widened at this display. She also hadn’t had the time to look at him properly before, so now she came up to him and her gaze wandered all over his massive body.

Kylo Ren grabbed her hand and pulled her down; she made a move as if she wanted to climb on the bed and straddle him but he pressed on her shoulders with both hands, so that she found herself kneeling on the floor between his thighs.

“Show me how much you want me,” he said, putting one hand at the back of her head and giving it a little push, for her to bend forward.

Mara leaned into him and he felt her warm breath on his erection. She hovered above him for a few moments, brushing his length with her lips and fingers, teasing him. Then she wrapped her hand around his base and took him in her mouth just a little, laving him with her tongue and sucking lightly. Kylo’s hand tightened in her hair; he resisted the urge to thrust into her mouth already and, instead, he let her settle more comfortably on the floor between his legs as she took him deeper, closing her lips around him.

“Look at me,” Kylo commanded and she raised her eyes to him, her head bobbing on his lap, up and down, her mouth and tongue working on him. This was the most exquisite sensation he had ever experienced, and the most maddeningly erotic thing he had ever seen. He leaned back, propped up on his elbows, unable to take his eyes off of her. She, on the other hand, closed her eyes a few times, as if overwhelmed by pleasure, moving her head in a steady rhythm, stopping now and then to let him out of her mouth and just slide her tongue over his tip or his underside. He tried – though not very successfully – to refrain from moaning, though he wasn’t quite successful; he preferred to hear her, the sound her mouth made when swallowing around him, the quiet humming of pleasure in her throat.

He slowly rose to a sitting position again, gripped her head with both hands and stilled her.

As if on cue, she dropped her hands, sliding them under his thighs and letting him take control. He wove his fingers into her hair and pushed her head slightly towards him, making her take him deeper, then backwards again. She understood and didn’t resist, allowing him to set the rhythm. His hands moved faster, their pressure on her skull more insistent, and this time he couldn’t stop himself from pushing his hips forward. She followed his steady pace as he thrusted harder and pulled her head towards him more desperately. He knew he was losing his advantage, moaning and unraveling in her mouth as she watched him and let him do as he pleased.

He didn’t want to finish so quickly so he stopped her and raised her by the arm from the floor. Mara climbed on the bed and lied down next to him, pulling him on top of her, but he flipped her onto her belly instead. He moved to cover her back with his body and shoved his hand between her thighs from behind.

“So wet before I even touched you?” he whispered.

He pushed her legs wide open and settled between them, rubbing against her entrance. He brushed her hair away from her neck and kissed it until she started to wiggle underneath him, impatient for more.

Kylo rose to his knees, straightened up and pulled her towards him by the shoulders. As soon as she was up on her hands and knees, he gripped her hips firmly and pushed inside her in one deep thrust. Mara cried out; he pressed on her shoulders, forcing her to bury her face in the pillow and spread her arms around her head.

“Stay like this,” he panted, and she complied again.

She was so wet he didn’t need to be gentle. He didn’t want to be, anyway. He pulled her hips up so that her backside was exposed to him, and he immediately set a fast pace. Their bodies slapped together and she was so slick he _heard_ himself move in and out of her. He closed his fist in her hair and yanked her head towards him, while wrapping his other arm under her belly and pressing her to him so as to keep her on her knees.

“Rough enough for you?” he hissed, tugging at her hair so sharply she gave a little scream that was somewhere between pain and pleasure.

“Don’t stop,” she panted and he had to close his eyes and concentrate really hard to avoid exploding inside her just in this very moment.

It was maddening. She rose to her hands again, her head down, and started grinding at him so that he could penetrate her deeper, and it felt amazing. It also _looked_ amazing. They were both sweating after a few minutes of this hard going, but he kept quiet, enjoying the sounds she made, desperate to keep in control. She was getting close, he sensed it by the way she pushed back – and he stopped moving.

“No, Kylo, please,” she whimpered.

“You move now,” he ordered quietly. She took a second to breathe, then started to thrust her hips back at him. He looked down, completely still, and watched himself sliding in and out of her, her muscles tensing, her erratic pace, how deep she wanted him and how hard she went at it, how she was losing herself. She adjusted the angle and now at each shove of her body against him he was hitting some spot deep inside her that made her cry out. He reached underneath her with one hand and rubbed above her entrance. She shuddered, and when he covered her hot and wet core with his whole hand, he could feel himself moving inside her.

“Mine, you are mine,” he groaned, bent over her and, hardly knowing what he was doing, forced a finger into her mouth. She sucked on it and moaned, then pushed her hips back at him a few times in rapid succession and came, shattering completely, with a noise that sounded like crying she couldn’t suppress. As she collapsed onto the mattress, Kylo fell on her back. Gripping her hands splayed on the pillow around her head, he kept thrusting and came deep inside her, in several waves, grunting and biting hard on her neck, while she panted and pressed against him.

When he finally stopped moving, Mara still trembled under him, both from pleasure and effort. Her neck looked sore and he licked it in an attempt to soothe her pain in case he had handled her too roughly. Her skin was smooth and tasted delicious, slightly salty, as he pressed his lips to the spot behind her ear.

“My queen,” he whispered into her hair.

She hummed in reply. Only now did Kylo slowly pull out of her, rolled onto his side and took her into his arms. He looked at her and she was a beautiful mess, her hair all over her face; he brushed it away but her eyes remained closed.

“Was it too much?” he asked anxiously, fearing suddenly he hurt her and didn’t realise it in the heat of the moment.

For a few seconds, Mara didn’t answer as she was still trying to catch her breath, but she wrapped her arm around his neck and kissed him. It didn’t look like she was in pain.

“The best I’ve ever had,” she panted.

“It was for me, too,” he confessed.

“I think I can’t move my legs,” she added and laughed quietly.

“This is what you get when you ask Kylo Ren to make love to you,” he muttered, feeling rather smug and not too guilty.

“You animal,” she replied in a low voice and settled into his arms.

They rested in silence, normal breath slowly returning and their heart beat calming down. Kylo could smell sex and fresh sweat in the space between their bodies. The sheets were damp and covered with his come and her slick, it was messy and sticky all around, and it felt fantastic. She was a miracle and even now, after he had come inside her twice, after he had had his way with her, after she had been on her hands and knees before him and he had taken her as hard and deep as he wanted, and even made her beg for it, he still couldn’t believe it. Even though he had been in control and she had surrendered to him completely, he knew, clutching her tightly now and stroking her hair, that she was the one in command, and he was her slave.

Again, he had no words. It was everything at once; the wildest, most basic desire he’d ever felt and allowed himself to act upon, the overwhelming need to possess and dominate, and at the same time the deepest, the most excruciating pang of the heart, violent but tender, that brought tears to his eyes, along with the longing to wrap himself around her body and never let her go. So this was how love felt, and it was terrifying, because he couldn’t live without her, but when he was with her, he couldn’t manage to breathe properly, his heart was exploding in his chest.

Mara exhaled slowly and leaned her head back into his hand caressing her hair.

“What have we been doing for the last three months and why not this?” she murmured.

“Politics,” Kylo said, kissing her exposed throat. “That was your suggestion. You could have asked for  _this_  role, but you wanted politics.”

She laughed.

“I can’t imagine your face if I had suggested this when I arrived on the _Stardust_ with my offer.”

“I can’t imagine it either. But I would have been very tempted to accept. At least for a trial period.”

“So, am I on probation for a new role now?” she asked playfully, snuggling in closer and tilting her head up to look into his eyes.

“You have been since this morning. You’re hired now.”

“I must have performed really well.”

“Like in everything else. I think accepting all your offers was my best decision ever as the Supreme Leader.”

“Kylo…” Mara whispered and his heart skipped a bit, as it had every time since this morning when she used this name in a moment of tenderness. He liked it when she called him Ben, but there was something special in her choosing to address Kylo – the criminal, the murderer, the brute – in an intimate context. It was a proof of love and acceptance, an acknowledgement of the storm inside him and of the duality of his nature. It was forgiveness for his sins and errors. Kylo could be loved too, and perhaps Kylo was the one who needed to be loved the most. When she looked at him with these loving eyes, there was no pretending he was still unwanted. 

“Your hair is beautiful,” she said quietly, playing with his dark strands, all warm and wet against him, enclosed in his arms like in a pocket of intimacy that had no connection to the outside world. “I always wanted to touch it.”

“Why didn’t you, then?”

“I didn’t dare. I’m not so brave with these things.”

“I wanted you to.”

“You did?”

“So many times. I wanted you to touch me, because I didn’t dare touch you. And you did, sometimes. I needed that so much. I didn’t even realise.”

“Good because I am a touching person. I will be touching you a lot. You’ll grow tired of me.”

“I highly doubt that.”

Mara yawned.

“Would it be all right if I slept a little?” she asked. “You’re so soft and warm, like the best pillow…”

“I’ll sleep a bit too,” he said, kissed the top of her head and pulled the cover over them. He was completely exhausted and the bruise on his forehead was pulsing. He had exerted himself beyond what was reasonable in his condition, but he didn’t care. He fell deeply asleep within a minute, and then he woke up three hours later and his body was happy.

* * *

While they’re waiting for the droid to bring their dinner – Mara got dressed while Kylo was in the shower but when he got out wrapped in a towel, she pushed him into an armchair and settled in his lap – she trails a line of kisses along his bare chest, and Kylo hums with pleasure.

“I am addicted to your chest,” she purrs and ogles him as if he was a dessert she’ll have after her dinner. “I can’t get enough of your body.”

“I don't believe you,” he murmurs, only half-jokingly, and looks away, embarrassed. Compliments, especially those concerning his looks, confuse him but also, strangely, fill him with enormous pleasure, which he’s ashamed to admit even to himself.

“You’d better start believing it. After I screamed when you made me come three times today, it will be rather difficult to make the point that nobody wants you.”

He snorts, but is pleased. He did make her scream. Three times.

“I hope Hux has heard it,” he can’t resist.

“You are so incredibly childish! That was before you and I were together. You’ve never kissed any woman before me?”

“So we’re together now,” he says, not sure whether it is a question or a statement.

“I should think so. Unless you wanted it to be a one-night stand?” Mara smirks.

Kylo admires her confidence. She is not worried about how he feels about her, not for a second, even though he didn’t make any declarations. She somehow knows he’s in love with her. And he, even if she tells him about her love, even if she shows him, he is still petrified, still wary, half-expecting to stumble at any moment, to make a false step, and then she will see through him and realise he’s not worth…

Mara puts her arms around him and strokes his back.

“These sad eyes again,” she says. “Why?”

“I’ve never been together with anyone,” he confesses.

“And? Do you like it?”

“‘Like’ doesn’t begin to describe it. I’ve never had anyone. And now I do.”

“Get used to it,” she purrs. “Your first time might be your last. I might not be willing to release you so that you could try it with someone else.”

“I don’t think there is anyone else in the whole galaxy for me,” Kylo says and the words, the important words, are at the tip of his tongue, but it is very scary and he gives up, just pulling her to him and enclosing her in his arms. Anyway, she seems to be quite happy with what he did manage to say.

Soon afterwards a droid arrives with their dinner, so Kylo dresses quickly and follows Mara to the living room. Entering it, however, they both freeze.

Outside the viewport, countless warships hover in the dark sky. Some of them are New Order ships, but there are many others, of different types and sizes. And as Mara and Kylo watch, dumbstruck, new ships keep dropping out of hyperspace around the _Tempest_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn’t think they’d just have it nice and easy for the next three chapters, did you? The Supreme Leader’s work is never done!   
> So, any ideas what will happen next?


	20. The aftermath of the battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo is becoming the leader he always wanted to be and has a word with General Hux  
> \--------  
> “Congratulations,” Hux finally says. There is no spite, resentment or mockery in his voice and Kylo finds himself at a loss at how to reply.  
> “Don’t fuck it up, Ren.”  
> Now, that’s more like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! As you can see, the total count has gone up by one chapter. The last one will be the epilogue, connecting this book to the sequel, because yes, there will be a sequel. I found it impossible to say goodbye to the characters, and I have an interesting (hopefully!) and very surprising idea for the second book. Hope you'll stay with me.

Mara and Kylo enter the briefing room together and everyone stands at attention, but then the Knights rush to Kylo, delighted to see him in good shape. M’biren is also here; the _Stardust_ has apparently just arrived. Djawan is present, looking rather pale and bandaged all over. They all hug Kylo, pat his back, call him master, and he looks very moved. He walks around the room, talking to everyone. Apart from Hux and the Knights, there are quite a few officers Mara doesn't know.

“Supreme Leader,” says one of them, around forty years old, fairly high-ranking judging by the uniform. “It’s an honour to have you on the _Tempest_ , sir. We are all very happy you are feeling better. And we’re honoured to welcome Princess Mara on the ship.”

“Thank you, Captain Snyde,” Kylo says. “At ease.”

This must be the commanding officer of the ship they’re on. And the others she doesn’t know must be the commanders of the other New Order ships that have come to the _Stardust_ ’s rescue and took part in the battle of Zeenah.

The briefing room on the _Tempest_ has a big viewport, perhaps not as grand as the one on the _Stardust_ , but in any case much wider than the window in Kylo’s quarters, so Mara and Kylo can appreciate for the first time the full extent of the gathering outside. There are tens if not hundreds of warships. Kylo contemplates it in silence for a moment, standing by the viewport, then sits at the head of the table and gives a sign for everyone to take seats. Mara sits on his left, as usual.

“Report,” Kylo says.

One hour earlier, when they noticed the ships, Mara commed Hux. Kylo needed to be briefed immediately. Hux, however, put them at ease; he said the briefing can be organized as soon as the Supreme Leader wishes but there’s nothing to worry about. This sounded very intriguing, given the sinister sight outside. But Mara argued they should trust Hux and Kylo agreed to postpone the briefing until one hour later, which enabled them to finish their first romantic dinner in peace.

Now the mystery starts to reveal itself.

Apparently, these are friendly ships.

The information about the attack on Zeenah, perpetrated by criminal syndicates, and the announcement that the Supreme Leader was injured in the battle, caused panic across the galaxy. Both the allies and the neutrals, both those from the Core Worlds who hadn’t cared that much and those from the Rim who had feared the threat for a long time, have rallied to support the New Order. Warships have been sent to Zeenah, too late to help in the battle, but they joined the New Order’s subsequent operation to track the criminals to their secret base in the Outer Rim.

Declarations of support have poured in, amidst great anxiety about the future in the event of the Supreme Leader’s death. With Kylo’s flagship damaged, his brand new military base on Zeenah destroyed, his High-Command taken by surprise, many worlds regretted not heeding his earlier warnings about criminal syndicates, especially after the foiled assassination attempt. Those who thought they wouldn’t care if he was assassinated, were overwhelmed by the general panic and chaos. A pan-galactic alliance against the new threat appeared as the only logical solution. Retaliation to finish the war with the gangs once and for all, under the leadership of the New Order, seemed the only way forward.

The fact that the syndicates – the Hutts, Crimson Dawn, Black Sun, the Pykes, the Guavians, Kanjiklub, and many smaller groups – appeared to have united in their fight against the New Order, was so shocking and unexpected that fear, if nothing else, has propelled most rulers and democratic assemblies towards a joint declaration of war on whoever had declared war on the New Order. The enemy who was bold enough to take on the New Order and Kylo Ren – the enemy who, indeed, almost succeeded in taking Kylo Ren  _out_ – was too scary to be ignored any longer. Much more scary, as it turned out, than the New Order itself, whose leader had been doing rounds in the galaxy for the last three months, shaking hands and preaching cooperation. It wasn’t a matter of solidarity and compassion to join the fight – it was a matter of survival. No galactic world could be safe from criminals who had managed to gather such an impressive fleet and dared to attack the strongest military player of the galaxy. Beyond these facts, of course, the propaganda skilfully orchestrated by Hux and diffused on the holonet has also helped sway everyone in the New Order’s favour.

So now Kylo Ren, until a few months ago the most feared and hated man in the galaxy, the symbol of ultimate evil, finds, to his utter stupefaction, an enormous galactic armada outside the viewport, ready to be commanded by him in whatever military actions he deems necessary. He is even more astonished to hear that words of support and relief have been sent from many worlds since his recovery was announced.

“I must admit you’ve managed that very well,” he says a bit reluctantly but with a tinge of admiration to Hux. “It seems I have become a hero just by lying unconscious in a bacta tank.”

“As much as I’d like to take credit for all that,” replies the General somewhat sourly, “our crisis communication has only worked because of all the other efforts we have made in the last months. Gaining allies. Repairing your terrible reputation. Building trust.”

“All of this thanks to your advice,” says Kylo, looking at Mara.

“You weren’t just lying unconscious in a bacta tank,” Mara protests. “You took them on in battle and won. You _are_ a hero. And of course you’ve had some help from all of us – I did tell you it wasn’t a job for one person. Just like winning a battle against thousands isn’t.”

“Now the rest,” Kylo says, acknowledging her comment with a smile but eager to change the subject. Compliments still embarrass him, which Mara finds sweet. “Our losses. The tracking operation. The culprits and their current status. The situation on Zeenah. Tell me how we retaliate.”

The losses in infrastructure and military equipment on Zeenah are serious. The _Stardust_ , Kylo’s flagship, has suffered damages but will be back to normal in a few weeks and is not unsafe to travel in anymore. Out of the two star destroyers which accompanied the _Stardust_ and were also attacked by surprise, one has suffered irreversible damage, with many people perishing. Numerous fighter pilots from the _Stardust_ , responding immediately to the attack, also never returned. Ground troops have suffered fewer losses but most of the personnel of the Zeenah base died in bombings. It’s not a merry picture and there’s a lot to grieve but it doesn’t seem to have compromised the strength of the New Order.

The tracking mission wasn’t an easy task. The criminals and the many mercenaries hired by them didn’t return to any base; most of those who managed to leave Zeenah and jump to hyperspace were tracked, but they dispersed into various corners of the galaxy. It was clearly an agreed strategy to cover the traces in case of a defeat. However, a brutal interrogation of several tens of prisoners led to the location of a secret military base on Oba Diah moon in the Outer Rim, a few systems away from Zeenah.

So a part of the New Order’s fleet, flanked by its allies, spent the whole day razing the Oba Diah base to the ground. They carried out several strikes from orbit, followed by relentless bombardment. Finally, the troops engaged in ground combat to reach the subterranean levels and make sure nobody escaped. Prisoners have been taken again. All the enemy equipment and infrastructure have been destroyed. As suspected, though, there wasn’t that much equipment left – the enemy had thrown almost everything they had into the Zeenah battle. And just now, the last ships of the new galactic alliance are coming back from the tracking mission, adding to the gathering around the _Tempest_.

It’s a lot to take in but the most important, the most stunning piece of information today, is that the criminal syndicates united, unbeknownst to everyone, and assembled a huge army. In hindsight, this seems logical – as soon as Kylo took power, he declared war on them and put bounties on their leaders’ heads, so they had to react. And yet, for some reason nobody thought of it before the Zeenah attack.

Nobody thought countless warlords and organizations operating in different corners of the galaxy could come to an understanding so quickly, reconcile their varying interests, and, above all, build such a fleet. Nobody thought the first assassination attempt against the Supreme Leader on Gheran might have also been orchestrated by several syndicates operating together; everyone suspected one only, and wondered which one it was. Nobody realised the full extent of the danger. And now, Kylo harbours no illusions; it's not love for him that has spurned his allies to action, but fear for themselves. However, for now this motivation is enough. Perhaps it’s enough for ever.

“What have you done with the prisoners?” he asks.

“They remain in custody, my lord,” Captain Snyde replies. “Awaiting your orders.”

“If you have got all the information you needed out of them, execute them.”

There’s silence around the table. Not that anyone fundamentally disagrees with that decision, but the perspective of slaughtering hundreds of people isn’t that pleasant.

“There are very many, my lord…” Snyde starts.

“More than those they have killed, kidnapped or enslaved?”

Mara looks away but she knows he’s saying this to her. For her. Everyone else may have forgotten, but this has always been partly about her sister. They have never discussed it. Not a word has been said, since they met on Neelia three months ago and she offered to be his adviser, about her personal vendetta. To tell the truth, she hardly even knows if she has had any conscious intention of a vendetta. But Kylo remembered.

“Execute them,” he repeats. “No quarter.”

“Kylo,” Tw’oorah speaks, “There’s one more important thing. Of course we haven’t got them all. The bosses and key figures of the syndicates didn’t take part in the Zeenah battle and were not inside the Oba Diah base, either. They’re hiding elsewhere, and they did their best to cover their traces. But we’ve done our research; we have information from the prisoners, intel from our allies and from spies we’ve been employing for months. As you know, we intensified the intelligence work after the Gheran attack. So now, we know of tens of places in the galaxy where they’re hiding. Many are currently on the move, panicked that we’re after them, but we have our people on their tail. We propose to execute a series of strikes, bombings or ground operations, to eliminate as many of them as possible, starting right now.”

“No,” Kylo says.

“What?” exclaims Hux, rising from his chair.

“Sit down, General. Before you start accusing me of incompetence, let me finish,” Kylo commands coldly. His allusion to their terrible quarrel from a few days ago silences Hux and suddenly there is palpable tension in the room. Anxious, Mara leans towards Kylo.

“You’ve done remarkable work to identify the targets. However, we won't be striking immediately. Tomorrow at noon I will address our allies and the whole galaxy to tell them what happened and propose a way forward. Prepare the connection and notify of the upcoming address every single galactic ruler and assembly. The speech should also be broadcast publicly on the holonet. As soon as I start speaking, you will strike simultaneously in all the locations. I will announce the beginning of the strikes in real time, after you begin.”

There are murmurs of approval and smiles around the table. Mara is proud. So proud that she reaches out without thinking and covers Kylo’s hand, lying on the table, with hers. Curiosity spikes in the room, everyone looks in their direction and she feels self-conscious because they haven’t discussed yet how and when to tell the others. However, Kylo enlaces his fingers with hers, looking at her with the same affection as when they’re alone, so it’s clear he’s pleased.

“I also want you to send out some invitations,” Kylo adds, addressing the whole room. “Tomorrow night we will give an official dinner for all the leaders and representatives of different worlds who have gathered here to support us and helped track the criminals. Prepare the main dining hall on the _Stardust_.”

That’s another surprise nobody expected. There is some panic around the table due to the short deadline but in the end everyone likes the idea. Only Tw’oorah looks sceptical.

“They might fear it’s a trap,” he warns. “You gathering them in one place on your ship, full of your troops, to slaughter them. What if nobody shows up?”

“The invitation will say that I and Princess Mara of Neelia are giving the dinner. I hope that will dispel their doubts if they have any. They know she wouldn’t sign their death sentence.”

“Wait a second,” Mara interrupts. “You want us to give a state dinner together?”

“Why not?” Kylo asks. “We are together, aren’t we? Why would I make a secret of it?”

The Knights and Hux don’t look surprised but the other commanders are literally speechless. The news is out now and everyone is gaping at Kylo.

Mara smiles. Is it because their dark leader is in a _relationship_ , or because he’s actually admitted it in front of them and wants to show it in public? In any case, she is thrilled. It’s going to be their first official function as a couple, and it’s stressful but exciting, too, given the epic occasion. They will be able to thank all their allies for their support. They have an important victory to celebrate. It’s a unifying moment, a game changer in terms of attitudes towards the New Order and towards Kylo, and the state dinner will cement this shift. The idea could have come from Mara herself, if she imagined for a second Kylo would actually accept it. A few months or even weeks ago, she’s sure he wouldn’t have. Now, he’s the one suggesting it. She’s literally watching him grow into his role and she’s delighted to see it.

“Just one more thing, Ben,” she says. “These strikes that will start tomorrow at noon. Who knows about them?”

“Only our people involved,” Hux replies.

“Again, just like after Gheran, let’s think about it,” Mara insists. “We’re going to strike on sovereign territory. There will be collateral damage, and even if there wasn’t any, we can’t just carry out military operations without warning the leaders of these worlds in advance. It’s not going to give us good press.”

Kylo shakes his head.

“If we warn them, it will leak. It will compromise the success of the operation.”

“There’s a risk, but I’m not sure what’s the bigger risk of the two. We should at least go through the list of the rulers and see who could be safely notified. Maybe at least some, especially if they are already our allies and have shown up here to help. And perhaps in your speech tomorrow you could address it openly so that the others don’t feel their sovereignty has been violated.”

“In many cases the criminals are hiding in some obscure locations in the Outer Rim,” Hux clarifies. “Moons not belonging to anyone or planets not inhabited by sentient beings, so that collateral damage is unlikely. Wherever such damage could occur, we will privilege targeted assassinations rather than airstrikes. We’re aware of the sensitivity.”

“Any at all that are hiding in important capitals, like Coruscant?” Mara asks.

“Few. But yes.”

“She is right,” Kylo admits, turning to Hux. “Whenever they are hiding in densely populated places, especially in the Core Worlds, the leaders must be made aware of the strike. How can we do it?”

“We will need to talk to them, one by one,” Hux replies. “Convince them to both comply and keep it a secret.”

“If any of them are here on their ships, convene an early meeting tomorrow on the _Stardust_. Tell them as little as possible. If you can avoid revealing the exact locations of the strikes on their worlds, so much the better. And let them out of the meeting just before I start speaking, so that they have no time to leak it to anyone.”

“Understood.”

“Kylo, the _Stardust_ is ready for you,” M’biren speaks. “As you will address everyone from there tomorrow, perhaps you prefer to relocate tonight?”

Kylo hesitates, then looks at Mara.

“I think I’d prefer not to fly tonight. We can move tomorrow morning. Right? Unless you really want to go now?”

“No, I’m comfortable here, thank you,” she says, grateful that he has asked her. He seems to be warming surprisingly fast to the idea of ‘being together’.

“We’ll be departing for the _Stardust_ tomorrow at 10 o’clock in the morning standard time,” Kylo announces to his Knights and commanders. “See to it that everything is prepared for the midday address and then for the dinner. The leaders may gather in the conference room I’ll be speaking from if they wish to do so. The rest can tune in via holonet.”

Everyone nods. The meeting is adjourned.

* * *

While people are leaving, Kylo beckons to Hux, ordering him to stay. The General seems slightly reluctant but complies without a word. Once the room is empty, he walks towards Kylo who is standing at the viewport, hands clasped behind his back. Hux stands beside him in the same position and waits. Both are silent.

“Do you know who each ship belongs to?” Kylo asks, indicating with his head the gathering outside. The General has remarkable knowledge of the other fleets in the galaxy and is capable of identifying all the flagships and most of other vessels.

“Yes. Shall I talk you through it?”

For the next few minutes he talks, and Kylo is amazed and pleased at how many worlds have turned up to show their support.

When they are finished and silence falls, neither bothers to move.

“Congratulations,” Hux finally says. There is no spite, resentment or mockery in his voice and Kylo finds himself at a loss at how to reply.

“Don’t fuck it up, Ren.”

Now, that’s more like it.

“I’m surprised you don’t want me to. I thought you’d welcome an opportunity to give it a try?”

Hux doesn’t take the bait.

“I don’t want her to be unhappy,” he says.

“Neither do I.”

“So let’s get this over with. I suppose this is the part you tell me to stay away from her or you will kill me, right?”

“Wrong. She can choose for herself who she wants to associate with. Maker knows why but she seems to consider you as a friend.”

The General is silent. 

“Must be that bloody cat,” Kylo adds.

Hux snorts and for a brief moment they are both almost smiling, looking ahead at the view.

“About the killing part…”

“Ah. I knew that was coming.”

“If you behave, I will behave,” Kylo says in a low voice.

Hux glances at him, surprised.

“Well, well. I guess that’s as close to an apology as I could ever hope to get from you.”

“Don’t get too carried away with these hopes.”

“And I suppose I know whom to thank for it. It’s amazing what an influence of a woman can do. Acquiring a softer side, Supreme Leader?”

Kylo scoffs.

“Or, in case of a disagreement, we can always have a proper fist fight,” Hux offers. “Without your magical tricks.”

“Funny, she said the same thing. I would still beat you to a pulp.”

“We’ll see about that.”

But there’s something else. Hux can sense it’s not over yet.

“I know what you want,” Kylo resumes, as if he felt the General was waiting for something.

“Do you?”

“You wish to be promoted to the rank of Grand Marshal.”

Hux shifts weight but remains silent.

“I can’t give it to you,” Kylo states and the tension between them thickens again.

“Because of Hosnia. All our new allies would be outraged if the main strategist of the Hosnian attack got such a promotion. It would be universally condemned. It would set us back very far and jeopardise all that we have worked for in the last months. I can’t do it.”

“Well. I can’t pretend I don’t understand.”

“Do you regret it?” Kylo asks.

“Hosnia? I regret many things in my life. Don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Unlike you, however, I don’t regret for a second killing that bastard my father.”

Kylo takes this confession in his stride. And yes, the first thing _he_ thought of when Hux mentioned regrets was Han.

“And I don’t regret killing that bastard Snoke,” Kylo offers in return. “Though you probably regret I did it, because you tried to overthrow me for it.”

Hux laughs.

“I tried to overthrow you because I saw an opportunity. Otherwise I was glad you got rid of that fucker for me. He treated me no better than he did you.”

They glance at each other furtively, reliving the memory of the many moments of suffering and humiliation inflicted on them by the same man. The man who set them against each other.

“As for the promotion, I’m not saying never,” Kylo resumes. “But not for the time being. We’ll see the dynamics with time. For now, even though some of the old Admirals outrank you, you remain my second-in-command. That is to say, if I can trust you. I don’t feel like wondering all the time whether my second-in-command is not planning to stab me in the heart when I look away. Not that you would ever succeed, mind you.”

Silence hangs between them as Hux looks straight ahead.

“Well, let’s say that if you behave, I will behave,” he says slowly. Kylo smirks.

“Are you discussing strategy, boys?” Mara asks, stepping silently in the space between them. She must have been anxious that they’d be fighting again, so she has come back to the briefing room. She puts her left hand on Hux’s arm, her right on Kylo’s, as if she wanted to separate them but also, at the same time, to establish a connection.

“Something like that,” the General replies. When Kylo moves towards the door, Hux and Mara look at each other and smile.

“You all right, Mara?”

“Yes. You?”

“I’m fine.”

She strokes his arm gently, turns around and leaves with Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Hux-Kylo scenes, the dynamic between them never ceases to inspire me.  
> As usual, do let me know what you think - your reactions are very, very welcome!


	21. The new order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which insecurities are appeased and destiny is fulfilled  
> \-----------  
> Two strongest Force users, one dark, one light, one man, one woman – it was simply meant to be. It can’t have been an accident. A Force bond between them, too, which seems to have disappeared now but may be lingering somewhere, a mystical connection that nobody understands. How can Mara compete with that?

She dreamt of her sister.

Mara had already forgotten little Treyna’s face and most of their conversations. Few memories persisted – mostly images, sounds, colours, feelings. But last night she saw her sister’s face again. They were in the cell, together, and Mara feared for Treyna’s life. She knew her sister would die. She didn’t realise she was in a dream, she was a little girl herself, yet she somehow knew how it would end. And she experienced the same terror she did a few days ago when she feared Kylo would die of his injuries.

She never wants to fear like this again for someone she loves.

She wakes up with a start but calms down because she’s nestled comfortably against Kylo’s chest. His arms envelop her, she feels warm, and the room is slowly adjusting to morning light settings. It is around 7 o’clock. They went to sleep early last night; Kylo felt tired, it had been a long and emotional day, and Mara smiles, thinking of all the physical exertion he endured despite the fact he should have been resting. What a day that was, of lovemaking and politics and military strategy. A good summary of what her life will be from now on, Mara thinks. And she quite likes it.

Kylo turns onto his other side in his sleep and she clings to his warm back, snaking her arms around him and resting her head between his shoulder blades. He’s slowly waking up and hums with pleasure at her touch.

There isn’t any part of his body Mara doesn’t like. She knows how it surprises him to have his body admired. He used to think of it as a weapon, a reliable and deadly tool for a warrior, and he didn’t love it any more than he loved himself. He wasn’t accustomed to small attentions to the body, such as a massage or a hot bath. Now Kylo Ren’s body is Mara’s territory: it is her pillow, her warm blanket, her pleasure tool, a place she comes back to over and over again, a place where she belongs.

Mara is not quite herself these days. She recognizes in her rational mind that she’s floating on some kind of a love cloud, where she is all emotion, and all this emotion is related to Kylo. It feels like being on drugs: all sensations are enhanced. It makes her high, it triggers such a deep and warm fondness in her as she’s never felt before, but it also creates an insatiable craving for more. So no distance between them is close enough. No kiss, no touch, and no words can fully express her affection. No sexual release can calm her desire. She can’t get enough of him. He makes her swoon, that’s what she believes it is called, and Princess Mara _doesn’t swoon_. It’s funny, the effect he has on her, and even funnier that he refuses to believe it. She buries her face in the warm nape of his neck where he smells so good, _so Kylo_ , that she could bite him. In the end, she just plants a few light kisses there and lets him sleep.

In her mind, Mara switches from love to politics. Yesterday she was euphoric about Kylo’s idea to address the whole galaxy as a true leader would, and to coordinate the time of the military strikes with his speech. Today another aspect of this sinks in; she will be the galaxy’s Supreme Leader’s consort. It’s not like Kylo will be announcing it in any official way but sooner or later everyone will find out. After yesterday’s briefing, everyone in the New Order probably already knows. It’s been only one day and so many people know. The responsibility of it weighs upon her. It is exceedingly rare for Princess Mara to find anything beyond her. She was born to be a royal, to shine at official functions, to stand out in politics. And yet, this might be a league higher than anything else she has had to measure herself against in her entire life.

The question is not what she could or should be doing as the Supreme Leader’s consort. She can still see her role as his principal adviser, she will continue to be good at it and will be very happy with it. The question is whether this is enough. Mara thinks again of the Jedi who rejected Kylo’s proposal to rule the galaxy with him. So first of all, perhaps Mara gets the place just because the other woman left. And more importantly, that Jedi was as extraordinary as Kylo. With her, he could train, practise the use of the Force, progress together, fight enemies together, complement each other. Two strongest Force users, one dark, one light, one man, one woman – it was simply meant to be. It can’t have been an accident. A Force bond between them, too, which seems to have disappeared now but may be lingering somewhere, a mystical connection that nobody understands. How can Mara compete with that?

Surely everyone will think that, too? Tw’oorah thought that when he met Mara; even if Kylo repeatedly told her she was not second to anyone in his eyes, even if she believes he really thinks so, she’s not sure _she_ believes it. And he too might realise one day, rather sooner than later, that Mara is just a normal woman, interesting, yes, clever and pretty, perhaps, but that’s not enough to be the galaxy’s Supreme Leader’s consort. She can’t even hold a blaster, not to mention wielding a lightsaber or rock lifting. She can give Kylo political advice but in moments of crisis she is useless to him, if not a liability. His partner should help him protect the galaxy, make it a safer place. Mara can’t do that by any other means than politics. And that’s not enough, because there are many other skillful politicians. She turns onto her other side in bed, away from him.

Kylo immediately turns after her and wraps her in his arms. For a moment, his strong embrace and his warm breath on her ear dismiss all her doubts. She decides to face the new responsibility the way she has always done: just take it in her stride. This is how Princess Leia, Kylo’s dead mother, approached all challenges in her life. But Princess Leia was a Force user.

For as long as she can remember, Mara has always wanted to wield the Force. She could never really accept that she was not Force-sensitive. She seems to have been made for it: a strong character, a fighter, a decisive, confident person, in control of herself. She envies Force users; sometimes she feels she’s sticking out like a sore thumb among the Knights of Ren. The odd one out, the only one without mysterious powers. So is Hux but he doesn’t seem to be bothered by that, plus he at least knows how to fight.

“Good morning,” Kylo murmurs into her ear and presses a wet kiss behind it. It is a lovely awakening. Their first awakening together in the morning, after the first night spent together in one bed. She settles more comfortably against him.

“Are you feeling all right, Kylo? No headache?”

“Only when I touch it. Is it still so dark?”

She turns back to face him, peels off the bacta patch he put on for the night and examines his forehead. It still doesn’t look good, but the bruise is paler than yesterday and it isn’t swollen or warm anymore. She kisses it carefully. Kylo slides his hands under her nightshirt, which is no other than one of his light tunics, and fondles her breasts. Mara smiles and strokes his hair.

“Ready to impress the galaxy?”

“As ready as I will ever be. But it’s still early. We don’t need to hurry.”

“Good. Because I have a few practical questions.”

“Oh?” he seems a bit disappointed.

“Have you been thinking at all what your rule will look like once all of this – the attacks, the war – is over, or at least once the situation stabilizes a bit and you don’t need to move around so much? Do you always want to live on a starship?”

“Not really. That was Snoke’s thing. A mobile capital. I was thinking it would be good to have a _terra firma_ base.”

“A homebase.”

“Yes. As much a base as a home. With you.”

She likes the idea.

“Where?”

“That’s to be considered. Somewhere in the Core Worlds, I suppose? Coruscant?”

“Not Coruscant, please. A more natural world.”

“I knew you’d say that. But we will still need offices on Coruscant, it can’t be helped. Perhaps Chandrila? We can’t pick Naboo. They have a queen there already. Maybe Neelia?”

“My planet?”

The thought seems delightful but Mara shakes her head.

“Not in the Core and not important enough. You need to think of what befits you as the Supreme Leader, not of me.”

“I will always think of you.”

“So, one place or another, we’ll be living in a palace,” she laughs.

“You’ve always lived in a palace anyway.”

“I’d also like a holiday when all this is over,” she whispers. She’s dreaming of a holiday with him. A sandy beach, the sound of the ocean, Kylo lying on the sand, in the shade, her head on his chest. The blue sky above them.

“A nice image. You have projected it very strongly.”

“Do you think we could go? Just the two of us?”

“Of course. Once this is over. We’ll go wherever you want.”

* * *

Once they both shower and dress – she has sent a droid to get her some clothes from her quarters – Kylo orders breakfast. Mara enters the living room and finds him going through his handwritten notes. It must be the speech.

“Do you need any help with this?”

“Surprisingly, no,” he smiles. “This time I really thought about it. I know exactly what I want to say, both about what’s happening now and the way forward. We just need to check with Hux that the strikes are still all planned for midday and that the leaders know.”

“So what will you propose going forward?” she asks, although the substance of what he’ll say will not be a surprise to her. They discussed various options many times, based on the conversations with the different galactic leaders and assemblies they’ve met with in the last months. He wrote the speech but she, and the other members of the Council, have helped him design the system of government he’ll be outlining in his proposal.

“Like we discussed, a galactic alliance – a sort of federation. I want to stress that it’s both about preserving peace and changing the dynamics. Not so much about the rulers and the ruled any more, or the rapport between the two, but rather about how everyone works together. Not just how different worlds work with the New Order, but also how these worlds work with other worlds. How the Rim can work with the Core, how they can help one another, with us as a supervisory and protective body. I want to talk about different levels of government, with a guarantee of local autonomy for all systems and an upper layer, like an umbrella, including a Council that I will lead. A lot of it will be about economy. All in all, I think it will really be something new.”

“Well, you speak from a perspective none of them has. After all the meetings you’ve been to, you see common interests and goals they might not realize, and you can suggest some new solutions to common problems. Anyway, don’t tell me any more. I want my surprise, too.”

He smiles and looks at his notes again, standing by the desk. He’s wearing loose informal clothes, of darkish grey colour, and his black hair is wet and uncombed after the shower, looking unruly and very appealing.

“I was going to ask you about one more thing.”

“What is it?”

“About the Jedi.”

“What about them?” he inquires, not looking away from his notes. He hasn’t even realised Mara wasn’t asking about ‘them’.

“I meant one Jedi. Rey.”

He looks up now, his brow furrowed.

“What about her?”

“Is she here? So many ships and troops from all over the galaxy have shown up. Perhaps she and the rest of the Resistance are here as well?”

“I don’t think so. Hux would have mentioned that. And I would have felt her signature in the Force if she was so close.”

Not something Mara is particularly happy about – that Force users can feel one another at distance.

“I thought she might want to come back now,” Mara says.

“What?”

“She will see that you’re doing good things… and she might regret she left you. She could show up to help you and want to stay.”

“She’s not here, I’m telling you.”

“What if she were here?”

“Nothing. I wish her all the best and I have moved on.”

“Even if she’s not here now,” Mara insists, “she will surely watch your speech over the holonet and might contact you later.”

“She won’t. She’s not interested in ruling, I told you that already. And if she comes, as I said, my offer has expired.”

“But she is strong in the Force. She’s the Light, you’re the Darkness. She balances you. You would bring the balance to the galaxy together. I can’t help you with that. I can’t do any of what you could do with her.”

Kylo stares at her, stunned and looking slightly hurt.

“Mara, the Force is not everything,” he says after a long and tense moment of silence. “It is an important thing to share but not the only one. A relationship cannot be built only on that. Just like it cannot be built, for example, only on sex. Even if sex is very important too.”

“Well, as I don’t wield the Force, it often seems to me that it _is_ everything. I know it’s very important to you. It’s such an important part of your life, and you cannot share it with me. With her, it’s a different matter. You fought together, you killed Snoke together. You shared a dream of the future, and a connection that allowed you to see each other at distance…”

“Yes, but I also barely knew her,” Kylo interrupts. “And all that is in the past. I’ve shared many more things with you. You also have a past, don’t you? You said I had no rivals. Neither do you.”

Mara is silent; he frowns and puts his notes down, clearly displeased. She didn’t want that; didn’t want to spoil the beautiful atmosphere between them.

 “Only yesterday you were telling me you kissed another man just under my nose, even though you love me – and I did my best to try and understand that. And now you doubt _me_ because of a story from six months ago that wasn’t even a proper relationship, that never went as far as a kiss?”

“I’m sorry, Kylo,” she says, taking his hand. “Sometimes I’m just afraid…”

“Of what? Of what Tw’oorah once told you? I’m sure even he doesn’t think that any longer.”

“I’m afraid that you want me just because it’s easy and convenient. I’m here, I’m supportive and I offer you love. But one day, in a moment of truth, in a great crisis, you might suddenly realise that you were destined to be with her and that you missed her all along.”

“Mara, I’ve just had my moment of truth! I almost died. My last thought before I passed out on the battlefield was of you, and so was my first on waking up. I’m not imagining anything. It’s you that I want.”

Mara is in tears now, and Kylo shakes his head.

“For once, you’re more emotional and I’m more rational,” he remarks. “And for once, you are the one to feel insecure. There’s no need for that.”

“It’s been an emotional turmoil these past days,” Mara concedes. “Perhaps I’m not thinking straight. All this is so new, and I’m wondering if I’m up to it. To stand by your side, as your partner, not just an adviser.”

Kylo laughs at that.

“Look at me,” he says. “My own General calls me an incompetent child. If I can rise to the challenge and be the Supreme Leader, you are surely more than good enough to be the Supreme Leader’s consort.”

She smiles and tension slowly evaporates. Mara doesn’t like to be jealous and irrational. Insecurity is a new and unpleasant feeling. But now it seems it’s Kylo’s turn to feel uneasy. He looks away, picks up his notes and reads through them again.

“Do you think he was right?” he asks suddenly, not looking at her.

“Who? Hux?”

“Am I incompetent, childish? Unfit for this job?”

“What? No. He said that after you cancelled the attack, and that attack was a bad idea from the very beginning. I was actually relieved when you decided to cancel it.”

“But it was _my_ bad idea. I ordered it. And then I changed my mind.”

“You were right to change it. You waited for proof, which was never found.”

“What if we had attacked then, as initially planned? Maybe that would have prevented their second attempt, the battle of Zeenah, the losses, the whole drama?”

“You would have just wiped out a few key people and many pawns from one syndicate on Kessel. The whole hidden fleet would still be out there. They would have attacked again all right, though maybe not so soon.”

“Tell me what you really think of me as the Supreme Leader,” he insists. “I know Hux has a very low opinion of me, and he’s my second-in-command.”

He needs a pep talk before his great speech, which will be broadcast live to the whole galaxy. Mara gets that. He must be struggling with exactly the same fear of inadequacy in his role of the Supreme Leader as in his relationship with her, and in his other past relationships with people. Mara has always been supportive, she has always believed in him, which doesn't mean she can’t see his shortcomings.

“You operate by emotion rather than reason, and Hux is the exact opposite. There is no right and wrong way; both have their strengths, and you certainly have many.”

He looks a little relieved, so she adds:

“In a few hours you’re going to address the whole galaxy, then entertain all its leaders at a gala dinner. All this was your idea, though you don’t even like public speaking and social events. But you knew it should be done so you’re doing it. This is what good leaders do. Every leader has weaknesses. Maybe Snoke was a more experienced politician than you and a smoother talker. But he was an evil, murderous, immoral bastard.”

“Thank you,” Kylo says, somewhat cheered up now. “I do think this speech will go well. I think I’ve got it this time.”

“You’ve had it _every time_. I knew you had it in you. I knew that once you made up your mind, you would know exactly what to say and how.”

“But before all that, I know what could help us relax,” he smiles and pushes her towards the bedroom. “You know, to take care of our insecurities.”

* * *

A few minutes earlier Mara would have argued that pleasant as it is, sex cannot really dispel fears of inadequacy. She is now willing to admit she may have been wrong.

She’s lying on Kylo’s high bed, her legs spread and hanging above the floor, and the Supreme Leader of the galaxy is kneeling between them, pleasuring her with his mouth. So currently, Mara feels pretty exceptional and very adequate.

A few minutes earlier he pushed her onto the bed, kneeled by it and said, smiling mischievously:

“So, shall we finally finish what we started at the silver festival?”

The memory of it alone was arousing. It was also thrilling to imagine other possibilities that kind of interaction – him being in her mind – could open. But for now…

“You didn’t let me taste you properly then,” Kylo murmured, spreading her legs wider and sliding his hands under her tunic, up to her breasts, which he fondled while kissing slowly the inner sides of her thighs. “Or maybe I was too surprised then and not bold enough.”

He is definitely bolder now. He slides the tips of his fingers under Mara’s underwear, just like he did at the festival before she stopped him, and he buries his mouth in her.

“I remember your scent from the festival,” he whispers.

He circles his tongue lazily around her sensitive spot, but on the outside of her panties, then moves lower and tastes the wetness on the thin fabric. Mara wants him to take her underwear off and really taste her, she wants to feel his tongue, but he takes his time. He is really enjoying it, while massaging her thighs with both hands. Finally he slides one of his fingers under the material and into her.

“Please take these off,” she whimpers.

“Not yet,” he answers and sucks her through her underwear while moving his finger in and out of her. She thinks she will come even before he undresses her completely; she wiggles under his mouth, pushes her hips up to meet his finger but he is excruciatingly slow, moaning softly into her. She feels the vibrations from his moan as small waves of pleasure hit her core.

Finally he slides her panties down. Then he spreads her legs again, lifts them onto his shoulders for better angle and licks her once, slowly, along the whole length of her folds. He teases her entrance with his tongue, circles the spot above it and sucks it lightly into his mouth. Mara trembles but he holds her firmly in place, one palm on her lower belly, the other clutching one of her thighs.

“I will do this to you every day,” he mutters.

Well, she’s not going to argue with that. He alters the pace, the pressure, the movements. He’s learning quickly what she likes best. And all the time one of his long fingers is in and out of her, which makes it so much more intense.

“I want to make you come like this,” Kylo says and Mara almost comes just from hearing this and from looking at him at that very moment. He looks as if he wanted to devour her – and he is devouring her, literally. He grips her hips and pulls her even closer to his face; Mara tugs at his hair forcefully, pulls his head closer and holds him down. His mouth is hot, heat is building inside her belly, tingling in her thighs, and she moans, finally coming onto his face, on his tongue. It lasts for ever and he keeps lapping at her, more and more delicately as she becomes more sensitive. When she falls back with a sigh, he’s still at it. Then he climbs on top of her and kisses her. She tastes herself in his mouth.

He settles between her legs and wants to push in but she wiggles out of his embrace.

“No,” she says. He frowns, surprised.

“No?”

“Not like this,” she smiles and flips him onto his back, then straddles him and pins his wrists to the bed on his both sides, close to her knees. She knows he likes to be in charge, and she also likes it when he’s in charge, so this is new for them. She looms above him, her wetness grinding against him. Kylo moans but she doesn’t let him in. Not yet. He’s watching her, mesmerized, but there’s also something desperate in his eyes.

“Please,” he whispers.

She laughs, shakes her head, and continues her little game. After all, he played it with her just a moment ago when she begged him to take her underwear off. Now he is playing along, but deep in his eyes there’s uneasiness she knows he’d be ashamed to acknowledge. He fears that she will deny him in the end, that he’s not really wanted, not good enough.

One thing Mara understands about him now is that the flip side of his dark longing for control is insecurity. Unless he dominates, he can never be certain of possession; as soon as he loses control, there is room for uncertainty, and insecurity rears its head. Vulnerability in his eyes tugs at Mara’s heart, as usual, and a wave of affection comes over her.

She slides onto Kylo slowly, drawing a few moans out of him. Insecurity all but disappears and suddenly he has this predator look on his face, the same as yesterday. She loves that look; she flexes around him and he makes a strained sound with his throat, bucking his hips. Mara brings her mouth to his and teases his lips with her tongue, then runs her fingers through his hair and Kylo closes his eyes for a moment.

She starts moving slowly but he is on the edge very soon. He sits up, slides to the edge of the bed to put his feet on the floor, and grips her by the waist. Mara settles with her arms around his neck and repositions her legs behind him, around his hips. She is moving faster and he also pulls her towards him with both hands, rocking her on top of him, back and forth. He is so strong she could stop moving and leave it to him entirely but this time she wants to be in charge.

“Come for me, Ben,” she whispers into his ear. He twitches and a few seconds later he comes, shuddering and clutching her body so strongly that it’s a bit painful, and it takes her breath away for a second, but also makes her happy. His hair falls in his face, he’s sweating and his muscles are flexing as his grip on her body tightens and loosens rhythmically while he is still riding the last of his orgasm. He’s a beast of a man and she loves to just look at him as she’s feeling pleasure rippling through his body. Before he stills, his last movement hits that spot deep inside her and she is suddenly aching for more –

“Ben,” she pleads, grinding against him.

“More?” he guesses. She barely has time to nod when, a second later, she lands on her back on the bed, and Kylo pushes into her again. He’s still hard and he sets the pace that leaves her breathless as she throws her head back and closes her eyes.

“I know how you want it,” he murmurs, lifts one of her legs, bending it at the knee, and it just makes for a perfect angle. He hits the exact spot she needs, the one deep at the back, again and again, with fast, deep strokes. There’s something extremely sensitive about it, it makes her whole body tremble each time. She is afraid in a moment she will shatter into pieces.

“It’s too much, Ben,” she pants, “I can’t…”

“You can,” he barks and keeps thrusting, until her eyes roll back, tears trickle down her face, and all her muscles are so tense they’re painful. She can feel every centimeter of him with every nerve ending inside her. It comes over her so suddenly and so strong that her vision blackens for a few seconds.

“I love you,” he breathes into her mouth while she’s writhing underneath him. “I love you, I love you.”

She can’t respond because she can’t catch her breath until he starts slowing down and finally stills. Then he buries his face in her neck and kisses her, suddenly tender and gentle, transformed from his earlier rough passion in a split second, as usual. He could transform back any moment, too.

“What was that?” Mara stammers, lying in a boneless heap on the bed. “Ben, what are you doing to me?”

“That was love,” he mutters into her neck. “I love you.”

She takes his head in her hands and lifts it from her neck, to look into his eyes. They’re full of tears.

“I know,” Mara whispers. She did know, and she didn’t think hearing it would move her so much. She wraps herself around him as tightly as possible and repeats the words he has just said into his ear. He’s very quiet now, but when he nestles his face in the angle of her neck again, it’s wet.

Mara kisses his hair. She needs to do something or she will cry too, though she hardly knows why. His emotion is contagious, it is rolling off of him in furious waves, so strong one doesn’t need to be Force-sensitive to feel it. Mara can almost hear it roaring in his mind. To lighten the mood, she begins to chew his earlobe until, in the end, he relaxes and laughs quietly, a soft rumble in his chest.

“We’re not done here,” he murmurs. “We’ll get back to it later today. I’ll have you again.”

“No time,” she teases. “We have official duties for the galaxy all day long.”

“I am the Supreme Leader. The galaxy can wait,” he purrs and throws his heavy leg over her hip to pin her down to the bed. He crushes her in his embrace and kisses her greedily. Hot and sweaty, her body entwined with his, Mara is drowning in the powerful storm that is Kylo Ren. She belongs to him and he is her man, wild and gorgeous and dangerous, and she will love him until the end of time.

* * *

Just before 11.30 standard time Kylo comes to fetch Mara from her quarters on the _Stardust_. They relocated by shuttle from the _Tempest_ an hour ago. Kylo is dressed in black but his clothes are different than usual, more official. His outer tunic is made of several types of fabrics, reflecting light in different ways, with dark crimson threads woven in at the front. He’s also wearing a long black cape with crimson lining. These are the full colours of the New Order. The outfit is complete with his black gloves. All this makes Kylo look every inch a military leader, but also a royal, and today, as he’s going to deliver his speech to the galaxy after the Zeenah victory, is precisely about that. Mara has dressed to match him, in a long dark crimson dress made of soft fabric and inspired by old Alderaanian fashion, completing the colour scheme with a three-row necklace of small black gems.

They meet the Knights in front of the conference room. Hux isn’t with them; he’s been discussing the upcoming attacks with the leaders concerned, as agreed, and has just commed to say everything went well and there should be no leaks. It’s time for Kylo to start welcoming guests. Many of the leaders who arrived yesterday to offer their support have come on board the _Stardust_ this morning to listen to his speech in person.

The doors hiss open and Kylo and Mara enter, the four Knights behind them. The conference room is full of humans and aliens, and all the eyes are on the New Order’s High-Command. Kylo may have become less threatening in his allies’ eyes in the last months but his entrance still hushes everyone, especially when he’s flanked by four other dark figures. Mara’s presence, as usual, dispels the tension and soon they’re moving around the room, welcoming guests one by one. Kylo is more relaxed and more polite than Mara has ever seen him on such occasions; one could say he’s in a good mood. He often turns to her, and not just that; he also puts his arm casually around her or takes her hand. He is visibly enjoying the attention their relationship attracts.

They finally separate to talk to different people. Mara comes up to Hux and the other New Order commanders, and on her approach all the officers bow. She’s taken aback; she used to be on friendly and casual terms with them.

“Things have changed and we’ve noticed,” Hux remarks with a smirk, seeing her surprise.

So that’s how it’s going to be – now that she’s promoted to the rank of the Supreme Leader’s consort, the whole New Order will bow to her and cling to the walls when she walks in the corridor, just like they do with Kylo. No more casual meals with stormtroopers in the canteen?

“Absolutely not,” Mara says. “You are to behave normally or I will complain to him.” She points to Kylo standing a few metres away, immersed in conversation. Everyone’s eyes dart to him anxiously. Mara snorts and exchanges a knowing look with Hux.

“How did the talks with the leaders go, Armitage?”

“Perfect. I tricked them all into playing along.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“I invited to the meeting those who really needed to know about the strikes, from the Core Worlds, and a few from the Rim that didn’t _absolutely_ have to be notified. The latter were so flattered and stunned that we considered them important enough to be asked that they enthusiastically supported the strikes. And then of course those from the Core Worlds were too ashamed to protest. I kept them all in the meeting room as long as I could and then ushered them directly in here. We’ve also disabled remotely all the comlinks in the room – to make sure our holonet connection remains undisturbed, I told them – and there you go.”

“How very you! Kylo tells me the strikes are all happening as planned, at noon. Do you foresee any complications?”

“Well, some of the targets will probably manage to get away. Statistically. But we will get to them in the next days. There’ll be a bit of a chase but it’ll be over very soon.”

“You’re evil but you have really managed that fantastically,” Mara smiles and pats him on the arm.

“Oh, I know,” he says and shrugs his shoulders.

“Captain Peavey,” she turns to the other commander. “How are the dinner preparations going?”

She reviewed the list of guests last night and added a few people. The invitations were sent straight after that and she’s curious to know how many guests have accepted.

“Many,” confirms Peavey when she asks him. “I hope others will respond in the course of the day. Even if those who have now found out about the strikes on their territory might want to leave just after the speech to supervise the aftermath. On the whole, it’s a big success. I’d say we can expect more than a hundred people, on one day’s notice. And our chefs and kitchen staff are working hard to have everything ready on time.”

“Excellent,” Mara praises him. “Will there be music? Dancing?”

“Absolutely,” Hux replies. “On the condition that I can have one dance with you?”

“More than one if the party’s good,” she smiles and turns to the commander of the _Tempest_ who hosted her and Kylo for the past two days.

“Captain Snyde, thank you again for taking such good care of us. I seem to remember your ship used to have a different name?”

“It was called the _Annihilation_ , my lady. When the orders came to change the old names, we had a brainstorming with all my officers. The _Tempest_ still sounds a bit menacing but much better, in my opinion.”

“I like 'the _Tempest'_ ,” Mara says.

Hux rolls his eyes and they both laugh. What a bunch of characters these people are! Mara looks around; her parents aren’t here, but she talked to them a few minutes ago via holocomm, from her room. She hadn’t had the time yet to tell them about all that had happened in the last days but she wanted to tell them about her and Kylo before they find out from someone else as she’s sure the news will spread fast now. They were surprised, but their anxiety related to Kylo’s reputation was overcome rather easily by the excitement of having their daughter as the galaxy’s First Lady.

Mara spots Lord Wynad talking to the Queen of Naboo. She waves at them; Teran smiles, albeit with a certain restraint. Mara crosses the room and soon finds herself in Saileen’s embrace.

“Teran, how nice of you to have come,” Mara starts after the hugs and handshakes. “I expected Naboo to show but didn’t dare to hope for your presence.”

He shrugs.

“So many others were coming, I couldn't stay away.”

Mara smiles. Hux’s theory of peer pressure is really working.

“Are you staying to dinner?” she makes sure. He nods.

“So is it true what everyone is saying?” Wynad asks. “It seems to be, judging by your two names together on the invitation and by how he is hovering around you.”

“Yes. It’s very recent, but it’s true.”

Teran stays silent, watching her thoughtfully.

“Oh come on, Teran,” Saileen huffs impatiently. “Give them a break for once.”

“Well, let’s withhold judgment until after the speech.”

“There’s no need to wait for the speech,” Mara argues. “He’s done plenty of good things already. Who would wage war on the gangs if he didn’t? Who would help the Rim planets defend themselves?”

“Well, yes,” Wynad shrugs. “But still, as regards your personal involvement, I should think there would be a safer choice of a partner somewhere in the galaxy.”

“Perhaps,” Mara admits. “But I love him. And I won’t apologise for that. I’m not ashamed of it.”

 “Well, I had no idea it was that serious,” Teran says, clearly surprised at her intensity. “In that case, of course I wish you all the best. Are you going to marry him now?”

“Lord Wynad, do not steal my thunder,” Kylo replies, appearing at Mara’s side and putting his arm around her. “Do not ask the question before I had the chance to do it.”

He doesn’t seem displeased at all. Wynad looks faintly amused and Saileen smiles brightly. Fortunately Saileen’s brother approaches and everyone can conveniently change the subject.

* * *

Almost half an hour later, the Supreme Leader has exchanged a few brief words with everyone and is ready for the speech. Kylo Ren stands tall in front of the big screen, his black and crimson cape falling from his shoulders, his raven hair shining, the dark trace of his battle injury still visible on his forehead. This is his moment, the moment he has worked towards, the moment he feared would never arrive, the moment he thought he didn’t deserve or wasn’t capable of achieving. His royalmoment.

Mara swells with pride. She’s making an effort to keep a straight face but she is feeling very emotional about it. Today Ben Solo, Kylo Ren, appears as a true leader, not just by the strength of his army or by the fear he elicits but by his attitude, his dignity, even the way he holds himself. His distant and cold demeanour has been mistaken by many for confidence, but Mara knows it is only now that he feels truly confident. He knows he can do this. He knows he has done it already.

“You’re drooling, Mara,” Sansena whispers into her ear and Mara jumps. She hasn’t noticed the Knight sneak up on her.

“You damn Force users. Am I really thinking so loudly?”

“No need to read your thoughts. It’s enough to look at your face!”

“Can’t help it,” Mara grins.

“Supreme Leader, the connection will start in 30 standard seconds,” the comms officer says. Conversations die down; Kylo raises his head and straightens up.

“Mara,” he asks, turning to her, “I would like you to join me.”

Around the room, there are many surprised looks, even from those who knew about their relationship, let alone those – albeit not very numerous – who haven’t noticed anything yet and are finding out just now. In any case, nobody expected that.

 _She_ didn’t expect that. She didn’t need it and wouldn’t think herself entitled to it. It should be his moment, and his only. It’s his destiny that is being fulfilled, to which she has only lent a helping hand. But now that Kylo reaches out to her and everyone’s eyes are on her, she realizes the full meaning of this and struggles with a wave of emotion. She wouldn’t expect him to announce their relationship officially in any way, not yet, perhaps not for a long time. But it’s happening right now because, even if he doesn’t say a word about it in his speech, her presence by his side at a moment like that is a sign that cannot be misinterpreted. The meaning of it will be crystal clear to all the politicians and leaders watching the speech on the holonet, and even more so to those standing in this very room around them. As clear as it is to her. He is calling her to stand by his side. He wants to let the whole galaxy know that they will be standing together.

Kylo notices her hesitation and smiles. He is not worried whether she will accept or not. He knows she is surprised, but certainly not reluctant.

“Please,” he says, extending his hand to her.

Mara walks the few steps that separate them and takes his hand. She squeezes it and holds it firmly, and he squeezes back, his eyes bright. They look at each other until the screen lights up, and then they both turn towards it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the epilogue. Let me just say this: that epilogue is not going to go the way you think. At all. I promise to surprise you one last time.
> 
> For those who would like to read more from me, have a look at my second story, [The Fever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147002/chapters/42910568)! It will be updating tomorrow.


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the demons of the past rise

He is standing by the huge transparisteel window. The staff of the base, humans, aliens and droids alike, busy running around or behind their computers and dashboards, glance anxiously in his direction but nobody approaches him. The man is known for his gratuitous cruelty when crossed.

He is tall, lithe and strikingly handsome, with dark blond hair cropped short and regular facial features, blue eyes and pleasantly tanned skin. He’s dressed in a becoming dark blue outfit – short cardigan and trousers – which hints at the military with its uniform colouring, but at the same time looks rather casual. He seems to be contemplating the landscape but there’s nothing to look at outside, the flat black expanse all around, up to the black horizon. There are no other buildings, no vegetation, no life. The surface basks in a perpetual twilight as the tiny planet is very far from the system’s only star. The atmosphere exists here, but it is poisonous, so the base is tightly sealed from the outside environment. It’s also shielded and cloaked, in case an uninvited traveler visited this godforsaken place.

Otherwise said traveler would be surprised to discover, here in the Unknown Regions, a brand-new structure on the planet’s surface. It is not a New Order base or a Resistance stronghold, and not a former Empire or Rebellion outpost, either. None of these organizations have ever had bases in this uncharted part of the galaxy. The structure also doesn’t belong to any civilization from any of the worlds and systems nearby. In fact, there are no inhabited worlds within several thousand light years.

“Sir,” a civilian aide interrupts, approaching him, “Wes Lar’ghan’s shuttle has just landed.”

“How many on board?”

“He’s alone, sir. And not in a very good state. Shall I let him into your office?”

“Bring him here, Siro.”

When Siro comes back with a slightly shaking Pau’an in his tow, the man in blue shoots the newcomer one look and moves away from the window to the small area in the corner with sofas and armchairs. He invites the Pau’an to take a seat and sits down opposite him.

Wes Lar’ghan glances around and the man in blue beckons to Siro, who in turn instructs a droid. A moment later refreshments arrive; the newcomer drinks water greedily and starts nibbling at a platter of hot meaty snacks.

“You received the coordinates and instructions via the emergency channel,” states the host quietly.

The Pau’an rubs his bold head wearily. He looks weak and worn out.

“Yes. They were very precise. I didn’t think it was possible to navigate the Unknown Regions so easily.”

“They’re not unknown to everyone.”

“You have been hiding here all this time, then? What a charming place, this little poisonous world. A rather neat little nest you’ve built yourself here.”

The man in blue smiles.

“We have failed,” Lar’ghan says curtly.

“So I have heard. How did you escape the strike on Lothal?”

“Barely. They attacked at noon, just like Ren announced a few minutes into the speech.”

“So you took the time to listen to his speech while you were under attack?”

“Very funny. I saw a holo recording later, during my journey here. In my group, I was the only one who got out. They hit our warehouse with a missile and then disembarked a few squadrons of troopers. Those who didn’t die in the blast and tried to get out, got shot. All my operatives are dead. At the time of the explosion, I was in my ship, tinkering with the shields, and that’s how I managed to get out. I shot through the roof of the hangar directly to the upper atmo and into lightspeed. Took them by surprise. But they got on my tail. They have this tracking technology…”

“And you have come here despite that?” asks the man in blue in an eerily calm voice. “Is there a danger our location might be compromised?”

“No. I made a series of jumps. I finally put them off my track. Anyway, I’m finished on Lothal and on all the neighbouring worlds. I need a plan B now.”

“What about the rest of Crimson Dawn?”

“The same as the other organisations. I was able to contact two people from Crimson. Similar luck to mine. They’re going to bury themselves in some holes in the Outer Rim and lie low. But nobody else is responding. It was butchery. Ren must have had agents everywhere, including among us. And lots of credits to pay for the information.”

“That’s Hux’s doing. After Gheran, they got smarter.”

“It’s a disaster,” Wes Lar’ghan complains. “Ren is alive and well. His flagship is functional. Our alliance is revealed, our fleet and main base destroyed, and they picked us off like flies all around the galaxy. We’ve lost, and badly.”

“Does he know about me?”

“I shouldn’t think so. So few people knew. None of those he took prisoners on Zeenah.”

“And on Oba Diah moon? They showed up and levelled the whole base, then searched through the interior. They must have captured people.”

“They did. But none of those small fish knew about you. Anyway, you know best how many people were aware of your existence and what were their locations. I’m sure they’d have tried to get in touch with you by now, if you had offered them the same deal as to me.”

“Yes. Now, I must ask you one more thing and I would appreciate if you were honest with me because it will save us trouble later.”

“I have only been honest with you. I’m smart enough to know I wouldn't stay alive so long otherwise.”

“Did you communicate the coordinates and the instructions I gave you to anyone else after you commed me? Are we going to have surprise guests, and from which organizations?”

“You must be joking,” Lar’ghan laughs harshly. “And how would I make sure those guys wouldn’t give the coordinates to anyone else? I’m not mad enough to risk your displeasure.”

“So you haven’t invited anyone.”

“No. I guess we’re safer here in our small committee,” Lar’ghan chuckles and sits back more comfortably. He pours himself another glass of water. “But unless you have even more credits and a plan to build a superweapon that you can fire on Ren, I’d say your little pet project is finished. The New Order can’t be taken out by any military power that you could currently build, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Hux was already working on Starkiller II, as a safeguard. Plus, the whole galaxy has rallied behind them now. And that Force fucker is immortal. Nobody and nothing could take him out in combat, no man, no ship, no missile. He single-handedly killed a few hundred people on Zeenah. We bombarded the dome to bury him in the rubble, he got knocked on the head with a _cement block_ , and two days later he delivers a victory speech to the galaxy and comes after us. Nothing short of magic can best him. And I hear he’s pretty strong on magic, too.”

“Yes,” the man in blue says, clasping his hands on his lap and looking towards the window. “But that doesn’t matter anymore. He ceased to be the primary target.”

“What in the galaxy do you mean?” frowns the Pau’an. "Thousands of people died, all our organisations and structures are destroyed, and you’re not interested in him anymore, just like that?”

“Don’t give me this shit, Wes,” the host says in a gentler, more persuasive tone. “You all wanted him gone as much as I did. I supplied you with the means to do so. And yet, you failed miserably.”

“Easy to say when your own life was not on the line!”

“You’re right,” the man replies indifferently. The Pau’an is slightly fidgeting.

“I didn’t say,” the man in blue resumes calmly, “that I’m not interested anymore. Just that Ren’s not the primary target. The situation has changed. He has something now that he values more than his own life, and I will focus on that.”

Lar’ghan frowns, the cogs turning in his mind.

“You want to kill the woman?” he asks finally, incredulous. “But he will come after you. He’ll chase you across the galaxy. You will never be safe and at peace again.”

“Kill her, take her away from him, use her to trap him, trade her in for the galaxy, whatever. There are plenty of possibilities.”

“Well,” Wes Lar’ghan barks, “I don’t know how you want to approach her, but for me, this ends today. I need to figure out what hole I can hide in and for how long, so that Kylo Ren and Hux do not find me. In the meantime, though,” he says, getting up from the sofa and putting his glass back on the low table, “thanks for your hospitality here. I appreciate that. If you don’t mind, I would like to rest now. Are there any quarters I could take and have a sleep? I’ve travelled a very long way.”

“You’re right,” the man in blue says again, still seated and gazing at the bleak landscape outside.

“About what?”

“For you, this ends today.”

He extends his hand and the Pau’an crumples to the floor, his windpipe crushed with a sickening crack.

The technicians walking around the room stop in their tracks for a moment. There is a stony silence and panic in everyone’s eyes. Then, as the man in blue glances in their direction, they hastily resume their activities.

He stands up, walks around the lifeless body on the floor and heads towards the exit of the bay.

“Clean this mess,” he orders to a group of droids and beckons to the aide who brought the Pau’an in earlier to follow him into the corridor. The older man complies immediately.

“How’s everything, Siro?” the man in blue barks, not stopping in his tracks, so that the other has to keep up with him.

“All in order, sir. We started preparations to dislocate to Base II as soon as Lar’ghan got in touch and we’re ready to move whenever you give the order. The procedure has been followed to the letter.”

“Good.”

“Arn-Seth,” Siro says in a low voice though there is nobody else in the vast, empty corridor of the base. “How should we proceed if more of these guys ask for our coordinates on the secret channel?”

Arn-Seth waves his hand dismissingly.

“Besides Lar’ghan, very few people knew of the possibility to come to my base in case things went south. They would have got in touch by now. The only danger in my view was if Lar’ghan gave the coordinates to someone after we gave them to him. But he said he didn’t and I think he was telling the truth. He knew it would really piss me off to have unannounced guests. Still, as a safety measure, we will relocate, as planned.”

“But what if one or more of the guys who knew about your base have been interrogated and revealed its existence?”

“Without the coordinates, they don’t know the location, so Ren can spend the rest of his life looking for it. Plus, hardly any of those guys has ever talked to me in person, and nobody knew my real name. I can be anyone. So Ren finds out there was a guy behind it all, and what of it? He’ll probably assume I am one of the richer gang leaders who supplied the bulk of the capital to build the fleet and the secret base on Oba Diah moon. But Lar’ghan said none of the guys who knew about me was in the battle of Zeenah or on the Oba Diah base, where Ren took prisoners. He destroyed the fleet, he destroyed the base, he eliminated the rest of the enemy in targeted strikes around the galaxy, and he thinks that’s all there was to it.”

“Well,” Siro concedes, “I guess you're right, it would probably seem natural to Ren that the gangs simply pooled their resources, without any help from an external agent. Most of the gangs think that, too. Just before Zeenah, they even thought going after Ren was actually their idea.”

Arn-Seth looks at the man walking by his side and nods with approval.

“There’s something I want to ask you to research for me, Siro.”

“Anything, master.”

“Get me everything you can find on Princess Mara of Neelia. Documents, holovids, media coverage. Send it to my datapad.”

Siro smiles in a vile way.

“He did hand her to us on a platter, didn’t he?”

Arn-Seth laughs as they both enter a lift.

“Ren’s never been very bright. Strong in the Force, brutal in combat, but hopelessly emotional. His big speech yesterday was so fucking dramatic. ‘I am Kylo Ren, and I stand before you today to propose a new alliance for the galaxy. Join me,’” he intones in Kylo’s deep nasal voice, imitating Kylo’s grave manner, and Siro chuckles. “So of course, once he manages to find a woman who doesn’t hate him, he needs to brandish his good luck for the whole galaxy to see, friends and foes alike. Even old Luke always told him off for being so impulsive. He should have listened.”

“He will pay. We didn’t get him this time, but there will be another way. We just need to lie low for a bit and wait for another opportunity,” Siro says as they exit the lift on the highest level of the base, where a very short corridor leads to one door only.

“Here we are,” Arn-Seth says. “I will wait for the results of your work. Also, we are departing for Base II in three hours. See to it that I’m not disturbed until then.”

“Understood. Coming back to my first question though, what do we do on the off-chance anyone does get in touch and asks for the coordinates?

“Do not respond. I already learnt all I needed from Lar’ghan. Should anyone show up unannounced before we leave, for whatever reason, let them land and blast them to hell. Whoever arrives here, cannot escape with their life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel, anyone? :-)
> 
> This story was initially supposed to be complete after Part 1 but I grew so attached to the characters and their relationship (I do think Kylo and Mara are a perfect match!), and so invested in the story, that new ideas just started springing up. The epilogue connects to Part 2, and I have already written large chunks of it but it will still be some weeks before it’s thought through and polished enough to start posting. Hope you’ll be there when I do!   
> [Edit: I’ll start posting Part 2 during the second weekend of June]
> 
> Thank you for reading and if you have liked it so far, please leave a comment or kudos (or both :-), I cherish each of those. I am a writer in real life too (though not in English), but like most writers I am an introvert, so interacting with readers in this way, on this forum, in a virtual space but at the same time in a very real way, has been a new and great experience for me.
> 
> And, while waiting for Part 2, why not have a look at my other story, [The Fever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147002/chapters/42910568)?


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